We walked into the warm house and I felt like everyone was looking at me. I turned around so I wasn't looking at them and dragged my boots off then shrugged out of my jacket, hanging it in the hall closet. Brian was copying my actions and we caught each others eyes and smiled at each other to give ourselves confidence.
I turned to see Jackie waiting for us. "Aunt Jackie. Merry Christmas." I said before enveloping her in a hug.
"Merry Christmas Sue. How are you? You just missed a call from your mom. She was just on the phone a few minutes ago."
"She was?" Uh oh I thought, now my mom would know about Brian and I too.
"Yes, she called to see you had made it over safely. She said she would ring tomorrow to wish you a Merry Christmas." She looked at Brian and I expectantly. He had come over and taken my hand again and although we had done this before, we both knew she was waiting to hear more from us. I didn't know what to say to her and looked at Brian. He didn't say anything either and I wondered why. He started to grin. His cheeky grin, meaning he was up to something. "Brian. What are you up to?" his mom asked.
"Oh nothing. Is dinner ready mom?" He asked avoiding the subject totally.
"As soon as you set the table it will be."
"I'll help you Brian," I said and we both made our escape, knowing Jackie was dying to say something.
All through dinner though, no one said anything about Brian and I which I was kind of glad about. I didn't want anyone making a fuss about it. I still wondered what Brian's mom and dad would think about it.
After dinner Brian dragged me away for a while, up into his bedroom again. "I had to get away for a little while," he said to me. "Mom keeps looking at me, waiting for me to say something to her. It was a bit hard with Aunt Ann and the boys here. If she gets me on my own I know she will ask."
"So, what will you tell her?" I asked, sort of curious as to what his answer would be.
He pulled me in close. "I will tell her that the girl I have known all my life has burrowed her way in to my heart. That for a while now I have felt more than friends with her and was really confused and scared."
"Scared?"
"Yeah, scared that you didn't feel the same way."
I smiled. "And now you know I do." He was going to kiss me, I know he was, but we both heard the doorbell, knowing it was Jac and her family arriving.
"Come here. Jac said she would see us much later. I think she knows not to barge in here without knocking now. I just want one kiss. "
"Hmmmmmm" I agreed with him and let him pull me into his arms. Mine went around him in a natural gesture and he leaned down to kiss me gently. He seemed to be so good at this kissing thing, I really had to ask who he had been practising with. Then on the other hand I don't think that was something I wanted to know.
He looked at me and smiled. " Guess we better go see the others hey?"
I sighed. "Yeah, I guess." I told him. I would rather stay exactly where I was. But this was still very new to both of us and as nice as it felt now, I really didn't want to rush anything and jeopardise it.
We walked down the stairs, again hand in hand. Jac spied us and waved. I had to suppress a giggle on seeing her in a dress. She hated wearing dresses and her mom was always begging her to wear them instead of the jeans she was always in. I looked down at myself. I wasn't in jeans, but I was still in pants. I didn't detest dresses like she did though. I whispered in Brian's ear, feeling his shiver as I did so. "Looks like Jac's mom won this time. Look at Jac in a dress."
"Looks like it." He said a little distractedly. I looked up at him. I wished I could read his mind. Especially at times like this. What was he thinking? He let go of my hand and walked over to Jac's mom, giving her a hug and a Christmas kiss before shaking her dad's hand.
Drinks were passed around and the evening of fun began.
Jac sidled up to me. "So? How has it gone? What did Brian's mom say?"
"Nothing, we haven't said anything. Harold and Kevin haven't said a word. Auntie Jackie saw us out the window and she hasn't said anything either. I don't know what's on their minds."
"Maybe it's because everyone could see it for so long, it's just like it's normal."
"What do you mean everyone could see it?"
"Seeing the two of you together. You were always together. You'd goof off, or get into some sort of but it was always the two of you. And I mean, gee, you were always thinking about him weren't you? You just didn't know why, even though we could see it."
I stood there thinking about what Jac was telling me. But Kevin came over with a drink for us both. We took our drinks and Jac mumbled a thanks before turning away slightly. Kevin leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Brian's looking for you."
I looked over at Brian who was laughing at something Jerald was saying. I looked at Kevin. "He is not."
"He is. Honest." I saw the twinkle in his eye and hit him on the shoulder. "Okay. I just wanted to see your reaction and you answered my question.
"Oh, what question is that?"
"Whether you two have finally realised what the rest of us had ages ago."
I raised an eyebrow. "And that was Kevin?"
"You two. You are made for each other. You do finally see it now right? Tell me I'm right."
I looked sheepishly at him. "Yeah, we do."
"Well, it's about time."
"What? No teasing?"
"Ahhh, that will come. Right now I think you need time and space. You don't need anyone making trouble."
I looked at Kevin and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Kevin."
"He is looking for you now. Do I sense a touch of jealousy?"
I grinned at the thought. "Maybe."
"Well, I will go. I don't want an angry boyfriend after me," He said laughing. He moved away quickly and I heard Jac snort.
"Jac, what's wrong."
"Nothing." She answered skimming her finger over the rim of the glass Kevin had given her.
"You don't like Kevin much do you?"
"Oh I don't know, he just annoys me."
"I don't know why." I suddenly had a thought. "Jac, you don't perhaps like Kevin more than you are willing to admit do you? You don't have a crush on him?"
Jac blushed, but immediately spluttered out, "No way, why on earth would you say that?"
"Just a thought," I answered and wondered if I was right.
The adults went into another room, leaving all the 'kids' in the room we were in. I went over to get myself another drink and Brian came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "How you doing?" he asked, his breath tickling my neck
"Great. I love these Christmas Eve's we all share. It's just a shame my mom and dad aren't here.
"True, but then you wouldn't be spending the night with us."
I smiled then heard Jac come up behind us. "Um Brian, Sue, look up."
We both looked up and realised we were under a piece of mistletoe.Brian leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I bet they think we won't want to do this."
"Yeah, I bet. We'll show them."
"We will? Yeah, we will," he said and smiled. He leaned down and lightly kissed me. He looked sideways at everyone standing there watching us expectantly and gave a cheeky grin. "You ready?" he asked.
I nodded my head and he leaned down to me. This time when his lips brushed mine I couldn't help the moan that came out. My arms wound up around his neck and he pulled me close to him. I vaguely heard the cheering from the others but right now my mind was focussed on how I was feeling.
Brian pulled away, moving his lips to my ear. "I think we showed them," he said softly.
Light hearted teasing from all of them started and we took it in our stride. Kevin stood back, not saying a lot, just smiling at me when I looked his way. In a way I wished Jac did like him, but I seriously doubted she did. Besides, Kevin had never come out and said it, but I think he found her annoying too. He was too much of a gentleman to speak badly of anyone.
Later that night I lay in my bed trying to put the day into perspective. I had arrived at Brian's house wishing for more than the friendship we had, but far too scared to do anything about it. If I had only known Brian felt the same way I wouldn't have been so anxious about coming here today.
But it opened up a whole new array of doubts flying through my mind. I knew Brian would be leaving Kentucky next year, to take up his singing scholarship in Cincinnati. We had grown up all our lives together, we were always together, but I wasn't naïve enough to think changes in both our lives wouldn't change things. I just hoped that somehow we could remain together whatever life threw at us.
I thought about life without Brian and it made me sad. Jac and I were both going to study here in Kentucky. She was hoping to go into English Literature hoping to become a writer, and I was doing graphic design and computers. Brian was leaving but Cincinnati wasn't that far away. Problem was I didn't know what absence would do to us both. I couldn't see myself with any other guys. In my heart I knew I loved Brian too deeply and completely, but only time would tell what would happen.
I tossed around in my bed, the guest room of the Littrell house, and my sheets were getting tangled around my legs. I decided to get up for a while, I couldn't sleep. I walked quietly over to the window and sat down, looking at the snow falling lightly in the dark. It made a magical picture and I smiled. This had been a wonderful day for me, but also made for confusion for me. All I knew is I wanted to be with Brian just as I always had before but even more so now.
Right at that moment I heard a soft knock at the door. "Come in," I called out quietly.
Brian came in the door, but looking towards the bed. When he didn't see me he looked around till his eyes adjusted to the light coming in the window and he smiled. "Wow, you look gorgeous sitting there in the moonlight." I blushed and smiled. He walked closer to me. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked. I shook my head. "Neither could I. Wanna come down for some hot chocolate?"
"Yeah, that sounds nice." I said standing up. He took my hand and we turned to walk downstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone.
A little later we sat next to one another in front of the fire drinking hot chocolate. "Why couldn't you sleep?" Brian asked me.
I shrugged. "I dunno, just thinking about us."
"Oh?" he asked taking my cup and placing them on the table and putting his arm around my shoulder. "What were you thinking?
"Just wondering what's going to happen from here. What will happen when you go away. I want it to always be like this Brian." I stopped and thought. "I mean, no pressures. I guess this is all so new I want it to be forever."
Brian leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Sue, I want this to be forever too. You and me, always." I sighed hoping it was true. "Don't think about it now Sue. We still have time before either of us have to separate. Lots can happen between now and then. We just have to live each day, not worry about what's ahead."
I knew he was talking from experience when he said that. He still had the concern about his heart hanging over his head and had always tried to live each day to the fullest.
"You're right Brian. Today has just been a lot for me to take in. I have been given something I have long wished for and it came so out of the blue."
"What's that honey?" he asked, but I knew he just wanted to hear me say it.
"To be loved by you."
"But I always loved you."
"I know, but this is a different sort of love, the boyfriend girlfriend thing."
"I know. It feels good too. Knowing you like me the same as I like you." I smiled softly knowing exactly what he meant. "And I get to kiss you now too." He laughed. I punched him on the arm. "Ouch, What was that for?"
"Because it's more than kissing!"
"I know. It's sharing everything, our good times and our bad times."
"Yeah." I sighed and snuggled in closer. "But kissing is good too."
I lifted my head to his and looked at him. His eyes sparkled with the reflection of the fire blazing in front of us. I was mesmerised. "Can I kiss you again?" he asked.
"Yes." I whispered and waited for his lips to touch mine.
This kiss was more than any others we had already shared today. He began by softly touching his lips to mine and I sighed. He smiled but his lips never left mine, nibbling softly on mine. When his tongue slowly traced my lips I felt my whole body melt in to his. I thought I whimpered but I wasn't sure. All I was sure about was his lips on mine, his tongue searching for entry to mine.
Slowly I parted my lips letting him know I wanted him to deepen the kiss. When his tongue tentatively touched mine we both moaned softly. It wasn't long before we both wanted more, our tongues duelling. My arms were around him tightly and his began to roam over my body, caressing my back gently. When his fingers began to move closer towards the front, I pulled back. I wasn't ready for that yet and felt a little uncomfortable. Brian knew immediately he had pushed the limits and stopped.
He looked at me, his hand framing my face. "I love you, you know that?" I nodded and he dropped a kiss on my nose.
He shifted on the lounge pulling me in to him closely, me leaning on him with his arms around me comfortably. I lay my head on his chest and sighed. "I love you too Brian" I said to him. I closed my eyes. I had no problem falling asleep now, nestled safely in his arms. It all felt perfect.