| The taxi pulled up in front of the frame two-story house. Brian paid the driver, took his bag and stood on the walk looking around. The houses were similar in size and structure. They dotted the beach at indeterminable intervals. He noticed a familiar car parked in the drive and went to the door and knocked. There was no answer. She couldn't be far with the car still here. Brian ventured along the decking round the house to the back. The beach stretched out from the flight of steps off the back porch. He dropped his bag near the door and breathed in deeply, letting the salt air fill his nostrils. The tide was out and the beach was deserted as far as the eye could see. He sat on the steps and wondered where she could have gone. Brian removed his shoes and socks and cuffed his pant legs to his shins and walked down to the water's edge. For almost November it was still so warm and he unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up his sleeves and enjoyed the balmy breeze blowing in off the water. He still wasn't sure this was the right thing to do. Barbara's call had thrown him off guard. Colby had asked about him. Nothing direct, but Barbara felt that it was a good sign. It had been weeks since Brian had seen Colby. The last time being the day after the baby… So here he was. He had changed his return flight from Florida. He wanted to see her more than anything, but Brian was afraid his unexpected appearance may do more harm that good. Barbara assured him Colby was ready. Her conversation indicated as much. How she would react to his surprise visit he didn't know. All he wanted was a chance to talk to her. The need to hold her and kiss her and love her forever was as strong as ever but that would depend on how she received him. He had made a mental note of the hotel at the airport and a B&B in town. Even though Barbara assured him there was plenty of room at the house for him to stay he had to keep all his options opened. But he could understand why she came here though. The tranquil surroundings were perfect to help anyone sort through their feelings. Brian just hoped Colby had come to some decision. The sun was beginning to lower in the sky as the day grew long and Brian began to think that Colby might not show. He turned to go back to the house when a lone figure appeared down the beach. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ She had been gone for hours. The day had dawned sunny and warm again. So after breakfast Colby dressed and grabbed her keys and stuffed some bills in her pocket and with sandals in hand she set off down the beach. As with the previous days, she spent her time deep in thought. When she reached the fishing pier, she stopped and sat on the wooden bench gazing out over the ocean while she ate a hot dog. She felt stronger each day and the easy, stress free days and nights had even lifted her mental and emotional health. She didn't have to answer to anyone. She ate, slept and did what she wanted, when she wanted. Today had been a breakthrough day for her and as she started back towards the house Colby had come to a decision, a big decision. And it scared her. All these weeks there had been no communication between them and now that she had faced her true feelings, Colby had no idea how Brian would respond. She would call Barbara and ask her advice. Colby knew the two of them had been in touch all these weeks. Barbara could help, but it was Colby who would have to find the words to express the feelings welling inside her. Colby sauntered along the shores' edge swinging her sandals like a child. It was amazing how light and free she felt. A big weight had been lifted and a grin crept across her face. She picked up her pace anxious to get back to the house and call Barbara. At first Brian wasn't sure it was Colby. The girl almost seemed to be skipping or running along the shore. One hand was swinging something and as the surf would lap at her feet, she would kick at it sending a spray into the air. Brian watched entranced by her carefree attitude but as she got closer and he could make out her features his heart sped up at the sight of Colby. She was unaware of his presence as she continued her jaunt along the beach, totally engrossed in running in and out of the surf. He noticed her jumper was wet along the hem and as she got within calling distance he could hear laughter, as she would get caught in the swirl of the receding water. And then as if she knew she was being watched, she looked up and stopped, a serious expression replacing her smile and laughter. Colby emerged from the water and slowly made her way towards the beach in front of the house. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Her first thought was that he was a mirage but she blinked and he was still there. Her pulse began to race and her mind kept pace with the beat. His unassuming demeanor as he stood there with his pant legs rolled up and his shirt open only enhanced his desirability. The wind tousled his hair, which had grown since Colby had seen him last. It curled at the nape of his neck and she longed to run her fingers through it. But suddenly her courage evaporated like the salt mist and as the distance between them lessened anxiety gripped her and slowly a thin wall of defense came around her. Talking to Brian on the phone was one thing, but having him standing here in front of her, with those radiant blue eyes boring into her set Colby on edge. Uncertainty crept in and she took a deep breath as she slowly came up and stood next to him. As Colby approached, Brian had turned and looked back out across the expanse of water. He hoped she couldn't hear his heart as it set an erratic pace in his chest. She was more beautiful than ever. And with the added weight of her pregnancy gone, just a mere slip of a girl. Colby only stood a few inches shorter than Brian, but she seemed smaller now somehow. As she came and stood next to him, he closed his eyes. Please God let this go well. "Hi." Colby muttered as she stood at his side. Brian continued to look out across the water. "Hi." "It's beautiful isn't it?" She said as the late afternoon sun danced across the frothy peaks. "Yes, beautiful." Brian looked down at her and she could feel his intense gaze take her in. She backed away, out of his line of vision, feeling uneasy under his observation. "So let me guess," she started to continue up the beach, "you were in the neighborhood and thought you would drop by to say hello." Brian followed a short distance behind. Her words came out cool and sarcastic. "No.?" She looked at him for confirmation but Brian was silent. "Ah…you were shooting a new video in the area." She shook her head. "Nah, that can't be. You're not working on anything right now." She stopped and turned and stared at him. God, he was beautiful. The thump in her chest continued. "I know," she snapped her fingers, "someone sent you to check up on me." Colby turned and began to walk away when Brian took her arm. "Colby don't. I can explain." She slipped from his grasp. The touch of his hand on her arm sent a current of heat through her body. I can't think with his hands on me. I need to have a clear head to talk to him. "No need." She raised her hands as she stepped back. "It was Barbara right?" "Yes." He said quietly. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms. She needed to be held but this defensive attitude did not lend to any kind of intimate contact between them. "So much for keeping my confidences." She shook her head. "She can never let things happen naturally. She always has to push it along, instead of letting people move at their own pace." Colby started walking again and Brian fell in step with her. Neither one speaking. This had been a mistake he knew it. She still wasn't ready. Why did Barbara do this, she thought. I'm all a flutter and I can't think straight. They walked along side by side each acutely aware of the others presence. Colby's thoughts were like puzzle pieces in a box, all mixed up and upside down. She stopped and looked at Brian. Like before he averted his eyes and just stared out over the water. She had to say something. She raised her head and motioned with her hand to speak when he cleared his throat. "This was a mistake Colby and I'm sorry. You are obviously not ready to see me and it's getting late and I should call a cab to take me to the airport." He turned and started back towards the house when she took his arm this time. "Wait, please." Colby looked up into his eyes. The sparkle wasn't there like she remembered. And it was because of her it was gone. It was now or never and Colby knew if there was any chance for them, she needed to take the first step now. "I'm sorry," the words came out in a whisper. "You're showing up here like this took me by surprise." "It's okay. I understand." "No it's not. You deserve better. You've always shown me nothing but kindness and I returned it with nothing but ingratitude. There is so much I need to say to you, but I don't know where to start. I wasn't prepared to see you." Colby avoided looking at Brian. He saw her nervousness and took her hands in his. "Try at the beginning, Colby." His smile warmed her and she nodded. They slowly started to work their way back to the house. Colby's heart kept pace with the tide as it pounded the shore. They walked in silence as she tried to piece together all she wanted to say to him. The air had turned cooler as the sun continued its descent and a shiver ran through her. Brian nonchalantly took her hand. He felt her fingers curl around his and she looked up at him, her eyes glassy. He squeezed her hand. "Take your time." When they reached the steps at the back of the house Colby let out a sigh. "I don't know where to start. I wasn't prepared to see you. I was going to get it all straight in my mind and then call you." She disengaged her hand and sat down on the step. Brian joined her. "I understand really. I wasn't sure this was the right thing to do either. But I wanted to see you." Colby brushed her cheek as a tear fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry Brian," she said softly. "That day at the hospital I should never have treated you that way. But I saw you as the reason I lost my baby." She looked at him, tears flowing freely now and Brian wiped them away. "I know," he said with a sigh. For some reason, he sensed a dismissal coming. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but if that was her decision, he would not fight her. He wanted her love freely. "Barbara berated me that day and many times after for what I said to you. We didn't talk for two weeks because I was determined to put you out of my life." Brian's face was like an open book. His eyes, deep blue and pensive, reflected uncertainty. "I had decided to give up my life to the memory of my husband and son. I had breached the bounds of propriety and I had to pay for my transgression." She got up and paced back and forth nervously playing with the rings on her finger. Brian noticed she still wore her wedding ring. His heart sank a bit further. He waited. He would see this through. "I was being punished," Colby continued. "I had let my emotions carry me away from my duties to Rob's memory and as a result I lost my son." "But, Colby, it…" She stopped him. "Oh I know. But I wouldn't see it. I logically knew that the baby's condition had nothing to do with my relationship with you, but I refused to acknowledge it." She looked him straight in the eye. "I had to seek forgiveness. So I denied myself the one person who had come between me and Rob's memory." Brian came towards her but Colby stepped back. "Even after weeks of therapy I couldn't face how I felt about you. I tried hard to block out everything. But the funny thing is, you didn't go away." She gave him a weak smile. "I've been told I can be stubborn," he said grinning at her. Colby laughed at the understatement. "Colby what does all this mean?" As she looked at him that familiar flush washed over her. The words were there but would not come forth. "I…," she lowered her head not being able to look at him. "I was wrong. I missed you." She looked up. "I want us to be friends again. I want…I want what we had Brian. I…" He didn't let her finish but came and took her in his arms. "I want that too," he whispered in her ear. I want so much more, he thought, but I'll wait. The urge to kiss her was so strong, but Brian fought it. Slow. She's opened the door, just be patient. "I'm sorry Brian," she looked up and he wiped her cheeks. "It's okay. You're back in my life. That's all that matters." He pulled her close and Colby savored the feel of his arms around her. Soft sobs rocked her body. She had cried too many tears over the last weeks, Colby didn't think there were any left. As they slowly subsided Brian lifted her chin rubbing his thumbs along her wet cheeks. She looked so vulnerable and her lips were parted slightly. He could feel his desire rise and with all his willpower he suppressed his need and placed a light kiss on her cheek. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Brian never got to the airport. He stayed and they shared a hearty stew and red wine for dinner. Trying to get back to the way things were before the accident was easier said than done. The tension in the air was thick. Colby was so aware of his presence. She would feel his eyes on her and her face would go warm. She had said friends, but Colby knew she felt more than friendship. Her heart belied what her mouth could not utter. The simplest touch would set her heart racing. And Brian had all he could do to hold back. He wanted so much to tell her how he felt, but her desire to 'go back to what they had' prevented him from professing his love. He sensed her skittishness and did his best to keep his distance. Neither one said how they truly felt but kept the conversation on neutral topics, especially staying away from the accident, the baby and anything that remotely had anything to do with the weeks since then. But as the evening progressed Colby relaxed and they found themselves settling back into that easy relationship they once shared. Colby was sorry to hear that Brian had not moved into his house. From his comments, Colby realized he had put his life on hold in some respects, waiting patiently for her to let him know her feelings. He had traveled to California as well as Florida during these past weeks fulfilling his obligations but never stayed longer than necessary, coming back to Lexington in the hopes that she had changed her mind. She had hurt him with her foolish behavior and yet he had taken this chance to see her again, not knowing the outcome. They sat for what seemed hours when Colby got up to remove their plates to the sink. Brian brought their glasses and as he placed them on the counter he brushed against her. Colby turned and his face was inches from hers. His eyes searched hers and his hand brushed a lock of hair from her cheek. The simple gesture sent a wave of longing through her body. Colby closed her eyes as she felt his breath on her face. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to love her. He leaned in his lips almost touching hers when she opened her eyes. Brian pulled away. "I need to go," he said nervously as he released her. Colby's heart sank. "You can't," she blurted out. "Why Colby?" His looked was filled with desire. Colby could feel the heat emanating from his body. "Why should I stay?" "Because." She averted her eyes not able to look at him. "Because why?" The words came out slow his accent so prominent. "Because, well um," she looked up to see him staring at her waiting for an answer. "There's plenty of room here." She gestured with her hand. "And I, um, I want you to." She turned back to the sink and rinsed the plates. He turned her face to his. "Are you sure about this?" Colby just nodded. She knew it would be hard having him so close. That funny feeling in her stomach was there again and she wanted to give in to her feelings. She wanted him but was afraid to reach out. Somehow they managed to do the dishes and returned to the living room with coffee. Each of them dancing around the sexual tension in the air. Conversation was stilted and finally they agreed to turn in for the night. Colby took Brian upstairs and showed him the room at the end of the hall. It was spacious with a queen size bed and private bath. French doors opened onto a small patio. They could hear the pounding of the surf as it hit the shore. "Are you sure about this?" He asked again as he placed his bag on the bench at the foot of the bed. "Yes." Colby took a set of towels from the closet and placed them in the bathroom. She turned to leave. "Sleep well." She walked towards the door when Brian took her hand. As she looked in his eyes, tears welled in hers. "Goodnight Brian." She walked out of the room leaving him so confused and frustrated. He sensed her turmoil. There was no way he would sleep knowing she was in the room next to his. It was going to be a long night. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The floorboards creaked as Colby passed the bedroom entrance. Brian turned and called out her name. She stopped and saw him come to the patio door. He stood in only his underwear and the moonlight bathed his body. Colby sucked in her breath. "I couldn't sleep." She told him as she stared at his face afraid to let her eyes wander. "Me either." Brian stepped back into the bedroom. Colby was shrouded in darkness. He could only make out her silhouette. A breeze came in through the open door and swirled the hem of her gown around her ankles. She looked like an angel standing there. "Do you want anything?" She asked noting that Brian had not even been in bed yet. The comforter was turned down but the covers were still tucked in. "I could make some coffee?" She looked back up to see he had moved a few paces closer. "No. I don't want coffee." Colby stepped into the room evading his gaze as she did. "Why couldn't you sleep?" Brian prodded her. "I um…you and…well so much has…" She stammered unable to tell him. "Why couldn't you?" She looked up to see that he was only a few steps away. The breeze blew again permeating the room with a mixture of salt air and the scent that Colby had come to know as Brian, that clean, just shower smell of him. It sent her senses reeling as the air enveloped the room. "I think you know why, Colby." He came and stood in front of her. She was afraid to look at him, knowing full well what she would see in his eyes. He tilted her chin upward and Colby saw a combination of passion and love reflected there. "It's the same reason you can't sleep. It's the reason I lay awake night after night." Her heart pounded in her chest and her breathing became shallow at his words. Brian slowly ran his thumb across her cheek his gaze never leaving hers. "It is." Her words were barely audible. "Uh huh." Brian pulled her closer and his mouth brushed against hers. "It's you," he whispered against her lips. "You keep me awake." Brian rested his cheek next to hers drinking in the sweet scent of her body. Her hand rested against his bare chest and she could feel the beat of his heart. It was the same for her. Her sleep was filled with his image, always the same. Mist swirled around her and she could see Brian on the edge in the clear. But when she would try to reach him the mist would thicken and he would disappear. He would turn to leave and she would call out and then wake up in a sweat. But now it was real. His arms were around her and she could feel his heart beat in his chest, feel the warmth of his body and the swell of his manhood against her thigh. It caused a quickening in her and a warm, wetness gathered between her legs. Brian placed light kisses along her cheek which sent a thousand needle pricks down her back. He worked his way to her earlobe and sucked softly on it causing Colby to become weak kneed. "It's you I want, no one else. I love you Colby. I have for a long time. I need you." His lips covered hers as he crushed her body to his. |