| The self-imposed separation that Colby forced was not easy on either of them. Brian had all he could do to stay away and Colby, well, she willed herself not to think about Brian at all. She threw herself into her work and totally ignored the pleas from her friends to rethink her actions. But three days after her leaving Brian’s house he showed up at the shop. The morning following Colby’s quick departure from Brian’s house, he woke with a raging headache. It just went to prove that he was no drinker. It took a shower and quite a few cups of coffee to get him feeling human again. Brian didn’t know how anyone could drink like that on a regular basis. He felt awful and could only imagine what anything stronger would have done to him. After a light breakfast he took his coffee cup and went out to the porch. The remnants of the previous night’s binge were still sitting on the porch railing. He had tried to drown his hurt and anger but all it did was make him sick. He had to find a way to convince Colby that his love was forever and any decision about a family needed to be something they did together. So he spent the last three days mulling over all the possibilities to make her see that he would never walk away from the life he wanted to create with her. He opened the door to the shop and it was like stepping back in time. Colby was bent over a carton trying to remove a set of frames. Without a second thought he came up and helped her. Colby looked up. “What…Brian what are you doing here?” She set the frame on the floor. It had been three days but it felt like an eternity since she had seen him. Her pulse pounded in her veins and it took all her resolve not to give in to the urge to run into his arms. She was a bit disheveled and her face was flushed, but she never looked so good. Brian wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her he would love her always. It would last forever. “We need to talk.” He stepped around the carton and came closer. Colby backed away. “No, you need to leave. There is nothing to say.” She turned her back and went to the counter. “Oh yes there is Colby. You can’t just decide we’re finished. Write us off like that. It’s my life too you know. I’ve invested as much as you have.” “I know you have, but better to end it before we were bound by marriage and then had to walk away.” She picked up a file and started towards the back. “Colby? Please?” Brian begged. Her back was rigid as she disappeared into the office. She was met by Arlene who happened to overhear the conversation. She frowned as she saw Colby, unaffected by Brian’s words, deposit the folder in the file cabinet. They both heard the door open and then close. Colby stopped momentarily and let out a sigh. She was headed back out to the front of the store but Arlene stopped her. “This has got to stop! Colby, that young man loves you!” “And I love him!” She screamed back releasing all the tension in her body. “Do you know how hard this is for me? This is worse than losing Rob. I had no control over that, but now,” she shuddered as her head hung and she could feel the tears starting all over again. “So why are you doing this?” Arlene demanded. “Look at me Colby?” She grabbed her by the shoulders. “He’s not going away. He’ll keep at it until he’s so bruised and battered that he won’t be of use to anyone, not even himself. Is that what you want?” Colby didn’t flinch. They didn’t understand. No one did. It was better this way and she knew it. She disengaged from Arlene’s grasp. “I can’t help that. He’ll get tired after a while and realize it’s for the best.” Arlene threw her hands in the air. “I don’t believe you.” Arlene began to stack the files purposely one on top of the other. “You wage a battle inwardly for months over whether or not it’s too soon to fall in love again but you finally give in only to turn around and throw it all away.” She slammed the last folder on the stack with the rest. “Look we only want you to be happy and none of us can make you do something you don’t want to, but Colby this is a mistake, a big mistake. I don’t know why you are treating him like this or what he said to you, but you think long and you think hard. Men like Brian don’t come around too often.” She stormed out of the office leaving Colby standing there stunned. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ After Arlene’s outburst there was a definitive chill between her and Colby. They were cordial and polite, but their usual easygoing banter was not there. Colby tried to get back the camaraderie they had shared but all her endeavors went unacknowledged. So as a result Colby found spending time at the shop, not such a haven after all. Everyone seemed against her. So after a few hours each day at the shop she went home but she found no consolation there. The house was so big and lonely. It seemed strange to be there too. Brian’s house had become home to her in the last few months and more and more of her things were there. She rarely slept in her place any more and she had thought about selling it and buying something smaller so the upkeep would be easier. Then late one afternoon about three days after Brian’s surprise visit to the shop, she was cleaning out a closet in the guestroom when she came upon some of his clothes. At first she thought they might have been some of Rob’s she overlooked, but on second glance she realized they were Brian’s. As she gathered them up a whiff of his scent filled her nostrils. Colby turned imagining he was in the room with her. She sat on the floor holding his shirt to her face as tears fell on her cheeks. The images were so clear and the ache in her heart was still so fresh. She had to remove all vestiges of his presence if she was going to be able to move forward and get him out of her life and the sooner the better. She brushed her cheeks and stuffed the shirt along with the other articles in the bag. Colby went downstairs, snatched her keys and took off for the farm. She would just drop the bag on the back porch and leave without even seeing him. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The days were long and lonely. After his unannounced visit to the shop, Brian stayed away even though it hurt like hell not to even see her face. He puttered around the house and the farm. He spent hours walking the fields trying to make sense of Colby’s refusal to listen to him and understand that they could build a life together. He knew he couldn’t force her but there had to be a way to make her see they belonged together. On this particular day Brian returned from his walk with renewed hope. He would try again to talk to her. He understood her feelings but he had just as much right in the decision making process when it came to planning a family. He would make her see there were alternatives to consider. The skies had been threatening all day and you could almost smell the rain. It was cool, but not overly so and storms were forecast for late in the day. As he cleared the outbuildings he saw a figure on the back porch. Drawing closer he recognized Colby as she dropped something near the door and went back down the steps. He began to run calling her name but she continued towards the drive and her car. “Colby,” he called again. He noticed that her stride broke for an instant but then she continued. “Colby, wait,” he yelled out as he caught up with her at the edge of the yard. Thunder rumbled in the distance and the wind picked up a bit. He reached out and took hold of her hand, feeling her body tense at his touch. Her hair was pulled back at the nape of her neck and Brian longed to free it. “Colby,” her name rolled off his tongue slowly giving it a hint of a drawl. It reminded her of the Fourth of July a year ago and how saying her name had set her pulse racing. “I only came by to bring back some clothes you left at the house.” Her words came out crisp. “We need to talk,” he said softly. She shook her head still keeping her back to him. There was no way she could look at him. “No, no more talking. It’s over.” She tried to pull away but Brian wouldn’t let go of her hand. “Listen to me,” he turned her around and lifted her chin. She was on the verge of tears and averted her eyes. “I’ve thought it all through. You have to hear my side. I just can’t stop loving you.” “This isn’t easy for me either Brian, but it’s time.” He loosened his hold of her hand and she backed away not wanting him too close. “You gave me back my life and I’m grateful. But now it is time to move on.” She turned away walking back towards the car. “Move on?” He reached for her but she moved further from his grasp refusing to look at him. “Yes. Time to admit that even though I love you more than my own life, we can’t be together.” Her eyes filled knowing that to let him go hurt as much as losing Rob, but it was the only way. “No!” His voice rang out, anger surging through him. “I won’t let you do this.” He grabbed her roughly, shaking her. “I love you. I want you,” he screamed at her and then caught himself. “I need you, Colby,” the words came out in a whisper as his voice broke and the words echoed in her ears. “You still don’t understand Brian. I can’t give you what you want.” She turned and walked away, tears flowing freely. “I can’t do this, Brian, please.” She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. “Colby, you are all I need. It doesn’t,” She stopped him cold. “But you want children.” The resignation in her voice told him she had given up. She was surrendering her future happiness on the unknown. “Yes I do.” Her brows furrowed together at his comment. “Colby listen to me. So many times I thought I had found someone to share my life with, so many times my heart was broken by the inability of those women to make a life long commitment with me. They all ended in disappointment. But you, you’ve filled all my dreams. I love you so much. And who is to say that those children had to be mine. Maybe my course and yours is to love a child or children starving for the unconditional love of a parent that only we can give them. They will be ours Colby, ours. I want our family, no matter how they come to us.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. What was he saying? Did she hear him right? Did he know what he was saying? What this meant? She couldn’t risk it. And yet, giving him up was something she didn’t want either but it seemed like the only recourse. But it sounded like he was willing to forego having his own children to give up watching the most incredible miracle ever for her. It frightened her. How could he be so sure? “I’m scared Brian.” She sobbed, wiping her nose and eyes. “I’ve been miserable all week. I’ve missed you so. But I felt it would be easier if I walked away rather than have you leave me on account of my barrenness.” She turned and he took her by the shoulder bringing her back around to face him. He cupped her face in his hands. His eyes were so clear, so sure that it was right what they shared. “Colby,” his hand ran along her cheek and she felt her legs grow weak “Marry me.” She went to speak and his fingers touched her lips. “I love you. We belong together.” Her head was jumbled with all the reasons they should not, but her heart, her heart could not find one reason not to say yes. She wanted him. She needed him. She yearned for the comfort of his presence in her life and in her bed. She craved his physical presence so much that she hadn’t slept all week. The closeness of his body and his steady breathing had become her soothing balm, as she would drift off to sleep in his arms. “I won’t leave you. My love for you goes beyond my desire for a family. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We’ll decide together about having a family and if we are not blessed with our own children, we’ll open our hearts and our home to someone who needs us.” “But suppose,” he tried to interrupt her, “no, listen to me.” She took a breath; the fear of losing him still strangled her. “You’ve really thought this through? You realize you are probably giving up the chance to father children?” “Yes, Colby, I understand. I won’t deny that having a little Brian or a little Colby wouldn’t thrill me. But, I’ve been so blessed already. I mean I almost died twice. I’m doing something I love and getting paid for it. I have finally found the woman I want to love for the rest of my life. I’m one lucky guy. So if marrying you, means we adopt our family, I just figure that is all part of God’s plan for you, and me. I’m not going to question it. He knows how much we can handle and I won’t doubt His judgment.” He held her close. “Marry me, Colby. Let’s spend our life together and see where God leads us.” |