More Stupid Court Room Stories
"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
"Did he kill you?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
"How may times have you committed suicide?"
Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"
Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't
you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?"
A: "Oral."
Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy."
Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few
trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can
punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as
he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artifical limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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