THE EYEZ! They're just TOO FAR APART!

Yees. That they are. Just look:


See? EYEZ!

This is the wobbleness that got mad at me for telling people that Brandi's EYEZ might be drifting further apart every day:


Look at that wobbleness! Eww!

Brandi Sheehan's Forign Travel Guide!
     This is provided as a service to EYEZ in case her rich parents decide to take her to some third world country for vacation. Say she goes in to some public place (i.e. the bathroom) and she drinks the toilet water and gets sick. Now, when she's at the hospital she's gonna have to be able to tell them about herself or else they might accidently prescribe her something that would make her EYEZ grow even further apart and fall off her face. So here is how to...
Say "My Eyes Are Too Far Apart" in German:
Mein augen bist auch entfernt getrennt.
Say "My Eyes Are Too Far Apart" in Latin:
Mei oculi incurvo nimium longe seorsum.
Say "My Eyes Are Too Far Apart" in Japaneese:
Watashi no me to me wa totemo hanareteiru.
NOTE: The translations may be vague because it is really very rare that someone in those countries EYEZ drift apart because very few of them were born in New Lenox, IL.

Oh yeah. Here's the story of EYEZ:

Um. EYEZ was born next door to my dad's house to some woman named Mary and her dad with the hic name of Thos in a manger thing in New Lenox with the donkeys and hay and pitchforks, where they named her Brandi after the drink they drank on the day they did something to make the eyez and since her parent were alcoholics, Brundi's EYEZ started to drift too far apart. Her parents were like "Uh" and then they drank some more. And then Brandi's dad decided they needed a pickup truck. So they said "Let there be a pick up truck". But there wasn't one... he was just so drunk that he thought he was that god guy. So he drank some more. And then her mother drank some more. And then out popped Brandi's hic brother. And then Brandi's parents drank again. And then while they were drunk they got Brandi's name legally changed to Brundi. And then she went to school. And you know, Lincolnway. And then she wore little EYE stickers to make her EYEZ look closer together. Like little stars. And then she got a computer since her next door neighbor got one and because Brundi's a spoiled hic child. And then she got INTERNET. And now she is HaRi6KaRi@aol.com. And she CHATS with Poofey. And they thought that was good. But then Kristy called them poofey, and made a web page about them. So then they cried to their mom's. And their moms cried to Kristy's dad. And Kristy's dad didn't care. And it was good. And then the school thought it would be fun to yell. But then didn't really know anything about the INTERNET or POOF. And then they made Kristy miss a bunch of classes. And it was good. Cause then she didn't have to go to class. And then she made another web page. And it was good. And then Kristy gave a reprot in Language arts and she sid that the EYEZ were too far apart. And it was funny. And then she got Poofey's email address from her little AOL boyfriend because Kristy sent a picture of Poofey to him to show him how Poofey Poofey really is. So then she tried to email bomb her but Kaboom! decided to be evil. And then Kristy decided to move in with her mom because she was sick of the Lincoln Way hics and she was becoming bored with their stupidity. You know? SO then Kristy worked on her web page some more. And then Kristy got one of those page counters that tell who goes to her page. And she saw that a Macintosh from Lincolnway went to her page on December 2nd. And she did not like this. So she decided to make a EYEZ page. And now it is good cause Brundi and Poofey and Wobbleness can't do anything about it. Cause you know. And yes.

Listen to the Cranberries talk about the eyez


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This Page Made By Bad Bad Amelicans on 12/28/97 at 11:31 pm. Last Modified on 11/8/98 at 12:47 am.


"EYEZ" and "Brandi Sheehan" are registered trademarks of the National Poof Company, INC., and the photographs and other materials included on this website are protected by copyright and are the property of Poof, and are used with the permission of Poof. Gretchen DID approve of this.

Note to Brandi Sheehan: You will be hearing very soon from my lawyers about your continuing to use a copywrighted character as your own identity. Get your eyez stiched closer together or we will *assume legal action.

*when you assume you make an ass out of you and your EYEZ.

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