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This is another short vignette about Scully dealing with her battle with cancer, and acceptance of her situation. This is absolutely relationship free.
"Scully what did you want from life?" those simple words ran through Dana's head like a record that skipped to the same place each rotation. Mulder had meant nothing by them, well no more than he usually meant, and that was quite a bit.
She remembered when she was a little girl she had wanted child's things. A certain toy, a good bb gun, good grades in school, friends, acceptance.
As a child she could remember the certainty which every girl feels she will have a husband and children, and all would be perfect.
She remembered being an ambitious teenager dreaming of a lofty career involving excellent pay and prestige. Her intense focus made the medical license so close she could practically taste it. She had never wanted a family then, even marriage and serious commitment distant if existing. Children were never an option to be trifled with.
At 20 she could remember her attitude shifting on goals. Growing like a distant ember and then raging full at 30. She wanted a family. A husband to share her life, a child to carry on her name. All the things that were now impossible had seemed a distant probability before. It was just in her grasp, then was snatched away from her.
And Scully cried, not for her mother or Mulder, who she could not bear to leave, not for the guilt at having to go, or not even for the fear that was sometimes overwhelming of facing the unknown.
Dana Katherine Scully grieved for herself. For the dying of childhood dreams, and the death of her future dreams.
She partly cried for the shining child's face she would never see, for the wedding dress she would never wear, for all the moments other people were granted that slipped through her fingers like sand.
It was the sand found in an hourglass, marking each fleeting moment. Each dying dream.
There was no regret, only longing and sadness. Not for what had passed, but for what would never be. She had not lost her life yet, but she had lost her future. She laid to rest her hopes for herself, for the things she had planned to do, the life she would have.
And in that moment Dana came to terms with her life and death. She would never have the things she dreamed of, but she was thankful for the things God had granted her already. In that second she felt ready to shoulder the plum sized burden placed upon her existence.