EWAN MCGREGOR'S PHANTOM MENACE INTRODUCTION


Choose the force.

Choose a side.

Choose a jedi knight.

Choose a teecha, choose a ****in big death star, choose star destroyers, blasters, tie-fighters and a ****in big lightsabre.

Choose a black suit, black helmet and black boots.

Choose a loan free Jabba the Hut.

Choose a philosophy.

Choose an Emperor.

Choose a planet wi a matching moon.

Choose a three planet system in the Dromoda system and ****in enslave the lot ae thim.

Choose the Rebels and wondrin whae the **** ye are kneeling by the Emperor on a Sunday mornin. Choose sitting next to that Emperor watching whole planets being enslaved in mind-controlling, force-crushing battles, stuffing ****in replacement parts intae yer body.

Choose rotting away at the end ae it all, pissing yer last in a miserable death star, nothing maer than a dictator to the selfish, evil ****ed up brats who fight for ye.

Choose a future.

Choose the Force...... I chose not to choose the Force.

I chose something else.

I chose the Dark Side.