Stupid product Lables
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." This is, of course, how Hemingway died. They made up that other story because it was more macho.
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (it's only a suggestion)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." It should add ..... "oops"
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." Strangely enough, that is actually a rarity in the UK. Most things remain room temperature despite their best efforts to refrigerate or cook them.
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". I always have told my kids: Children's Cough Medicine and Lathes don't mix. And I won't even talk about the time when my nephew was three. He went on a Cough Medicine Binge and totaled the Buick.
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." MAY? MAY? I shelled out eleven bucks for this stuff at 7-Eleven, and they're not even sure?
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." Yeah, now that you bring it up, I've always wondered what the other choices are.
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." Don't ask. Let's just say that Bangkok is the only place where the other use is legal.
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." Actually, this one isn't stupid! If you weren't aware, a peanut is not a nut, despite its name. So if you advertise that a can contains peanuts and you pad it out with cheap nuts of some kind, you have to tell people. The label is still funny, though.
13. On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
14. On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." I believe this clearly establishes my case about the relationship between mental disorder and ABBA music.