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"Guys, I think something's wrong with Chris," Justin said. They were preparing for the concert and Chris had gone to get something to eat before they got started. "What do you mean?" J.C. asked. "I don't know, it's just like he's closed up all of a sudden. He kinda jumpy." "Maybe he's just tired," Joey said. "Like the rest of us." "I think it's more than that," Justin sighed. "I think someone needs to talk to him." "Who?" J.C. asked. All the fingers pointed to Lance. "Me?" he asked. "Why me?" "Because you're good to talk to," Justin replied. "Would you mind?" "I guess not. But only for Chris's sake. You guys owe me." "Thanks Lance," J.C. said. Chris came back munching something and sat down with the others. "Hi," he smiled. "Where's mine?" Joey asked, pretending to be hurt. Chris tilted his head back and swallowed part of what he was chewing. "I ate it," he replied. Joey laughed. "Pig." "I know," Chris said. "I miss anything?" "A group of stripers and a wild orgy, but other than that, no," Justin teased. Chris was slammed back to the confusing darkness in his head at the word orgy. He bit his lip and tried not to let his thoughts run rapid. 'Focus…focus…' he told himself. "Okay, you guys ready?" One of the management had entered the room and stood waiting for their reply. "Sure am," J.C. said as he jumped up. As the others got up to follow, he realized he had forgotten something. "Oh crap, hold on," he said, suddenly turning around. J.C. walked straight into Chris, who had been on the younger man's heels. Their bodies collided and they stood awkwardly for a moment before J.C. smiled and pushed the stunned Chris off to the side. "Sorry," he apologized quickly, then continued on his way and retrieved his jacket. Chris forced himself to move, walking numbly to the door. His mind was spinning. They had 'touched'. By accident, yes, but nonetheless, it had sent electricity through Chris's body. So close. So close Chris could smell J.C. Not just his cologne, but J.C. himself. They had been pressed together, and Chris felt as if J.C. was the tape that had stripped away part of himself. Much to Chris's embarrassment, he longed for it to happen again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joey slapped Lance on the back. "See you in an hour?" Lance wiped the sweat off his head with the hem of his shirt. "Sure." The others passed him on their way to their rooms. They had just gotten done with the concert and had a few hours to clean up and get their energy for going out on the town. Lance figured he would talk to Chris while the older man was low in the energy department so Lance might actually get to do most of the talking for once. Just as Chris jogged by, Lance grabbed his arm. Chris jumped and whirled around. "Hey," Lance smiled. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" "Uh, I guess," Chris shrugged. "Is this about all my mess ups today, because I'm really too tired to apologize again today." Chris scolded himself for becoming distracted too easily. "No, it's not that, I just need your help with something," Lance replied, leading Chris into his hotel room. Once Chris had gotten inside, Lance shut the door behind them. "What do you need?" Chris asked, sitting down on the bed beside Lance's duffel bag. Lance grabbed a chair and pulled to the middle of the room, so he was sitting in front of Chris. How to begin…"Chris, me and the others are kinda worried about you." Chris immediately froze up, and Lance noticed it. "Um, what do you mean?" Chris asked, dropping his gaze to the floor. Lance wished he could just hug Chris now and get everything out in the open. But it wasn't going to be that easy. This was big, or Chris wouldn't be playing this game of 'Bet You Can't Guess What My Secret Is'. Lance sighed. "I mean, you're becoming kinda withdrawn. You act out of place all of a sudden. Like you're preoccupied with something." "It's nothing, just FuMan stuff," Chris replied quickly. "Chris, come on. I know something's up. You can either tell me, alone, or tell the rest of the guys once they beat it out of you. Which will it be?" 'I can't tell him,' Chris thought. 'Not Lance. Not the most religious member of our group. Sorry buddy, not this time.' "Chris, come on. What ever you say won't leave this room. You know that. I know more about you than anyone else. And you know why? Because I respect you and your secrets. Now please, tell me before this eats you up." Chris bit his lip. He really, really did not want to tell Lance. But he was so sick inside. Sick of harboring this dark doubt, dark secret that was slowly devouring him. It hurt, and he just wanted this pain to go away. Maybe Lance would understand. Maybe Lance could help him. Chris took a deep breath. "Um," he began shakily. "You won't tell the other guys?" Lance almost smiled. "I swear." 'Please tell me. God, please let him tell me.' Tears welled in Chris's eyes until he couldn't see anymore. He was finally speaking the words that had haunted him for so long, plaguing his every thought and every move. "Lance," Chris paused, swallowing the painful lump in his throat. "I think I'm gay." Chris's gaze immediately fell, along with his head. He wished he could just disappear. This was a bad idea. The tears started leaking down his face now, releasing a whole flood of emotion. He was dirty and sick inside. Hearing himself say the words only made it worse. He wanted to just grab them out of the air before they hit Lance and swallow them. Lance's jaw dropped. He sat there, staring at his friend, who he thought was his best friend and who he knew everything about, as the older man made himself shrink. Lance was supposed to know everything about Chris. Why, or how, had this never been brought up before? Just where the hell did that statement come from? Lane was at a loss of words. He could suddenly think of nothing nice to say to this brunette in front of him. Homosexuality clashed majorly with all his beliefs. It was just wrong. How could he accept this? "Chris, I…" Lance trailed off, suddenly feeling too close to this man. Chris kept his head low. "You hate me now don't you?" |
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