| Send Feedback To: Emily at JaysMyRascal@cs.com |
|
"Stop!" the choreographer yelled once again. Chris picked himself up off the ground and brushed off his pants. He refused to look at Lance as Joey asked if he was okay. "Sorry," Chris said, taking position once again. "Lance, you need to watch your big feet man," Joey smiled, patting Lance on the back. "This is what, the third time you've tripped him?" "Yeah, stupid me," Lance smiled back, grinning at Chris as the others took their starting positions again. The guys waited for the music to begin. Beside him, Lance crept closer to Chris and whispered, "Hey, sorry bout that. You should really watch where I'm going." Chris merely nodded, afraid that anything he said would just provoke the blonde. After successfully making it through most of the song, the long practice wore to an end. Chris would sneak glances at J.C. in between was worried, guilty looks to Lance. As the guys headed offstage to get cooled off, Justin ran up behind Chris. "Hey buddy!" Justin smiled, jumping beside Chris with leverage from Chris's shoulders. Chris smiled and turned to Justin. "What do you want, curly?" Chris knew what he wanted; to feel Justin's strong hands on his shoulder again. "What are you going to do tonight?" Justin asked. "I don't know," Chris started. Suddenly the heel if his shoe came off and he turned to see Lance behind him, wearing a smirk. Chris recoiled inside himself and said quietly, "I'll probably stay in." "That's too bad," Justin replied, still hyper from their workout. He pushed Chris towards the wall, but Chris tripped over Joey and fell to the floor. Instantly, Justin was on top of him, beaming. "I thought we could all go out. Are you sure you don't wanna come?" Chris couldn't help but smile at the familiar feeling that swept over him from their silly horseplay. Justin had always bullied him around, but Chris took comfort in knowing the younger singer meant no harm. "I don't know Justin," Chris replied. "Let me think about it. I'll get back to ya on that." "Justin, you better get off of him before he wants to fuck you," Lance smiled coolly as he passed by. Justin rose, more out of curiosity. "Lance, don't you know we already are?" Justin teased, now heading after the Mississippian. "Get the hell away from me, homo," Lance snapped, pushing Justin back. Chris watched with a heavy heart as Justin continued tormenting Lance. Then a hand appeared in front of his face. He looked up and saw the Joey's bright face staring down at him. "Need a hand?" Joey asked. "Yeah," Chris sighed, taking hold of the younger man's warm hand. "Lance didn't mean what he said," Joey said softly. "He doesn't know." Chris merely shook his head. It was still too early to tell Joey the truth. "It was my fault anyway." The guys headed out to the cars. "You sure you don't want to do anything tonight?" Joey asked. "Yeah, I'll just stay home," Chris replied, bringing a satisfied smile from Lance. "Okay, well if you change your mind, you can find us," Joey said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Dear Journal, "I'm coming!" Chris yelled, throwing his notebook in his duffel bag and stomping towards the door. "Christ Joey, lose you key card or something?" Chris opened the door with a smile that fell flat as soon as he saw who it was. "Well hello there, fag," Lance smirked, the alcohol heavy on his breath. He pushed his way in the door and stumbled slightly, falling into Chris. "Lance, what do you want?" Chris asked, backing up. "I didn't do anything…" "I know you didn't," Lance said. "I'm here to tell you that it's okay now. You can have me." A fearful look crept onto Chris face as he backed himself helplessly against a wall. "Lance, please just go. I don’t want you. I didn't do anything today…" Lance moved close to Chris. "Hey, you want a man? I'm a real man. Wanna see if you can handle me? Come on queer, here I am. Show me what you'd do to J.C. or Joey." Lance wasn't that much taller than Chris, but he was built more solidly. And those piercing green eyes bore a hole into Chris's soul. "Lance, no, I can't- I don't want to-" Lance laughed to himself. "You know you want me." With that, he harshly covered Chris's mouth with his own. Chris struggled so Lance grabbed a handful of the older man's hair and closed the small distance between them. Pressing his body hard against Chris's, Lance forced his tongue inside Chris's mouth. He wanted Chris to be sorry, be afraid even, of what he was. Hopefully by forcing himself on Chris, Chris would realize that he was not okay and become straight again. Chris felt Lance's tongue enter his mouth and sweep roughly over his teeth, entangling with his own tongue. Tears were beginning to slip down Chris's cheeks. Lance forced him to be still and with drunken hunger, ravished his body. "You like that queer?" Lance slurred, pulling away finally. He grabbed in between Chris's legs and gave a small squeeze. "You ready to play now?" Chris yelped softly and shrank back in horror as a reflexive erection began to form. "Lance, no, please…" Chris begged again. Lance smiled at the tent in his friend's pants. "Well look at that," he grinned. Suddenly he grabbed the collar of Chris's shirt and pulled him to the bed. Chris could taste the remnants of the liquor from Lance's kiss and swallowed hard. Lance shoved him to the bed and was immediately on top of him, peeling off Chris's shirt. "I'm gonna show your little pussy ass how real men do it," Lance growled. "I'll make you think twice about being a queer. This is for your own good Chris, it's only because I care about you." Lance sat up and took off his own shirt, then quickly slipped out of his pants before settling on Chris again. Chris squirmed underneath Lance. Desperately, he pushed on Lance's stomach with no avail. "Get off," he whispered breathlessly. The cool air in the hotel gave him small goosebumps on his chest, blending in with the blisters. But Lance simply sat with all his weight, pinning Chris to the mattress. Lance took hold of Chris's fighting hands and pinned them to the sheets, above Chris's head. Lance looked into Chris's horrified eyes with pleasure. He was getting through to Chris. Chris was scared. Lance smiled, "I know I'm not J.C. or Joey, but I can do anything they can. Consider this a preview." Lance grinned and began undoing Chris's belt with one hand. Tears of desperation were streaming down Chris's face. With his arms uselessly above his head and his chest heaving, exposing his ribs through the thin skin, Chris felt utterly helpless and vulnerable. He felt Lance's cold knuckles rubbing low on his stomach, pulling at the waist of his jeans. Chris closed his eyes in an effort to block everything out. He felt his jeans being pulled down the length of his leg and felt them settle around his ankles. Then the cold hand returned to the waistband of his boxers. "Chris, man, are you sure you don't want to- what the hell?" Lance whipped around and saw Joey standing paralyzed in the doorway. He jumped off Chris and stood next to the bed, blushing. "Joey, I, uh…" Joey watched as Chris scrambled to the headboard, grabbing a pillow and cowering over it, holding it tight as soft cries wracked his body. Then he looked at Lance. "Lance, what were you doing to him?" Lance hurriedly grabbed his clothes and put them on, and noticed that Joey had seen his hard on. "I'm leaving now, don't follow me." Lance brushed past Joey with a triumphant smile. Joey locked the door after Lance then walked over to Chris. "Chris," Joey started softly as he sat down on the bed, "What happened? Are you okay?" Chris only nodded as he continued rocking back on forth on the pillow. Joey slowly moved closer, offering Chris an open hand. "Come here, I'm not going to hurt you. You know me." Chris sniffed once and looked at Joey. Joey was his friend. Joey would never hurt him. Joey believed in him. Slowly, Chris left the security of the pillow and snuggled against Joey's side. The tears began flowing again when Chris tasted the alcohol on his tongue. Lance had betrayed him, violated him. Joey was the only one Chris could turn to. Joey hugged his friend soundly. "Chris, you're okay now. Just take a deep breath bud, okay? Lance is gone, I'm here. Do you wanna talk about it?" Chris pulled himself together and pulled away from Joey, sitting hunched over. He noticed that his jeans were still around his ankles, but he didn't care. But before Chris could say anything, Joey interrupted him. "Chris, what is all this from?" he asked, softly running a hand over the reddened, blistered skin on Chris's back. "Lance," Chris whispered, as it Lance himself might jump out from under the bed and finish the job. "Please don't tell, he said- he said that…" Joey held Chris's hand. "Calm down okay? Lance won't do anything to you anymore. Now can you please explain this?" Chris took a deep breath. "Lance did it because I'm a queer." The sentence reverberated around the room. Joey's heart sank. How could Lance be so hateful? This was still Chris, the Chris that Lance had so many times claimed to have loved like a brother. Now the calm southerner was beating the very person who had brightened so many days for all of them. Beating, and had he not walked in when he did, possibly rape. "Chris, you are not a queer." "Yes I am," Chris argued, his voice cracking. "I'm a queer Joey, face it. A queer, a fag, a homo, fudge-packer, what have you. There's nothing you can do to help, so just leave me alone before I fuck you." Joey didn't know he had it in him. But this was an extraordinary case. Before he could stop himself, he punched Chris in the jaw. Chris was now facing away from Joey, holding his throbbing jaw. What the hell was that for? He was only telling the truth. "Chris, for God's sakes, you are not any of those things, and I don't want to hear you say them ever again!" Joey took a breath, trying to calm his hurting emotions. "Lance told you all that shit because he's afraid. He's scared of you, and he can't stand that. You have the power over him Chris; you can't take this from him! And I'll be damned if I sit by and watch him do it to you." Chris sniffed and looked at the floor. "He told me that nobody loved me." Once again, Joey was amazed at Lance. Didn't he realize he had such an influence on Chris? Joey sighed. "Chris, there are lots of people that love you. Your family, all your friends back home, all the fans, hell, I even love you. You're my brother, man. I don't know what I'd do without you. Justin and J.C., they love you too. You started all of this Chris. We owe you so much." Chris wiped his nose. "He, uh, he said that he was only doing this for my own good, so God would love me again." "Jesus," Joey muttered under his breath. He rubbed his face with the heel of his hands, then laid his arm on Chris's shoulders. "Like I told you, Lance is scared. I grew up in Brooklyn, where there are plenty of gay people. I don't have anything against them. A couple of my friends are gay. Chris, there is nothing wrong with being gay. But Lance can't see that. You know how protective his parents are. They've drilled it into his head that being gay is like a disease. That's only because that's what they've been taught. Nobody meant to aim this at you, especially Lance. He confused right now, and we're going to help him see the truth." "How can I help?" Chris questioned, looking at Joey briefly. "I'm the one he despises now." "I'll think of something. Have you told the others yet?" "No." "Now might be a good time." Chris sighed and leaned into Joey slightly. "Why is this so hard? What if they hate me too? I don't want to ruin the group; maybe I'll just leave. That way at least you guys could continue with your fortune. Maybe it's just my time-" Joey pushed Chris off him. "Chris, don't make me hit you again. You're not leaving the group, understand? Justin and J.C. will see you for what you are. Nothing will change." "That's what I thought about Lance," Chris replied. "I thought I could tell him anything. And then tonight, I heard a knock and I thought it was you and I opened the door and he grabbed me… and made me…he was feeling me…" Chris ended the sentence in tears and a squeaky voice. Joey was barley able to keep his rage in. Here was his best friend, who was almost thirty, in tears because of his younger, prejudice friend. Did Lance think that just because Chris was older he couldn't cry? Couldn't feel pain? Chris was alone for the first time and when Lance was honored enough to be the one Chris opened up to, he ruined it. Joey wouldn't blame Chris if he never trusted Lance again. Lance deserved it. He still thought of Lance as one of his closest friends, but the guy needed a serious talking to. Lance didn't realize what kind of power he had over Chris, and it was high time he learned. Joey returned his thoughts to Chris. "It's over now, and he won't be back. Do you think you'll be okay? He didn't actually…you know, rape you, did he?" Chris blushed and looked away. "No. You stopped him." "Good." "Um, Joey…" Chris stopped, blushing again. "Could you, you know, uh, like stay here tonight? With me?" Joey smiled, only a little surprised by hearing such a request from Chris. "Sure," he smiled, patting Chris's shoulder as he stood up. "I'm going to change now." Chris watched Joey take off his jeans. "You mean you don't have a problem changing in front of me?" Joey gave him a smile. "Why would I? If you put a move on me, I'll beat your ass so fast…" Chris laughed. His face almost had forgotten how to smile. He actually could be himself around Joey. Joey didn't care. Joey wasn't scared. Joey was still his friend. "Don't worry, I'm not attracted to you." He wasn't ready to tell Joey about J.C. yet. That would only bring up more problems, and right now, he just wanted to solve the ones he had. Joey jumped into the bed beside Chris's. "What's on TV tonight?" Chris shrugged and grabbed the remote. "You know, one good thing came out of this," he said. "'What's that?" Joey yawned. "At lease now I don't have to get up to get undressed. Lance did that for me." Chris smiled at Joey before getting nailed with a pillow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joey woke slowly, his thoughts still sluggish from last night's emotional strain. Today was a new day, and hopefully once the group got the chance to have a serious talk, things would turn out okay. Chris didn't deserve to be treated that way, and Lance had no right, no matter what his beliefs. Wasn't it true that God wanted all people to love one another? Joey didn't understand all of Lance's reasoning, but he didn't hate the younger man for it. At least not yet. Joey was suddenly aware of the hot air on his neck. Once second it was hot, the next it was cold. Actually, he was a lot warmed this morning than most mornings. Curiously, he rolled over. Beside him lay Chris, dressed only in jeans and multi-color boxers that peeked over the top of his waistband. Chris also lay shivering slightly on top of the covers, cacooning Joey by holding down the covers. His arms were folded so his hands lay on the pillow, just inches from Joey. Joey realized the older man must have joined him late during the night and strategically placed himself so he would not be touching Joey. A pang of sympathy went through Joey as he watched Chris's chilled arms twitch. It hurt Joey to know that Chris still felt badly enough about himself to try and protect him. Sleeping in his jeans, on top of the covers, and laying balanced on the edge of the bed, Joey just wanted to give Chris a brotherly hug right there. Joey watched Chris a little longer, taking in the rare, peaceful expression on his face. Chris soon stirred and lazily opened his eyes, slowly focusing on Joey. His eyes widened as he realized Joey was awake, and he quickly jumped off the bed. "Joey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything, I meant to be gone before you woke up-" "Chris, relax. Calm down and take a deep breath. I know you didn't mean anything. You don't bother me; didn't we have that discussion last night? Now sit back down. You didn't do anything wrong." Chris's face softened and he sat down beside Joey. "Okay," he said while rubbing his eyes. "We gotta meet the guys in a little bit, do you want to tell them then?" Chris's eyes grew dark again. "Do we have to?" Joey shrugged. "No, but don't you want to get this out in the open? The sooner we do, the faster we can put all this behind us." Chris thought about it, thought about how he wanted so desperately to hang out with Lance again, to be able to touch the other guys without getting accusing glares from Lance, to just be himself again. He sighed, feeling his throat tighten already. "Yeah, I guess," he said softly. Joey's hand was on Chris's shoulder. "I'll be right beside you okay? I'll help you get through this." "You'll identify my body after Lance gets done mangling me?" Joey smacked Chris teasingly. "He won't touch you. I won't let him." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Well that's just gay," Justin huffed as he flicked the coffee machine on and off. "Why won't it work?" J.C. rolled his eyes and crawled under the small table. "Try it now," he said. Justin flipped the switch again. "It works! J.C., you are the electrical genius!" "All I did was plug it in," J.C. sighed, standing up again. There was a knock at the door and J.C. went to get it, knowing it would be Joey and Chris. Breakfast had already gotten there, and Lance arrived shortly thereafter, not looking too well. When questioned about it, he just claimed that it was a really bad hangover. "Good morning!" Joey's cheery face beamed. "How is everyone in here?" "Fine, I suppose," J.C. said, standing beside the door until Joey walked in and Chris slunk in after him. "Just going over the basic knowledge of electricity." Justin glared at J.C. "How was I suppose to know it was unplugged?" he countered. Joey laughed and sat down. He wanted to ease into this conversation. They couldn't just walk in and say, 'Hey guys, Chris is gay.' It just didn't work like that. For now, they could all enjoy breakfast. Chris stole a glance at Lance. The younger man sat with his eyes to the floor, not looking at either Joey or Chris. Chris almost expected him to just get up and walk out any minute. Lance didn't look that good either. Whatever he had been drinking must have been pretty strong. Joey studied both of them, judging their reactions to one another. From what he could tell, Lance was only slightly remorseful for his actions the previous night, and Chris was still scared to death of him. But they had to start talking. "So Lance," Joey started, reaching for a beagle, "You wanna go out with us tonight?" Lance gave Joey a threatening, red-eyed glare. "Not tonight," he said roughly. Upon J.C.'s questioning glance, he added with a bright smile, "But thanks for asking." Justin got up from the video game he was playing and walked over to the bar where the food had been laid out. "Where's the butter?" he asked, pushing in between J.C. and Joey. J.C. shoved him away. "We don't have any," he said with a full mouth. "What the hell," Justin gasped. "That's gay. Why don't we, the superheros of the pop culture, have any damn butter?!" J.C. was the only one to laugh. Joey felt Chris flinch beside him, and Lance kept his head down. Joey gave a small smile for Justin's sake. He looked like his eye had just gotten burned out when no one laughed at him. Whoever decided that 'gay' should mean stupid? Was something wrong with the word 'stupid' or 'dumb'? 'I guess no one even thinks about what it really means,' Joey thought. Justin stamped a foot and J.C. coughed to clear his throat. "Does one of you want to tell me what is going on?" he asked. All three of them looked at the table. "Is this about me?" Justin teased melodramatically. "Is this because of the incident involving your boxers and my hair gel?" Joey, Lance and Chris all looked at him in curiosity. "Uh…never mind," Justin mumbled, turning and heading back to his game. "No Justin, come back," Joey sighed. "You and J.C. both need to hear this." Lance looked at Joey attentively. Chris took several deep breaths to calm his racing heart. "What is it?" J.C. asked, sensing something serious was at bay. "Is this a mutiny?" Justin asked, sitting beside Chris. "No, just something we, me and Chris, have to get out in the open. Now before I let him talk, I just want to tell you that I think we are all responsible here. I respect everyone's feelings and views, but I hope what we have to tell you won't change anything about our friendship. To let this affect you would be a mistake." On the last sentence, Joey glanced at Lance. J.C. set down his doughnut and sat up a little straighter, giving Chris his full attention. Chris turned red. He knew he was red too, he could feel his cheeks burning. Without looking at Lance, he could feel the icy green gaze upon him. J.C. looked at him with a want for understanding, and Justin alternated between eating and looking at Chris. Then Chris looked to Joey, who gave him the warmest and most encouraging of smiles. Chris took a deep breath. 'Now or never,' he told himself. It they hated him, he would quit the group. If they could accept him, he would stay and probably continue to lust secretly after J.C. With one more encouraging nod from Joey, Chris took a deep breath and began. "I…uh…" he cleared his throat, memories of Lance walking out on him replaying in his mind. "I don't blame you if you guys hate me," he started. Joey shook his head and J.C. said, "Chris, whatever you have to say, no one is going to hate you for it." "Okay well um," Chris closed his eyes, his throat tightening. "I'm gay." Joey smiled and patted Chris's leg. Chris opened his eyes. J.C. looked back and forth between Joey and Chris. Justin just stared at Chris, open-mouthed. But Chris's gaze fell on Lance. The blonde just sat there, differently then last time. There was no anger in his eyes, no hatefullness. Just a disappointed acceptance. "You're gay?" J.C. echoed. Chris nodded, turning his head to look in J.C.'s sparkling blue eyes. "So you're a homo?" Justin asked. Then he smiled. "I ain't got no problem with that, just don't be all hitting on me. Try to contain yourself, deal? I know I am so hot and everything…" Chris smiled. A tear slid down his cheek and he wiped it away hurriedly. Justin didn't care. Justin still liked him. Chris felt so much better, so relieved. But there was still J.C., who sat quietly, playing with his glass. Joey was the one to speak up. "J.C., you wanna talk?" he asked non-threateningly. "Yeah, um, I mean, it's okay and everything, I just need a little time to get used to it, you know?" he asked, looking at Chris. "I mean, I still love you like my brother, but it's a big change." "What changes things?" Joey asked, this time a little more protective. "Well I mean, he's gay, and…I don't know, it's just a big change. I mean, it's not the way I was brought up. It's wrong, I think, but it's not like I hate him now or anything. Nothing could change that." "So what does all that mean?" Joey asked. "Are you gay too?" J.C. blurted out. Joey eyes widened briefly. "No, what gave you that idea? Would it make a difference if I were?" "No, I was just wondering because you two have been sharing rooms and all…" "J.C., that is the most made up, bullshit assumption-" "Joey, it's okay," Chris said softly. "It's better he ask then go on thinking it. I know you wouldn't ever think I was worthy anyway." Chris looked up. 'Where did that come from?' he wondered, kicking himself immediately. "Where the hell did that come from?" Joey questioned. "That's not it at all Chris, you know that. I can't believe you. Is this because of Lance?" "Lance, wait, where does he fit in?" Justin questioned. Lance looked up from his shadowy corner. "Leave me alone," he warned. "No Lance, why don't you tell them your views on this?" Joey pushed. "What did you think of Chris when he told you he was gay?" Lance's face grew red. The others were all looking at him, expecting an answer. So he decided to give them one. "I hate him," Lance said bitterly. "I walked out when he told me. What J.C., surprised? Didn't think I could be mean? Or were you expecting me to be the gay one? That's it, isn't it? The whole time we've been together, you all thought I was the gay freak while all the time this dirty faggot was hiding it! Well I hope you're all happy now!" Lance got up and brushed past Justin on his way out. Chris looked to Joey. "I get it," he whispered. "I thought he hated me. I had no idea there was another story behind it." "I'll go talk to him," J.C. said, getting up. "No, let me," Joey said. "I believe you and Chris still need to talk." J.C. sank down in his seat again. Justin got up and went back to his game. "Chris," he started. "It's okay. I'll just quit the group. I don't want us to fight." "No! Look, I really do still like you. Nothing has changed between our friendship. It's just that being homosexual conflicts with what I believe in. It's not personal, okay? Please understand that. It's just that I can't support you." Chris felt as though his heart had been ripped out. If he didn't have J.C.'s support, then he was miserable. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "Chris, don’t be sorry. It's not your fault." Much to Chris's surprise, J.C. pulled him into a hug. Chris's body was on fire now, but he concealed. There was not a chance that J.C. would return the feelings, so Chris figured he better find someone more within his reach. "Thanks," he managed weakly after J.C. pulled away. J.C. smiled. "So about going out tonight," he grinned. "Are you going to take us to a gay bar?" "I thought you didn't support me," Chris asked, confused. "Just because I don't support your sexuality doesn't mean I'm going to hold it against you," J.C. said. Now Chris smiled. "Thanks." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joey caught up with Lance down the hall. From his direction, he was heading for the elevators. "Hey," Joey called, reaching out and grabbing Lance's arm. "Don't touch me," Lance growled, yanking his arm away. "Lance, listen to me. Can't we talk about this for a couple minutes? Then I'll let you go on your way." Lance spun to face Joey. "Fine. Talk." Joey sighed and went to reach for Lance's shoulder but caught himself. "I'm sorry you hate Chris now, but I think you're doing it for the stupidest reason. What you did to him was cruel, Lance. He trusted you. You were the person he chose to confide in and look what you have done. I wouldn't feel sorry for you if he never spoke to you again. I don't see why you're so upset anyway. None of us have ever called you gay. We were teasing Lance, and I'm sorry it came across to you that way. You should have spoke up long before this instead of taking it out on Chris." Joey stopped and took a breath, waiting for Lance's reaction. Lance stared at him for a few seconds, trying to find the words to express his feelings. How did he begin to tell Joey that he truly was sorry for treating Chris like shit the past couple of days? It was hard for Lance to apologize for anything when he had been so sure that he was right. But now, seeing Chris's dark, sad eyes made him realize that their friendship meant more than getting even. He looked at Joey. "I'm sorry. I just didn't realize-" "You're sorry? You tried to rape him last night and you're sorry. That ain't gonna cut it. Not with me." Joey glared at Lance. "You need to make things right with Chris, then come talk to me." Lance nodded, knowing but dreading. Without another word to Joey, he started trudging back to Justin's hotel room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Lance opened the hotel room door, he found Justin and Chris playing a video game with J.C. attempting to write a song. Everything was like normal. Lance was a bit bewildered at how well the others had taken it. He half expected J.C. to take his side since J.C. upheld his religion as much as Lance did. Lance now realized how foolish he was, and it only spurred him on. J.C. looked up from his keyboard. "Hey Lance." Lance watched Chris's head jerk up and focus betrayed eyes on him. Lance closed the door behind him and took a breath. "Um, Chris, can I talk to you, for a minute, outside?" Chris glanced at Justin, who shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." Lance offered a smile as Chris approached, but Chris's gaze only became more confused. Once they were safely and privately out in the hall, Lance began, "Look Chris, I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start with I am truly, truly sorry." Chris looked at the floor. "It's okay." "No, Chris…" Lance moved Chris's head so the brown eyes met his own green. "It's not okay, I was wrong in everything I said. You are not worthless, or a fag, or anything, and you most defiantly did not deserve to be treated like I did. I was so wrong Chris, and I beg your forgiveness." "Then why did you do it?" Lance saw Chris's eyes lighten a shade and smiled. "I don't know, it's just always been beat into my head by my parents…hell, the whole town. It wasn't a big issue, but it still was known that homosexuals were…'dirty' I guess, and that is was wrong. But that's no excuse. You're my friend, one of my best, and nothing should have affected that. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were right away, but hopefully, over time…" Chris nodded, looking Lance in the eyes. "I forgive you," he said sincerely. "I'm not going to say that I understand, or that I don't hold some disappointment, but I just want things to be back to normal. You have no idea what it's like hiding something like that. Every gay comment or fag joke that you guys said unknowingly hurt me, even when Justin calls something gay instead of stupid. I finally just had to get it out in the open. And I'll admit, you did betray me Lance, but I believe you that you are sorry." Chris held out his hand. "Friends?" Lance smiled and ignored Chris's hand, instead pulling him into a hug. "More than friends," he said. "We're brothers." Epilogue 'Dear Journal, 'Things are so much better. Unbelievably better. None of the guys make fun of homosexuality, or me and things have gone back to normal. They are the only five that know. One day, I'm going to tell my mother, but now is not the time. I'm going to need strength to do that, and right now I'm happy being the old Chris that everyone loved. |
| Navigation: || Back | Main || |
| All works are Copyright © Their Authors, and may not be used without permission therof. None may be taken from this site without permission from the Author and the Webmistress. |