| Send Feedback To: Emily at JaysMyRascal@cs.com |
'Dear Journal, Chris sat in his room on the bed with only one lamp on. He closed the journal and laid it on the floor. With a sigh, he picked up the cordless phone beside his bed. His nerves grew as he dialed Dani's number. He listening to the phone ring twice, then the soft voice of the woman he had devoted three years to. "Hello?" Dani asked. "Hi," Chris replied, blushing already. "Chris?" "Yeah, the one and only." "How are you? I haven't heard from you since we, you know…broke up." "Sorry," Chris mumbled. "Um, I have something to tell you." He picked at the quilt he was sitting on. "What is it? Are you okay?" Dani questioned, becoming concerned. Why was he doing this anyway? They weren't going out or anything, why did Dani have to know he was gay? 'Well, I work with her,' Chris realized. 'And we did share some special times together. She's still my friend, I guess I owe it to her.' "Chris?" "Yeah, um, well I'm not really sure how to tell you this, but…" Chris took a breath. It was getting a little easier, but not by much. "I'm gay." 'Your ball.' There was nothing but a slightly static filled silence to answer him. Dani shifted the phone to her other ear. "You're gay? As in queer gay?" Chris winced and knew immediately this was a bad idea. Now he couldn't fire her because she would turn it on him. "Yeah, if that's what you wanna call it." "And during what point in our LONG relationship did you realize this?" she asked defensively. "Actually right before we broke up," Chris replied. He got up and began pacing. There was a tense silence again. "'I can't believe this. You're gay. Does anyone else know? Are you fuck buddies with one of the guys now?" Now Chris's defenses were on the rise. "No, I'm not, although it wouldn't be any of your business anyway," he said. "And the only other people that know so far are the other guys." "Well that was nice of you, to give them a fair warning and all. Now they'll know who's pinching their ass at night." "I thought you would be a little supportive, but I guess you're not really the person I thought you were." "Oh yeah, you tell me that I attract fags and expect me to be happy about it? At least my new boyfriend isn't gay. We've done more in a week than you and I have in a year." "Well I'm sorry I'm not a player," Chris replied. "And this wasn't about you, okay?" "Just tell me one thing," she said roughly. "Did we break up because of this?" Chris thought. "I don't know. It was a mix of things, Dani. We just weren't right for each other, at least not anymore." There was a small groan of frustration. "Yeah, I'll agree with you there," she snapped. "I like real men, and the problem is, you do too." (Click) Chris pushed the 'talk' button with his thumb and tossed the phone over his shoulder. At least he was honest with her. That was about the only positive thing to come of this. Chris sighed and lay on his back. Maybe Dani would quit on her own. Or maybe not. She did love money. Either way, he could always wait until she slipped up before firing her. There was a knock at the door before Justin poked his head in. "You ready?" Chris sat up. "Yeah, where are we going?" "You mom picked out some southern cooking place. Who were you talking to?" Chris looked Justin in the eyes as they walked down the hall. "Were you listening?" "No man, I just saw that the base unit said 'hand in use' and put two and two together. But if you don't want to talk about it-" "It was Dani." "Oh." "Yeah." "And?" Chris shook his head. "Now that I don't want to talk about." Justin nodded. "Okay." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Chris, stop playing with your food and eat it." Chris looked at his mother. "I'm not a little kid, I know how to eat." "Then do it," Beverly countered. "So Chris," Joey spoke up. "Justin tells me that you called Dani. How is she?" he asked, making eye contact with the shorter man. "She has a new boyfriend," Chris stated, picking at his chicken. "I never did like that girl," Beverly said. "She wasn't right for you Chris." "I know mom." "I know someone who has the prettiest girl, and she's even going through nursing school. I can set you two up sometime." "You don't have to mom," Chris said. "Nonsense, I want to. You need a nice young lady in your life. For heaven's sake, you're almost thirty Chris! You need to settle down. Get me some grand kids." Chris hung his head. "I don't think Chris is interested in having kids," Lance smiled, his eyes sparkling. "Well he will in time." "No, I don't think so," Lance said, eating his mashed potatoes. J.C. nudged him in the side. Beverly let it pass. "So when are you guys going to have a concert up here again?" "Pretty early in our tour actually," J.C. said. "Oh well that's good. We'll get to see you guys soon enough." "I told you that," Chris said. "Oh well I just forgot Chris. You hardly talk to me enough." "Once a week isn't enough?" "Justin, how often do you talk to your mom?" Beverly asked. "Almost everyday," Justin said, flashing a smile. "See there? Justin loves his mother." Chris rolled his eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Night had fallen hard and the house had grown quiet. The rest of the guys went back to the hotel but Beverly forced Chris to stay. Deep down, Chris was thankful. He couldn't afford to chicken out now, not after he'd come this far. Tonight he would come out to her, then he could go back to life on the road and forget about everything. Joey had taken a few minutes in the parking lot to wish Chris good luck but the gesture did nothing to soothe Chris's nerves. He hated feeling like this but he couldn't stop. Nothing would help until it was all out in the open. Taking a deep breath, Chris walked down the stairs and sat on the couch next to his mother. "Hey," he breathed as he tried to get comfortable. "Hey Chris," Bev smiled, pulling Chris into a hug. "I've missed you so much. Thanks for visiting." "Yeah," Chris replied, looking at his shoes. His confidence took one look at the approaching situation and hung the 'Out for Lunch' sign on the door. "Hear anything from your dad lately?" "Nope." "Well what have you guys been up to?" "Nothing much." "Chris, I can hardly believe that. Come on, what's wrong?" Chris hesitated, finding that his voice had packed up and headed out with his confidence. "Come on honey, you know you can tell me anything. Are you unhappy with Nsync?" "No." "Are the guys kicking you out?" "No." Although they probably should. "Did you hurt you're neck again?" "No." "Knee?" "No." Keep guessing, you'll get there eventually. "Your sugar didn't bottom out did it?" "No." "Well help me out here Chris, I can't read your mind." Say it…say it… |
| Navigation: || Back | Main || |
| All works are Copyright © Their Authors, and may not be used without permission therof. None may be taken from this site without permission from the Author and the Webmistress. |