my own persistence

in my revolving world
another spinning emotion
and i hide behind words so big
whose meanings i'm not sure i know

i run away so many times
but i make so many stands
and somewhere along the way
i never figured out the difference

the difference between cowardice
and treachery

i take another start or fall
and yet i always pick up
you can knock me down, i don't mind
it wouldn't be the first time

but i don't give up so easy
i'm dumb enough to get back up
and sometimes i even take the same path
and sometimes i laugh

i laugh because i can't remember
the last time i cried

it's almost like a numbness
but it's selective
there's a wall around my soul
but it's got many holes in it

i know where they are
but i've never bothered to repair them
i wonder if its out of hope
or just out of laziness

laziness due to the fact
that i hope