self-destructive?


i'm not digging a hole for myself
the hole's been dug already
i can see myself through anything
i've seen it through already

how do i understand my motivations
how do i purchase reality
things that don't make sense are closer yet to me
where's my grip on reality

too far removed from what's good for me
but i wouldn't call it self-destructive
more like a matter of curiosity
it's been a while since i've been productive
anyway

it's been a while since my ears perked up
and the hair on my neck stood on end
mabe it's just a matter of wanting the unattainable
i don't want what little i have to end

the clouds are covering what might be the sun
wish i could see but it's too far away
i'm pretty sure i know what's up behind the cover
but i can't reach to move the clouds away

talk about a sobering blow inside
how the hell did it come to this
in the future i can't let this happen
i need to guard myself against things like this

self-destructive, no i don't think it is
the hole's already there
i'm just pulling in the dirt
and smothering my air