word to yo motha

If you have a cell phone you will completely relate to this article. If not, keep reading anyways because, uh, because I told you to. AHHHH. Yes I know my big wheel is in front of your car Ma! I will move it! Fuck! Just give me some Ovaltine and I'll be cool. Anywho, I snorted some Sour Patch Kids sugar today and god damn. My nose was dripping all day. But it was fun and my friends and I found joy in snorting sugar into our nasal cavities, just like any normal elementary school kid with a pixie stick in his hand.

There is a point to this I promise. Just bear with me. I know back in the day you used to snort lines of pixie stix dust, don't deny it. To do so would be to deny your very childhood. The burning sensation and the giggles, oh the giggles, they came flooding back from the depths of my memory. I felt like I was young again, or Al Pacino from Scarface. These feelings got me thinking about how times have changed. Are kids too cool in elementary school to snort the fruity powder? I hope not. And what happens now if they get caught? Surely something worse now that parents are shitting needles over their kids' well being. Assholes. They don't realize that letting kids experience for themselves the stupid mistakes their parents made as kids is all part of growing up.

As Bob Dylan said, "The times they are a changin'". And I hate to say it, but dammit Bob, you're right. The times are changing, and for the worst. Kids can't snort Pixie Stix without going to a drug class as a reprocussion, and congress is a failure unless they turn out more legislation then the last session. What the hell is up? Would you want to stop doing something rewarding or good? Change isn't always a bad thing, but the way society is headed it seems change is the only thing acceptable.

So to all my Pixie snorting friends, and to everyone else who doesn't like change pounding you in the ass, I'm sorry. There is probably nothing you can do to stop Big Brother. So snort more Pixie Stix and be a rebel.

Writing an article completely not related to cell phones,