Our first show as a duo! Jimmy Sausage wanted to change Mr. Nies's name to Billy Warborts but I insisted on keeping his slave name...For historical purposes.

           J ust as the Washington rains seemed to put me deeper into my depression, I quickly developed a nasty habit of taking cigarette buts from ash trays. Yes at first this seemed gross but what is a fella to do with very little money…anyways it helped keep my weight down. I kind of compared this habit to kleptomania…You know how you just have to steal because of that rush? Well stealing cigarette buts aren’t illegal but the whole idea of Russian Roulette with Hepatitis, oral herpes, and mono instead of Bullets…really intrigued me

The rains ceased about April and spring arrived. I joined a little art club down the street next to an old run down farm. I walked there every other day hoping that painting would somehow stimulate my need to juggle. Not only juggle but come up with something new and exciting never ever seen before.

When I left class about 3 weeks into the quarter, I saw a an old fellow that really interested me. He was a Donkey, mulling around in the old pasture eating a newly blossomed dandy lion. I climbed the fence like a jackrabbit and hurriedly ran towards him as if he were a long lost love. The mud from my heels was sloshing onto my back ruining my new silk Parker Lewis shirt….with the top button buttoned (Of course!)

I reached the strong sure backed donkey with beads of sweat dripping down the crest of my cheek bones. I felt the comfort of the warm spring breeze dry them on the cusp of my jaw. I put my hand out and gently began to stroke his head….I formed a certain bond with this creature. I approached the owner of the farm who’s house resided about 300 yards north of the pasture. The house set on top a decaying hill surrounded by hydrangea bushes and foreign shrubbery I was not familiar with. I could smell the licorice weeds in the air but I could not pin point their location visually.

After about three knocks on the door, an old man in his 70’s opened the door with a carrot hanging from his chapped lips. “Can I help you” he said with a southern drawl. “I would like to purchase your donkey…..by the way my names Chris Sorensen.” I said as I put out my hand. The man shook my hand and to my surprise his hands were like pillows….not a callus on them.. He must not have worked in years.

He was about 5 feet tall with brown hair and a closely cropped beard. He was wearing a white/brown t-shirt and boxers…in which the head of his 70 year old penis protruded. I said nothing but strangely found myself staring. “What are ye looking at !” He said as chunks of carrots now joined the mud on my shirt. “Nothing…I just want to buy your donkey” as I put my negotiating face on. “How much you want for him?” The old man looked at me like was a cold cut of smoked ham just ready to be added to a rye bread sandwich and said. “Were you lookin’ at my cock son?” I took a step back. And said “I just want your fucking donkey!”

So there I was ten minutes and 15 dollars later, walking down 79th ave with a donkey in tow. His collar said Mr. Charlie Neis. I saw the whip marks on his ass and stress in his eyes…this donkey was a worker, a farmer, a slave. For a few minutes I felt like the good Dr. Martin Luther King, I had liberated and freed a living thing….A donkey…and he was mine….all mine….to do what I want with.

I began to train Mr. Neis to do all sorts of juggling tricks. At first he seemed reluctant and agitated by me bouncing bowling pins off his forehead but these are the trials and tribulations of soon to be famous jugglers. Over time, He learned and we were great. The neighborhood kids would come over and watch us perform. I would sometimes throw lolli pops and pieces homemade pound cake at the kids as they cheared at our finale. It was fun to throw things at kids.

So we were juggling as a duo now. I on his back, juggling with one hand in my pocket and other one giving the peace sign…just kidding...that's my humor...Im a big Allanis fan as you can tell. So we trained and trained and trained. Until word around town got out about me and this amazing donkey who could juggle . Well there was no surprise that Jimmy Sausage showed up and wanted a piece of the action. And if I knew Jimmy….he wasn’t going to back down. So we gave him 50% of the gate receipts. He instantly wanted to change our act. He cursed at me and called me “ass peaches” and "balogna breasts" and all sorts of other strange pet names. Well he finally used my last nerve when he insisted on changing Mr. Neis’s name to Billy Warborts.

I scowled at the idea and told him I never wanted to see him or his gold molar teeth (that I had always admired) again. So he left in a fuss and threw is brewing hot coffee all over Mr. Neis’s ass. Mr. Neis kicked and kicked all day until i rubbed him down with Aloe gel. Hopefully Jimmy Sausage will never come back into my life again.

Later that night I got a phone call from my agent. He surprised me with the good news of a Television station wanting to showcase my act. It was the local PBS in Spokane/Tri Cities area. They had got wind of my act and were interested to bring some viewers back to their station. So we signed on and began production of our show “THE AMAZING CHRIS SORENSEN and his juggling donkey CHARLIE NEIS “
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