Comment Sheet for "Strengthened" by Francis Alexander
General Comments:
Point of View:
I found the constant switch from the "me" narrator to the narrator who talked about Wes as "he" very awkward & disturbing … but also revealing (I’ll get to why later).
Story:
There is a whole lot going on here! I don’t think this story isabout a guy’s memoirs or even simply a problem with a witch that keeps following him around and tormenting him. I’ve read and outlined this story very carefully and I see some interesting things going on. Wes & the Sea: There is definitely a strong connection between Wes and the Sea. He keeps returning to it. Tidal waves (come up twice in this story and once in "Similarities" I think), his uncle in the navy, lots of allusions to water, an iceberg, Wes’ job at Cedar Point has him in a booth in the middle of nowhere, a "station" he does not like and he is lonely for girls -- the parking lot is a sea and he is lost out in it … he looks to the stars for solace as sailors do, he also looks to them for direction, his mind has visions "floating" in it. Wes & Sounds: This story is definitely about sounds. There are sounds everywhere. Wes cannot get away from them. The sound of the witch is just the one we focus on, but there is the radio w/ black music and Wes being a DJ, and the crickets, the tree branches, the hands rubbing together, the "gush" sounds from his Grandmother’s breathing.
Theme:
Returning to/being drawn to the sea, sounds as symbols (perhaps the siren to draw you to the sea), duality (there is a hidden "Wes" beyond our view. I think this Wes is the witch. Even though Wes’ Grandmother is paralleled a lot w/ the witch in the story, I think that the witch is an aspect of Wes’ spirit that is haunting him for some reason, perhaps to draw him somewhere or to remind him of something. I think the witch is restless and does not necessarily want or need to harm, but is so unstable in bent up energy that her/his manifestation is often strongly negative/harmful. The Wes that we see is/has gained tremendous strength over time. I think that strength comes from understanding. The twoWes-es are the "me" and the "him" that show up in POV.
Tone:
Confusion reigns! Not that this is all bad, it is a strength of the story. Confusion of readability needs to be worked on, but the confusion of Wes is totally in line with his Journey. He doesn’t know what is going on w/ the witch, the sea, the women (women are a very strong theme in both stories), etc.
Particular likes/dislikes/areas to fix:
The most frequent technical problem is the sudden tense shifts. They can be found throughout the story. (For example: par. 4-6 p.3, column 1 is all in present tense, but most of story is in past. Maybe the tense shifts are supposed to go with the narrator shifts, but there are still inconsistencies within that context.) I love all of the sea images (I’ve got a real sea fascination/draw that I’ve only learned about in the past few years; I’ve just kind of drifted into it [yeah, bad pun, I know.])
*I would recommend that you get/borrow Travels by Michael Creighton. The book is autobiographical. Reading all of it may not seem to be relevant at first, but there are some interesting parallels between Creighton and yourself. Creighton "had" a witch/spirit or some kind of "hanger-on" for much of his life. He got it "removed" when he was in a state of deep hypnosis (I don’t remember all of the details, but I think you’d find it very enlightening). The book is divided by chapters that are really just different experiences of his life so you might not see any relevance if you just read a few chapters. You might be able to scan the book and find the relevant chapter (or chapters). Good luck taming that witch --I think you’re well on your way.
--Tom Hughes