Chapter 11
Erm… erm… no! Elisabeth was crying in her head. No- you can’t talk to me about it… not about Steve… oh my God he knows!
If Paul knew, then who else has got to know? How did he know? Is Steve going around telling everyone?
She was really panicking. This couldn’t get back to Becky… it couldn’t!
Paul saw how absolutely horrified she looked, and said to her, “look… I know… I know this is really not any of my business, but I really would like to talk to you.”
Was he expressing some kind of genuine concern for her?
But- she didn’t even know him! What was he doing- wanting to talk to her?
“It’s not gonna hurt- is it?” He asked, and oh my God, it was like he flicked on a switch, and the eyes turned on.
He looked right into her again, as if to read what her state of mind was like now. He was also putting a kind of mental pressure on her, forcing her into saying yes to let him in.
But she just stared at him, with a kind of frozen horrified look on her face, and couldn’t say anything.
She couldn’t believe he knew. This was just… just gonna end in a total disaster. Becky was going to find out… that’d be the end of their friendship… she’d be all alone.
And that was one of her worst fears.
“I’ll be nice,” he smiled, trying to persuade her.
What does he want to talk about? He’s hardly gonna tell her to stay away from Steve… not as if he’s the jealous girlfriend or anything! So… he can’t really judge her either… or tell her off.
And he couldn’t stay long anyway as she was going out, and she could always chuck him out if he became too… overbearing.
In the end, she opened the door wide and stood aside. ‘Come in,” she said, firmly looking at the ground, silently cursing in her head that he knew, that she was letting him come in, that she’d ever got into this mess in the first place.
“Thank you,” he said softly and genuinely, and he stepped into the house. She immediately shuddered. It was like as soon as he touched the same piece of carpet as her, she received all these weird electric shocks from him.
He was just eternally weird, and nothing was ever gonna change that.
‘Shall we go into the lounge?” He asked her, as she moved away from him and reluctantly closed the door shut, silently praying everything would be okay.
She’d never been alone with him before. Not totally, totally alone. And now it was just them two in the same room, just metres apart from each other. And there was this weird, straining atmosphere between them. Elisabeth wanted to stay at arm’s length, but he didn’t seem to notice. Or just didn’t care.
“Ok,” she said softly, and then as if to justify her thoughts said, “but make it quick.”
“Expecting someone?” Paul asked her, as he headed into the lounge and she hesitantly re-traced him. She nearly stopped at that, though. Did he know Steve may be coming?
“No- I told you- I need to go out,” she said, forcing the words out.
“Oh, ok,” he said, and then just in the doorway, he turned around suddenly and looked at her.
She stopped, startled and made direct eye-contact with him.
“Elisabeth- do i…” He trailed a bit, thinking, but seeming to get pre-occupied looking at her.
“Do I what?” She asked, fidgeting.
“Do-D-Do I… scare you?” As soon as he said that, he looked away a little, and laughed slightly. “Ok… ok… that sounds dumb. Just ignore that.”
“But… it’s just… you seem really uncomfortable around me. That’s all,” he said, looking back at her.
Oh God- ya think?!! She thought in her head, but just looked at him blankly.
“You… seem nervous,” he said, tilting his head a little, as if he was examining her.
Elisabeth didn’t like the fact he was focusing on her feelings towards him. She wished he’d leave well alone- leave her well alone. But he just continued to look into her, waiting for an answer.
But all she could say was, “I-I-I’m not nervous.”
“Oh- so you’re always like this?” He said, smiling a little to show he was teasing.
“I’m just shy,” she said, thinking that was a reasonable excuse, and blushed slightly. Oh yeah, you also freak me out half to death every time you look at me, she thought.
“I can’t hurt ya sweetheart,” he suddenly said. “I scrape 5”5, am built like a twig and live with 3 cats and 3 dogs who kinda use me as butler, slave, housekeeper and just general kick around Paul.”
Her eyes opened wide when he said that, so much so, that he burst out laughing at her expression.
And almost horrifyingly, she found herself thinking he looks so sweet when he laughs… arragghhhh!
“Ok- I’ll shut up now,” he said, beginning to turn around. “I need to get outta your sight.”
And he went into the lounge.
Elisabeth just stood there, feeling really, really surprised. He’d just suddenly come out with that comment. Did he really care what she thought of him?
He’d gone into the lounge anyway, so she better follow him. Get this ‘talk’ over and done with.
She went in, and sat herself directly down on the armchair nearest the door- I guess as a kind of a safety precaution.
She could run if she had to.
Paul was being all relaxed though, and in control, and that made her even more wary of him, even in her own home.
Paul had sat down on the sofa, and seemed a little surprised at how far away she’d sat to him.
Still with his hands dug firmly into his jacket pockets, he looked down at the floor and said, “ok, you are probably wondering what I’m doing here, and all. And being really honest, I’m not gonna keep anything from you.”
Elisabeth just sat all tensed up edgily on the armchair. So delicately that she was ready to bolt if she needed to.
‘Steve told me that… that he’s been seeing you, whilst with Becky,” Paul continued. “And I guess I just came around to…”
he trailed off again, as Elisabeth continued to look blankly at him.
Come here to what?
“Look- I know I don’t know you or anything, but I guess I came around here to see if you were alright,” he said, finally looking up at her.
She
blinked. To see if I was alright?
Why the hell would he wanna do that?
“I’m fine,” she mumbled, a little unnerved.
“It’s just… well Steve kinda… he’s upset a lotta girls in the past, y’know. Cheating on them… using them to cheat on someone else… just plain using them… see what I mean?”
“Are you telling me to stop seeing Steve?” She asked, really not believing a word he was saying.
Paul looked away again, as if that’s exactly what he was thinking.
I can’t believe he’s telling me to leave Steve! She thought, amazed. He doesn’t even know me!! How can he just push his way in?!
‘What do you know?” She said, all het up. “And what do you care- ‘bout me and Steve?”
“I don’t wanna see him hurt you, that’s all,” Paul replied, looking back at her, defending himself.
“What makes you think he’ll hurt me?!” She cried.
“Because that’s what he does! I’ve seen it time and time before!” Paul tried to reason.
“You don’t know anything about us!” She retaliated.
“But I know he’ll hurt you,” Paul pleaded.
“You don’t know anything!” She cried back. “And what gives you any right to say this to me, anyway? You don’t KNOW ME!”
“I know enough to know that when he does hurt you, you’re gonna be devastated,” Paul said calmly back at her, and making her shut up fast.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked warily.
Paul looked slightly embarrassed and fidgeted a bit with his shoes. “How old are you, Elisabeth?” He asked.
“24,” she replied.
“And… how long ago before Steve… that you had a boyfriend?” He asked her.
She looked away from him, slightly panicking. Oh my God- the other night- when he’d looked right into her- when she thought he’d read all about her… he had. She’d been right. He knew all about her past and everything.
Aararghhhh.
She didn’t know how to answer him. And he probably knew anyway, so what was the point?
“Steve not much of a first boyfriend is he?” Paul asked, a little smile on his face.
Elisabeth just daren’t look at him now. She was scared at how powerful he was, and also hideously, hideously embarrassed that he knew Steve was only her first boyfriend. She was cringing up inside, wanting to hide away into a little ball. Definitely not make conversation with him.
“Does Steve know-“
“No,” she suddenly snapped, not even wanting to hear it.
“Elisabeth- he’ll walk all over you,” Paul said softly.
“What the hell do you care?” She said, beginning to get really angry.
Why was he so bloody… ararghhhh, everything?!!
“’Cos I care, that’s all,” he replied, looking down. “Can’t help it if I care.”
“Well I don’t want you to care! I don’t even know you! If Steve knew you were here, he’d- he’d-“ she was flustering.
“He’d what?” Paul asked calmly.
“Stop being so bloody patronizing!” She suddenly cried at him.
“I’m not!” He replied, almost laughing.
“Yes you are! Just because I haven’t- haven’t- just because I’ve never had a boyfriend before, and you think you know everything and you don’t!”
she stopped, feeling all these emotions inside her swelling up and up and she was just gonna burst out crying.
He really got to her- he was so bloody calm and spoke down to her- like he knew everything and she was just vulnerable, small and stupid. And he felt he could just tell her what to do when all he was was a stranger. But yet somewhere inside, she was really surprised that he seemed to care so much for her emotional well-being. When he really didn’t know her, and shouldn’t give two hoots, really. And that moved her in a funny kind of way.
“Elisabeth, don’t get upset,” he pleaded quietly, “I don’t think any less of you, or anything like that- just because you’ve never had a boyfriend before… big deal. Who cares? I don’t. It’s just… Steve isn’t the best first boyfriend to have. Not a good starting point.”
“You don’t seem to think very much of your best friend,” she said, a little sulkily.
He laughed then. “Nah, he’s a complete tosser! No… it’s just… he has a way with girls which can be really… flippant. And some girls can handle it. Come out of the situation fuming, promising to spread the word he’s gay, or useless or something, but other’s… other’s get really hurt.”
“And you think I will?”
“Well, put it this way; other night when I met you, and you ran off… I knew you were really shy, really kind of vulnerable around… just people in general. And when Steve told me he was seeing you as well as Becky… I was like, “my God, you are so gonna hurt her!””
“So- you think I’m weak and pathetic?” She said, looking at him, annoyed. “Grrrreat. Thanks a lot.”
“Noooo! Noooo! I don’t mean that. It’s just… you won’t be ready when he hurts you,” Paul explained.
“Why do you think he’ll hurt me so much?” Elisabeth asked.
“Come on Elisabeth, he’s hardly being fair to you now, is he?” Paul sighed, being extremely patient with her. “He’s with Becky just as well as you.”
Just that little sentence sent little pangs of jealousy striking into Elisabeth. She remembered seeing the flowers last night, and the little ‘I love you’ note, and she felt hurt. And she didn’t like feeling jealous… especially not of her best friend.
“I want you to know what you’re doing, but I don’t think you do,” Paul said.
“Do you see it as my fault?” She asked him, looking right into his face.
“Noooo… course not,” he assured her. “God, I know what Steve can be like.”
“I like Steve,” she said, putting her head down, feeling a little bit ashamed.
“I betcha do!” He laughed. “Almost every girl does! And he really knows how to exploit them, too.”
“I can’t… I can’t just give him up,” she said, feeling a bit worried how Paul might take this. “No matter what you say, I can’t- can’t just leave it. He’s become really important to me.”
“You in love with him?” Asked Paul.
Elisabeth sighed at that, and seemed to tussle her head. “I-I don’t know,” she said, frustrated at her indecision.
“I didn’t come here to make you do anything,” Paul added. “Just… I wanted to tell you.”
“Erm… ok, well…” she wanted to say thanks out of habit, or “I appreciate it”, but she wasn’t sure she did yet.
“Just… erm… think,” Paul said, and then he laughed a little, embarrassed.
Things between them had suddenly become really awkward.
And Elisabeth knew why- it was because the wary, tense atmosphere between them was breaking up, and she was beginning to feel better around him. Still not comfortable- he had the eyes!- but she was beginning to accept him more, and he could feel that as much as she could.
“You… you won’t tell Becky will you?” Elisabeth asked him, hesitantly.
“Of course not,” he smiled at her. “No way. This can be our little secret, ok?”
“Thanks Paul.”
And for a moment, they just kind of looked at each other, half-smiling, knowing that they could trust each other to do the right thing. Elisabeth felt weird- like she was opening up to him a new way. He was the only person who really knew what she was going through right now, after all.
Moment soon disappeared though, with a cheerful rendition of Prince’s Purple Rain.
Paul blushed and took his hand out of his pocket and into an inside one, and pulled put a mobile phone. “Sorry,” he apologized to her and turned away to answer his phone. “Hello?”
Someone said something loudly to him back and Paul protested by, “I know, I’m sorry-“ but then stopped as the person on the other end said something back and then cut him off.
He sighed heavily and turned his phone off. “Fucking hate Tim,” he muttered, as he put his phone away.
He looked up at her. “Sorry- I’ve got to go,” he said, and stood up.
“Oh!” Elisabeth said, standing up, too. “Have you got to be somewhere?”
“Could say that,” Paul said uncomfortably. “And you gotta go too, I guess.”
Elisabeth looked blankly but then thought- milk! Arraghhh!
He walked towards her, and some alarm went off in Elisabeth’s head again. She still felt nervous around him.
“You look after yourself,” he said to her, meaning it, and then he flashed her a grin, before whisking past her through to the hallway.
Elisabeth stood there a second, before her legs finally moved after him.
“Paul!” She called, as he got to the door.
He turned around to look back at her. He couldn’t help smiling. “What?” He asked, door on handle.
“Erm… just… well you didn’t have to come here… and…” She looked at the walls for words. “Just… I don’t know if I believe you, or if you’re talking out your backhand, basically. But you care enough to try… that’s… nice. So, erm…” She looked at him directly. “Thank you.”
He’d lost his smile and looked genuinely surprised she’d said that. But she felt she had to. Had to say something to him.
When he looked like that, his eyes went all wide and you could really see how deep and rich they were. They really were some pair of eyes. Her own eyes had become used to all that metal over his face now. Kinda suited him… in a foreign kind of way.
“Hey, that’s ok,” he said, cheeks pinking a bit, and he looked embarrassed. “And if… if you ever wanna… y’know… talk or anything,” he added, opening the door. “A-About anything, not just Steve, anything, then, erm…”
she looked at him blankly. And how am I gonna get in contact with you? She was thinking.
“I’ll call you,” he smiled at her finally, and then he opened the door fully and stepped outside into the air. “Bye!” He called, and then disappeared.
Elisabeth stepped onto the piece of carpet where he had been, and watched him jog down the path to his car from the door.
She watched him get in, and then begin to drive away, as she held onto the door handle where his hand ha been a few moments ago.
And she realized she didn’t feel any electric shocks anymore.