The day of Becky’s departure came upon Elisabeth really
quickly.
Friday wasn’t just the day Becky was leaving; it was also
the day, Elisabeth liked to phrase it, that she would properly turn into a
woman. She- whether she liked it or not- was going to be in the company of
Steve this evening, and he wanted to sleep with her really desperately. He was
expecting it tonight. But… but she was still really unsure about it. Before
she’d spoken to Paul she was really worried about it because she knew she
couldn’t stop it happening- and she just hoped the first time would go okay.
But; now Paul had told her to stand her ground in the relationship, and she was
left with a choice as to whether she let it happen or not. And that was, in a
way, even worse than before! Because now she had to make a decision, and
because she was 50/50 on each of them, there were good and bad points to each
choice- she was going to find it so hard.
Sleep with Steve- he’ll be happy; maybe you will, too.
You’ll have got the dreaded first time over and done with- the more you put it
off, the worse it’s gonna be. And you’ll have had sex! The most elusive
thing in her universe… it could bring you and Steve so close.
But- she could tell him no. What then? He’d be mad. Angry.
He’s taken it as a dead cert he’ll sleep with you tonight, Elisabeth, so he’ll
be annoyed at being knocked back. Also- the first time will hurt, and she’ll
bleed, and that sounded terrifying to her. She was also going to be completely
naked with a guy- she wouldn’t feel comfortable, she knew it. What if she was
crap in bed? He’d leave her. But- if she didn’t sleep with him, he may leave
her, too. If she didn’t sleep with him and he turned out to be the love of her
life she’d regret it for being so stupid.
Araggghhh… choices, choices. What was she going to do?
Work that day was a nightmare. She couldn’t concentrate on
anything, and all she kept thinking about was that night. When was he coming
over? He’d never said. He’d just said he was coming- after Becky had gone. Becky
was leaving at seven, so… sometime then. And then… oh no.
Where were they gonna do it? ‘Cos she didn’t have a double
bed in her room- just a single. She cringed thinking about using a double bed… new
territory. Becky had a double bed. But no- that was just sick. Really sick.
But they had to do it in bed! I mean, you could
do it in other places, but Elisabeth wasn’t even thinking about them because
they were out of the question. No way was she… NO. Just- no.
And then, hmmm… maybe they could have the lights off whilst
they did it, and under the covers…? She nearly burst out crying at all this
thinking about it. She felt like she was rushing; she wasn’t ready for any of
this yet. And it frightened her so much.
Before she knew it, she was at home, stood in front of the
wardrobe at half past 5, deciding what she was going to wear that night.
Oh God, if only she had a bit more confidence. If only she
could take control with Steve; tell him she didn’t want to sleep with him yet,
without sounding stupid or naïve (even though she was!) and still make
him want to stay with her. It was so important that their relationship
continued- he gave so much to her, things that she really valued. He was the
most significant person in her life at the minute… she couldn’t lose him.
But… she wasn’t confident. She was shy, quiet, soft
Elisabeth. Who went along with anything just to keep people happy. Even
sleeping with her first boyfriend… losing her virginity.
Within a week!
She eventually chose a pair of embroided jeans, staying well
clear of the skirts, and a lilac sparkly top. She tried to look as casual as
she could, because otherwise Becky may suspect something.
Maybe they could watch a video before… before. Yes.
Video sounded good. Give her some time to get comfortable with him. It wouldn’t
save her probably; but it was something that could aid her.
She went downstairs and distractedly helped Becky make
dinner. Becky chatted on quite happily about the up-coming weekend; she was
looking forward to seeing Dan again a lot, and er, that was the only good thing
that was happening!! Except for erm, the cake.
“Cool, loadsa cake for me to eat!” Becky giggled, leaving
Elisabeth feeling a little bewildered at her best friend’s priorities.
She babbled on about how much she hated her parents
strictness over her, and how they made her do all of these things, and how
she’d love to just shock them by grabbing one of the male guests at the party
and dragging him over to the table so she could shag him. Which, Elisabeth
thought, wasn’t really the best idea Becky had ever had.
“I’m gonna miss him,” she suddenly said, making Elisabeth
look up at her.
“Miss who?”
Becky let out a little laugh. “Steve. I dunno Liz… he’s…
he’s just different from all the other boyfriends I’ve had.”
You can say that again, Elisabeth thought.
“How?” She asked.
Becky shrugged, and looked as if she was about to cry for a
minute. “He… he…” She seemed choked up. “He’s just wonderful.”
Elisabeth stared at her best friend for a few seconds,
guilt running through her like a steam train. Looking at her now, she could see
just how much Steve meant to her, and how much she liked him. More than anyone
else Becky had ever been with. She was so happy with him… she was so happy
within herself. How could Elisabeth be doing this to her?? Betraying her like
this with the one guy she had ever thought strongly about? How could she even
be contemplating sleeping with him that night? It was ludicrous.
It should not be going on.
“Are you in love with him?” Elisabeth asked her suddenly.
Becky slowly shook her head. “No… but I think I’m pretty
close!” She looked up at Elisabeth and let out a laugh.
But Elisabeth didn’t laugh back.
They had a quiet dinner, and then Elisabeth went to help
Becky pack a bag for the weekend. She’d be at her mum and dad’s for two nights…
two nights therefore she had, alone with Steve.
God.
As the evening wore on, Elisabeth became more and more
nervous and full of guilt. Should she be selfish and sleep with Steve, or not
for Becky’s sake? It wasn’t just her feelings involved in this, wasn’t just
about whether she was going to lose her virginity to Steve or not… it was also
about Becky. About whether to fully ‘cheat’ on her and her boyfriend’s
relationship or not. If she slept with Steve, it wouldn’t be over, probably. They’d
continue to see each other behind Becky’s back… maybe even be having sex a lot,
although Elisabeth trembled at the thought. But the more they continued, the
more chance they had of getting caught. And Becky could not find out she
was with Steve; she couldn’t. It would break her heart. Yet, if she
didn’t sleep with Steve for Becky’s sake, and a little for her own, they’d
probably break up… and she’d lose all the happiness she felt with him, lose the
only boyfriend she’d ever had… and then she’d be the heartbroken
one- and feel so, so depressed.
So- what was she to do? Be the selfless, or the selfish
one?
“I hate, hate, hate family parties,” Becky muttered
absent-mindedly as she closed her bag. “Am so envious of you this weekend.”
That caught Elisabeth off guard. “I’m not doing anything!”
She cried hastily, wondering what Becky was on about.
“Exactly!” Becky laughed. “Soooo jealous!” She stopped a
minute, and then turned to look at the agitation on Elisabeth’s face.
“You’re… not doing anything this weekend- are you?”
She checked.
“Of course not,” Elisabeth lied, her cheeks flushing red.
Becky smiled at her, and sat down next to her on the bed.
“Look hun… I’m sorry about last night. About saying all of those things about
you and Paul.”
“Oh… that.”
“Yeah… I’m really sorry to keep hassling you like that with
all the questions,” she apologised. “But you have to understand Liz… I was
soooo excited about it all! I thought you and Paul were… were like a couple,
and he was gonna be your first boyfriend, and oh, ohhh…” She was shining with
excitement even now.
Elisabeth smiled back at her. “I know you were, Becky. But
me and Paul- we’re just friends.”
Becky’s face fell. “Honestly… just friends?”
“Honestly.”
She sighed. “I sooo want you to have a boyfriend!”
Elisabeth laughed, going along with it. “Me too…”
“Maybe… maybe Paul does like y-“ Becky started, but
was cut off by the doorbell.
“Ooooh- visitors!” She grinned, and jumped up off the bed
and out the room, and jogged down the stairs, Elisabeth following her at a half
pace. She watched as Becky opened the door… to reveal… Steve; who didn’t
waste a moment in enveloping Becky in his arms and giving her a hug.
Elisabeth just stood very, very still on the stairs.
He’s here. He’s here. He’s here, he’s here, HE’S HERE.
“Steve!” Becky squealed, shocked that he was suddenly here,
hugging her, and also in delight that he was.
But all Elisabeth could think was- he’s here. He’s here
for tonight.
“What are you doing here?!” Becky cried happily,
pulling back to look at him.
“I came to say goodbye to you,” he replied.
Oh you sooo didn’t, Elisabeth thought.
“Awwwww, that is soooo sweet!” She squealed at him,
and hugged him again.
Steve laughed, and then let his eyes glance up at Elisabeth
on the stairs. He tried to smile excitedly at her, but Elisabeth was just
consumed by how dirty, how evil, how unfaithful this whole situation was. How sly.
She just stared back at Steve blankly- at the same time
trying to process in her mind that he was even here.
He rubbed Becky’s back affectionately, and Elisabeth turned away in disgust. She even contemplated stomping back up the stairs into her room and slamming the door like a spoilt child. But, at the same time, she didn’t want to cause any kind of scene.
“I can’t believe you came to say goodbye!” Becky cried at
him, still amazed. “It’s only gonna be two days!”
He grinned. “Two days seems forever to me.”
“Awwww!” She gushed, hugging him again. Elisabeth felt like
throwing up.
“When are you going?” He asked her.
“Ooooh, in about five minutes!” She cooed, checking her
watch. She turned around to look at Elisabeth and it stung her to see how happy
Becky looked.
“Liz- could you go and fetch my bag for me, there’s a
hunny?” She asked.
Elisabeth nodded eagerly, glad to leave them to their
‘goodbyes’ and so she went back upstairs to Becky’s room.
In no way was Steve here to say goodbye to Becky, Elisabeth
thought annoyed, as she picked up the bag. It’s his excuse to come around here
to get things started with me. But did he have to come now? I’m
not ready for him. Annoyance turned to panic as she realised where she could be
in about two hours from now- and what she could be doing. God- it was so soon…
Oh, no, no, no.
She wasn’t ready yet.
She slowly took the bag out the room and headed downstairs, but stopped dead when she saw the passionate embrace Becky and Steve were currently involved in on the doorstep. They were practically eating each other’s faces… Elisabeth couldn’t look at it. She felt jealous at them; awful for doing this to Becky; scared at was going to happen with her and Steve… all these emotions.
She wished she could escape them all by going to sleep. Right
now. She waited patiently at the top of the landing whilst they continued,
giving quick glances to see if they’d finished yet. They hadn’t.
Maybe they’ll just lose track of time, being so wrapped up
in themselves, Elisabeth thought. It’ll get too late for Becky to go. She’ll
have to miss the party and stay the weekend after all… and then she wouldn’t
have to be with Steve.
God- why am I thinking up ways to stop this happening?
Elisabeth suddenly thought to herself. B… Because… because I don’t want it to
happen. No. I’m not ready; I don’t want to sleep with Steve this
weekend. She’d decided. But how could she get out of it?
They were still kissing. Really, really deeply kissing.
Maybe she could just leave the bag and go to bed. Ha! What would Steve
do then?!
He’d probably crawl into bed with her.
God. Yes.
Suddenly panicked, she coughed loudly, and the couple broke
apart and looked up at her.
Elisabeth indicated the bag to Becky by lifting it up.
“Ohhh!” Becky laughed. “Thankyou, hun!” She turned back to
Steve. “I have to go now, baby.”
“Do you have to?” He asked, stroking her hair behind her
ear.
Oh, like you want her to stay,
Elisabeth thought, rolling her eyes.
Becky giggled. “Of course I have to! I’ll get fucking killed
if I don’t!”
Damn, there goes that plan, then.
She reached up and kissed him. “Walk me to the car.”
“Okay.”
She turned to Elisabeth. “Bring it down, hun! I wanna say
goodbye!”
Elisabeth lazily clumped down the stairs, and at the bottom
gave the bag to Becky. Becky took it and hugged her.
“Goodbye hunny… see you Sunday night. Be good,” she said,
and Elisabeth hugged back, not wanting to let her go.
“We’ll talk about Paul when I get back, okay?” Becky said
to her.
She just nodded, not wanting to go into it right now. “Have
a good time,” she managed.
Becky rolled her eyes. “Am sure. Thrilling.”
Steve held the door open for her. “Come on,” he urged.
Noooo, he’s impatient, thought Elisabeth. That’s
not a good sign! He really wants her to go… Becky take your TIME!!!
Becky picked up her bag. “Bye sweetie!” She said, and then
she left the house, and Steve followed her to the car.
Elisabeth tensed up, knowing in 5 minutes he’d be back; Becky
would be gone, and they’d be all alone. All night. And no guessing what
Steve wanted to do…
Ohhh, this was a nightmare.
She’d been trying to avoid Steve’s eyes ever since he’d got
here, but she knew she couldn’t evade forever. But she felt so uncomfortable
and on-edge… what if he didn’t take no for an answer?
Please have changed your mind, she thought hopelessly,
knowing he wouldn’t have.
She heard a car door slam, then the engine start.
She began to shake, through just plain nerves. Her body
felt all exposed- like it was preparing itself for being touched.
I don’t want this, she begged in her head. Someone
please stop this. Steve means the world to me, but I can’t do this. Not now.
Maybe not ever…
The car began to drive away and Elisabeth found herself edging for the lounge door backwards.
Then, his big, dark shape appeared in the doorway, and
Elisabeth felt like she was in the Shining or something, and half
expected Steve to turn into axe-wielding maniac Jack Torrance and call out, “heeeeeere’s
Johnny!”
That’s what it felt like. A horror movie.
He grinned at her. “She’s gone!”
She felt so scared, never been so scared before in her life. She wanted to run, but he was covering the exit.
There was no way out.
“I-I-I’ll just go make us a coffee!” She blurted out, and rushed into the lounge.
But she hadn’t even reached the kitchen before she felt Steve grab hold of her wrist, and pull her back strongly and firmly to him.
She gulped, heart beating as she turned to face him. She was forced to properly look at him, and God, he was gorgeous. Really, really attractive. The most beautiful smile, and melting eyes.
“I don’t want a coffee,” he said to her, slipping his arms around her waist. “I want you.”
Before she could protest, he leaned down and started kissing her.
She tried to pull away, really did, tried to get him off her, but… ohhhh, his kisses… they were so amazing. This one was different though; he was being really passionate with her, and then he moved his tongue into her mouth much to her fright, and began fondling her tongue.
Elisabeth felt like her lungs were about to burst; she couldn’t breathe, he was… this was too much.
She put her hands on his chest and gently pushing him off her, she gasped for breath. “S-S-Steve,” she choked. “W-We c-can’t.”
“What do you mean ‘we can’t’?” He asked, going back for her.
“No- please,” she begged, feeling her eyes fill with hot tears. “Don’t make me do this.”
“Liz- what’s the matter?” Steve asked, a little worriedly.
“I-I- I can’t do this,” she said, looking down. “I-I don’t feel ready.”
“You don’t want to be with me?” Steve asked, sounding hurt.
“Steve-“ She stopped, realising she was about to say something big to him. But she suddenly realised she had to. “Steve- this is my first time.”
She looked back up at him, and his eyes widened in shock when she said that.
She cringed inside, feeling stupid.
“You’re a virgin?!”
He made it sound so wrong… but she nodded, ashamed.
“Wow,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t know that.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I-I just… I’m not ready yet.”
“No… no, look, it’s okay. I understand,” he said to her.
She was surprised. “You do?”
He smiled. “Yeah, but God, you’re old to be a virgin, aren’t you! Religious?”
Elisabeth blushed red. “No… just unpopular.”
“I can’t believe that. You’re gorgeous,” he murmured, touching her face.
Elisabeth couldn’t believe how understanding he was being with her. He hadn’t run off, or got angry at her, or anything. She’d expected his reaction to be totally different… wow. Just- wow.
“I can’t sleep with you tonight. I hope you’re alright with that,” she reitified.
“Sure… that’s okay. We don’t have to rush,” Steve said softly. “If you’re not ready yet, then we won’t. Your first time is a big deal and I’ll be proud to be your first.”
She smiled at him. He was amazing. Totally amazing. No wonder you like him so much Elisabeth, she thought. ‘Cos he’s like this.
“I can’t believe how great you’re being,” she told him.
He laughed. “Sweetheart, don’t worry about it. If you’re not ready- that’s fine. I won’t pressurise you,” he said to her. “We’ll just sleep together when you’ve had some time to get used to the idea.”
“Thankyou,” she smiled genuinely at him.
Wonderful. Perfect. Gentleman. Boyfriend. Lover.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then, when you’re ready,” he said, taking his hands off her. “Then we’ll have fun.”
And then he walked out of the lounge, and left the house, leaving a stricken Elisabeth feeling like she’d just been smacked in the mouth.