“Don’t say a word.”
Becky laughed as Elisabeth marched past her into the
lounge. She did not want to know what Becky now assumed, because she was
wrong.
Becky followed her through. “Did I say anything?”
She expressed angelically.
“You don’t have to,” Elisabeth replied. “I know
you.”
Becky laughed. “And what do you think I know?”
“You think you know something and you’re wrong,”
Elisabeth said firmly.
Becky sat down on the sofa and grinned. “You have no idea
what I think!”
Elisabeth sighed a small groan. “You think
something’s going on between me and Paul.”
“Is there?!” Becky exclaimed excitedly.
“No!”
“Aww, Liz.”
“Becky- there really, really isn’t. Me and Paul are just
friends. Good friends.”
Becky tilted her head thoughtfully. “He looks at you a
certain way, you know.”
That remark caught Elisabeth, she wondered what she meant
by that. Debating quietly, in the end she looked up at Becky. “What do you
mean?”
Becky smiled at her. “Can’t you see how much he likes
you?”
Elisabeth made a slight face and sat on the armchair
opposite her. “I should hope he likes me- as we’re friends.”
“Noooo… he doesn’t look at you as a friend, he looks at
you more than that,” Becky continued.
“Nooo- Becky he doesn’t.”
“Yes he does!!” She laughed at her obstinacy.
“You don’t even know him!” Elisabeth argued.
“Hunny- what’s there to know?! I just watch and observe!”
She grinned.
“Well- you’re seeing what you want to believe,” Elisabeth
muttered, looking down at the floor.
Becky sat up. “Liz- why are you so scared?”
Elisabeth glanced up at her. “Huh?”
“Why are you so scared about the prospect of Paul liking
you? Of any guy liking you?”
“I am not scared,” Elisabeth said quietly, looking down
again.
“Yeah, you are. You’d be blind not to notice the way Paul
looks at you- his face changes when he looks at you. It’s not even a lusting
thing I see either… he cares about you, Liz. A lot.”
“I know he cares,” Elisabeth mumbled. Ughhh, she hated
Becky going on about this, it made her feel so uncomfortable. Paul was just
a friend and that was it: he was important in the context that he was the only
one who knew about her and Steve- but that was as far as it went. Of course,
she couldn’t let Becky know why Paul was so important to her… not unless she
wanted a slow death.
“But he wants to be with you!” Becky stressed
heatedly. “He doesn’t just want to be your friend!.. Has anything happened
between you two?”
Elisabeth blushed red. “What do you mean?” She asked
embarrassedly.
“You know… like, have you kissed or anything?”
“No!” Elisabeth stated, as fast as she could
comprehend the question.
“Has he tried to kiss you?”
“Of course not!”
“Have you… tried to kiss him?”
“Becky!!” She felt like her whole cheekbones were going to
catch fire, they were burning so brightly and animatedly. It was all because
she was thinking about what had happened in Becky’s bedroom. When he was
playing that CD to her. When he’d knelt down in front of her and their heads
had been inches away from each other…
she couldn’t deny that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind; but that
didn’t mean anything else came from it. And Becky just talking about her and
Paul now brought back all these memories to her, and she felt really
embarrassed. She didn’t want to think of her and Paul like that.
“I just want to see you happy, Liz!” Becky protested. “I think Paul would really look after you.”
“Maybe I don’t wanna be with Paul,” Elisabeth said to her.
“Have you thought of that?”
There’s nobody in my life at the moment, she
thought to herself. Because Steve is just… I have no idea what’s going on
with him at the moment. I can’t say it’s over because… I have no idea what to
think; the last time we spoke… ughhhh… he shouted at me, so he probably doesn’t
care about me anymore… she winced at that. She’d been falling for him so
badly before… before she’d hit something very, very hard- a barrier between
them.
“Okay… I understand that, your feelings may not be mutual.
But if he asked you out tomorrow- what would you say?” Becky threw at her.
“Um,” Elisabeth couldn’t answer that question. She just
couldn’t. It was illogical: what’s the point of thinking about things we are
never going to face? She looked up at Becky, directly, and spoke in a clear,
calm voice. “Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Paul. I don’t want
it to, and I know all he thinks of me is a friend. We get on really well, but
that’s as far as it’s ever going to go. I don’t want a boyfriend yet… I’ve
decided they’re more trouble then they’re worth. At the minute I am content to
be on my own- Paul respects that; and he’d never suggest anything more to me
either.”
“Has Paul got a girlfriend?’ Becky suddenly piped up.
I was engaged when I was 22
suddenly popped into her head.
I really don’t wanna talk about it.
Paul had had bad experiences in the past, she knew it.
What with Heidi being too young for him and people’s opinions and cruel
whispers tearing them apart, and then he’d gone so quiet and reserved about the
whole incident with ‘Clara’ that she’d known enough it was a touchy subject.
Which just intrigued her more, uncomfortably. She felt such a gossip wanting to
know all about it, but she couldn’t help it. Getting to really know Paul was
important to her…
“No- he’s single. But that means nothing, Becky.
Nothing,” Elisabeth stated adamantly.
“So what was he doing here today?” Becky took a deep
breath and slightly changed the subject.
“Erm…” Think Eli, think. “He came over to give me a
book.”
Becky raised her eyebrows at her, as she slowly stood up.
“A… book?”
“Ahuh,” Elisabeth said. Sounded a lot better than ‘to
check I was okay with Steve and then I had to tell him all about last night and
how we’d nearly had sex on the sofa’… oh my God, had that really been last
night? It seemed like days ago.
“God, you two are book freaks!” Becky laughed. “And there
I was thinking Paul loves nothing more than his guitar.”
“Paul plays guitar?” Elisabeth was suddenly interested.
She didn’t know that!
Becky shrugged. “Apparently. He’s just learning.”
Elisabeth suddenly hesitated as whether to tell Becky Paul
was in a1. She wondered if Becky even knew who a1 were. She probably did,
seeing as she loved her pop music, although she didn’t recognise Paul at all,
or had not mentioned it… no; that was wrong. Becky would not stop going on
about it if she knew Paul was famous (ugh, weird!)- she didn’t know.
Elisabeth decided not to tell her. Paul, she guessed,
wouldn’t appreciate it very much. He seemed disconcerted with the whole idea of
fame, and attention, and Elisabeth could relate to that. It was awful when
people looked at you, expecting you to be something you weren’t. Of course,
there were people who revelled in the spotlight, but Paul wasn’t one of them.
Elisabeth knew he was just enjoying what he was doing- fame was an unwanted
bonus.
“Well I’m going to make dinner,” Becky announced, heading
for the kitchen. “I brought back Chinese.”
Elisabeth nodded, glad their ‘chat’ was coming to an end,
although she still wasn’t sure she’d completely got through to Becky that she
and Paul were nothing short of good friends.
“Ooooh!” Becky clapped her hands together, suddenly. “We
have flowers!”
Elisabeth looked up at the white and yellow carnations and
froze.
Oh no.
She hadn’t cleared them away; the gift Steve had given her
as a seductive charm to get her… well, onto the sofa at the time… how did she
explain them?!
Becky scooped them up and smelt them. “Ooooh, they’re
beautiful!” She gushed. “Who’s are they and who are they from?!”
I could say they’re hers, Elisabeth thought to
herself. I could say Steve gave them to her. But then how did she
explain how he came over? And if I
say they’re mine, what do I say? I can’t say they’re from Steve! Ohhhh…
Becky spun around to her. “Whose are they, Liz?”
“Um, mine,” Elisabeth said abruptly.
Oh damn it. She hadn’t meant for that to
come out. But she was strongly protective of them; they were hers,
and no guy had ever given her flowers before. She wanted them to remain hers.
Becky looked half surprised; and then her eyes twinkled in
delight.
“Paul?!”
Oh great, Elisabeth cursed in her head.
They’re gonna have to be, aren’t they? They can hardly be from anyone else! But
this was hardly going to help her argument that she and Paul were just
platonic, was it?!
But it would hide her betrayal.
“Yeah, Paul,” Elisabeth mumbled.
Becky giggled, and put them back down. “It’ll be wedding
ring next,” she grinned and floated off into the kitchen.
In your dreams Becky, Elisabeth thought. If
only you knew where my heart still lies…