~Heya! Right- a little note about this chapter. All of the facts that I’ve used in it are completely true as far as I’m aware- I don’t exactly know everything about Paul’s history, but I’ve gathered up a lot of info from reading interviews and such like. Everything I say in here has been said by Paul himself in an interview, it’s not just gossip. Especially true is everything that’s mentioned about his ex-fiancée, altho of course, the name is made up cos he neva revealed her real name anywhere! Ohhh, and there’s a lovely little cringey bit in this chap too which makes me laugh, haha! Awwww. Neways, shall let u get on and read! Only 5 more or so to go now! Love Kate xxx~
“I used to use books to escape.”
“To escape from what?” He sat down again next to her in front of the fire, and passed glass of wine to her, in their mini-celebration.
“Everything!” She smiled, accepting it, glad he was back. “It used to be like- my other world, because I hated this one so much.”
He took a sip of his own drink, and smiled back at her. “I know watcha mean. I do that with music.”
“I used to avoid mirrors like the plague!” She gently laughed, looking down.
“Why was that?” He asked softly, but already knowing the answer.
“Because they made me depressed. I couldn’t bear to keep looking at how plain I was and re-emphasising that I was completely single. I used to cry at nights because I was so upset.”
Paul put his glass down at the side and came over to give her a cuddle. He hated her feeling as insecure as this. Thoughts like this did damage to her self-esteem.
“You’ve got me now,” he whispered to her, and she returned the hug gladly. “We’re engaged now.”
She nearly choked; those words still tripping her up whenever they were mentioned.
Oh my God, she was going to get married. She was going to actually marry this guy, and spend the rest of her life with him.
But at the minute, she couldn’t think of anything more perfect.
“So are we like, properly engaged now?” She asked him as they pulled away from the embrace, but continued to sit close together, interacting each other’s warmth.
“Well you said yes!” He laughed, and then he glanced down at her musing, “I still can’t believe you said yes.”
She giggled. “Neither can I! But… I dunno… it feels right.”
“Yeah it does,” he smiled, and she smiled back enhancing their connection. “Besides, I am 27,” he added. “Need to get married.”
“Ohhhh… so you thought I’d do, eh?” She joked at him, and he grinned back.
“Yeah, Becky was taken.”
She hit him playfully. “Don’t be so mean! You know, Becky is gonna have a fit when she finds out about us.”
“Why?!”
“Because she always thought there was something ‘going on’ between us!” She laughed, and drank some more wine.
Paul raised his eyebrow and grinned, pleased. “Did she?!”
“Yeah. So did Steve. In fact, everyone did except ourselves,” she smiled at him.
“Yeah well, I loved you from the beginning- I just bided my time,” he said back to her.
She smiled and looked at him: the guy she had said yes to, the guy who she was going to spend eternity with. Butterflies flickered in her stomach and she reached up and gave him a soft brush of her lips; it was amazing how comfortable she felt around him.
“Well you’re going to marry me now,” she said.
“I know,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking so completely happy.
“So- are we like, properly engaged then?” She repeated her earlier question.
“I guess!” He laughed, a little confused.
“I have no ring you see,” she said, holding up her bare left hand.
He smiled at her. “Ohhhh… so the missus wants a ring now, does she?!”
She laughed. “Of course I do! I want it all to be traditional and lovely.”
“Like fairytales?”
She blushed slightly, an embarrassed smile on her face and she looked down and nodded, childlike.
He grinned and pulled her in closer to him. “I think I can manage a rind for my little princess.”
She giggled, feeling the dream-like state of bliss washing over her again. “Fairytales aren’t real, Paul!”
“Yeah they are,” he said to her seriously. “They are.”
“Can I pick my ring, then?” She asked him, playing absent-mindedly with his hand.
“Of course you can.”
“Hehe! Yay I get to pick!” She grinned. “Do you know which type I want?”
“Erm… sapphire.”
She gasped and looked up at him. “How did you know that?!”
He shrugged and grinned. “Soulmates?” He suggested.
Oh my God, she’d never actually thought she’d meet her soulmate! But yeah, she guessed that’s what they were. With their deep connections and everything… they were soulmates!
And everything she’d ever felt when he’d been around her before- the electricity, the rushes, the increased heart rate… when he did something to her but she wasn’t sure what…
“I love you,” she said, putting her arms around him and giving him a quick sealing kiss. “I love you so, so much.”
She could see the gold shimmer in his eyes again; the kind that gave away he was smiling inside, he was happy within.
“You do?!”
“Yeah,” she grinned, deciding. “I bet I have all along too, I just didn’t know it.”
“Can’t believe you’re gonna be Mrs Marazzi,” he said softly, brushing some hair off her face and then getting the urge to lean in and start kissing her, which she responded to happily, it now becoming the most treasured experience.
As they stayed wrapped up in each other near the fire, the heat gently encircling them, Elisabeth’s mind began to wander and a sudden… worry flashed into her mind.
She was engaged to Paul yeah… but she hadn’t been the only to have ever… She pulled away tentatively from him and looked into his face a moment. “Paul can I ask you something?” She said.
He grinned, still on a high from the kiss. “Ohkaaay,” he sighed, “you can have a diamond if you really want.”
“No,” she laughed, taking hold of his hand. “I wanna ask you about something else. I want you to be honest with me, because I think it’s important I know.”
Paul lost his smile, as he realised what Elisabeth was talking about was obviously serious. “Okay,” he said.
She looked down a minute, composing herself because she felt a bit nervous bringing this up, but she eventually took a deep breath, and looking back up at him, took the plunge. “Tell me about Clara.”
Something shifted in his eyes then; Elisabeth could see the old stems of where she’d used to be; Clare once too, had had a place in his life like Elisabeth did now, and her ghost sometimes came back to haunt Paul, make him uncomfortable and hurt, like he was right now.
“Oh,” he said.
She squeezed his hand, letting him know it was okay and she was here for support, not judgment. “I just… I’d really like to know, okay?” She said softly. “I know you were engaged once before, and that it was a difficult time…” She paused, viewing him a second, he still looked awkward and sheepish. She added firmly, “but I want to know as your fiancée now.”
He looked down from her, as if he didn’t want her to see his eyes at this time. “It’s hard to talk about,” he muttered.
“Just try,” she pleaded, and instinctively stroked his hair. “For me, please try. And then I’ll never ask you about it again.”
He sighed, as if defeated, and Elisabeth left him quiet for a time so he could think, whilst she gently kept on stroking his hair and just generally comforting him, trying to make this ordeal as easy as possible.
Finally, Paul began his story.
“I met Clara when I was 17. We’d been in Spain a year, the bar had just been set up, and I was doing all of these odd jobs to earn money- dancing, driving, bar work, stuff like that. And then one day I met her whilst I was out one night with friends and I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen. She was tall, and had natural blonde hair down to her waist and green eyes… and she was just beautiful, I fell for her right away.”
Elisabeth held her breath slightly, tense at the comparison between her and Clara…
“And then… I dunno, we got it together, and I was so happy. We were together for 5 years… all my time in Spain; we lived together for the first 2 years, and even had a little dog. It was so nice… and then one day, I decided to propose to her…”
“How did you propose?” Elisabeth asked.
“Ummm… we went out for dinner… and at the end of the evening I ordered some champagne and when it came over, there was an engagement ring on the tray with it. Then I got down on one knee and proposed.”
Awwwwww. That sounded so beautiful, so romantic! She could just imagine Paul doing that. Their own proposal had been a lot more… odd.
He sighed. “And then of course she said yes, and we got engaged, and then I was the happiest guy alive! Everything was perfect and I was gonna get married.”
And this is what Elisabeth wanted to know about.
“Buuuut…?” She gently prompted.
He sighed again; a deeper sigh, an unhappy sigh. “It all went wrong,” he mumbled.
She put her arms around him and gave him a hug; as the most difficult part of the story had come up- how they’d broken apart.
“Take your time,” she soothed him, holding him tight.
This must be so hard for him, she thought. Imagine having that perfect life, and then having it all snatched away from you… but how it happened?
He spoke again, this time it was filled with sadness and regret; and at the same time damning inevitability. “I…I got spotted in a karaoke bar in Germany- just like really randomly- by a record scout. He said come to London and take part in an audition for this new group that’s being formed. So I had nothing to lose, I went along with my dad and auditioned, with like 3,000 other guys and that was it- I got through. I was the first member of this band, and then slowly after that the others were found and a1 began.”
She nodded, taking in all this new information, and wondered how it affected his plans with Clara.
“And then… then it all got really busy. We started writing, and recording, and I knew I couldn’t stay in Spain anymore, I had to move over to England. I invited Clara to come over with me.”
He paused, and Elisabeth waited for the defining word.
“She said no. She didn’t want to leave Spain. Fine, I said, we could manage this. She stayed there, and I went to live with Mark and his family for a little bit, as a1 went on. A month later, she sent me a letter… and…” He trailed off slightly, and Elisabeth watched as he fought to keep it together.
“… and she said that I was cheating on her, with some girl over here, and I wasn’t- it was just her assuming things- but she didn’t trust me. And then she sent back all the jewellery I’d ever given her, ripped up photos of us together… it was horrible.”
“Oh my God,” Elisabeth gasped, and she cuddled him tighter, hardly believing she could have done that to him- he hadn’t done anything wrong!
How could she have been so nasty?!
“I… I just, I didn’t understand. As soon as I got some time off, I fled over to Spain to see her, get things straight with her- but she wasn’t there. And then…” He paused dramatically before saying, “then my dad told me she’d been seeing someone for the last 2 months.”
He shut up completely then, as if that was all he had left, and Elisabeth was left reeling, overcome with shock over how backstabbing she’d been and with sympathy for Paul. Oh my God. She’d accused him of cheating on her, while all the time she’d been cheating on him. And they’d been engaged!
“Paul, I’m so sorry,” she said, leaning onto him, letting him know she was there. She didn’t really know what else to say, or what to think… other than: bitch.
“I fell apart, I really did. I didn’t know what to do. How do you react when you find out your fiancée’s been with someone else for the last few months whilst you’d been away in England? I hadn’t asked to be away from her! I had a job now- God, I was earning money for the both of us! And I had always been loyal to her, always… I don’t understand what I did wrong.”
“Paul, you didn’t do anything wrong,” she assured him, not wanting him to blame himself stupidly. “You really, really didn’t. Oh my God, I can’t believe she did that to you.”
Just hearing the real story, why he’d remained so secretive about it all of the time… this is what he’d been keeping from her.
“I nearly killed myself,” he whispered, barely audible to her, and she didn’t want to believe he’d just said that.
“Y…Y…You what?” She said back, a little frightened.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, and he lifted his head to look up at her for the first time since he started. “I don’t want to worry you.”
Had he just said he’d nearly killed himself over her? He had, hadn’t he?!!
“Paul, I will never hurt you,” she said earnestly, honestly.
He let a small smile escape at her. “I know you won’t Lib,” he said.
“Ohhh,” she said, still feeling bad and she flung her arms around him, and gave him another tight hug. “I don’t want you to ever hurt like that again! I promise you, I will always be here, and I will always, always love you.”
He laughed a little, at her desperate attempt to make him happier. “That’s so good to know, Lib.”
She clung onto him tightly, moved beyond belief. Paul was… Paul was the most caring, loving, thoughtful, brilliant person she knew. How could someone hurt him like that? It just seemed impossible; inhumane.
“Lib- you’ll choke me!!” He joked as she hugged him tighter, and she took that as the key that he wanted to forget about the whole Clara thing, and put it behind him. But Elisabeth wasn’t sure she could completely forget about something like that. She pulled back, and looked him in the eye again.
“I just want you to know that I love you and that there will never be anyone else for me. you’re the only guy I know who has loved and cared as much for me as anyone I know; and I will never, ever forget that.”
He smiled back, leaning forward to kiss her again, and when he did she kissed him back lovingly and affectionately trying to echo her words with her actions. He meant so much to her, all she wanted to do was make him happy. Hopefully by marrying him she could do that.
They put past memories behind them then, and got lost in the present again. Elisabeth loved the way he kissed her; he made her think of nothing else but happiness and content- just being with him washed all the patches of doubt and worry away. She wasn’t even thinking about Becky much anymore, let alone Steve. It was all him and her, her and him, and what they were going to build together.
“Bet you’re glad you turned around and kissed me now,” she grinned in-between kisses and he just ‘mmmm-ed’ back at her, distracted by how good it felt to kiss her- he’d finally got her.
“Lib?” He whispered into her mouth, planting small kisses all over her lips.
“Yup?”
“Can I stay the night?”
She pulled away sharply then, to look at him to see if he was serious or not. He certainly looked it.
Worry seized her mind again; an old worry, an old enemy. But this time it wasn’t Steve she was left with the prospect of sleeping with, it was Paul. Paul who she was now engaged to… somewhere in this funny story, sense reigned true.
But going all the way…?
“Paul, I don’t know,” she said, looking down. Every guy wants sex, she thought. Doesn’t matter who he is or what he’s like, they’re all the same.
“I don’t mean what you think I mean,” he said to her, taking hold of her hands in his. “I would never push you to that, engagement or no engagement.”
She looked up at him, hope gleaming. “You mean that?! Steve said that to me, and then came over the next night…”
“I mean it,” Paul said firmly to her. “I know you, Lib. I’d never make you unhappy like that.”
“Thankyou,” she gushed, giving him another hug, relief sweeping over her. “I need to wait, I’m still not ready.”
“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here,” he promised her and she smiled again; she couldn’t imagine giving away her innocence to any other guy.
“But can I stay?” He asked her again.
“You sure you want to?” She asked him, wondering if he was gonna be satisfied with what he was going to get.
“Of course I want to!” He beamed. “Sleeping with you by my side sounds like top to me!” And he grinned.
But Elisabeth lost her smile in confusion. “By my side?”
“Yeah- we can cuddle up in bed together! How does that sound?” He grinned, cuddling her now.
Terrifying, Elisabeth thought in her head, her heart racing. That sounds so scary.
“I don’t know if I can,” she whispered to him. It was such a huge step- she’d never shared her bed before. Never!
“It’ll be fine,” Paul assured her. “It’ll just be like we’re doing now- just all snug in bed! And I don’t snore- promise.”
She laughed nervously. Oh my God, could she do this?
“Shall we try, okay? If you can’t settle, I’ll move.”
That sounded like a good idea to her.
“Okay,” she gave in.
“Great,” he said, kissing her on the head, happy he was going to be with her.
“But Paul,” she said, another thought coming to mind.
“Yeah?”
“My bed’s only a single.”
“Becky’s isn’t,” he said, standing up, and pulling her to her feet with him.
Her eyes widened. “Paul! We can’t use Becky’s bed!”
“Why not?” He asked, unconcerned.
“B… Because it’s… it’s wrong!”
“She’s not here,” he shrugged back at her and leant forward to give her a quick, reassuring kiss. “And we’re not doing anything. It’ll be okay- promise.”
Still with a few niggles of doubt, about everything, she let him lead her away from the fire and up the stairs, where at least it remained warm. Paul headed off to Becky’s room and turned the light on. The room lit up, untouched as it had been, leading Elisabeth to think of where her best friend as now, and it hurt.
Still, Paul smiled at her, and she felt a little better, knowing she had somebody.
“I’ll go get ready in the bathroom if ya like,” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek, and heading to the door he’d just come through. “And you can stay in here. Easier?”
She nodded, gratefully, and then he flashed her a quick grin before leaving the room.
Elisabeth slowly turned back to the room and tried to get her head around what was happening here. She was going to go to bed with Paul. Okay, brrrreathe Elisabeth, it is going to be fine.
Realising she had to go and fetch her pyjamas (oh my God- Paul was going to see her pyjamas?!) from next door, she methodically went and got them, and then returning to the room she got changed into them.
Venturing into Becky’s bed she had all these emotions running through her. like guilt in a way, for using the bed… and then she was still apprehensive about going to sleep with someone else next to her, and self-conscious over Paul seeing her in a new and even more vulnerable light than he had before. She didn’t know what to think.
And then all of those thoughts vanished in an instant as Paul stepped through the door, holding his clothes, but wearing… nothing.
She’d barely seen a glimpse before she cried out and looked away sharply, shielding her face with her hands, her heart thumping away as her face gushed scarlet.
“Oh my God!” She cried, deeply embarrassed.
“What?” Paul said.
What? What?!!
She tried to breathe slowly, but that had been the biggest shock of her God damn life! Ohhhh my Godddd, her eyes…
“Paul put some clothes on!” She said breathlessly, keeping her eyes fixed on the wall, too God damn scared to turn around and see that sight again.
“But I always sleep naked!” He protested, innocently.
“Please,” she whispered, “I can’t… no- I can’t.”
That shock had seriously damaged her system!
“I don’t know if I want to do this anymore!” She said, a sudden loss of confidence, and she got off the bed and firmly keeping her head down, tried to leave the room.
But he gently stepped in front of her and stopped her. “Lib- hey, hey, I’m sorry,” he apologised hastily, but just the fact that he was now stood in front of her, naked, made her cringe with embarrassment even more. She couldn’t look…
“OhmyGod, ohmyGod,” she whispered to herself uncontrollably, not being able to deal with all that new… she’d never seen a guy naked before!
“Hey hun, I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out for her. “I’m clothed now, look, I’m clothed!”
She hesitantly looked up, eyes scrunched together in case she saw that eye-opener again, but he had a pair of boxers on now. Still, it wasn’t a lot, and she still felt really shaky. She looked right up until she saw his face again. He really did look apologetic.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” he soothed again, and brought her in for a hug.
“And… and I guess… I dunno; I want you to be really comfortable with me,” he added.
“Paul- I’m in my pyjamas!” She cried, and it made him laugh.
“I know, they’re really cute.”
Finally regaining her calmness, she took a few deep breaths, and tried to shake that image she hadn’t been ready for out of her head.
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” she muttered under her breath.
“Hey- you didn’t even see the best side of me!” He joked, trying to play down the situation. “I have a lovely bu-”
“Paul, stop it!” She pleaded, horrified, and he just laughed again before scooping her up off her feet and balancing her in his arms, causing her to cry out in surprise and grab hold of him.
“Paul- what are you doing?!” She exclaimed.
“You’re so light!” He laughed, ignoring her initial question and strolling over to the bed, with so much ease.
She checked around, frightened, wondering what he was doing, before he playfully let her down on the bed, and then he got on next to her. “And you look really, really beautiful,” he added and leaned in to start kissing her.
Elisabeth let him at first, still adjusting to him being here. God, there was never a dull moment when he was with her- he always made her heart beat really fast. Exhilarating; that was the word. He was exhilarating to be around.
But she soon found herself under his spell again, and putting her arms around him she kissed him back, falling into that state of heaven that she thrived to be in. She soon found herself relaxed around his semi-nakedness which she found surprising, and when he fumbled her under the covers and laid down with her kissing she couldn’t have been more comfortable.
That was really unusual for her.
“I have to keep pinching myself,” Paul said as he looked fondly down at her as they just rested side by side for a while, her cuddled up to him as he propped himself up with his elbow and kept an eye on her. “You okay?”
She nodded, never feeling happier. But other thoughts were slowly pushing their way to the forefront of her mind.
“Paul?”
“Mmmm?”
She took a deep breath and shrugged off a nervous shiver. “Is sex really important in a relationship?”
Paul frowned as he looked back down at her, wondering where that had come from. “What makes you say that?”
She shrugged, a little tense. “I dunno… I always got the view around Steve that it was like, essential or something.”
“Ohhhh Lib, that’s Steve for ya. Probably is essential to him!”
“But what about you?” She said, looking up at him seriously. “How important is sex for you? Like, when do you expect it?”
“I don’t expect anything,” he said back to her instantly. “I told you Lib, we don’t have to rush, not when you’re not ready for me. personally… I dunno; I guess- I guess it’s important, but it doesn’t keep the relationship going. I didn’t want to be with you just for sex, Libby.”
“I know you didn’t,” she quickly said, putting her head down and cuddling up to him again. “It’s just… I don’t know about any of these things. I know Becky sleeps with guys a lot, and then Steve… I just thought it was the norm, or something. And then I was so freaked out about my first time, I just wanted to rush it.”
“Ohhhh Lib,” Paul sighed. “Just thinking about what he did to you just makes me wanna punch his fuckin’ lights out!”
She laughed, feeling all safe as he was so protective of her!
“Don’t rush your first time. It’s gonna be really special- I’m gonna make it really, really special for you. S’pose it’s the least I can do- being your future husband and all.”
She hit him playfully. “Thankyou! Oh my God Paul, we need to sort out our wedding…”
“Uhhhh- don’t think about that now!” He complained mildly, as if it was suddenly tomorrow!
She laughed, and began to tease him. “No, we need to know when, where, how many guests, where the reception’s gonna be, food catering, flower arrangements, best man, bridesmaids, oh; and you need to take me on a good honeymoon young man…”
“Liiiiiib!!” He moaned loudly, and started tickling her stomach.
“Pauuuuuul!” She yelled, giggling, and tried to push him away from her.
“Want, want, want- that’s your problem!” He grinned, not relenting. He knew from before what tickling did to her. “First you want a ring. Now you want the wedding of the century, and then a complete luxury honeymoon I suppose! With Concorde, and 5 star hotels and gorgeous sunsets and caviar…”
“Pauuuuul!” She laughed, feeblishly trying to stop his tickling hands, but then he got hold of her waist and pulled himself over her, and stopping the tickling, looked right into her face.
“And you know what I want from all of this, Lib?” He asked her.
“What’s that?” She asked, grinning.
“So I can get someone to look after the pets at home…”
“Paul!” She cried offended, hitting him again and he just laughed and put his lips down to hers. She tried jostling away so she could hit him more, but the kissing soon became a much more attractive option, and so she melted back into that, wrapping her arms around him.
They’d no sooner been doing that a few minutes, just losing themselves in each other when they heard a loud noise behind them and they broke apart in a flash, and turned to look at what it had been.
Becky was stood in the doorway.
Her face was convorted in disgust, and she shook her head in disappointment, eyes fixed on the pair of them.
“You’re one conniving slut Elisabeth Rogers,” she hissed.