~Ooooh here ya all go, the first of the two epilogues of First time! (and the penultimate chap- ooo-her!) Not much really to say about this one… and don’t want to spoil it all for u either, so am just gonna let u all read on! Hehe. Kate xxx~
She was sat on a high, wooden, uncomfortable chair, which reminded her of the ones you get in really old grand houses, or libraries; trying to relax but failing miserably as she was not comfortable, nor was she confident about what she was about to do.
She was dressed as smartly as she could- going for the ‘young, yet classy’ look- a black suit with little pink fringes (she needed the pink), and sensible, but yet still stylish shoes. Paul had made her wear a skirt- “exploit your body!” He’d grinned at her, but she’d just thrown him such a horrified stare back that he’d laughed again and said, “no, I mean be more feminine… it’s sexier”- she wasn’t ideally a skirt person, but nevertheless, here she was sat wearing one. It added to the uneasiness though; because she felt self-conscious, wondering if it was too short or not.
Becky had done her hair for her. It was up, but also all over the place- the blonde locks had been twisted up into a clip and then little curly ringlets left to fall over her face. Becky had spent ages doing that this morning- not obviously helped by Elisabeth who kept shuffling and moving about and then being paranoid it wasn’t in properly and would just fall humiliatingly out at the worst possible moment, and so Becky had had to shove extra clips in there to try and put her mind at ease. But she still felt as though she was balancing a bucket of water on top of her head.
She’d been waiting on this chair for about 20 minutes now, she was beginning to feel really nervous.
What the hell was she doing here?
Why had Paul talked her into doing this?
When Paul had bigged it up and encouraged her it had been okay, but without him here, she felt lost; wondering whether she could do this on her own, whether she believed in herself enough.
The hallway she was waiting in seemed to be part of a main office as well; and for a Tuesday late-morning it was throbbing with people, all sorts of noises filling the air: people’s voices (some yelling), fingers tapping endlessly at keyboards, printers working, photo-copying running, phones going off all over the place- standard and mobile- papers being rustled… everything was all happening at once. It was a typical heartbeat of a publishing label, and so Elisabeth should have been excited. But she was too nervous to really take it all in- all she could think about was this imminent, terrifying job interview she had with the boss.
She hadn’t had a job interview for about 18 months! What the hell was she doing?! She didn’t need another job; she already had one, at the Estate Agents! She should be there now actually, not phoning in sick… But what the hell was the point in applying for this job on a magazine?! She probably wasn’t going to get it. Okay, no, she definitely wasn’t going to get it.
The other candidates probably had loads more experience than she did, and a lot more to offer- why was she putting herself through all of this agonizing torture- for nothing?!
The workers here, sometimes as they walked past, smiled at her- in a ‘good luck, but you’ll probably get eaten alive’ way, which made her stomach muscles clench up even more inside. She really should not have let Paul feed her that curry last night…
This was all his fault, anyway.
He’d made her do this- try and have a go at a second career, especially when he knew how bored she was at the Estate Agents.
“Lib, you’ve always wanted to be a journalist- why don’t you have a go at applying for a job?” He’d suggested to her, about a month ago now.
“Because I’m not good enough,” Elisabeth had replied, subduedly. “No-one would want me.”
“Don’t be so negative!” He insisted. “How do you know they won’t want you if you don’t even try?”
“Because I have nothing to show!” She’d said back. “I’ve had no media or journalist training. I’ve never done any kind of work experience with it, and I just suck, okay? I’ll never do it.”
He’d smiled sympathetically and crossed over the room to sit beside her, putting a comforting arm around her as he always seemed to. “Lib- you can do it. You know you can. So you don’t have the experience- does that really matter?! I got into a1 through pure chance! I had no musical background like the other three- I hadn’t studied it, I’d never sung professionally and even you know I can’t play an instrument properly to save my life!”
“You can play the guitar,” Elisabeth grinned at him, helpfully.
“Yeah- but really badly! Even Mark says I sound worse than most beginners- and that’s Mark! He wouldn’t say a bad word about anyone!”
“I don’t think you play badly,” she inputted.
He smiled at her. “Don’t be so nice- I’m awful, and I know it. See? I shouldn’t even be in a1- all I do well is dance and we don’t even do that anymore! Point is; I ended up doing something I really didn’t have the qualifications to do, ‘cept I love music- and that got me through. Now you really wanna be a journalist- that passion could get you through, too.”
“It’s not the same Paul,” she sighed. “I’m not being derogatory, but this is the real world. You have job interviews, and… and… CV’s…”
“What’s the difference between an audition and a job interview?” Paul had stated.
“I… well… you were lucky! That kinda luck doesn’t happen to me.”
“Lib- if I hadn’t got that job in a1, God only knows what I’d be doing right now! I certainly doubt it’d involve the music industry. Being in a1 is as much a job as being a journalist is. And even though I had no experience, I worked damn hard to win that audition- I didn’t fluke it! You have talent Lib, to go out there and be good at what you do! All you need is a bit of determination… and a bit of belief.” He’d nudged her cheek with his thumb affectionately.
Elisabeth blushed and looked down, still- as she probably always would be- a little shy of him. “I don’t know,” she mumbled.
“Sweetheart- you hate your job, so why put up with it? Next time there’s a vacancy at a magazine, I want you to go for it.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “Paul I can’t!”
“Yes you can! There are hundreds of magazines based here in London- something will always come up.”
“Paul- no! I’ll make a complete fool of myself-”
“No, you won’t,” he assured her, and took both of her hands in his. “Lib, I love you. I know you can do this. You have got so much potential that’s being wasted! Have a go- no-one is going to laugh at you. They’ll only laugh at you if they don’t! I’ll help you, okay? But you need to have a bit more confidence in your ability.”
Elisabeth smiled when she remembered how good he’d been that day to her- how lovely he was everyday!
A post for a magazine journalist in the newspaper had come up a few weeks later, and that had left Paul jumping around excitedly like an out of control pogo stick.
“Liiiib! You have got to apply for this!” He insisted. “It’s theatre! And dancing! You love dancing! You can do this!”
“Paul, I don’t know anything about dancing,” she added feeblishly.
“Yes you do! You used to dance- ages ago- right?”
“Yeah, ages ago…”
“See! You even have experience! Oh come on Lib, you have to apply for this!” He’d continued, excitedly. “It’s sooo perfect!”
And somehow he’d made her phone up (Becky had not helped by being completely on his side) and had booked an interview for the next Tuesday at half past 11… which was like, now.
He’d been so supportive of her, telling her she’d be fantastic, they were going to love her, she’d fit in so well, etc, etc. He was so confident that she’d get it that she couldn’t bear to let him down. But she was probably going to because she was feeling more and more panicky by the second.
I can’t do this, she thought to herself, looking down as three phones went off at once, and people surged everywhere. Look at them all. Okay, I daren’t, buuuut they all look so professional. I’d be so out of my depth working here, I don’t even know anything about what they write about, I don’t know anything about dancing. Oh hellllllp!!
She played with her engagement ring nervously, spinning it around the fourth finger on her left hand. It had been there for about 6 months now, glowing off her hand and making her feel so happy. They’d gone to choose it a few days after that eventful Friday night, and after much window-shopping and deliberation (and Elisabeth insisting that she didn’t want Paul spending loads on her, and Paul insisting the opposite), they’d ended up with this beautiful sparkling sapphire one- which was small, but not discreet, the small little jewels encrusted into a little heart shape- it was just beautiful; Elisabeth loved it. And she couldn’t believe they were getting married soon! Well- still a way to go yet, but Elisabeth knew the months would fly by.
They’d spent ages contemplating where and when to hold it. They both didn’t want to rush things and they both wanted a small ceremony too- Paul was slightly concerned the British Press might actually care and decide to send a load of photographers to cover it, and they didn’t want that at all. In the end, they’d decided they wanted a Summer wedding, and because this year was too soon, they decided next July would be perfect. And they’d get married in a little church Paul knew- he’d taken her along to see it, and it was just so out of the way, traditional and perfect, it was all decided. They weren’t going to have many guests either- definitely no more than 100. They were both adamant they wanted a quiet but ‘full’ ceremony- surrounded by their family and friends. Their reception was going to be a bit more high-stream- at a five star hotel in the heart of the brilliance of London, and they’d stay the night there too, before leaving for their honeymoon the next morning.
The destination had been a subject of much debate!
They’d both wanted to go somewhere hot, and somewhere they’d never been before, and even though that left a window of opportunities for Elisabeth- for Paul, it was more of a case of where he hadn’t been.
“America?”
“Been.”
“Australia? New Zealand?”
“Been to both.”
“South Africa?”
“Been there.”
“Erm… Thailand? Japan? Singapore?!”
“Been, been, been. Waaaaay too famous in all of them. Would feel like I was on Top of the Pops, or something.”
“Okay, maybe somewhere exotic like… the Bahamas?”
“Been.”
“Whaaaat?!!”
He laughed at her. “We filmed a video there.”
“Really?! Oh my God, I don’t believe you!! We can’t go anywhere, then!”
Paul laughed. “Of course we can! There are loads of places I haven’t been to.”
“Like where?!”
“Um… Alaska!”
“Paul- we are not going to Alaska on our honeymoon,” she’d said firmly.
“Awww, but hun! It may be really warm in the summer!” He defended.
“Yeah- like –50 or something.”
He laughed. “It’ll be cuuuuute! We can live as Eskimo’s for two weeks.”
“Paul- I am not going to Alaska!” She said, folding her arms.
“Awww, okay,” he said, resigning and grinned. “Can I suggest somewhere else, then?”
“No- you’ll probably suggest Siberia.”
“They have tigers there,” he pointed out.
“NO PAUL!”
He laughed. “Okay, okay, I was joking! How about… when we filmed our first video for a1 we went to this really beautiful place in Mexico called Puerto Vallarta. It’s so scenic and romantic- and has so much history to it! And of course, they speak Spanish over there so I loved it… it would be an amazing place to go for our honeymoon.”
Elisabeth was still suspicious. “Mexico? As in… sombreros and hot food?”
“Ahuh.”
“That sounds a lot like you,” she said.
“It can be you, too,” he insisted, putting his arms around her. “The beaches are sooo beautiful! And there’s waterfalls, and beautiful surroundings and gorgeous weather, the people are sooo friendly, no-one would disturb us…”
He really was convincing her with all of these plus points. She’d never been as far as Mexico in her life, though! So it was kind of exciting, but unknown at the same time.
“What do you think?” He said.
“I… dunno. Can we get brochures?” She asked him, still unsure.
“Yeah, of course! And I can show you the video too- ‘cept it’s really cheesy and I look really stupid because I have my top off half the time!”
She burst out laughing, looking up at him. “Oh my God, I sooo have to see that video.”
“It was three years ago- please bear that in mind!!” He warned her, looking slightly unnerved at the prospect of her seeing him in the ‘early days’.
She giggled again, and cuddled up to him. “Awww- you’re so cute. I bet you’re right, you always are. Mexico’ll be beautiful.”
And that’s where they were going. The pictures of it had looked beautiful; like one of those old, traditional little places you get in Southern Europe and it looked so exotic to match- Elisabeth was now looking forward to it so much- they were gonna have loads of fun!
But she still had worries in the back of her mind about what immediately preceded the holiday- the wedding. And it wasn’t that she didn’t wanna marry Paul- of course she did- and it wasn’t the whole event of the wedding that was bothering her- it was the wedding night.
They’d been together about six months now, and they still hadn’t slept together. It hadn’t deterred them in anyway though; Paul had always insisted that he’d wait until she was perfectly ready. Sometimes they tried, but she’d end up getting too freaked out and wanting to burst into tears. She just couldn’t do it just yet.
Paul was brilliant though; he told her it was okay, he could wait… but Elisabeth wondered if it was doing either of them any good.
For her, the more she put it off and put it off the more of an obstacle it became in her mind, and the more she made him wait, the more she felt it was frustrating him. He never complained though- he got on with it, but Elisabeth wondered deep inside whether he was unhappy. He didn’t seem it, but he was good at hiding his emotions… she should know that by now.
After a few months of getting nowhere, Paul had put forward an idea to her- as a solution to the ‘problem’.
“How about we leave it ‘til the wedding night?” He’d said.
She really could not have believed it when he’d said that. Really couldn’t. That was such a major thing to say.
“Paul… oh my God- that’s months away!” She’d cried, astonished he was suggesting such a thing to her.
“I know,” he replied, “but you’ll know me inside out by then. And we’ll be married! Hopefully you’ll be ready- it’ll just be the right time.”
“I can’t ask you to do that,” she whispered to him, eyes all wide. “That’s… you can’t wait that long!”
“You don’t know how long I’d wait!” He grinned at her.
“Paul- no. that’s not fair,” she kept saying. This was such a sacrifice for him to make!
“Lib hun, I’m prepared to do it- I’d do anything for you! I know when we get together it’s going to be magical- waiting like this will just make it even more fantastic,” he’d said.
“But… it’s too long! You… you’ll get… bored, or something,” she said hesitantly.
“I will not get bored,” he insisted to her. “I’d never get bored being with you.”
“Even of we’re not… having sex?”
“We’re not having sex now, Lib.”
“But… you can manage it for a… a year?! Paul- no!”
“Lib- shhhh,” he soothed her. “I can do this, okay? I will wait for you. If you wanna do it sooner, then that’s fantastic- great! But we’ll leave it ‘til the wedding night, okay? Just have our own little celebration by ourselves.” And then he’d hugged her.
Ohhhh… sometimes she wished she’d never agreed to that decision. She was paranoid Paul was going to leave her, or worse- cheat on her with another girl. It got to her so much that she just felt like going home some nights and pulling him off to bed, and letting it happen. But then… she thought back to Steve, and how she’d wanted to sleep with him just so he’d stay with her… and she didn’t want that happening with her and Paul. She’d just have to trust him.
They slept together a lot, actually. Whenever he was home and not away with a1, he’d spend the night with her. She absolutely loved it when he was here, and loved cuddling up to him at night, just knowing he was there. But she wondered what he thought about when he was with her.
She wondered a lot.
“Miss Rogers?”
She looked up and saw a woman, probably not much older than herself, looking down at her, file in hand and Elisabeth’s stomach felt all queasy inside. It must be time for her to go and see Mrs Fuller…
“Hi,” she squeaked.
The lady laughed at her. “You don’t need to look so nervous!”
Elisabeth laughed a little. “Sorry… I’ve never done one of these before.”
“Interviews?”
“No… magazine job… interviews!”
The lady laughed. “Ohhh you’ll be fine! Everyone has to start somewhere!”
“Is it my turn, then?” Elisabeth asked, slowly getting up and clutching onto her bag for support. “Where’s her office?”
“Her?” She laughed again. “I am her!”
Elisabeth froze and took in the person stood before her, in absolute shock.
She was the boss?!
She looked so young!
Mrs Fuller laughed. “You don’t need to look so surprised, either! I just want you to relax, and for this to be as informal as possible… erm…” She trailed off, looking for a name.
“…E-Elisabeth,” she filled in, slowly.
She laughed. “I’m Bridie,” and she extended her hand out.
Elisabeth shook it, beginning to feel better. “That’s a lovely name,” she commented.
Bridie laughed. “Yeah… thanks, I’m sick of the jokes! And ohhh my godddd- look at that ring!” She lifted Elisabeth’s hand up and eyed the sapphire intently, making Elisabeth blush, but with happiness.
She loved when people noticed her ring; she remembered telling all her friends and family about it for the first time… to say shocked would have been an understatement. But they were so, so happy for her- that she’d finally found ‘the one’.
The one she would eventually call her first time.
“You’re engaged!” Bridie looked at her, and Elisabeth blushed even redder.
“Yeah… 6 months now.”
“Oh my God, that’s so lovely! When’s the wedding?”
“Next July.”
“Ahuh. And whoooo’s the lucky fella?” She winked.
Elisabeth laughed. “His name’s Paul.”
“Awww, that’s so lovely!” She cooed again, and she lifted her left hand up to Elisabeth. “I got married about 9 months ago now, to Rich. It’s so great you’re getting married! You’ll have to tell me all about it!”
Elisabeth couldn’t believe how great this was all going so far- Bridie was so chatty and friendly, not like an authoritive, domineering kinda person at all- and much younger than Elisabeth had expected. And she was interested in her wedding- so Paul was helping her in a way… even though he wasn’t even here!
“C’mon, let’s go to my office and do the interview there,” Bridie said, gesturing to head off down the corridor. “It’s way too noisy in here! And then you can tell me all about why you want this job.”
“Ummm… okay,” Elisabeth said, taking a deep breath and following her.
“Or alternatively- just talk about wedding plans!” She laughed back at her, and Elisabeth grinned.
Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
Paul had been right… as usual. She was glad she was here, having the opportunity to do this.
And she was glad they were waiting until the time was just right.