~Ahhhhh it’s the LAST EVA chap of The First Time!!! Eeeek, big moment, lol. I absolutely lovvvvved writing this chapter! It was theeeee most fun I think I’ve ever had, haha! *Sad!* You’ll understand I think, when you read it. It’s just one of those dramatic ones, that’s so lovely to do. Whilst I was writing it, things happened which I never intended to happen, so it all ended up a bit of an epic ending, really! This is the longest chapter of first time- on paper its 27 pages! I was going to cut it down for you, but then I thought no- this is how I wrote it originally, and this is how you’re all gonna read it! Lol! I hope tho, that it’s so fast-paced and diverse that it’ll keep you going until the very end… the end of the fic!! Thankyou soooooo much to everyone who has read this. Your reviews have been so, so lovely to read, and just knowing you’re all interested in my work is amazing! Really is. I still have ADG going on II, but other than that, this is going to be my last fic here! So it is sad to see it go, but am soooo happy you’ve all got to this part! I think it’s my fave chapter of first time actually J
Anyways, hope you like the ending, and erm, THAAAANKUUUU! Hehe. Lotsa love, Kate xxx~
~PS- A special prize of a gold star if anyone knows the song used in this chap! I’ll be very impressed! (Clo, you’re excluded from this, you already know the answer, I told you ages ago- ha ha!- K)~
“Keep still!”
“I am keeping still!”
“Oh, so shuffling around on both feet and tugging at your dress qualifies as keeping still, eh?”
“I’m being as still as I can be!”
“Yeah well, the longer you fidget the longer we’re gonna take- and you don’t wanna be late, do you?”
“I thought brides were always late,” Jess chipped in.
Becky gave her a look. “This one’s gonna be on time.”
I just hope everything goes okay, Elisabeth thought silently.
The big day had finally come. She was going to marry Paul today.
She still couldn’t believe it. Not that the day had come round so fast, that she and Paul were still together… just that they were even together in the first place! Around 18 months ago now she’d been single, alone, unhappy…
“Liiiz, come over to the mirror for me, darlin’,” Becky suddenly urged, breaking her thoughts.
She looked up and walked over to her best friend who was still not changed yet into her outfit. Becky and Jess, who’d come down from Hertfordshire, also with her little sister Rose, were all being her bridesmaids today- they had these beautiful silky, pale pink dresses which were almost replicas of the wedding dress Elisabeth was wearing, cut off at the shoulders with a line of roses and then with a flowing skirt. When they’d tried them on in the bridal shop they’d looked lovely; but of course, Elisabeth had looked the most beautiful of all.
She went up to Becky and stood in front of the mirror.
Her bridal self stared back- all she was missing was her shoes, veil and bouquet. Her hair had all been done that morning, and Becky and Jess had just helped her put the dress on. She looked so different. She really, really looked as though she was getting married. Which, of course she was, and a stupid thing to think- but it just brought it home so hard… her stomach was full of butterflies and her head felt all light.
She didn’t know if she could do this.
“What’s with the frown, hun?” Becky said, noticing it. “Not getting cold feet, are you?”
“Uhoh! Better put her shoes on, Becky!” Jess laughed from the chair.
“This is so scary,” Elisabeth whimpered, sitting herself down on the stool and turning away from the mirror.
“Awwww hunny, you don’t know how gorgeous you look right now!” Becky smiled at her as Jess passed her the shoes to put on her feet. “Everyone in that church is going to be amazed. And God, I hope Paul’s holding onto something!”
“I wish Paul were here,” Elisabeth said, suddenly feeling all small and wrong in this wedding dress; the responsibility of being the centre of attention beginning to prove too overwhelming.
“Ooooh no way, Liz!” Becky said firmly.
“Bad luck,” Jess added, nodding.
“But I need him here,” she said, folding her arms around herself, a poor form of replacement comfort. “I need him to tell me I can do this.”
“Ohhh hunny,” Becky left the other shoe and went to put an arm around her best friend a minute. “We’re all here to support you until you get to Paul at the altar- then you can be with him, hold his hand, whatever. Just think how much you’re gonna bowl him over when he sees how beautiful you look in that dress! And then think about what a wonderful day this is going to be! It’s sooo nice outside, and the mum says the church looks beautiful, you’re going to look amazing… just- positive thoughts, Liz, positive thoughts!” She went back to putting her other shoe on.
“Yeah hunny, you can so do this! Just you think about the great life you’re gonna have with Paul after today,” Jess inputted, smiling. “And your lovely honeymoon! Ooooh Mexico- am so jealous!”
Elisabeth tried to let her friend’s words comfort her the best she could, but she still felt kind of empty inside. It was that emptiness that would only be cured by seeing Paul and cuddling him. But of course, she knew superstition was making her have to go through this, at least initially, without him.
“Yeah, and you have such a fab job now, Liz, just think about that!” Becky added, standing up and going to find the make-up.
Elisabeth couldn’t help but smile a little when she mentioned the job she’d gone for in November at the magazine, the one she thought she would never get… the one that she was now busy doing, and for the last 9 months, too! She and Bridie had got on really well, and when she’d come to talk about her dancing when she was little, Elisabeth had realised just how much she’d loved it and so spoke about it with such enthusiasm, she was sure it had been that that had caused the phonecall of 3 days later telling her she’d got the job, and, could she start Monday?! It had all been such a whirlwind! All she could utter was, ‘um… yes… sure… thankyou!’ and that had been it!
She was finally where she wanted to be. A journalist; and doing a job that so far, she absolutely loved. She’d made so many new friends and gained a lot more confidence in her ability… but she still didn’t know whether it was enough to take her over the step of getting married.
Confidence in her ability wasn’t what she need here- it was confidence in herself!
“When are you moving in with Paul, El?” Jess asked her, getting the bridesmaids dresses ready whilst Becky put make-up on the bride to be. This was all so surreal how they were waiting on her, and what they were doing, the things that surrounded her… this was no ordinary day.
“Um, when we get back from Mexico,” Elisabeth replied, shutting her eyes as Becky did her eye shadow.
“Oh, cool. So Becky you on your own?”
“Sadly, yes,” Becky sighed, then laughed. “I’ll be okay, though, may start looking for a little flat soon anyways!”
“With Liam?”
Becky giggled shyly. “I dunno. Maaaaaybe!”
Elisabeth grinned. Becky had been with Liam for ages; it must have been 5 months by now. They didn’t seem all that serious together, but the fact that they were still going out had to mean there was something there. Elisabeth was just so glad Becky had found somebody, at least for the moment. She’d gone for a period after the whole Steve fiasco and Paul and Elisabeth’s engagement of not seeing any guys- branding them pigs and self absorbed, sex obsessed bastards. But then she’d had a few random dates towards the end of last year, and then earlier this year, she’d met Liam through a friend at work and now… well, she was taking him to the wedding!
“I think Jess- we should fix who catches the bouquet,” Elisabeth grinned, eyes still shut.
Jess laughed whilst Becky gasped and gently hit Elisabeth. “I am not getting married yet- thankyou very much!”
“Yeah okay, that means a coupla months,” Jess laughed, and Elisabeth nodded, teasing Becky more who just looked horrified.
“I am much too young to settle down! I am still wild! I bet I cause a stir at the reception tonight!”
Elisabeth flicked her eyes open. “Why?!!” She demanded, suspicious.
Becky just laughed. “Nah, don’t worry. I can’t do any of that ‘bridesmaid shags best man in cupboard’ thing anyway- Liam would not approve.”
Jess laughed. “Oh yeah, and I don’t think the best man would either!”
Becky sighed dramatically. “If Paul had chose the cute member of a1 to do it, then I may have been persuaded!” She laughed.
Elisabeth did, too. Paul had had an awful night choosing who to be his best man at the wedding. Ideally he’d wanted his best mate Spud (don’t ask!) to do it, but he couldn’t make the wedding, and Paul had been pretty devastated at the time, although he was going to phone him up on the day to wish him good luck.
Ordinarily then, Paul would have gone for Steve… bur the two had never spoken to each other after Elisabeth and Paul had got engaged. Elisabeth thought it was better that way, she didn’t want him in their lives again.
So, it had been out of the a1 guys- Mark, Ben and Christian.
Elisabeth remembered meeting them for the first time, about a month after they’d got engaged. She’d been so, so nervous; wondering what they’d say to her- when Paul had told them, they’d hit the roof, apparently, and been God damn shocked. Elisabeth was so worried about it all; she knew how important they were to Paul, and how important it was that she got on with them. She met them at Sony (a1’s record company) one afternoon. Paul went with her to make sure she wasn’t on her own, and she’d been completely awe-struck by the place itself, and how many gold disks a1 seemed to have on the walls…
And then they’d all suddenly appeared to her.
She’d met Ben first, who Paul had been warning her all the way there not to ‘fall in love with’. Ben didn’t seem anywhere near as perfect as Paul was to her though, however she could see where the so called good looks came in. He was taller than Paul (although everyone else seemed to be, bless him!) and had his hair… well, it had been slick curtains when she’d met him, now it was all cut off short and spikey. He was really friendly; very cheeky and flirty though, he thought Paul had pulled a ‘stunner’ (!). She couldn’t believe it when Paul had told her he was only 20… such an age difference! Paul and Ben seemed to get on well; playfully winding each other up.
Mark and Christian had come in, together. They’d looked complete opposites to one another… Mark was tall, very tall- when he stood next to Paul he was like a bloody skyscraper! He had brown hair with golden highlights in, and just a bouncy, enthusiastic, youthful personality which vibed off him- he’d come bounding over to her and shook her hand vigourously, introducing himself as Mark Read and Paul had whispered, ‘yeah, the Disney freak.’
Christian was much different. When he’d come over and introduced himself, Elisabeth saw immediately he struck up a unique rapport with her fiancé. He was a little taller than him, but with blond hair; styled in a rough little quiff. From the moment he’d spoken he’d sounded foreign, and Paul had already told her on the way up her that he was Norwegian- but his English was perfect and rich, with a cute American twang to go with it. He’d seemed very sweet and genuine, and quiet and thoughtful too, and Elisabeth immediately connected with him. Quiet people reminded her of home!
It had been no surprise then, that Paul had eventually chosen Christian to be his best man. Actually, it had been done by pulling a name out of a hat (Paul seemed to own a lot of hats!) and Christian had come out, much to the displeasure of Ben, who’d whined and whined about it being rigged and wanted a re-try! But Elisabeth knew that it had meant to be Christian, and she was glad he was the one looking after their rings- and Paul. Although, she had heard a few reports of the ‘out of hand’ stag party from last night…
“Poor Chris, I think he’s cute, too!” Jess laughed, sticking up for him.
“Okay then, well seens as you’re a bridesmaid, then maybe you can sleep with him!” Becky laughed back at her.
“I think he has a girlfriend,” Elisabeth butted in, smiling guiltily. “Sorry to spoil your fun!”
“Nah, never mind- Jess can have someone else and I’ll have Liam!” Becky grinned.
“Oooh, and El can have Paul all alone tonight in the hotel!” Jess chirped up, and they both giggled.
But Elisabeth’s face fell again- with thoughts of tonight coming into her head.
She’d tried so hard not to think about it this past week, but she couldn’t stop it always hanging around in the back of her mind. Paul had been great; he hadn’t ignored the fact that she was worrying about it, and promised her there was no pressure- she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to.
But that didn’t please Elisabeth at all! She couldn’t keep putting this off- it was getting stupid. How Paul did it was a bloody miracle- they’d been together 15 months now, and still they had not slept together. That was a joke! No couple did that! Becky had already slept with Liam… okay, that was Becky- that didn’t count- but 15 months was still waaaay too long for a couple just to remain celibate like that.
She felt enormous pressure from herself to sleep with him, before she lost him. Once they were married they had to sleep together, that was just morally right… she didn’t think they could survive if they didn’t.
But she was so scared. She’d put off so much now- she was nearly 26 for Godsake! And Paul would be 29 in January… oh my God.
But she couldn’t help it that her mind had totally turned the interaction of ‘having sex’ against her, and she was now in fact, pretty terrified of it… even though she was going to be with Paul. But she was going to be with Paul in such a way that would really force no secrets between them… not that she had any, of course.
“You okay, hun?” Becky asked her, going for the lipstick. “You can’t frown now, you have to pout.”
“I’m worried about tonight,” Elisabeth said softly, doing as Becky said.
“Ohhhh hunny,” Becky sighed, still knowing she and Paul hadn’t been together yet. “It’s gonna be great, I promise.”
“I- I just… ughhhhh, it’s so big,” she shuddered.
Becky finished applying the lipstick and sat back to smile at her. “Hun- don’t think about it. Really don’t think about it. The more you do, the more paranoid you’ll get to be about it and then you’ll ruin your whole day by worrying! It’ll go fine, I promise once you get into it you’ll just go with the flow- it’ll just happen.”
“Is it gonna hurt?” Elisabeth whimpered.
“Nooo… it won’t hurt, am sure. Maybe initially, but you probably won’t even notice- don’t worry about it,” Becky answered her.
“I don’t even know what to do,” Elisabeth said, pathetically. God, she sounded so naïve and stupid! Why did she have to face all of these problems on her wedding day? She wished she’d got it over and done with now, ages ago! On her birthday, on his birthday, at Christmas, New Years… any other special occasion… but not now.
“You know if you’re not comfortable El, you don’t have to,” Jess gently eased.
“I know- but I’m never comfortable! I want to do it, I do, I’m just scared what it’s like.”
Becky and Jess exchanged grins and looked back at Elisabeth. “Trust me- you’ll love it!” They said, and both laughed.
Elisabeth smiled nervously back at them, as a knock came on the door, and her little sister Rose came in, along with Christian. Rose’s eyes lit up when she saw her big sister and came running over to her for a hug.
“Oh my God you look so beautiful!” She gushed, and Elisabeth just hugged her back.
“Thankyou hunny,” she said back.
“I’ve just been to see Paul with Chris!” Rose grinned back at her. “He’s looking really fab, you know. He kept asking about you, too.”
“Did he?” Elisabeth asked, a little curious.
“You girls gonna go get ready now?” Christian asked, gesturing the three bridesmaids. “We leave in just over an hour.”
“We don’t!” Becky cried horrified, but when he nodded slowly again, she jumped up immediately and went to gather the pink dresses with Jess. “Come on girls- quick, quick, quick!” She rushed, urging the girls out the room.
Elisabeth smiled as they left, and then looked up at Christian who she knew had purposely done that to get alone with her. He walked over to her, smiling. “You look gorgeous,” he said, observing her.
Elisabeth blushed slightly- he looked pretty smart too; dressed in his suit already, looking clean and prim.
“How is he?” She asked.
“Nervous, verging on hyperactive,” Christian laughed.
“Oh nooo!” Said Elisabeth, not wanting a completely insane Paul at her wedding!
“He’ll be okay,” Christian assured her. “He’s more worried about you, really. It’s killing him not being able to see you.”
“Yeah, I know how he feels,” Elisabeth muttered, looking down. “I wish I could see him, too.”
“He asked me to pass on a message on though,” Christian said to her, smiling slightly. “He said, and I quote, ‘woah, I feel nice, like sugar and spice, I feel so nice, like sugar and spice… so, nice, so nice, I got you’.” And then he winked at her.
Elisabeth burst out laughing. That was soooo completely Paul! Already she felt tonnes better- she felt like, for a spilt second, he’d been in the room.
Christian smiled back at her broadly, glad she was laughing. “He did actually say that! Anyway, he loves you a lot, and just wants you to know that he’s waiting for you.”
Awwwww! Awwwww now she felt like she had a purpose, a reason for doing this… and she felt like he was actually there with her as she got ready.
She glowed with happiness. “I’m really nervous, Christian!”
He smiled. “It’ll be okay. Paul just wants you to know that he believes you can do this- he’s really excited, too.”
“Is he on his way to the church?” She asked him.
“Yeah, in a little while. He’s all ready and everything, though. Has he seen your dress? He’s gonna fall over dead!”
She laughed again, embarrassed. “Thankyou… have you got the rings and everything?”
He grinned proudly, patting his pockets. “All sorted! And no, I haven’t shown them to anyone!”
She grinned at him, knowing what he meant. “I wasn’t asking!”
“Yeah, I know you weren’t! I just came to see if you were ready, really,” Christian said. “And you look all fine to me, so I’ll go and tell Paul to calm down!”
“He’s not panicking, is he?” Elisabeth asked, concerned.
“Nah!” Christian laughed. “Even if he did, Shareen would slap him round the face and tell him to pull himself together!”
Elisabeth laughed. “Yeah, that’s true!” She was looking forward to seeing Shareen, and all of Paul’s family again. She’d met them a few times now throughout their time together- about three- and the more time she spent with them, the more she liked them, and the more they liked her, and knew the two of them were right for each other. She especially got on well with Shareen; which was good, ‘cos she could see just how close she and Paul were- they were like best friends. Paul sometimes called her his ‘other soulmate’, which was sooooo cute! She’d been a little nervous about Paul meeting her family, she’d never brought a guy home before- and to introduce him as her fiancé… it was mad! Yet- they’d got on straight away. Paul could be really charming if he wanted to, and Elisabeth’s mum especially liked him- which Elisabeth found rather amusing!
Rose loved Paul. She thought he was the funniest, maddest most gorge guy ever and he was forever buying her things, totally spoiling her rotten. In fact, all of her family loved him- they were just so glad to see Elisabeth happy with someone- and when they saw how they looked into each others eyes, they knew they had nothing to worry about- both set of parents did. Their children were meant to be together.
“Well then Mrs Marazzi,” Christian grinned, making her blush again. “I better leave ya to it…”
The door suddenly opened and Elisabeth’s mum came in, saw her daughter and cried out in delight. “Elisabeth! You look… you look wonderful!”
Elisabeth laughed and rolled her eyes slightly at Christian.
“I better go,” he smiled.
She nodded, as her mum came over to them. She was all dressed up too, in a lavender coloured suit and hat and she looked really pretty, Elisabeth thought. “Oh my word, wait til your father sees this!” She exclaimed, and Elisabeth laughed.
“Mum, have you met Christian, Paul’s bandmate?” She asked, referring to him.
“Ohhhh- the best man?” She looked up at Christian, and held her hand out so he could shake it. “I’m Mrs Rogers, Elisabeth’s mother,” she introduced herself.
Christian smiled, and turned on his famous Norwegian charm. “Hi… it’s great to meet you- just came to tell your daughter how gorgeous she looks and how her groom’s missing her loads!”
“Ahhh,” Mrs Rogers laughed. “I suspect my little Ellie’s missing him too, aren’t you hunny?”
Elisabeth blushed- parents were so embarrassing.
“I’m gonna leave you two to get ready,” Christian grinned. “I’ll see you at the church, Lib… want me to tell Paul anything?”
“Ummmm…” She thought a second. “Just that I love him and I’ll definitely be there,” she smiled.
He smiled back. “No probs! Nice meeting you Mrs Rogers- you look lovely.”
“Awww, well thankyou Christian!” She beamed as he waved slightly and let himself out the door. “What nice young friends Paul has,” she said, looking back at Elisabeth.
Elisabeth smiled at her. “Indeed.”
Her mother helped her then to put the finishing touches to her wedding attire, making her look perfect and that she wasn’t showing too much cleavage! She then was made to parade around the room in her veil, holding the bouquet, to make sure she could!
The bridesmaids came in about 20 minutes later, all dressed up, and they blew Elisabeth away. They all looked so beautiful!
“One of you go marry Paul instead!” She joked. “You look better than me!”
Time for getting ready soon flew by and before they knew it, hooters could be heard outside the house.
“Taxi’s here!” Becky announced.
“Oh my God, oh my God, I’m gonna faint!” Rose cried, nervous excitement getting too much for her.
Becky laughed, and grabbed her hand. “Come on you, let’s get your butt down to the car and get you to the church!”
“We’re gonna go now, darling,” her mother said to Elisabeth as they gathered their things. “Dad’ll be up in a minute. Oh, you don’t know how proud I am of you, and how beautiful you look! I hope you have a lovely day!”
“Thankyou mum,” Elisabeth grinned, feeling a tad embarrassed and then hugged her as she did the three bridesmaids as they headed for the door.
“See you at the church, sis!” Rose called to her as they left and she smiled back.
“See you later.”
Soon the door was shut and she was left on her own. Except, she wasn’t alone… she knew Paul was there with her.
She glanced at the clock and saw the time… 2:45pm. It started at 3pm… oh my God, this was really happening.
She stood in front of the mirror, holding her bouquet, tugging at her dress until it lay satisfactorily on her, and then stared hard at it.
So she was going to marry Paul.
They were going to exchange vows, and rings, say ‘I do’, and kiss each other and then walk out with confetti being thrown all over them to music in the background.
It should all be so perfect, like a fairytale, just the way she’d always dreamed it to be… and she was going to be with Paul forever.
She was going to be with Paul.
Faintly in the distance she heard the first taxi leave, taking her mother and bridesmaids to the church, and then the door clicked open to the side of her, and her dad came through.
She turned to look at him, in all her bridal splendour, and she could immediately see how proud and amazed he was by her.
“Is that my little Lizzie?” He said.
She giggled happily, and nodded.
“Sweetheart, you look… youuu looook boot- iful!” He declared, and she laughed shyly, stepping over to him.
“I feel all funny again.”
“That’s only natural,” he said to her. “Ready for the big one?” He opened the door.
“Ready.” She took a deep breath and left the safety of her independence and went in search of her Prince Charming.
The ride there was long and nerve-wracking. Elisabeth wondered what everyone was doing, and what they were expecting from her, what the church looked like, if she could remember everything she had to do from the rehearsal…
But most of all she wondered about Paul. She hadn’t seen him it seemed for a lifetime, she just wanted to be near him again. At the minute she was feeling okay about that night, concentrating her mind fully on the wedding now, and enjoying this first.
But she’d feel better once she saw Paul.
Arriving at the church, her heart leapt and stomach churned as she was let out into the grounds. She looked up at the ornate and beautiful building, and all the cars parked around, knowing everyone was inside waiting for her.
Her dad appeared by her side. “Come on then sweetheart, let’s go tell them you’re here.”
Taking his arm, he led her up to the front door and into the narthex of the church, and suddenly the whole atmosphere hit her. She could feel the anticipation, hear the music from the main room… a shiver ran through her body.
“Nervous?” Her dad looked at her.
She nodded, as he put the veil back down over her face. “You have nothing to be nervous about,” he assured her, smiling.
Christian suddenly appeared from the church, and caught sight of them and smiled. “Oh great, you’re here! I was just sent to look-out! I’ll go tell them to start, shall I?”
Elisabeth looked up warily at her dad, who squeezed her arm in support.
“Yeah,” he told Christian.
Christian nodded and disappeared again.
Elisabeth gulped slowly, feeling how dry her throat was, and how wobbly her legs were.
In a few moments she was going to be stood at that altar marrying Paul. This was crazy- how had it come so fast?!
The wedding march music suddenly stirred up, and Elisabeth felt like she was about to be sick and she grabbed her father’s arm.
“Dad, I don’t think I can do this.”
“Course you can, hunny, come on,” he said, leading her forward.
“No!” She tugged back, her heart suddenly pounding and her hands shaking. “I can’t do it, I can’t do it.”
“Sweetheart!” Her dad turned to face her, suddenly anxious.
She shook her head vigourously. “I can’t do this, I can’t go in there.”
“Why not?” He asked, trying to get her to calm down as the music played on in the other room.
“Cos… I can’t, I can’t do this whole marriage thing, I can’t!” The whole prospect suddenly terrified her. It was too big. Much too big, and she knew she couldn’t do this.
“Sweetie come on, just relax, it’s just a bit of cold feet…” Her dad continued.
“No- dad- please!” She begged. “I can’t do this!”
He looked back at her, eyes wide in confusion, but verging on concern as he realised how panicky she looked.
Christian came jogging back in then. “Lib?” He questioned. “You can come in now!”
“I’m not going,” she blurted out. “I can’t- I won’t.”
Christian stared back at her in horror, panic now building up in his eyes. She’d been fine a second ago!
“What’s wrong?” He asked her, coming forward.
‘I can’t do this! I can’t, it’s too much,” she said, a few tears forming in her eyes as she turned away from the music and her wedding, and looked down.
“Lib- you have to!” Christian cried.
“Don’t make me do it,” she whimpered, frightened.
“El, everyone’s waiting in there for you… Paul’s waiting in there!” Her dad appealed to her, hardly believing the nightmare situation that was evolving before him.
Elisabeth just shook her head furiously and shied away. “I can’t do it,” she sobbed.
Christian looked at Mr Rogers, worried, unimaginable thoughts going through their minds about calling the whole thing off, the day being a disaster…
“I’ll go get Paul,” Christian suddenly whispered, inspired, and disappeared quickly away.
Mr Rogers nodded, hoping that would do something. He slowly went back over to his distressed daughter.
“Liz- don’t you want to marry Paul? Don’t you remember how much you want this?”
“I can’t go through with it,” she whispered, closing her eyes as if in pain. “I- I’m not strong enough.”
“Yes you are!” Her dad said, encouragingly. “Liz- you are strong enough to do this! Think of Paul- please think of Paul!”
But it hurt too much to do so. She just couldn’t make the step. “I can’t get married,” she whispered.
“But you can!” Her dad urged.
She shook her head. “I can’t go through with it, I’m really sorry.”
“Lib?!”
Hearing his voice behind her, she tensed up even more. She didn’t want to face him when she knew she was such a failure.
Paul rushed over to her, concern covering his face, blocking a deep worry that he wasn’t going to marry the girl he loved so much.
She had her back to him, so he walked around and crouching down in front of her he looked up at her- her eyes were squeezed tight and she looked really scared.
“Lib?” He questioned, putting a hand on hers and she shook hard at his touch. “Lib- what’s the matter?” He asked calmly, trying to stay cool, even though he was almost falling apart inside.
Didn’t she want to marry him anymore?
“I can’t,” she whispered, not daring to look at him. “I can’t do it.”
“Yes you can,” he urged. “Lib, you can.”
“It’s too hard.”
“Lib, nothing’s too hard for you anymore!” He gently spurred on, squeezing her hand. “Look how much you’ve achieved! This isn’t too much for you!”
“Yes, it is.”
“Lib… d-don’t- don’t you want to marry me?” Paul said hesitantly, afraid of what the answer may be.
She took a deep sigh. “No… no, it’s not that! I want to, but I can’t. Like I can’t do lots of things- I’m just not brave enough! I’m really sorry Paul, I can’t.”
It killed her saying this, it really did. But she knew she couldn’t- she’d lost all her nerve just like that- now she was back to square one again.
“Haven’t I taught you anything?” Paul said to her. “Lib- you can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it! What are you afraid of? Hey?” He reasoned.
“I-I-It’s… it’s just… too… big,” she mumbled.
“Lib…” Paul looked away from her, lost for words to say, wondering if there was anything he could say to make her change her mind. He had to keep it together, had to be calm.
But he loved her, and she couldn’t try enough to marry him. He felt like his heart was breaking.
“Lib, why are you doing this to me?” He whispered, and an awkward silence fell over the whole of the room.
Christian, and Elisabeth’s dad watched on tensely, thinking the worst.
The wedding was off- wasn’t it?
Elisabeth opened her eyes slowly and looked at Paul. He was looking away from her, but she knew at once how much he was hurting. And she could feel herself hurting, too. He looked so gorgeous kneeling there- he was all smartly dressed in his black suit, his hair was all perfectly ruffly, and he was just so perfect in every way.
But his face was crestfallen. His shoulders were low, and he was staring at the floor.
Elisabeth felt a stab of guilt inside her heart. Why was she being so selfish? This was Paul’s big day, too. He was marrying her, as well as vice versa. All his family and friends were here to watch him marry her, and she knew how much he wanted to.
This was all he talked about- she was robbing him of that?
He let go of her hand. He turned right away from her, as if to hide tears. “This hurts so much,” he mumbled, shaking his head in emotion and looking right at the floor.
Elisabeth hastily grabbed his hand back, alarmed. She couldn’t see him like this- this was awful. “Paul!” She pleaded.
He looked back at her surprised, and for a moment she did see tears in his eyes, and she couldn’t bear it. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight.
“Paul, I love you,” she implored.
“Then why won’t you marry me?” He sighed, confused.
“Because I can’t!” She wailed.
“Lib please, for me, please try,” he begged. “You know I won’t get through if you don’t marry me.”
“Help me Paul, I don’t know what to do!” She said, on the verge of crying, cuddling him tight, glad to feel his embrace again, and his warmth.
“I’ll walk with you,” he said to her, looking back into her face and lifting her veil up a little to properly get rid of the defence. “I’ll walk up the aisle with you- okay?”
She nodded slowly.
“Is that better?”
She nodded, and then as Paul smiled an impossible smile, she let a rippled of nervous laughter escape. “Paul, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he soothed her, and reached up to touch her face. “Are you going to marry me?”
She nodded, determinedly, feeling better now that Paul was happy again. She couldn’t believe she’d just done that to him- but she’d been so scared! But this was Paul as much as her, and she had to do it for him, too- Paul was her hero, she couldn’t hurt him like that. She couldn’t hurt him like Clara had done before…
He laughed a little, too. “Shit, you scared me there, babe!” He said, and leaned up and kissed her quickly, but she pulled him closer so she could kiss him more hungrily, needing to feel his connection again.
“Okay, leave the kissing til the end!” Christian joked, but with relief- that feeling flooded the whole room. They’d had to hold their breaths a minute, but now they could breathe again!
“Have I told you how beautiful you look?” Paul said, pulling away from her, smiling.
She shook her head, and blushed. “No.”
“You look the most beautiful thing I have ever, ever seen in my life,” he said, looking over her face, and then he smiled at her embarrassment and stood up, taking her with him. “Come and marry me, Lib. Everyone’s waiting!”
She held onto his hand tightly, as her dad came over and put her veil down again for her. “You want Paul with you?” He asked her.
She nodded shyly, and Paul grinned at him.
“Sorry mate- I’m more popular!” He laughed.
Mr Rogers laughed back with him. “Just you get her married, son,” he told Paul. “She’ll only regret it if she doesn’t.”
“I’ll go tell everyone,” Christian said, and the two men disappeared back into the nave.
Paul turned to her. “Okay?” He checked.
“Everyone’s gonna laugh at me,” she said softly, looking down.
He laughed. “No they won’t! They’re gonna think how beautiful you look!” He ran a finger down her veil, straightening it, making her look up. “Wow Lib- you look like a little Princess.”
She giggled and went to straighten his collar and top button. “And I think you’re that Prince I was looking for!”
“Oh, I am sooooo Prince!” He said happily, and started doing a little dance on the floor. “Let’s dance… like it’s… 1999!”
Elisabeth laughed at him as she felt herself relaxing and then the dreaded music came on again.
“Oooh I think that’s our cue!” He said excitedly, looking at her, and giving her a smile that melted her heart, he led her into the church.
She took a deep breath of amazement when she saw how beautiful it was- all the flowers, the lighting, the seating… it made her heartbeat race.
Everyone turned to look at them when they came in, and Elisabeth felt so, so embarrassed… a right pathetic juvenile, whose fiancé had had to save her! But they all ‘ooooohed’ and ‘awwwwwed’ back at her, and smiled in delight, especially Becky who grinned so wide before joining on the back of Elisabeth and Paul, with Jess and Rose.
Elisabeth just clutched onto Paul hard as they walked down the aisle, feeling both the nerves and excitement at the same time. When they reached the top, the vicar smiled warmly at them, as did Christian, and her both the sets of parents, who were sat on the front rows.
She looked over at Paul who just held her hand tightly and gave her a big grin of congratulations as he lifted her veil up so he could properly see her face. “Well done,” he whispered to her, as Becky gently took her bouquet off her. “You’ve made me so proud.”
Elisabeth just smiled back, knowing in her heart she was doing the right thing and she was glad she’d found the strength to stand here and do this from somewhere… from Paul.
The whole ceremony went without hitch. There was the usual nervous hush as the vicar asked if anyone did not want to see them married to speak now… Elisabeth half expected wildly for Steve to suddenly appear from somewhere and cause a scene… but no-one intervened. Paul got her through the whole of it by continuing to hold her hand, grin at her, and raise his eyebrow sometimes, and she had to hold back a laugh. When the vows came, she said them slowly and meaningfully to him, focusing on every word and her heart skipping a beat as he said ‘I do’. And then when he said it to her, she could hear the slight anxious edge in his voice when he asked her to be his wife, but there was no way she was scaring him like that again.
“I do!” She grinned happily at him straight away, making him grin a relieved and ecstatic beam.
Christian handed out the rings then and they put them on each other, they were so beautiful, and Elisabeth wondered if Paul felt as complete as she did when it was slid onto her finger.
“I now announce you man and wife!” The vicar declared, grinning, and he turned to Paul. “You may kiss the bride,” he informed.
Paul grinned back and looked at Elisabeth, his new wife. “I love you Mrs Marazzi,” he said, and that made her want to cry when she smiled back.
“I love you too,” she echoed before she felt his lips fill hers in the most dreamlike finalising kiss, and the whole church burst into applause and celebrations.
When they pulled apart, Paul couldn’t help but grin and pick her up to spin her round. “We did it Lib!” He cried.
She laughed giddily at him as he put her down. “I know we did!”
“You’ve made me so happy!” He grinned at her, bringing her to him, and they turned around to head down the aisle. “You know how happy you’ve made me?!”
“Ummm… as happy as… a big yellow smile?” She suggested, as everyone continued to clap at them as they made their way outside, and he laughed and cuddled her.
“Yeah- one of them!”
“I’m happy too,” she said, looking up at him. “I’m happy I’ve got you.”
He grinned and kissed her lightly again and then they broke apart and cried out as a shower of confetti began to rain down on their heads.
Elisabeth couldn’t believe how perfect everything had turned out. It had all run so smoothly, and the little touches here and there made it all fantastic- how had she nearly backed out of this?!
“We need to go sign the register,” Paul suddenly said to her, and she grinned up at him and took some confetti out of his hair.
“We do!”
They were led to the register room where they were confirmed as ‘Mr and Mrs Marazzi’, making Elisabeth find this even more crazy! She really was Elisabeth Louise Marazzi, wasn’t she?! She looked down at her wedding ring and that confirmed it for her.
The next hour was spent outside as photo’s were taken, and she got a chance to finally see everybody and toss the ‘cold feet moment’ she’d had before aside… that was all behind her now- she was married! The photos had been lots of fun. She had to keep telling Paul off for pulling faces in them all, and once Ben had kidnapped her and run off to have his own ‘personal’ photo, which Paul had yelled at him for!
Overall, the atmosphere was buzzing, and when Elisabeth had thrown the bouquet (twice- Paul had caught it purposely the first time before being told off and dragged away!), it had been caught by Becky- much to her embarrassment- and Elisabeth just thought that was the nicest finish!
They were then all led off to The Metropolitan hotel that Elisabeth was amazed by; she knew people like Nicole Kidman, Leonardo Di Caprio and P Diddy had stayed here- and it was much too extravagant for her reception!
But Paul had insisted nothing was too good for her, making her glow red even more, and when everyone seemed to settle down and enjoy themselves- the meal was amazing, and Mark and Ben helped Christian give his best man speech which was just a catastrophic formulae when you thought about it!
The whole bar and dining room had been booked for them and once the music started up for the first dance of the evening, Paul took her onto the dance floor. It was tradition the bride and groom danced first.
“Oh my God, this is so embarrassing!” She giggled as she felt everyone watching them, and the notes of a very famous love song came on.
Paul just smiled and took her in his arms. “I’m gonna sing to you,” he told her, as he began to sway her with him against the music. “Show you just how much you mean to me.”
“Awwww, Paul-” She said, but was cut off by him grinning proudly at her, and he started to sing as they danced, and she felt like she was in some kind of heaven.
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me, I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I’ve never been this close to anyone, or anything,
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams
I don’t know how you do what you do
I’m so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spent the rest of my life
With you by my side, forever and ever
Every little thing that you do… baby I’m amazed by you.’
Elisabeth could feel tears in her eyes as he sang that to her, he was saying so much to her in just a simple song; it surpassed her wildest dreams just how much he loved her, and felt for her. She just wanted to stay in his arms and have this dance forever.
He smiled, pleased she was enjoying his little serenade, and carried on singing.
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me, baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
She connected with his eyes when he sang that line to her, she knew what he was thinking, and she shivered slightly.
“Paul,” she whispered to him, but he just put a finger to her lips.
“Shhh, don’t talk about it.”
She held her words back and continued to dance the first dance with him.
She had so much to say to him though; so much she needed to say… but she knew he was afraid of that, and didn’t want anything to spoil this moment. So she remained quiet and just leaned on him, letting his love flow through her.
The rest of the evening ran like any ideal should. Thankfully the traditional ‘reception punch-up’ didn’t happen, no-one got substantially drunk to do anything embarrassing (save Ben’s karaoke version of Aretha Franklin’s I Will Survive… very entertaining!); but the alcohol flowed freely and Elisabeth danced with so many people… Paul lots of times, Christian, Mark, Ben, all her bridesmaids… even her dad had wanted a go! But she made sure it was a slow one- now her dad’s dancing was not going to show up this perfect evening!
At around half 11, and a lot of food (wedding cake had been gorgeous, but filling), alcohol (waaaay too much champagne!) and dancing (her feet ached like during a marathon shopping spree), Elisabeth was left sat down at one of the tables; tired, but so, so happy. This had been the best day of her life.
Paul was having a bit of a dance with Rose when Becky and Liam came over to say goodbye.
“You going, hun?” Elisabeth said, looking up.
“Yeah,” Becky grinned. “I’m knackered! It’s been a long day!”
“Yeah, it has,” Elisabeth smiled back at her.
“Thanks for inviting us,” Liam said to her. “Wish you all the luck with Paul.”
“Awww babe, you’re so cute!” Becky giggled at him, giving him a playful nudge. Liam just grinned charmingly on.
Elisabeth smiled at the pair of them. “Thankyou for coming! I can’t wait for yours! When’s the date?”
Becky gave her a look. “Very funny, Liz. You take superstition waaaay too seriously.”
“Have you still got your bouquet?” Elisabeth questioned, and Becky blushed.
“Yeah, but…”
“I say no more!” Elisabeth laughed, standing up to give her best friend a hug. “Thankyou for being there,” she said to her. “Thankyou for everything… for letting me back into your life… everything.”
“Ohhh hunny!” Becky smiled. “You don’t know how happy it makes me seeing you settle down with someone as fab as Paul! You looked so beautiful today! I am so, so pleased for you!”
Elisabeth laughed. “Yeah, and I’m not even thinking about tonight!” She added, nervously.
Becky just smiled at her. “You know what you have to do,” she said simply to her and then hugged her again. “Bye!”
“Byeee,” Elisabeth said, letting her go.
“Shall phone you before you leave tomorrow,” Becky promised her, and then she took Liam’s hand, who uttered a goodbye as well, and then the couple left the celebration.
Elisabeth looked after them, wondered what they’d be doing tonight.
And then she thought back to her predicament…
Paul suddenly appeared at her side. “Becky gone?” He asked.
“Yeahhh,” she smiled, looping her arms around his neck contentedly. “She was really tired. I am too, actually.”
“Maybe we should go to bed!” He grinned at her.
She looked away a little. “Look, Paul…”
“Not yet Lib,” he said, a little pained. “Don’t tell me yet.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” she said, looking up at him.
“I have a good idea.”
“Come on,” she said, taking his hand. “Let’s go.”
“Go where?!”
“To our room.”
“Why?!”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Now?”
“Yeah… now.” She gave him a beseeching look, and so he submitted to her wish.
“I’ll just go tell Chris and say we’ve gone up,” he said, and he disappeared.
Elisabeth let him go, and wrung her hands nervously as she waited for him to lead her away.
She so wanted this to go well. What she was going to say- she hoped he was gonna react the way she hoped. This day had been so much like a dream fairytale, one that had come true for her, and he’d done it all for her- she didn’t want it to end all complicatedly.
But she’d been thinking about this, ever since their dance at the start of the evening, and now she couldn’t hold off saying the words any longer- he needed to hear them- now.
He returned a few seconds later, looking slightly agitated if anything, but forced a smile at her, and took her hand in his. “Ready- let’s go.”
They slipped out of the reception unnoticed and then he led her over to the lift and they went up to Floor No.4- and then to the honeymoon suite. Paul had told her he’d booked this one for a reason- and when he unlocked the door and let her in, her breath was taken away by how magical it looked. The candles all lit low and soft gave it that dreamy, romantic atmosphere; the main colours of silver and gold giving her a sense of importance and specialty, and the view from the window onto the dark, sleeping city below was just spectacular.
The perfect setting, Elisabeth thought, for what she was going to say.
Paul locked the door once they were in, and then sighed heavily as he took his jacket off and hung it up and went over to pour himself another glass of champagne. It was strange that the two of them were now alone- in complete silence. No music, chatter, people coming up to say congratulations to them… it was just quiet, unspoken action between them.
“Want one?” Paul asked her.
“No thanks,” she said and went over to the bed and sat down on it. “Come here,” she said to him, gesturing for him to sit down next to her, and he hesitantly did so. He seemed uncomfortable, as if he didn’t really wanna be here. Elisabeth knew why.
He used the drink for comfort and drank some.
‘I’m not gonna bite you know,” she smiled.
“I know you won’t,” he said, half-literally, avoiding eye contact.
“Paul,” she sighed, and turned to fully face him. “Let me talk, yeah?” She rubbed his arm gently.
He was her husband now, a far-fetched as that sounded. He meant a lot to her.
“Okay,” he said and stared into his drink.
She took a deep breath and began. “When I first met you, ages ago last year, you really scared me. You were just… you seemed so different to me, and your appearance freaked me out… I thought you were some kind of hell raiser or something!” She laughed, and he let out a polite smile, too. “But one thing I do know is I never forgot you. When our eyes first met I got this little electric charge running through my body- and it frightened me, I didn’t know what it was. And when you looked at me you had such great influence and power- I didn’t know who you were, but I was really, really thrown. And then the whole business of Steve happened… and I remember through all the key moments with him, I was thinking of you.”
He looked up at her. “You were?”
“Yeah,” she smiled. “When he first kissed me, I thought of you. When we… when we almost slept together, I thought of what you said- about saying no, that stopped me making the biggest mistake of my life! And then I told you I was in love with him… I was so worried what you’d think.”
“Hurt me so much when you said that,” Paul muttered softly. “That you felt that way about him, and not me.”
“Ahhh… but you see, I was confused! I thought I loved Steve… but I didn’t, I was completely blinded by lust! And then I thought back to everything you’d done for me, the way I could be around you… and especially those moments where we’d been close… I’d look into your eyes, or even out first hug! I realised that I was actually in love with someone else… you.”
His eyes opened wider. “When were you in love with me?!” He asked.
She smiled. “I dunno… probably forever!” She laughed, and put her arms around his waist, so they were closer. “All those scary feelings I’d had- and all the electricity- that had been the scary feeling of love that I was experiencing- but didn’t know how to handle! And of course- Steve was blocking my vision! Just when you kissed me… I realised how strongly I felt about you and wanted to be your wife.”
He smiled at her, he looked so gorgeous in the candlelight. “You are my wife!” He said to her.
She laughed. “Yeah- and I nearly wasn’t! I’m so sorry I scared you like that.”
He shrugged. “No harm done.”
“No- Paul- a lot of harm was done,” she insisted adamantly. “I could see how close you were to tears- how I nearly ruined your big day for you! And I am so, so sorry for that, it hurt me so much to see you like that. And also made me mad at myself that I wimped out like that- when you’ve taught me so much about in believing in myself, and being strong and confident… I just forgot everything.”
Paul looked down, a little self-effacingly, and swirled his glass around. “You didn’t forget everything,” he said softly. “Or we wouldn’t be here now.”
“Yeah, we are. And I think it’s time I stopped being so scared of everything. I took a huge plunge in getting married today- and now I look back on it with the most amazing memories of my life! If I can do that… well, I can do anything,” she grinned, quoting him.
Paul looked up at her, a little intriguingly, a thought suddenly coming to mind of what she was trying to say.
She grinned at him, wondering what he was thinking.
“What does that mean?” He asked eventually.
“What do you think it means?” She grinned back.
His eyes lit up- she could see them- little trickles of gold fire blazed from deep inside him, and she felt warmed already!
“Lib… oh my God…”
“You said tonight,” she said, giggling, suddenly feeling excited.
“Yeah- but I thought you were gonna say no! I really did! All night… I just figured you were waiting to tell me that you just weren’t ready yet, and…” He trailed off, unable to speak because of such high emotion.
“Yeah well, I’m ready now,” she grinned at him, and he just looked so, so stunned!
“Are you sure?!”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“You want to do it? Right now?!”
She laughed. “Yesss… Paul stop it, you’re making me nervous!” She cagily ticked him off.
“Sorry,” he said, putting his drink aside, and then placing his arms around her waist. “You don’t know how much this means to me! You really wanna go through with this?!”
“I have to,” she shrugged, and she cut him off as he opened his mouth to argue. “I know you’re gonna say I don’t have to do anything- but, I know, I do. I want us to be a proper couple! Not a kind of… surface deep one- a real, close, intimate, strong one- and I need to do this. Don’t stop me, okay?” She warned him.
He grinned back at her, he was now excited- she could see he was! “Okay- I won’t!” He laughed.
She smiled and leaned forward to cuddle him. “I’m still scared, okay? And I don’t know what I’m doing- please show me what to do.”
He laughed softly at her, putting his arms around her. “I will, I promise I will.”
“And go slow, okay? This is a lot for me to do… and I want to savour every moment.”
He cuddled her tight. “Me too, me too,” he whispered.
She smiled and let herself melt into him again. Now she’d said what she wanted to say, she felt so much better, and knowing her first time was extremely imminent, she held onto him strongly for support.
This was going to be difficult, she knew it. But she was just going to concentrate on him, and her love for him- go with the flow, as Becky had said- and do what came naturally.
When Paul eventually let her go and started kissing her, gently taking off her wedding dress that she’d given her vows to him in, and he took his clothes off too, and they lay down together, she knew after this moment, she was never going to be the same again.
But that was good. She didn’t want to go back- too many unhappy memories.
This was her first time- the first time she’d stepped foot into the beginning of her new reality based fairytale that she was going to spend forever in with Paul.
She only wished she’d believed in herself from the very beginning- so this moment could have come sooner.
* * * * * * *