Chapter 6

Elisabeth moved the cushion back again. She looked at it for a moment, frowned, and moved it to the other side again. But it looked too obvious!

Arraghhhhh! She was screaming inside. She’s gonna know. She’s gonna know. There’s no way I can keep this from her!

She picked up a load of cushions again and rearranged them on the beige sofa. She had to make everything look normal; like nothing had happened on here.

She became frustrated she was doing it wrong.

She’s sooooo gonna suspect, she thought panicking. And then what?!!

She looked back down at herself- she’d changed, for sure she’d changed!- but she still felt exposed. Like every time he’d kissed her, he’d left a mark on her, and now they were showing and wouldn’t come off.

But of course, that was silly. It was all her imagination- but she just felt so bad.

She stopped with the cushions and thought about what had happened here a minute. She seemed to go into a deep trance, remembering everything, everything he’d done to her. And when she came to again, she was so overwhelmed with guilt, and the scariness of it all, she felt like bursting into tears.

Oh, I am such a stupid girl, she cried miserably at herself. I can’t believe I let him just- just take advantage of me like that!

Oh my God- the first time I’d actually been intimate with a guy- and oh, what a guy to bloody do it with!

Becky’s boyfriend.

Becky’s!

Not yours, Elisabeth, he’s not yours.

He’s Becky’s!

And you’ve just gone and betrayed her.

She shuddered, and looked at the clock- again.

45 minutes. He’d been gone 45 minutes now.

But it didn’t feel long enough. It still felt really fresh.

She jumped up again, and back to the mirror to check her appearance. Her hair was fine… it was fine! She was so scared it would be all messed up, and just show what she’d been doing.

She was so terrified that Becky was going to find out. Find out she’d been “getting off” (Oh my God!!) with her boyfriend, for… wow- an hour? 2 hours?

Elisabeth felt really guilty, and really dirty about the whole thing. She felt kinda used and whenever she thought about it, she felt uncomfortable and bad.

But there was also this other side to it- this now, in a sense, relief, that she’d finally been with a guy! As in kissed one, let him kiss her- really lovingly, as well. And that’s all she wanted just yet.

She hadn’t slept with him.

He’d wanted too. He’d badly wanted too. He kept making little advances to, but she stopped him every time. She was in no way ready to give herself to him, giver herself to anyone yet. She wanted to be mentally and emotionally prepared for it, and more than that, she wanted to be with the right person. Someone she loved totally, and who she knew, loved her totally back.

And Steve wasn’t that person.

Steve wasn’t that person… yet.

Oh my God- she’d kissed someone. Oh my God.

I hope I was ok, she thought. I didn’t really know what to do, but I hope he… liked it. Hope he didn’t guess that I’d never kissed anyone before. She didn’t want him to know that!

How embarrassing.

She’d had a great time with Steve that morning, though. A really, really wonderful time.

Now she knew why guys were so great!

The front door then suddenly opened. And Elisabeth jumped around, and saw Becky come in, carrying a load of shopping bags.

She suddenly felt really scared at seeing her best friend.

“Liiiiizzzz!” Becky called, whining a little. “Help me, ok?!!”

Becky stumbled into the kitchen, carrying about 4 plastic bags, all overfilling with stuff. She came in, and as soon as she found a safe place, dumped them all down. She looked really worn out, like those bags had really been heavy for her. She stood up and caught her breath for her moment, before looking up at Elisabeth, who just stood there, rooted to the spot, looking at Becky with big wide eyes.

“Liz? Gonna help?” Becky repeated.

Elisabeth didn’t reply. She just kept looking at Becky and thinking: I jus snogged your boyfriend! I just snogged him!

This uncomfortable, prickly feeling began to spread all over her.

Here it comes Elisabeth, she thought. Here come all the bad feelings…

“Liz? You alright, hun?” Becky asked, looking a little more concerned.

Arraghhhh, she hasn’t a clue, Elisabeth thought. She has no idea what I‘ve done. God, I feel so deceitful!

“Ohhkay… you gonna talk anytime soon?” Becky asked, taking a few steps towards her.

Ohhh God, she felt so uncomfortable around her, like her heart was gonna explode. She couldn’t bear it.

“I- I need to sit down!” She mumbled and then tore off into the lounge, leaving Becky standing there confused.

Elisabeth rushed into the room, headed for the sofa, but as soon as she saw it, got a flashback of her and Steve on there, and stopped in her tracks, nearly making herself fall over.

She quickly darted her eyes to where else she could sit down, panicking a little, and when she heard Becky say behind her, “Liz… you alright?” She nearly jumped out of her skin.

She was breathing so fast, she was so nervous around her.

Oh why did this have to happen to her?!!

“Liz hun… calm, down, ok? Tell me what’s wrong,” Becky said, looking really worried for her friend.

Elisabeth tried to take deep breaths to calm down. She was being so stupid. Becky doesn’t know, she told herself. She has no idea. But if you keep acting like this, she is gonna suspect something’s up! So quit being so bloody petrified of her.

She nodded quickly to reassure her friend.

“You look really… nervous about something, hun. Like you’re frightened! Is… everything ok? Nothing happened whilst I was gone, did it?” Becky asked, alarm raising in her voice. “I mean- no-one tried to break in or anything-“

“No, no,” Elisabeth said, finding her voice. “Everything’s fine.”

“Hmmm,” Becky said slowly. “So what’s the matter then?”

“Nothing… nothing, I’m fine. Just…” Think Elisabeth, think. “Just, I- er-“

Becky looked at her.

“I- really need to lie down,” Elisabeth blurted out, suddenly knowing she had to get away from Becky. “Erm… I’ll see you later,” she added, avoiding her eyes, and making for the stairs.

“Liz, I’m really worried about you. Want me to call a doctor?” Becky called after her.

“No, I’m fine, really,” Elisabeth insisted, getting to the first step, and not looking back. It hurt so much to look at Becky knowing what she’d done. Like her whole body was shaking so hard with guilt. Best to just be anywhere but near her.

“Did Steve get home ok?” Becky suddenly called.

“See you later!” Elisabeth cried, and just bolted up the stairs, panicking like crazy.

With the added mention of his name, it seemed to double her conscience-stricken state of mind.