~here’s the next chap! Just a few things to say about this one: sorry if it gets too revoltingly graphically cheesy towards the end (or gross, depends on your mind, haha!) and also, I made all that stuff up about Candy more or less ‘cos I know nothing about her, haha!! So don’t come shouting to me that he met her somewhere else, I DON’T KNOW! Lol. Anyways, hope you enjoy, and you are now entering dangerous LTD waters! Mwhahahhha! Kate xxxx~

Chapter 18

I looked back at him blankly. “My what?”

He grinned. “Your love-life,” he repeated. “I know nothing about it.”

“Er… my love-life is non-existant!” I told him, and he laughed.

“No, I mean, I want to know how many boyfriends you’ve had,” he said.

I blinked, a little surprised. “You want to know how many guys I’ve been with?!” I said.

Why the hell does he wanna know that? I wondered. On a first date, too! Weird.

“Um, well, you don’t have to go into great detail,” he said, a little embarrassed. “But I’d really like to know how many boyfriends you’ve had.”

“Er… why?” I asked, still a little dumbfounded.

He thought for a second, trying to find a good reason. “Welllll…”

“You’re checking to see if I’m a slut, or not?” I asked seriously.

He laughed. ‘Noooo!”

“I’m not a slut, Christian,” I said, still thinking he was trying to check up on how many guys I’ve slept with.

“I don’t think you’re a slut, Katherine,” he said calmly. “I’m just interested.”

“It feels pretty weird that’s the kinda thing you wanna know on a first date,” I said.

“Well, I can’t help it if I really wanna get to know you, and all about you really quickly,” he said.

I blushed a little bit. “There really isn’t that much to tell,” I said, drinking some more of my wine.

“So? C’mon, I want to find out who you are,” he insisted.

“You think you can distinguish who I am from how many boyfriends I’ve had?” I questioned, confused.

He shrugged. ‘We’ll see.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re still thinking I may be a slut, right?”

“Katherine!” He laughed in annoyance, and I laughed too.

“Ok… ok… but as long as you tell me how many girlfriends you’ve had,” I said to him.

That’ll be interesting, I thought. From what Abbie told me.

“Ok- deal,” he said, taking up his wine glass again. “But you first.”

I sighed. Time to spill my life history. Not that there was much of it. And telling it to Christian was pretty scary, too. He’ll be judging, I thought. He’s probably got a number in his head, of how many boyfriends he thinks I’ve had, and if I fall short of that, which I probably will, what will he see me as?

And will I match what he wants?

But not knowing a tactful way to go about it, I decided that the only thing I could do was to tell the truth and then see what happens.

“Well, like I said, there isn’t really isn’t much to tell…” I started, but he interrupted me,

“how many boyfriends have you had?” He asked.

“Um, two,” I said a little hesitantly.

I looked at him for a reaction, and he just raised his eyebrows at me. “Just two?”

“Why- how many do you think I’ve had?!!” I said, my mind working overtime.

“Um… well… more than that!” He laughed. “You’re 21, and really, really pretty, and you’ve only had two boyfriends?”

I blushed again. I hated when he complimented me like that! I never can handle them, or believe them.

“I-I guess it’s ‘cos I stay with them a long time,” I said, a little embarrassed, remembering what Abbie had said about Christian and his ‘flings’.

“Really?” He said.

I nodded. “Yeah, my relationship’s are pretty long,” I said.

Although I haven’t really had one for about two years, I thought!

“So- how long are we talking about?” He asked.

“Wellll… I was with Nick, my first boyfriend, for about 15 months,” I said.

He really did look surprised, then! “Wow,” he breathed.

I nodded, thinking Nick was definitely worth those 15 months!

“When was that, then?” He asked.

“Erm… when I was 17,” I said, and blushed a little bit. “I didn’t have a boyfriend before him.”

“Hey, that’s ok!” He laughed. “You think I was a serial snogger at 14?!!” He laughed.

“Why- weren’t you?” I asked.

“Noooo!” He laughed. “Ben was- not me!” And he laughed again.

I can’t believe a guy as gorgeous as Christian wasn’t someone the girls fell over trying to date!

“How old were you, then?” I asked.

“Ooooh… late teens… but we’re not talking about me yet!” He grinned.

“Yet,” I echoed, a little bit stunned he was really similar to me!

“So, why did you break up with him?” He asked.

I sighed. “Oh, I dunno. We dated whilst we were at school, through the 6^th form at stuff, but… I guess… we just kinda fell out of love. It was no big deal, or anything. We just… drifted apart.”

He gave me a little edgy look then. “You were in love with him?” He said.

I smiled. “Well, yeah. Wouldn’t really have been in a relationship that long if I hadn’t been in love with Nick.”

“Nick?”

“Yeah, that was his name,” I said.

“And you broke up before you left school?” He asked.

God, he sure wants to know a lot, I thought. Every little detail.

“Yeah, we had a talk about it one day, and just decided to be friends, not be a couple anymore,” I explained.

“And that worked?”

“Strangely enough, yeah. Really well. We became really close friends- I think ‘cos we knew each other so well, and because of our previous relationship, we kinda had a connection. And that really stood us in good stead.”

“You’re still in touch?” He asked.

Was it me, or was his tone becoming more and more wary?

“Yeah!” I grinned. ‘He’s one of my best mates. He’s in Bristol at the minute, at Uni over there. He’s training to be a doctor. He’s got another year after this one though, but I finish in July, and so I really tease him about it!” I said, and laughed.

I took another drink of wine and looked over at Christian. He looked a bit pre-occupied, actually. His face was in a slight frown- I wondered what he was thinking about. He looked really cute when he was thinking, actually! Very tempting to edge over to him, put my arms around his neck and start kissing him!

Arraghhh- if only I was brave enough!

But he still had this awe around him which made me still a bit shy around him. Couldn’t really do anything.

But there was gonna be a moment tonight, wasn’t there, when we could snog again? Oh, I was hoping so!

Probably have to wait until he took me home, though.

Thinking about that, I glanced around the room to see if I could see a clock anywhere. I eventually spotted one over near the CD Player, but it was too far away for me to read. Hmmm, I think I’d been here about 15 minutes.

“So- you’ve been in love twice?” He asked me suddenly.

I looked back at him and blinked. “Huh? Sorry?”

He gave me a small smile. “Thinking about Nick?” He asked me.

Is that what he had been thinking about? I thought suddenly. Me and Nick? Oh please, Christian! That had been four years ago! I really hoped that hadn’t got to him in any way.

“No, of course not,” I told him. “And I’ve only ever been in love once. And even then, it wasn’t love love.”

“You said you’d had two boyfriends,” he said to me.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t in love with my last boyfriend,” I told him.

Ohhhhh… Matt. Nope. That hadn’t been enough for love.

“You weren’t? How come? You were with him for a long time, yeah?” He said.

I narrowed my eyes, thinking. “Oh… er… all my first year of Uni… 10/11 months?”

“And you weren’t in love with him?” He asked.

I shook my head. “No. I suddenly realized that what I felt for him- it wasn’t love. And then I realized that I could never fall in love with him. There was just… something missing. Something important- I dunno what it was. But we didn’t have it, and then I realized I wanted out of the relationship.”

“You dumped him?” He said, looking at me as if he couldn’t believe I’d dumped someone.

I laughed. “No! Not really. I sat him down, told him we both wanted different things and our relationship wasn’t going to work, and we should finish.”

“And what did he say?”

I blushed a little bit. “He told me I was ‘fucking stupid’ and I was just looking for an easy way out.”

He frowned. “That wasn’t very nice,” he commented.

I shrugged. “Then I told him I didn’t love him, and he got really angry with me, and we had a massive argument. We haven’t spoken since.”

“Oh Katherine- I’m sorry,” he said, feeling genuine sympathy for me.

Again, I shrugged. “I don’t care, really. Well- I guess I do in a way. ‘Cos I didn’t want it to end like that. But as soon as we were over- I felt so… relieved. I think the relationship had been really hard work.”

“Do you think he was in love with you?” He asked.

“Oh, I think he thought he was. But no- not really. It wasn’t love, it was something else.”

“Oh right,” he nodded, and then paused before saying, “ there’s been no-one else since him?”

One name shot through my head.

Tim.

Tim had been there after Matt.

Tim had been there ever since.

He never, ever went away.

But there was no way in hell Christian was ever going to know about Tim. About what a fool he made out of me when he found out I liked him, about how evil he was to me at last year’s Easter Party. And just in general how he was with his girlfriend Rachel in front of me. He did it on purpose to make me feel jealous and I wished to God it wouldn’t have an effect on me.

But it did, and it still does.

But I wasn’t telling Christian about Tim. No way.

“Erm… I did meet someone at Christmas,” I told him. “A guy called Jamie and we went out for about 3 weeks- but he wasn’t really my type,” I told Christian. “Aaaand… that was my last date.”

“January?” He looked at me.

I nodded. ‘Yup. January. This has been my first date in about 3 months.”

“Wow…” he breathed. “I just find that really had to believe.”

I laughed. “Why?!!” I said, as I finished my glass of wine.

“Cos there must be so many guys waiting to go out with you!” He said.

I nearly choked on my drink. God- who did he think I was?!!!

“Er, no,” I said, putting my glass down on the table.

“Ok… I’ll probably get really killed for asking this…” he said, looking a bit awkward and avoiding my eyes.

“What?” I asked, suspiciously.

“When did you last sleep with someone?” He asked.

Oooooh- why did so many people want to know the answer to that question?! Karen, now Christian… was it such a needed fact? I felt embarrassed enough telling Karen, one of my best friends, that Matt had been the last person. And that was nearly two years ago. And telling Christian… the guy I’d just gone out on a date with, who was really gorgeous and famous, and who I really fancied, telling him that… it was kinda embarrassing.

He probably slept with someone a couple of weeks ago! And I would look soooo sad…

“Um, about two years ago,” I said, looking down, feeling deeply embarrassed.

My cheeks felt all hot and pink.

“Hey- really?” He said, surprised.

I still daren’t look at him. I nodded, instead.

“Hey- don’t be embarrassed about it,” he said softly. “Makes your next time more special.”

I looked up at him then, and he was smiling at me.

What had he meant by that, I wondered?

“Do you want another glass of wine?” He asked me.

I nodded slowly, still a bit stunned more than anything, by that comment.

Did he mean he was gonna be my next time? Did he want to be my next time?

I shivered.

He’d finished his wine as well, before me, and he filled another two glasses of wine out.

“I don’t-“ But I stopped. Ararghhhh- Kate! I was just about to say, “I don’t really like sex all that much”- but hellllooo? Why the hell am I saying that to Christian a1?!!

He looked up at me. “You don’t what?”

I blushed. “Nothing. Doesn’t matter,” I said quickly. Why did I want to tell him anyway? It was like I was saying- “hey, if we ever do get into a serious relationship together- I’m not sleeping with you!””

“What were you gonna say?” He asked, handing me my glass.

“Nothing- really. So hey- I want to know all about you, now!” I said, quickly changing the subject.

“Erm, ok,” he said, still a little unsure about leaving what I was gonna say. “There’s not loads to tell, really…”

“How many girlfriends have you had?” I asked him out-right, behaving just how he had towards me.

He sat back with his wine again, and blushed, not even looking at me, he was so embarrassed.

“One,” he said.

Thank God I was holding my glass tightly. I nearly dropped it!

“One?!!” I couldn’t believe it.

He laughed. ‘Er… yeah, just one.”

“One girlfriend?!!”

“Well… I thought we were talking about ‘serious’ relationships. And so yeah, just the one.”

I remembered what Abbie had said about ‘flings’. I felt a little uncomfortable.

“So, who was the girl?” I asked.

He smiled. “Her name was Candy. She was my first real girlfriend. I met her when I was in America.”

“And she- she…?”

“She was the first girl I slept with,” he said, confirming my thoughts, and grinned. (arraghhhhh!! Don’t wanna know what he was thinking!) “We were together for 6 months.”

Ooooh, a lot less than me, then.

“Why did you break up?” I asked.

He sighed. “I had to go to England. I got a place at the FAME school, and when an opportunity like that comes up, you can’t pass it down. We split up a few weeks before I left.” Now he looked sad.

“Couldn’t she have come with you?” I asked, but I was glad she hadn’t!

He shook his head. “No. she had to stay in Kentucky. Besides, she had college.”

“How old were you?” I asked, suspiciously.

“17,” he replied. “Nearly 18.”

Ahhh, my kinda age with Nick then. First love was special- I agreed!

“Did you love her?” I asked tentatively. I don’t know why- I guess I didn’t want him to have been!

Arrghhhh- was I now feeling the jealous hormone?!

That Christian had had over me and Nick? Was I starting to get jealous of Candy?!!

“Umm… I guess… in a way I was in love with her. I don’t think it was like ‘true love’ or anything, though. She wasn’t ‘the one’”.

Ahhhh- ‘the one’.

Did Christian believe in that, then?

Hmmm!

“So- what about since you came to England?” I asked. “Anybody special?”

He laughed. “No! But there’s loads of reasons for that.”

“And they are…?”

“Well, for one, a1. I’ve been really busy with them for the last 3 years. I’ve had no time for a girlfriend. And before then, I was really busy at FAME, and working as an assistant photographer.

Secondly, I-I find English girls really difficult.”

I laughed. “What?!!”

He smiled. “Well- y’know. I don’t understand them very well. Or maybe more to the point, they don’t understand me.”

“What’s so weird about us?!!” I said, feeling a bit defensive!

“Ohhh, nothing. English girls are great- really there are. It must just be a culture thing. A country thing. I seem to get on with Dutch… Swedish… Norwegian girls better,” he explained.

Well, thanks a lot, I thought. Tell your ‘English’ girlfriend on your first date that you’d rather go with a skinny, blonde Swedish girl!

“Um, but you have like…”

“Slept with some? Oh yeah,” he said, and laughed. “Not very many though. About three.”

(Not very many? Three? Helllooooo?!!)

“And you were in a relationship with these girls?” I asked, getting that uncomfortable feeling coming back.

God- I felt like his mother when I asked him that!

“Well… kinda… I guess. I went out with them for about 3 months or so. It sounds a long time, but I really only saw them for about 2 weeks of that time! I was always busy with the guys.”

“But you got on with those English girls?” I asked.

“Awww, Katherine! I’m not saying all English girls are the same. Just- I’ve had some rough experiences with some. They just don’t get w-what I’m like.”

“But I do?” I asked.

He smiled at me. “You’re the best English girl I’ve ever met,” he told me. “You’re the funniest, the friendliest, and the kindest, and most gorgeous English girl I know!” He grinned.

I felt myself really tremble then. It was really overwhelming when he said things like that. I wasn’t used to it, and I felt so shy!

I just took a drink of wine and pretended not to think anything about it.

But Christian seemed keen for me to know what he felt!

“When I first saw you on the bus last Saturday… I don’t know. You just… you caught me eye, you stood out. You like, lit up the whole bus.”

Oh my God!! I could not ignore comments like that!!

I blushed really red and tried to hide the fact I had. I put my head down and really, really wished I hadn’t put my hair up with that spider clip. Now I couldn’t hide behind it! I didn’t want Christian to know I was so embarrassed.

“And man, you were so lovely!” He laughed. “So sweet- the way you talked and listened. I’ve never met a girl like you before.”

I wanted to open my mouth and say a load of wonderful things back to him- but I could barely breathe, let alone speak.

Why was he saying all of these nice things?! Didn’t he realize he barely knew me? That this was only our first date? How could he know I was the nicest English girl he’d ever met? God, I’ve to be, but I really did think he was speaking on the spur-of-the-moment.

“C-Christian,” I said finding my voice, “that’s really nice- what you’re saying, but I don’t think-“

“Anywhere in the world,” he said, interrupting me, and making me fully look at him. “Anywhere in the world I’ve never met a girl I’ve liked as much as I like you.”

Oh my God he’s gorgeous!

And he has the most heart-stopping smile!

And these eyes that were just magic.

And when he said things like that about me, I just didn’t know what to do with myself.

I really did go bright red then, and looked down, because I was finding it really hard to look at him.

I felt soooo hot.

I couldn’t believe someone like him was saying these things to me!

My chest was going to burst, I knew it! It was so tight. My heart was beating so fast and I couldn’t control my breathing.

Then he reached over and took my wine glass, which had only been half drunk, out of my hand, which had gone all clammy.

“And you know what I was thinking about- what I was thinking about as soon as I saw you? When I was talking to you?” He said, putting the wine on the table, and took hold of my hand.

What’s he doing?! I suddenly thought, still keeping my deeply red face firmly down.

I hadn’t realized how close I was to physically shaking before, because I’d put all my strength into holding the glass. But now he’d, for some reason, taken it away from me, I felt so shaky all over, all because of his presence.

He still had hold of my hand.

“What I was thinking is,” he said, and he ducked his head a little bit, to try and look at my face. With his other hand, he touched my face, and gently tilted it up.

He was so close now, my heart was really racing. I was looking right into his eyes.

“I thought about how much I wanted to kiss you,” he said, and then before it even clicked, he leant forward and put his lips onto mine.

And he was kissing me again. And oh- it was so nice!

He’d made me wait long enough, and after all those lovely things he’d said- it was just perfect.

I kind of felt like it was his kiss though, so I didn’t really respond that much.

Besides, I didn’t really need to.

He was very much in control.

He started kissing me very slowly at first, like he was just starting the build up to something, and his touch on my face was really light. It was really nice, because he was being really affectionate with me.

But then he kind of strengthened his grip on my hand, and on my face, hooking his fingers round the back of my neck and pulling my face closer to him as he kept on kissing me.

And then I felt, as he was kissing me, his soft lips cover mine a little bit more as they parted, and then I felt his tongue touch mine.

A little shocked, I pulled away from him and just gave him a stare.

I hadn’t expected him to do that.

He laughed, embarrassed. “Erm… sorry,” he said, letting go of me completely.

I didn’t know quite what to think. I mean- wow. Didn’t really know he wanted to do that, but hey- don’t stop!!

So this time I took the initiative and put both my hands round the back of his head and pulled him to me again.

Within a few seconds, we were kissing again. But properly kissing this time- really connecting. When he touched my tongue, I touched his. And he was still going slowly as well- it felt so close and intimate.

I thought about the other two times we’d kissed, and realized that those two had been kinda rushed. And they’d been in public places, with people potentially looking at us.

But this time we were all alone in his flat, on the sofa, and we didn’t have to be anywhere. We didn’t have to rush off to some other place.

We could just take our time.

That’s why I think he was going slow- taking his time.

It was important to have this kiss as well- it was our first ‘major one’. And I needed to know more about him, how he liked to be kissed, how he kissed. It was really important- and of course fun, to experiment!

Don’t think I’ve ever had a proper full-on French kiss on a first date before, but if that’s what Christian wanted, then I felt comfortable with it- and him.

Besides- it was bloody sensational!

Once Christian realized I was ok with the ‘new’ kiss, he let himself be close to me again, and put his hands back on my face. He seemed to want me as close as possible, when he was moving his mouth on mine.

I’ve seen pretty heated kissing with tongues, and believe me, it is pretty disgusting! But this was just really romantic, because it was so loving. It was disgusting at all; it was lovely.

And I kept going back for more and more.

We stayed like that for a while; in our own little world, nothing moving except for our lips and what they were covering.

I can’t remember who was the first to pull away. All I know is when we did, I wanted him back.

He looked at me deeply for a minute, before a grin crept across his face. An infectious grin, which made me smile and blush. It was hard to look at someone after you’ve just shared something like that with them. Such an incredible feeling like that. It zoomed to the top of my ‘best kisses ever!’ list- just in front of his other two memorable moments.

The one thing that had been special about this one, though? It was a loving kiss with lots of meaning.

Not a ‘aarrghhhh, you’re about to get off the bus!’ kiss. Not a ‘stop being so embarrassed around me’ kiss. A ‘I want to kiss you’ kiss.

And I loved it!

He leant back and away from me then, but still had his hands on me. They’d kind of dropped to my thighs now (which was very nice), and he just continued to stare back at me, him smiling, his eyes smiling.

Am I supposed to say something? I wondered. God, I dunno what to say. Wow- can I spend the rest of my life with you?!! Came to mind. But I just couldn’t think. My head was swimming with happiness.

So we just kind of reclined there, looking into each other’s eyes, with big grins on each other’s faces, in silence.

He didn’t say anything; I didn’t say anything.

I decided we didn’t need to.

There were no words to describe what we’d shared, if there were, they were silent ones, transmitted only by the eyes or the mind.

I felt so relaxed. Really, really relaxed and happy. No more tension, no more awkwardness being around him. No more feeling shy, uncomfortable, in awe- I just forgot everything.

He was just him, now. This wonderful, wonderful guy who I was beginning to get really, really attached to.

I also realized how warm I was. Didn’t help when he started to gently stroke my leg. I felt a little tingle run down my back, but soon got used to it and loved it.

The whole nice feeling though, and the fact that I was warm, was beginning to make my head go a little fuzzy. Ahhh, I was tired. It must be getting late now.

Oh no, I’d have to go soon. Leave the warm happiness of Christian’s presence, and return to that hole of a home, where it was cold and lonely.

Why did it have to end? It wasn’t fair.

As if Christian was reading my mind, he took those soft green eyes away from mine and looked back at the clock.

“I suppose we should think about getting you home,” he said with a little sigh, turning his head back to mine.

Suddenly, my whole peace and harmony fluctuated, and just those words made the sudden realization of leaving him very imminent.

With slight panic and sudden blood rush to the head, I grabbed him and pulled his mouth back onto mine.

He made a little startled noise- I don’t think he’d quite expected me to do that- but then soon began to kiss me back.

And I don’t know why, but I was kissing him very fast, very heatedly. I suddenly felt really desperate. Really desperate about leaving him. I needed him really, really badly so I was trying to take as much as possible.

Thing was, Christian didn’t try to slow my pace. He kissed me back just as strongly; his lips being hard and soft at the same time- firm.

And I didn’t want to just brush with this tongue anymore- I needed more than that, I was that desperate.

So I started toying with it a little bit, and he responded just as enthusiastically, and pretty soon we had our tongues nearly down in each other’s throats, they were being forced in so much!

And then because we were being really passionate and fast with each other, Christian seemed to sit up a little bit, and putting his arms around my waist, and still kissing me as strongly, he pushed me right down onto the sofa.

Wooaaaa-hhhh, I thought, before my head hit the base of the sofa’s arm. Not hard; he was gentle but firm when he’d pushed me down.

And now he was right on top of me.

I felt a little tenser then, because his body was right next to mine. He was a lot, lot closer, I could almost feel every part of him.

It was scary.

But just the controlled, yet really kind of urgent way he was kissing me- I soon began to relax a little. His hands wrapped around my waist, I felt safe- even though we were in a pretty intimate position.

He was laying on me!

Right all over me- head to toe. But I felt safe. I felt ok.

I allowed my arms to wrap around his waist too, and I had to force them to stay there- and not to wander! I concentrated back on my kissing again, fondling his tongue just as much as his lips.

And his response was so fantastic! This kiss was faster than the last one- maybe just as passionate, though. But I was aware I had to go in five minutes and I couldn’t go without making the most of Christian- taking all I could receive, and more.

Who knows when I’d see him again?

I needed this.

And then I felt his hands begin to move from my back to my hips and gently rub them in time with his kisses. Making my legs to really numb; I was shivering so much.

And then I felt them move down to my front, and then, without so much of a decrease in his strong kissing let alone a pause, he slowly undid my trouser button.

~oooooh dear, I forgot how cheesy and then weird some of that was, haha! Erm, anyways, *whispers* I think you lot all know what is erm, going to happen now… although u prob did about 5 chaps ago when I mentioned it, haha. Hope ur all okies with it anyways, and that last chap wasn’t too… hmmmm, lol. Kate xxx~