It was like it all happened in slow motion. I knocked on
the door and nothing happened. For hours nothing happened, I was just
staring at the closed door. And then… then it began to open. It was like an age;
just slowly edging away more and more, my heart just beat away… I wanted to
see him.
And then it opened enough, and he just stood there looking
at me. And the look on his face when he opened the door… he looked so defeated;
he opened the door so half-heartedly- he looked like he just didn’t care
anymore. His eyes were so lifeless… dead.
And then when he saw it was me; everything changed.
His eyes grew wider, and an injection of zep was sprung
into them. His whole face just seemed to light up.
But he took so long in engaging it was me- he just
couldn’t believe it.
And I was just so overwhelmed at seeing him again- he
was the most gorgeous guy I’d ever, ever seen in my life.
I want to be with him so much!
I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him. All my excitement
inside kind of blocked out all the hurt that we’d been through that morning. He
just made me smile so much.
Wow, he looked cute.
“Katherine!” He exclaimed, still staring at me.
I couldn’t help but laugh- he looked so God damn shocked.
“Hiya,” I said shyly.
“W-W-W-W-” He looked absolutely gobsmacked and let go of
the door, almost losing his balance. “W-W-What are you… w-what are you doing
here? I-I-”
Awww, he was all over the place, he couldn’t talk.
Only one way to stop that! And I went and did something
I’d been dying to do for a while; I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him
into the most loving, intimate hug I could muster. I needed to touch him so, so
badly, needed him in my arms. This whole mess between us was my fault, I
had to put things right again.
“I had to come and see you,” I whispered in his ear,
pulling him really, really close.
He didn’t hug me back at first. He was just in too much
shock at me being here; he was too frozen to respond to anything. But as I
cuddled him longer, just enjoying touching him again, I suddenly felt him grab
me back and hug me so tight it was almost breathtaking.
“I can’t believe you’re here, I can’t believe it,”
he spilled out to me and that just made me laugh more, closing my eyes and just
savouring our little embrace.
And he just held onto me tightly; like this time he wasn’t
going to let me go.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered to me, swaying me
gently.
I pulled away a little bit, so I could look into his face.
Oh God, he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever, ever seen and the most
special- I just felt so complete when I looked into his eyes.
I smiled at him. “Christian- you’re never losing me,” I
promised. “Not ever, ever, ever…”
Like a magnet, my lips were just drawn to his, I had
to kiss him, I had to.
And just touching his lips sent all these happy shivers
all over my body; I wanted him to know so badly and I was so, so sorry for
hurting him so much.
I kissed him gently and softly, just to tell him how
special he was; but he pulled back and just said to me amazed, “this is a
dream, isn’t it? I’m gonna wake up and it’ll all be a dream.”
I laughed and put my hands to his face. “This isn’t a
dream,” I told him, and pulled him back to me, so I could kiss him again. I
gave him a few quick kisses before pulling back and saying, “I’ve had better
dreams,” and pulled him back again. And then he started kissing me back,
and for the first time that day I was completely, completely happy. I felt like
everything was going to be okay again. I still needed to talk to him, tell him
how I felt, but for now, I just wanted to stay here forever and kiss him.
My forever did seem to last a long time. The kissing got
pretty intense, as we had so much to say to each other, and our feelings drove
the passion in them.
But after a while the burning desire inside me to talk to
him overpowered. I pulled away, and gave him an encouraging smile.
“Can I come in?” I asked.
He just stared back at me, still trying to come to terms
that I was real- that I was really here and he was holding me in his arms.
“Sure! Sure- of course,” he said to me, and still not
letting me go, he guided me into his flat, closing the door behind him.
It felt weird being back here- not necessarily bad
weird; just… strange that it had only been this morning, yet it seemed like a
lifetime ago.
Hallway was still the same… and I looked ahead to where
the bedroom was and shivered.
We were magic together.
“Shall we go and talk in the lounge?” I asked, turning to
him. But he just nodded and came over to me, took my face in his hands and
started kissing me again.
It was nice, but I pulled away, laughing. “Okay-
you can leave me alone now, Christian!”
“No- I don’t want to let you go,” he said, putting his
arms around my waist and pulling me to him.
“Can’t believe you’re here…” He pondered again, still
making me grin. He really couldn’t, could he?!
“I thought I’d lost you, you know,” he looked up at me. “Really
thought you’d gone.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered back, looking up at him.
“You never phoned me.”
“I fell asleep!” I laughed. “And am so glad I did!
It showed me everything.”
“What did?”
“My dream. Come on, let’s go sit down,” I told him,
breaking free.
“You sure you don’t want anything to drink? Eat?…”
Christian asked.
“No- I’m fine thankyou. I just need to talk to
you,” I said.
“I hope it’s what I want to hear…” Christian said.
I smiled. “I hope so. Come on- let’s go.” I led him into
the lounge, and over to the leather sofa, where we sat ourselves down, me all
ready to talk to him.
I took a deep breath, tried to get all my thoughts
together and in a steady order. I couldn’t help but smile a huge smile at him
though- I was so excited; I couldn’t wait to see his face when I told him I
wanted us to be together! He may have already guessed though…!
“Right- okay,” I breathed, and took both his hands in
mine. “All day I’ve been thinking. Thinking about last night, and what happened
between us, and how I felt about it. I haven’t been able to do much else but
think about you…”
“The same,” Christian said to me. “All I was thinking
about was how I’d lost the most important thing in my life.”
“Christian! You haven’t lost me…”
“That’s what it felt like. The way you reacted this
morning… you just didn’t seem to care…”
“No! No- Christian,” I hastily said. “That’s not
true at all,” I sighed. “Basically- this morning when I woke up… I didn’t even
know where I was at first. Not to say I was totally drunk or anything like
that… I just couldn’t remember last night ‘cos it was all so fuzzy. W… when I
realised where I was, and who I was with- I remembered what we’d done… I was
just in complete shock. I couldn’t believe it had happened. I never
sleep with the person on the first date…”
“Neither do I,” Christian said adamantly. “That’s
the thing this morning. You seemed to think I just sleep around and that you
were a one-night stand.”
I blushed. Oh God, I had…
“I don’t see how you could presume that about me. I never
did want a fling with you- I always said that.”
“But… you’ve slept with quite a few girls… that’s all,” I
mumbled.
He laughed. “I’ve just had lots of relationships, that’s
all! And mine last about 3… 4 months. Yours last about 3… 4 years,
that’s all,” he grinned, teasing, and I hit him playfully.
“They do not!” I said.
He laughed. “It’s just you have longer relationships than
me… that’s not because I don’t want, or like them… I just don’t find the right
people- unlike you,” he explained.
“I-I’m really sorry I assumed that about you,” I said.
“I-It’s just- God, you’re a gorgeous, famous pop star- in a boyband of
all things! You hear so many stories…”
And people tell you things as well. All those horror
stories about pop stars only looking for a good time- exploiting their fame
status to get a girl into bed. That’s what Abbie had said to me! Not that I was
angry with her or anything; she hadn’t deliberately lied about Christian. She’d
just- on this occasion- got it wrong.
Christian didn’t sleep around- and I wasn’t going to be
that other notch on his bedpost.
“You do get a lot of opportunities, am not denying
that,” Christian said. “What with really good looking fans… and then these groupies
that follow you around… some people… some people do give into them.”
“Have you slept with a fan?” I asked him, interested in
the twist this conversation had taken.
“No way… never. Our fans are so young; even the eldest
ones seem to be only 18/19 years old…”
“You wouldn’t sleep with a 19 year old?” I asked,
surprised.
“Katherine!” He exclaimed, and let out a little
laugh. “That’s too young for me!!”
“No- but what if she was the love of your life? Like- your
soul mate? Surely age wouldn’t be a factor then…”
“Katherine- you’re the love of my life; my soul mate. I
don’t need anyone else,” he said, looking at me and smiling.
My heart fluttered a moment- hearing those words made me
feel all warm inside. But I pursued with my question.
“I was just being hypothetical, Christian!” I laughed.
“And I’m only 21!”
“21’s different to 19.”
“Oh yeah- how?”
“19 you’re still a teenager.”
“Oh yeah- big deal! Like that means anything!”
“Look- the point is I would never sleep with a fan. See-
that’s another thing. You’re not even a fan of a1. You’re just a normal student
teacher,” Christian said.
“Ohhh… normal, am I?” I teased him, making him
laugh.
“Okay- special, then! Very, very special.”
I smiled. “Good! So you’ve fancied your fans, but never
slept with them?”
“I… I have snogged a few,” he admitted to me
uncomfortably.
“Really?” I exclaimed. “How many?”
“Oh, I dunno! 3 or 4… some of the older ones, I may
add! It just happens at parties, and stuff.”
“So- snogging a 19 year old is okay, but sleeping with one
is awful?” I grinned.
“Well… you know, a snog is a snog. It doesn’t mean a lot,
it’s just a bit of fun. But when you sleep with someone, or when I sleep
with someone…” He looked at me directly. “It’s definitely serious.”
“You never had a one-night stand, then?!” I laughed, still
bathing in the words he was telling me.
“Of course I have! Who hasn’t?!” He said. “But they’re
with girls around my age who are looking for a one-night stand, too.”
“I haven’t,” I said softly.
“You haven’t what?”
“Had a one-night stand. Ever.”
He smiled at me. “I can believe that!”
“I’m obviously just very boring,” I sighed.
He squeezed my hands in support. “You are not
boring, Katherine. You’re… stable. You like long, secure relationships… listen-
t-there’s something I need to tell you.”
He suddenly looked pretty serious.
I looked back at him, matching his expression, wondering
what he wanted to tell me.
“What?” I asked softly.
“Ohkaaay… right; when I first joined a1, and when we
released Be The First To Believe- everything happened so fast. Some
bands start out really slowly- but we didn’t. We went straight into- almost the
top 5, and things went mad- we got so many fans. Everyone began to recognise
me, want my autograph… I was famous! It was all so surreal.
“And then, I got all these girls wanting to go out with
me- and well… I hadn’t really been all that popular before. And so to me, it
was like a dream come true… I just took advantage of it. I dated so many girls…
some I took into ‘proper’ relationships, and slept with them, I thought I was
having the best time ever.”
I just nodded.
“T-Then things really took off for us. We released Here
We Come, and then suddenly had to do all this European promo, and then go
to places like Asia and America after Like A Rose. I was away so much-
it was impossible to keep a relationship going. So I started ‘seeing’ random
foreign girls whilst I was away… some I even slept with. But… it’s like; I had
to. You can’t do anything to stop it. Then we got to No.1 with Take On Me…
God, it was crazy… we seemed to get even more popular. More popularity; more
girls. And then it just happened more and more.”
I continued to nod; feeling a bit uneasy. Where was this
going? Was he a dad or something?! With some secret love-child in Holland?!!
“And then, at the end of last year, we got to No.1 with Same
Old Brand New You, and we were like one of the biggest bands in Britain,
and in Asia. And what with the release of The A-List, our workload
suddenly trebled. And I just suddenly became really, really lonely. The whole
rush of seeing all these different girls didn’t excite me anymore. I-I wanted
to settle down.”
Ooooh, promising.
“Last summer or so, Mark started going out with this girl
called Lyndsey. She, I think, was just supposed to be this ‘odd’ date, but they
got on so well, they soon became a couple. And they’re still together. And even
though Ben and Paul are… or, were like me, Mark was the happiest out of
all of us. He had someone to come home to, someone who he knew well, could
trust and rely on. He had some stability in his life- and I really, really
envied him. I wanted that. I had a talk to him, and he just started
going on about how great a stable relationship was- and that was it; I knew I
needed that in my life. So- God, not even a month ago, I started snubbing all
the offers for flings I was getting- I was sick of them- I wanted to find love.
“And then… I met you on the bus.”
He stopped and looked at me, but I just stared back, heart
beating.
Was he saying what I think he was saying?
“I think I’ve found the girl I wanna be with,” he smiled
at me.
I felt almost numb inside… like someone had just said too
much to me, too much to keep my body going. And maybe that was true. What
Christian had just said… woah.
“C-C-Christian,” I mumbled, finding it hard to breathe
just looking back at his fixed, warm smile. “D-Do you know what you’re
saying…?”
“Yeah, I know what I’m saying. And I wouldn’t be saying it
if I didn’t mean it.”
“I-I-I think I’m reading too much into what you’re
saying…” I said, feeling really nervous that I was wrong. I felt my hands
tugging away from him.
“What do you think I’m saying?” He asked calmly.
“I don’t wanna be wrong,” I said, and I realised my voice
was breaking a little. I was suddenly feeling really emotional- I think it was
from the fact that what I thought he was telling me… oh my God, it was huge.
A really, really huge thing to say, that I hadn’t ever, ever expected him to
say to me, let alone now!
I wasn’t sure either whether I wanted him to say that yet…
if at all. He was offering potential security for life… but he was also
possibly tying me down.
“Katherine?” He lost his smile, and tried to hold onto me
again. “What’s the matter? You’re not going to be wrong.”
But I pulled right away from him, and had to use my hands
to cover my face… I think I was going to cry.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say,” I said, and my
voice sounded so tight, and I felt the tears begin to come.
Oh great- why the hell am I crying?! And in front of Christian, too. Oh, pull yourself together!
He came over to me and put his arms around me, pulled me
to him. “Katherine, are you crying?” He asked into my hair.
When he said that, I did start crying. And I felt
pretty stupid about it, too.
“Sweetheart… don’t… don’t cry,” he said, sounding kind of
awkward, but pulling me close to him.
“W-Why are you crying?” He asked.
I tried to push the tears away, but when you’re crying,
it’s the easiest thing to do. It’s the sobs inside, coming from your heart,
that are hard to get rid of, that made speaking difficult. I couldn’t answer
him because of that. And also; I didn’t really know why I was
crying!
When I didn’t respond, he whispered into my ear, “I don’t
think you’re wrong. I think you know exactly what I mean, Katherine. As soon as
I saw you, I fell in love with you. You always know when you find that special
someone: as soon as you look into their eyes- you know they’re the one.
That’s what happened with me; and when I look at you everytime now, something
is still happening to me. And I know I’m feeling things that I’ve never
felt about anyone before. As soon as I saw you, I wanted to kiss you.
And sometimes I get that with lots of girls I see… but I didn’t want to just
kiss you ‘cos I fancied you like crazy- I wanted to kiss you because I wanted
to know what it felt like to be with you.”
“Christian, I…”
“Let me talk Katherine, let me talk,” he said softly.
But I couldn’t handle any of this. It was way, way too
much. I felt like my heart was pulling out emotions I never
knew I possessed. It was scary.
“When I kiss you… I dunno; it’s like this whole new world
is being opened. Like, I feel I can do things that I never thought about
before. Even when I’m with you, I feel like you’ve opened me up in this new
way- you make me feel so alive and happy. I love being around you. And then…
last night, when we were kissing, it was so, so exciting and new, and just the
more we did it, the more and more I wanted you. I kept thinking what it would
be like, making love to you. It actually scared me thinking about it, because I
thought you were going to be too much for me. I thought- I thought I wasn’t
going to be able to handle you- my feelings for you were so deep already- I
thought I might get trapped in you.”
I began to really take in what he was saying and it made
me stop crying. I slowly made myself look up at him, my face still a little
tear-stricken, I looked into his eyes.
I was quite amazed by what he was saying to me- I hadn’t
have thought he felt like that.
“You were scared?” I asked.
He smiled. “You see- you were scared, too, and so was I.
We were both scared last night.”
“But… but I wasn’t scared,” I said to him, trying to
recall. “I went into a weird kind of trance. When you- when you started to
un-dress me, I was really shocked. I hadn’t expected you to do that- you’d told
me you’d take me back for a coffee, and just a coffee.”
“And I meant that. I honestly did. I just wanted to talk
to you somewhere quiet and away from everyone else. But like I said, when we
started kissing I couldn’t control my emotions. I wanted you so badly, but I
was scared, too. For lots of reasons- but I couldn’t stop myself. I was scared
you were gonna react the way you did- and be really pissed off with me.”
“I just felt like I’d been betrayed, that’s all,” I said,
looking down, still feeling all weird inside.
“I would never, never lie to you, Katherine. And I
would never use you. I only realised that I had to be with you whilst we were
kissing. I hadn’t planned it in the car, or in the cinema- even when I phoned
to arrange it with you! I didn’t think, ‘oh, I’ll get her back to my flat so I
can have sex with her’- I didn’t think that at all. I just felt lucky enough to
be going out with you! But… God; I just had to make love to you, I had
to. I had to be with you- it was so strong…”
I was thoughtful. Thinking back to last night, how I had
been pissed off with him, how hurt I’d felt when he’d tried to un-dress me when
he’d promised he wouldn’t. But then when he looked at me and told me that, ‘I
really, really want to make love to you’- how that had changed everything.
“What you said to me last night- that changed my mind…
no-one’s said that to me before,” I said to him, looking back up to his face.
“Said what?”
“That they want to make love to me,” my voice quivered
when I said that. No-one’s ever said that to me before.”
A grin spread across his face. “I can’t believe that,” he
said, wiping the matted bits if hair that had stuck onto my red, sticky cheeks.
“You sent me into a trance,” I told him. “When you said
that, it got to me- a lot. ‘Cos no-one’s ever been like that with me before.
No-one’s… wanted me as much as you did.”
“I wanted you more than anything!” He beamed. “And I
never, ever would have made you do anything you didn’t want me to. I
asked you if you wanted to come into the bedroom, and you said yes, so I took
you.”
“I never said you made me do anything I didn’t want to,” I
assured him. “I think I went along with it because I was so touched inside-
that you wanted to be with me.”
“I’m sorry you can’t remember last night,” he said,
looking away from me uneasily, and I felt my heart begin to beat fast.
“I’m really sorry you can’t remember how amazing it was…”
I couldn’t stop the smile. It must have looked so abstract
on a red, teary face, but it was there. I wanted to tell him. I felt so excited
suddenly.
“Christian!” I stopped him, and he looked back at me.
He frowned at my excited face.
“Christian- last night… I do remember! I do
remember it!”
He frowned deeper. “H-Huh? I-I thought you said you
couldn’t remem-”
“No! No! I couldn’t… this morning, I couldn’t! But
then… something made me remember!” I couldn’t stop the happiness in my voice.
“What made you remember?” He asked, still uncertain.
I seemed to blush. The way I’d remembered did seem pretty
embarrassing.
“Well- when- I was getting ready to phone you like I
promised I would. I’d been thinking all day, and I still had no idea what to
tell you. I was so confused. I was also really mad at myself for not
remembering any of what we did last night. When you kept telling me how amazing
it was- I hated it, ‘cos I couldn’t remember that. I just assumed you were
exaggerating ‘cos… well- you were a guy; and… well all I can remember is just
lying there!” I laughed nervously.
“That wasn’t a problem,” he smiled back at me genuinely.
“I wasn’t expecting you to jump me, or anything.”
I laughed.
“Would you have liked that?” I teased.
He raised his eyebrows at me expectantly, making me laugh.
“Seriously though, I couldn’t remember anything about this
morning, all I could remember was… was not doing much for you… so I assumed you
were exaggerating.”
“What made you change your mind?” He asked.
I smiled. “I fell asleep as I was… thinking, I guess. I
must have been tired. Anyways- I had this amazing dream…”
“You had a dream? A dream about what?”
“About us,” I smiled. “About you.”
Christian seemed suspicious. He wasn’t really trusting
what had changed my mind.
“What about me?”
I laughed. “Don’t look so concerned! The dream was- wow.
Amazing; wonderful. Showed me things as they really were. Let me remember
things that I should have known already.”
“You’re confusing me,” he frowned. “What should you have
known?”
“Last night,” I said, reaching up to the back of his neck
and caressing his hair gently. “Last night and how good last night was!”
“You dreamt about last night?” His tone was surprised now;
not uneasy.
I nodded.
“And… the dream showed you…?”
“How good we are together!” I said happily, bringing him
closer to me. “I dreamt everything that happened, but I felt it all, as well.
And when you said amazing… you were not wrong!”
I smiled back happily at him, excited about this bond
between us. But he hesitated, he couldn’t let a smile freely come. He wasn’t
sure.
“And… this dream- you believe it?”
I lost my smile. Why was he questioning me? “You don’t
believe me?” I said.
He did smile then; to reassure me. “It’s not that, Katherine.
I just… look; I don’t want you to… if… are you coming back to me?” He
asked straight out.
I’d wanted to talk more before I actually came to that-
but he wanted to know now.
“The dream certainly swayed my thinking,” I said.
“I want you to be sure,” he said to me, looking over my
face. “If you want to be with me, I want you to be sure.”
I looked back at him- moved beyond belief.
I knew how much he wanted to be with me. He was so
passionate this morning about not wanting to lose me and then tonight, telling
me I’m ‘the one’. He’d do almost anything to be with me.
Yet I was offering it to him- for us to be together; and
then he still wanted me to make sure it was what I truly wanted. He wasn’t
going to force me into anything.
My God- he was the most loving, caring, selfless person I
had ever known. To not be with him was to not know love itself.
“Christian,” I addressed him, “no-one- no-one has
ever made love to me like you did last night.”
He listened to me.
“I-I don’t really like sex all that much,” I confided.
“Everyone has always stated how utterly amazing it was, but my first time was
nothing special. It hurt; it wasn’t nice at all. And then after that, it’s
supposed to get better… but God, if what I shared last night with you- of
that’s what I’ve been missing- then thankyou so much for showing me how it’s
supposed to be.”
“But Katherine… last night, that was totally unique to me,
too,” he said.
“Oh come on, Christian!” I smiled. I didn’t need him to
make this easy on me. “You must have had sex like that countless of times…”
“No.”
He made me look at him, and his tone suddenly turned
serious. “No- I have never had a night like that- never ever.”
He looked so truthful.
“You mean that?” I asked.
“I mean that with all my heart. I was really scared what I
was going to feel when I was with you. I knew it would be- out of this world-
but I wasn’t sure if it was going to… going to like- work with me, or
against me.”
I frowned at his words, but he smiled. “I thought you were
too good for me.”
“What?!!” I laughed.
“You know this morning I said I felt like I was the
luckiest guy in the world when I woke up next to you. And I still think that
right now,” he said. “’Cos you are- you do more for me than anyone has.”
“I-I don’t understand,” I said; his feeling seemed so
deep… so suddenly.
“I don’t really expect you to,” he smiled. “As long… as
long as you’ll be here with me, as long as you’ll let me be in your life,
that’s all I want. I just want to… Katherine I’m in love with you.”
It still shook me inside whenever he said that, and I
still wasn’t completely sure I believed him. Love was such a huge thing- true,
true love. I’d experienced all that ‘baby love’ and new love that you have with
your childhood sweetheart or boyfriend you lust over.
But not true, real golden love.
I knew I wasn’t in love with Christian yet. I didn’t feel
enough over a significant amount of time for it to have developed yet. But I
wasn’t Christian; maybe he was more capable of loving than I was… I didn’t
know.
“You still don’t believe me when I say that- do you?” He
said to me.
“I-It’s just weird for me, that’s all,” I said, looking
down. I felt bad for not being able to believe him.
“I know it seems a bit… sudden and all- but this is really
what I feel. I would never lie to you- ever. You mean so much to me- when I
thought I’d lost you tonight… I felt like… I felt like part of me was dying,
or something…”
“Ohhh Christian,” I smiled.
“No- it’s true. When you didn’t ring, I thought that was
your way of breaking up with me. And God- I was going out of my mind…”
I laughed and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a
huge cuddle. “I’m sorry I didn’t ring. Hmmmm… whilst you were worrying about
losing me, I was having the best dream of my life…” I trailed off into a
huge grin, and he just slowly smiled back.
“What do you want, Katherine?” He asked me.
“Huh?”
He smiled. “From now on, with me. What do you want?”
“It’s up to me?” I inquired, surprised.
He smiled further. “Of course it’s up to you. I wanna be
with you, you know that. I always have, and I always will. But I don’t wanna
push you. However you want our relationship to me… it’s up to you, now. I’ll
just be here and love you all the same.”
“Awww Christian!” I felt tears in my eyes. “Why are you so
lovely to me?!”
“I just want you to be happy Katherine- that’s all,” he
said, playing with my hair.
“And I’m going to be happy with you!” I grinned back. “I
thought today about… about what happened last night, just being a mistake. A
mistake that we wouldn’t be able to get back from. But then I thought about
life without you… and I hated it. It looked so empty. And then after that dream
last night, I realised that a mistake as it was… it was a very nice
mistake!” And I grinned.
But he didn’t return the grin.
“You still think this is- it was a mistake?” He asked.
I sighed. ‘Ohhh Christian, as much as I loved last night,
sleeping with you was still really soon. It was only our first date! I-I just-
I’m still not comfortable with it.”
“Hey- that’s okay,” he stroked my head and smiled. “But do
you regret it?”
“Erm… no; no, I don’t regret it.”
The words just came out of my mouth. I didn’t have to
think about it anymore. I was just glad last night had happened at the
moment. That I’d been part of it!
“You don’t?” His eyes shone.
I giggled. “That doesn’t mean- that’s to say…” I could see
he was thinking excitedly about ‘more’ to do with me. “Christian- I want to go slow!”
I blurted out.
His thoughts seemed to cease. He looked at me, waiting for
an explanation.
“I can’t… I can’t, like, we can’t just sleep together from
now on,” I told him, feeling uneasy. I wasn’t sure how he was gonna take this.
“Last night was a one-off until… until we get to know each other better.”
I looked at him to gage his reaction.
“Hey- look, that’s fine,” he said.
“Are you sure?” I eyed him carefully.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he half-nodded. “I know what you mean;
where you’re coming from.”
“Did you just want to be with me only if we like, had a sexual
relationship?” I said, and then nearly kicked myself for how stupid that
sounded!
“No! No way,” he said earnestly. “I’d be with you
if all we did was hold hands.”
I laughed. “Yeah- right!”
He grinned. ‘Well, okay, I’d expect more than that when you’re
my girlfriend…” His face was inches away from mine now.
“So you’re okay with it all? Going slow from now on? Just
dating? Until… well, yes,” I grinned shyly.
“We can go as slow as you like,” he promised. “I’d do
anything for you.”
“Awww!” I couldn’t help but feel really gushy when he said
things like that. He was the sweetest person I’d ever, ever met.
“And I mean that. Don’t wanna go through today again… ogh,
it was horrible,” he shuddered.
“Tell me about it,” I muttered, agreeing.
“I’ve only just met you, but already I know… if I’d lost
you…” He trailed off as if it was too hard to think about. He looked back into
my eyes. “Never been in love before… am scared how it makes me feel.”
I frowned slightly. “I don’t wanna be scaring you, sweetheart!” I half-laughed.
A smile escaped. “No- you don’t scare me. Just my
feelings! When am around you… argh, I dunno! You’re just like a strength; like
an inspiration to me.”
“Your feelings for me are so deep!” I exclaimed, as
he’d shocked me again. “No wonder you get scared!”
“I just hope I can control myself,” he smiled at me, and I
thought- control yourself from what?!!
“Can I kiss you now?” He suddenly asked.
I laughed. “Have you been waiting?!”
“I’ve been waiting all day,” he pointed out, and
brought my face to his and our lips connected.
I could kiss him freely now- I’d said about all I wanted
to say to him- now I just wanted to act upon it! And I needed to kiss him, and
for him to kiss me; quite badly. His lips were so soft when they moved
with mine, it was just such an experience! I know it had something to do with
the bond between us though- made our kisses special and memorable. And when he
hesitantly added his tongue, I took it gratefully and we relaxed into each
other, totally pouring our feelings out through our lips.
We stayed locked in a passionate embrace for quite a
while- needing it more than anything. It was just good to be close to each
other again, and knowing we both knew where we stood in the relationship now-
we were honest and straight with each other, and so there were no more nasty
surprises to come. Nothing to worry about going wrong- I, for one, made the
most of him.
I pulled away after a while though, out of our little ball
of love that we’d somehow created on the sofa- we’d cuddled up tight to each
other- it looked like we were in some kind of cave!
“Happy?” I asked stupidly.
“Very,” he said, kissing me again, the grin on his face
evident of that.
“I just wanna say sorry for anything that I put you
through today. Anything I said… nasty, insensitive, tactless… am really sorry,”
I apologised.
“Katherine- it’s alright!” He laughed. “I understand- it
was all a bit much this morning.”
“Am glad we sorted things out,” I smiled, and then the one
thing that was niggling at me pushed its way into the forepart of my mind.
“Aaaand… I’m gonna have to go now, Christian.”
“Oh,” he said, face falling.
“It’s getting quite late,” I told him, knowing it must be
around 10-ish. “And I hate driving in the dark.”
“I’ll take you!” He offered immediately, making me laugh.
“Don’t be silly! My car’s here! Anyway, if I leave now,
it’s not too bad. But mmm…” I gave him a quick linger of a kiss, “I had to come
see you!”
“Am glad you did,” he mused at me, thoughtfully.
I released myself from his hold, reluctantly, and then adjusted
myself a little bit.
It was a bit weird actually- I wasn’t sure what to say to
him now! Arrange another date, I guess. Wow… that felt weird!
“Erm… shall we call each other?” I asked him, a little
nervously, feeling a bit silly.
“Sure,” he said, and he still seemed to be in a little
world of his own.
Haha- that was understandable after we kissed like that.
“Okay! Well, I better go,” I said to him, suddenly feeling
a mixture of things- awkward for some reason at what we did next practically,
and hating it also when we parted.
I jumped up from the sofa, hoping he’d follow suite.
“Katherine!” He suddenly called out, and I turned to him a
little startled, and he was looking at me really intently.
“What?” I asked him, and he leant forward and took my hand
in his. He suddenly looked a little desperate.
“Katherine, will… can you stay the night?”