~Oh dear… it’s anotha silly chap am afraid, lol! I’m sorryyyy- I pull myself together really soon, I promise! *Cough* and ummm… this is a bit of a funny chap to me, lol, it’s a bit personal to me… finding out a few things that you prob shldn’t know, haha. But anyways, it’s not too bad, I s’pose. Oh, and at the end… well at least Taz will appreciate it if no1 else does- hehehhee! The next chapter tho, is my absolute faaaaaave eva of LTD, so am looking fwd to u lot all reading that, hehe! But shall letcha get on and read now, anyways… lotsa luv, Kate xx~

Chapter 25

I snatched my hands away from his, and stared at him in disbelief.

Was he for real?!

"What?!" I accused him angrily.

"Kath-"

"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?!" I almost shrieked. Oh my God- I couldn't believe this! After all we'd spoken about tonight- he still had this fixed idea in his head that he was going to sleep with me!

Oh- what the hell was the point anymore?!

"Katherine- please! Please listen to me," he pleaded.

"I wanna go slow!" I almost whined at him. "Can't you understand that?! Dating. I want us to date and have fun! Why does it have to be so serious already?!"

"Katherine- please," he took my hand again, trying to be calm. "You don't even know what I want yet."

"Of course I bloody do! You want to sleep with me tonight!" I cried back at him.

"Exactly," he replied smoothly, "I want to sleep with you. Just- sleep."

My breathing slowed a little, and my emotions clamed down. What was he saying?

"I want to sleep next to you tonight- that's all. Please; I- I need you here, tonight. After everything that's happened tonight... and today... I need you with me tonight." He looked into my eyes appealingly, "I don't want you to go."

I looked back at him, torn between what to do.

I couldn't stay. Even if he didn't want 'sex', I shouldn't stay the night with him. It was still a big thing in a relationship. I should just say no; go home... to my own bed- sleep there.

But then I was looking into the most refreshing, melting emerald green eyes I had ever seen, and I could see how much he wanted me to stay. And I couldn't fight the bottled feelings deep within me that wanted to stay here with him, too.

I didn't want to go home, either.

"Look- I will not try anything on with you, I swear," he said adamantly. "And if I do at all... if I do anything you don't want me to... you can shout at me, scream at me, kick me outta bed- hit me of you want! But I'm sure you won't need to, 'cos I just won't, anyway. I just want you there." He squeezed my hand. "Please Katherine."

How could I deny him that? I wanted it, too. I wanted him there tonight- I had these niggly feelings in my head that I wanted him there every night.

And as long as tonight was innocent and safe- then could it really be of any harm?

"Okay," I replied shortly. "Okay, I'll stay."

He couldn't even smile, he was so relieved. He just let out a huge sigh of solace, and brought me over to him so he could cuddle me tight.

"Thankyou- thankyou so much," he whispered.

I hugged him back, still feeling slightly dubious about the whole thing.

I gently let myself down so I was sitting on his lap, and with my arms around his neck, and eyed him suspiciously.

"Christian- I- I-" How was I gonna say this?

"You what?" He answered back.

"I- I'm worried about you."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You're worried?"

"I think you like me too much," I said, looking down, feeling awkward. "I'm worried that I can't give you what you need. I'm worried what you'll be like the day you realise I'm not everything."

"Katherine." He tilted my head up towards him, and he smiled at me. "My feelings about you aren't going to change. One day- one day you'll realise how much you mean to me. And until then, you have nothing to be worried about- I know what I'm doing."

"Sorry," I apologised for being over-bearing.

But he just gave me a comforting smile, and reached behind my head so he could bring my face to his for a soft kiss. "I love that you care so much. But I'm just so glad that you're staying tonight."

A thought popped into my head. "I haven't got anything to wear," I said.

"Oh- don't worry, I'll find you something," he said to me.

"When are we going to bed?" I asked him.

He grinned at me- I think he liked hearing me say that! "Now?" He offered.

I wondered if I was ready. When he said that, a few flickers woke up in my stomach, but I didn't feel too bad. I guess I was ready.

"Okay," I replied.

He smiled. "Great- let's go," and I got up off his lap, and not letting go of me, he led me out of the lounge, flicking the light off as he went, and then we walked down the hallway to the bedroom.

I felt like I was re-tracing the steps from the night before, but this time, I knew exactly what I was doing, and I knew that I could stop if I wanted to.

He turned the light on, and even though I felt more assured, I couldn't help but shiver when I saw the room again, particularly the bed.

I think Christian sensed it, and he looked at me. "You ok?" He checked.

I nodded, but he still looked concerned, and came to put his arms around me again.

"It's only me," he smiled. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to sleep by your side."

I nodded, trying to let his words get me to relax.

"Come on," he smiled. "Let's see what you can wear!"

He let go of me and went over to the wardrobe. He opened it, and I hung back whilst he filed through, looking for something I could wear for the night.

I glanced hesitantly at the bed, and tried to block out the image of us together on it. But I didn't regret it anymore, did I? And I'd loved it! A wash of happiness dawned on me, and I shivered out of pleasure then. In a way, I was glad to be back here.

"Ahhh," Christian announced, and then he turned around and threw a dark blue shirt at me.

I caught it, and he grinned at me.

"Put that on," he said. "You'll look cute in that."

I gasped at him in mock horror. "You're supposed to get me something I can wear for the night, not something I'll look cute in!"

He laughed. "You can look cute in bed! And besides, you look cute in anything."

I blushed. "I do not."

He walked over and planted a kiss on my forehead. "Yup, you do."

I looked at the shirt. "This gonna fit me?"

"Yup, should do. I picked a long one," he said.

"Hmmm, I'll probably reach down to my stomach and then stop," I commented suspiciously.

"Would I do that to you?" He said to me sweetly, a glint in his eye.

"Er... yes!" I laughed, giving him a playful shove. "Can I go to the bathroom and get changed? What are you wearing?"

"You want me to go naked?" He asked me.

"Not particularly," I answered.

"How rude!"

I laughed lightly. "Christian, be serious. You have to be clothed."

"Alright, I'll go find a T-shirt or something," he replied. "And yeah, you go get changed."

I nodded, and walked over to the 'en suite' bathroom, and closed the door behind me as I went in.

Hmmm, things were okay so far. Hadn't got in bed yet, though... oh Kate, everything will be fine- don't worry.

I got changed into the blue shirt he'd given me- mmm-nice blue! Really midnight-y. And it actually draped down to mid-thigh length, so I was pretty satisfied with that. Washing myself gently, I couldn't help but do myself up in the mirror. I tidied my hair in a way so my awful ears that I hated didn't stick out, and then practised my most seductive smiles to try out on him.

And then I told myself off, 'cos I wasn't supposed to be seducing him, anyway.

I sighed, and once I realised I was done, carried my clothes and exited the bathroom.

His eyes lit up when he saw me- he was all changed into T-shirt and boxers, and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for me.

"Yes?" I inquired, walking over and dropping my clothes into the chair.

"Come here," he beckoned suggestively, and I sighed and went over to him, and gave a little cry of surprise when he grabbed my hand, pulled me onto him kissing me long and passionately. "I knew you'd look good in that," he told me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're terrible!"

"You're beautiful," he said back, and started kissing me again.

And I just let him, 'cos it was really nice and I was enjoying it. He did have his hand on my leg, but that was all. I felt comfortable and in control of the situation.

I pulled back after a while and said, "aren't we supposed to be going to sleep?"

"Are you tired?" He asked.

"I am, actually," I replied awkwardly, and he laughed.

"Okay- go on then- get in bed!! Haha! You don't want a drink or anything, do you?"

"Nah," I replied, letting him go and getting off him, before climbing under the covers of the king-size double bed.

I instinctively went over to what had become 'my side of the bed'- the left side.

"Chris?" I suddenly asked.

"Yup?" He replied, waiting until I'd got settled before getting in beside me.

"Did you change the sheets?" I asked him, wondering why I was asking this anyway. "From last night?"

"Erm... no," he replied, cuddling up, and then he smiled brightly at me. "We made love on here last night!"

I felt another little shiver run through me- I hated and loved being reminded of that all at once.

I blushed. "I know," I said quietly.

"But we won't tonight. Don't worry sweetheart, am not planning anything," and he kissed me on the forehead.

Feeling better, I snuggled down a bit under the covers. "No a1 tomorrow?" I asked casually.

"Nooo- am still on holiday!" He said, and then cuddled up right next to me, and pulled me over so I was resting on his chest. "I can have you all to myself," he whispered.

"You want to spend the day with me?" I asked, a little surprised, but loving cuddling up to him like this.

"Well- yeah!" He laughed. "Was hoping to!"

"Hmmm," I mused.

"Are you busy?" He asked, concerned.

"No- it's not that. What are we going to do?" I asked him.

"Oh- so you expect a fun-filled day, jam-packed with lots of interesting activities, do you?!" He laughed, and I couldn't help but join in.

"I wouldn't expect anything less!"

"Well- I dunno. Anything you wanna do. I don't mind," he replied.

"Hmmm, we'll see," I said, not having a clue what I wanted to do. "I want to watch the Grand Prix, though."

"The what?!"

"The Grand Prix," I laughed and then said mockingly, "it's French for 'big prize'!"

"Yes, I know that, thankyou very much," he replied, slightly ticking me off and I laughed more. "You mean cars?"

"Yes I mean cars!"

He screwed his nose up slightly, making him look really cute. "You like that sorta thing?"

"Christian, I've been liking Formula One since I was like 10, or something!" I laughed.

"Erm... why?" He asked, giving me the impression that he thought I was kinda... mad!

I smiled, and gave him a little cuddle.

"It's... exciting!"

"Am I exciting?"

I looked up at him. "Awww, you're very exciting," I promised him.

He smiled, and then leaned down to put his lips onto mine and began to gently kiss me. I reached up to kiss him too, gently resting on top of him as I did so.

I felt his tongue touch mine gently during our kissing, and begin exploring all round my mouth, pulling me closer as he did so. I loved the way he kissed; it was like having a conversation with him. He told me so many things when he kissed me, and I told him so much back, letting my tongue do a little exploring along the way.

He tasted so nice- so sweet and ararghhh, it was just Christian- I loved being with him so, so much.

But perhaps our kissing was getting a bit too intense.

He slid his hands under the covers so they were resting on my bare legs and then started sliding them up, to the inside of my thigh and rubbing affectionately.

I couldn't deny it felt sooo good, sending all this throbbing sensations to the pit of my stomach- but I knew I had to stop it.

"Christian- don't," I stated, breaking away from him, and then I rolled off him and onto my back beside him.

I sighed. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.

"I-I'm sorry about that," he said to me, looking up at the ceiling.

"It doesn't matter. Let's just get to sleep," I said, not really wanting to talk about it, and I turned over away from him, and tried to settle down again.

But then I felt him lean over me.

"I'm really sorry Katherine," he said, sounding really apologetic.

I smiled a small smile he couldn't see, and I reached back with my hand and pulled his arms around me, wanting him near me as we slept, telling him he was forgiven. "I know you are," I said.

"Katherine, can I ask you something?" He asked me quietly into my neck.

"Mmm?" I murmured, feeling tired.

"Tell me about Tim."

My eyes flicked open when he mentioned that name. That was a dangerous subject to talk about, and I wasn't sure him I wanted him knowing it- at all.

I shifted uncomfortably.

"Katherine?"

"I- I'd really rather not talk about him," I managed to say.

He gave me a cuddle. "Sweetheart, it's okay. I- I just want to know where he stands in your life at the minute."

"Christian- he wasn't really anything in my life," I said, turning over so I could face him when I said this. "He was just this really, really stupid crush who I thought I was in love with for about 2 years- but I never even spoke to him; and when- when my friend told him I liked him..." I trailed off, remembering when Karen had done that. I had been so embarrassed and wanted to curl up and die; but I also felt strangely thrilled as well that he was going to find out I liked him. A little bit of hope inside me told me something may come of this.

And then Karen had come back and told me what he'd said.

"What happened?" Christian asked gently.

"He said that I had no chance with him." Even saying it now made me choke up a little.

"Ohh Katherine," he comforted, pulling me close into a tight hug.

"Oh, I don't even know why I'm telling you this," I muttered, feeling silly. "It's not relevant at all."

"Of course it is," Christian reassured. "You thought of him this morning, didn't you?"

I was sooo glad he couldn't see me cringe beneath him. "I never should have done that. I'm sooo sorry."

"No- don't be sorry! I'm glad you said that... in a way. I want us to be honest with each other."

I looked up at him; looked him straight in the eye. "I don't love Tim, Christian. I hope you understand that."

He smiled at me weakly, and then he opened his mouth, like he was about to say something, but then he changed his mind.

"No, I understand... but you still think about him a lot?"

He did see me blush then. "I can't help it," I said. "I've just been used to him always being there, it's hard to just forget- even though I think he's a total loser, now."

Christian laughed. "A loser for not liking you?"

"Exactly!" I grinned. "But no- he has a girlfriend, anyway. But he- he- he's not been very nice to me since he found out I liked him."

Christian frowned slightly. "Why? What's he done?" He asked, suspicious.

"Oh- no, I don't really want to say," I said, suddenly feeling awkward.

"No- tell me," Christian said, suddenly being firm. "I want to know."

"Ohhh Chris, it's not much- really it isn't! He'll just... like play with my emotions a little bit. Like snog Rachel in front of me and stuff, act all coupley with her, like, 'look I'm with someone and it's not you'- rubbing me in it. It's just to wind me up, and I hate to admit it, but it works. And then... then, last month... there was this Easter Party at Uni. And that..." I paused, memories becoming really too painful to think about, feelings that I wanted to be buried forever coming back to me.

It was still too fresh to forget.

"I'm going to cry," I whispered, looking away from him, feeling really, really awful suddenly.

That Easter party had been the worst day of my life.

Christian pulled me in tighter to him, but I wasn't sure if I even wanted him to be there anymore. I wish we'd never brought this stupid topic up. Stupid Tim. Fucking stupid, arsehole, pathetic twat Tim.

"Okay, okay, we won't talk about that anymore," Christian said, rubbing my head gently. "I don't want you to cry. I hate when you cry."

I wasn't crying though; not yet. But I felt pretty close.

"Let me tell you something. Something which may make you feel better," Christian suddenly said.

I settled into him, holding him tightly, just needing his support now. He had a nice reassuring feel and smell about him, making me feel all warm and safe.

It was just Christian.

"For the past three years or so... maybe longer, am not sure... I've been in love with this girl..."

My ears suddenly pricked up, and I felt a rush of panic run through my body. In love? With another girl? That wasn’t something that I wanted to hear!

"She... she was like my infatuation for ages. She was so beautiful- long blonde hair, blue eyes that just sparkled everytime she smiled, she was tall and slim and delicate- she looked like a model. She was gorgeous- I wanted her so much."

I felt my stomach begin to tie itself in knots, making me feel sick and queasy. I wasn't sure I liked this story much at all.

He carried on. "I'd do anything to be with her. I sent her flowers, presents, cards, I did all these gestures for her. I wrote about 1000 songs, all for her. But even though I kept asking and asking, I always got the same answer: she just wanted to be friends- and that was it. She didn't think of me in any other way... I was so, so depressed."

Not sure yet how I was completely reacting to what he was saying, I just swallowed hard and carried on listening.

“And every other girl I looked at, or went out with… just didn’t compare. Nothing compared to her- she was just prefect. I didn’t want anyone else- I just wanted her.

“Does this kinda sound like Tim?”

He stopped, and I lay there thoughtful, taking it all in. And then I nodded- it did…

“See? Maybe we’re the same. Nothing ever happened with her, just like you say nothing happened with you and Tim. She was just a major huge crush… someone who I was besotted with,” he said.

“What was her name?” I asked quietly.

“Lene,” he replied, and I suddenly had a name for the girl I hated in my head. No- that’s too harsh. I didn’t hate her. But she had got to Christian… in a way probably no-one else, including me, ever would.

“I thought I’d never get over her! I was trying to move on, but it was hard. Nothing could compare to her, yet she just kept rejecting me…”

“That must have been hard for you,” I suddenly commented. “You were doing all of those things and nothing was working.”

“Yeah, I felt like my heart was breaking. I couldn’t have her, and I didn’t want anyone else besides her. But… then I began to realise I couldn’t be obsessed with her all my life, I had to move on, but it was really hard. Was it hard moving on from Tim?”

I nodded. “Yeah, still is.”

“It was weird letting go off Lene. I thought about her so much, it’s as if we were a couple in my head.”

I could relate to that. I felt like I’d cheated on Tim this morning with Christian! It was stupid, but crushes can really get to you.

“Are you still in love with her?” I asked him, suddenly dying to know the answer.

He pulled away from me a little, so he could smile at me. “I love you,” he said back to me. “I’m in love with you. Lene- Lene who? You’re the only girl in my life at the minute.”

Those words did so much to me. Made me crumble inside, and want to burst out crying.

Ohhh, how could he love me- how? I’m not that much of a person, I’m just Kate.

“I still think about Lene, course I do. But I don’t wanna be with her anymore. Ever since I met you- you’re the girl that’s been in my heart, in my mind, all the time. And just being with you now… just lying next to you… I can’t describe it. It- it’s prefect.”

He smiled broadly at me, and I couldn’t hold it anymore, and I felt myself break down into tears.

“Katherine?” Through the blurred vision of tears, I could see him frowning, confused as to why I was suddenly crying. But I was finding it hard to look at him at all now, and I closed my eyes tight.

He thought I was perfect- but I’m not.

He thinks that I’m all he wants- I’m not.

He’s in love with me… and I’m not in love with him.

I felt so bad, that’s why I was crying.

“Katherine,” he reached out for me, but I flinched away from him, scared to be close all of a sudden. I turned over, so I was facing away from him, and cried into the pillow.

“Katherine, what’s wrong? What have I said? Why are you crying?” He sounded so concerned from behind me, touching me gently, but I just shrunk away whenever he did so.

I couldn’t be around him, I wasn’t worthy. He thought so much of me. Too much. I felt so ungrateful; I didn’t feel as much back. I was angry at myself for not being in love with him. Why couldn’t I? Why?!!

Why did I have to feel like I was just using him?!

“Is it Lene?” He asked. “Are you upset about her? Katherine- she’s all in the past, I promise you! She’s in Norway, ages from here, and I’m getting over her now. Especially now you’re here. You’re the girl I’m meant to be with, I know it. You’re the one I love-”

“Christian, please don’t!” I sobbed out loud, cutting him short. Just hearing more things like that made me feel worse.

“Katherine? Katherine, please look at me… please tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded, rocking me gently.

I didn’t really know what to say to him. What I was feeling- it wasn’t anything to do with him, he hadn’t done anything. It was all me. How I felt inside, how I was responding to his feelings.

I was upset I didn’t feel the same as him. I felt half what he felt for me. And God- this was such a one-sided relationship!! I felt so bad for being as useless as this.

I continued to cry into the pillow, hating myself and Christian’s worries got ever stronger.

“Katherine? Please- don’t- don’t cry… please.” He leant down and cuddled me tight, giving me some firm, affectionate kisses on my head, before resting his head onto it. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered.

I felt myself stopping; the sobs becoming less and less and I felt calmer.

I could hear him breathing- he was right near my ear, and just having him cuddle up to me, I suddenly felt a lot safer. I no longer didn’t want him touching me- I felt so comforted he cared why I was crying for one, and that he wanted me to stop.

He sounded upset- I stopped as to not upset him further.

When I’d almost totally stopped crying, I felt him lift his head up from me.

“Katherine?” He asked tentatively. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t reply. I just lay there, still, breathing steadily.

“Why were you crying? Please tell me why you were crying,” he pleaded to me.

“I- I can’t give you what you need,” I choked out from in the pillow somewhere.

“Sorry?”

“I can’t give you what you need, Christian! I can’t be who you want me to be- I’m not perfect! I’m gonna hurt you so much…” I felt myself beginning to cry again.

“W-What? What makes you think that?” He asked, really confused.

“You love me so much, and I don’t! You see me as this perfect girl- like, ‘the one’, but I don’t feel what you feel for me… I’m scared I’m gonna hurt you,” I sobbed.

There- now I’d told him how I was feeling. I wondered how he’s take to it.

But all I heard was a low chuckle above me. Now that really surprised me. He was… laughing?!

“You are not gonna hurt me!” He smiled, leaning down and rubbing his head against mine. “Is that what you’re crying for?! Ohhh sweetheart- I don’t expect you to love me back,” he laughed. “I’m working on it! My feelings for you are really huge, I know that! But I don’t expect you to feel the same back! Not at this stage anyway. I’m hoping one day though… we’re gonna be so in love! But at the moment, I’m just so glad to be lying next to you.

“So don’t get upset- I completely understand. You’re not gonna hurt me Katherine, I know that much.”

“How do you know I’m not gonna hurt you?” I replied, breathing hard, unable to believe I was on the verge of feeling… better!

“Because I trust you! I trust you enough to be the one I wanna be with. Okay- I may not be the one you wanna be with yet- but we’ll see how it goes. Am gonna do my best to be the best damn boyfriend ever!”

I felt myself break out into a smile then, and felt so overjoyed and moved that he understood… understood and accepted how I felt!

“Don’t cry, okay?” He whispered into my ear. “I hate when you cry- I want your time with me to be happy.”

Ohhh, I am happy, I thought, I feel a lot happier now!

“Thankyou,” I mumbled to him, and he just smiled.

“You’re tired. You need to get to sleep.” He lowered his voice suddenly and placed himself above my ear, “let me help you.”

A little perplexed, I wanted to frown, but he stopped me.

He started singing really, really softly into my ear, soothingly, coaxing me to sleep.

“I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy

I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need

I’ll love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do

I will be strong, I will be faithful ‘cos I’m counting on

A new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning, yeah

I wanna stand with you on a mountain

I wanna bathe with you in the sea

I wanna lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me.”

Oh my God!!! That was my favourite song! My most favourite song in the whole world!!

How did he know that?!

Oh my God, oh my God, I can't believe he just sang that to me!!

Ohh, it's so beautiful- did he mean those lyrics for me?!

No-one's ever sung that to me before!

No-one's ever sung anything to me before!

Oh my God, he sang to me!!

He's got such an amazing voice!

Oh my God, I can't breathe... that was wonderful!

Wonderful and magical and... my God!!!

"Sleep tight," he whispered, and kissed my hair softly before suddenly leaving my body, and I felt him lay on the other side of the bed.

I lay there a moment, stunned, I couldn't believe he's gone! I wanted him back!

I was still so amazed he'd sung to me, my thoughts just didn't make much sense. But now he'd left me to go to sleep... and it wasn't nice. It wasn't nice being alone. I wanted him back- to cuddle up to me!

A lay there a few moments, trying to let everything soak in. Not just what he'd sung to me, and not just what he'd told me... I let everything soak in.

The fact that I'd driven to his flat this evening to tell him that I wanted to go slow with him... and everything wonderful that he'd told me there, sat on the sofa. And just the way he'd kissed me, just the way he'd wanted me.

I was so, so lucky.

And then, when he'd wanted to sleep with me tonight- even though I’d told him I wanted to go slow, I’d contradicted myself and done it- just because I’d wanted to be with him tonight, too.

And now I’m lying in bed next to him, and he's been so lovely to me, throughout everything. He understands about Tim, and he's told me all about Lene. I bet that couldn't have been easy for him, but he'd done it anyway.

And how had I reacted? By just bursting into tears! Feeling sorry for myself, that I wasn't good enough for him, and worrying I was gonna hurt him by not feeling the same as he did.

How selfish could I get?

I didn't even think how it must look for him- looking after his crazy girlfriend who bursts into tears everytime you tell her that you love her.

Girlfriend was what I was now. And I wasn't particularly being a very good one.

Whereas he was being the most wonderful, understanding, caring boyfriend I’d ever, ever had.

So why was I lying on the opposite side of the bed to him, then?!

I turned myself over, face feeling a little blotched, but looked over at him lying on his back on the other side, eyes closed.

He looked so perfect lying there- so sweet and gorgeous and he was mine.

He loved me!

I turned myself completely around to face him, moved closer, and then snuggled up to him, putting my head on his chest, and my arms around him, nestling myself to get comfortable on him.

He opened one eye and looked down at me, a grin spreading onto his face. But he didn't say anything; just smiled to himself and put his hand on my head, so as to show me silently that he knew I was there.

I felt better now- much better.

Snuggled up to him in bed, it felt so right, felt like I’d found the missing piece in my life.

Where had he been all these nights I’d been alone? How had I survived without him?

I needed him. I needed him badly, and I felt things changing inside of me as I lay there, drifting off to sleep.

"I don't deserve you," I whispered.