Chapter 6

I played the message again.

And again. And again.

In fact, I think I played it through about 4 or 5 times.

And every time I heard him speak again and again, “I can’t make it this afternoon,” I began to feel more and more deflated.

I was devastated.

He’d cancelled.

Just like that.

He must have done it this morning, when I was in the shower, or asleep or something.

But I felt so let down.

Ok, I’d been really, really nervous about it, but I’d also been really, really looking forward to it. I was so excited and proud that he’d asked me out. Me! Plain old little old me- Kate from Boston! I was really excited that maybe this could be the start of something BIG for us. Maybe we could end up being a couple, just like Abbie had said!

But now, it was plainly obvious that he’d cancelled because he wasn’t interested anymore.

I mean, come on. I’m not stupid.

“Something’s come up”- What kind of lame excuse is that?

He didn’t even give me an explanation. Well, not a proper one.

No, the truth was he must have woken up that morning and thought, “My God! What the hell did I arrange to go out with her, for? She’s about as attractive and as interesting as a lamppost! I’d better phone and cancel now before it’s too late and arraghhhh! She thinks we’re going out- what was I thinking?!!”

Something along the lines of that.

And he’d phone again later?

Whatever.

There was about as much chance of that happening as me believing that anything was ever gonna happen between us anyway.

I just wasn’t good enough for him.

He’s a pop star, for God sake. Why was I kidding myself like that?

For God sake Kate, Tim doesn’t even wanna go out with you! What makes you think Christian from a1 would?

But it’s just… all those nice things he’d said to me yesterday. About fancying me and us getting on so well…

Had that all been spur-of-the-moment talk?

Must’ve been, ‘cos it wasn’t true now.

I might as well give up on him.

I sat there in silence for a bit, just holding my mug of untouched cocoa, feeling really stupid. I couldn’t help it; but I wanted to cry.

I’d been so excited about it, and now he’s gone and let me down. I felt really hurt. Why can’t I ever have a love life? All my friends have got someone and I’m always on my own, looking pathetic.

It’s not fair.

Why do I always make everything go wrong? What had I said yesterday on the phone that had made him change his mind?

I’d said some really stupid things actually. Like teasing him for not liking horror movies and snapping at him for calling me so early.

I must have really put him off.

Oh God! I am so stupid.

It could have been really good, but now I’ve gone and screwed it up.

Oh, well done Kate.

Thoroughly miserable and deflated, I stared down at the Options. I didn’t want it anymore.

I thought about the way I’d planned to do my hair, how I’d planned everything out, my outfit waiting to be worn on the bed…

I did have a few tears actually. I couldn’t help it; I was soooo disappointed.

Best day of my life to the worst day, just like that.

I slowly sat up and went solemnly into the kitchen. I tipped the warm cocoa into the sink, and put the mug in there, too. I went into the bedroom and methodically put my outfit away.

I tried not to think about it.

I decided to get changed into something a lot more ‘slobby’- so I flung on some trackie bottoms, a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. I’d suddenly lost a lot of effort and enthusiasm for anything anymore.

I dried my hair and let that down to dry out, whilst I slowly re-planned my Sunday afternoon. It was midday now- well, just past. What had I planned to do before the date with Christian? I was just going to chill, wasn’t I? Put on some music, read a book, stuff like that. But it did sound like second- rate stuff compared to going out on a date with Christian from a1…

Ohhhh, it was so not fair…

I was messing around, generally doing nothing for the next half an hour or so, when the phone rang.

I picked it up.

“Hello?” I said, pretty miserably.

“Kate! Arragghhh! How are you doing? How are you getting along? Everything ok?” Abbie cried down the other end.

I opened my mouth to tell her when she said, “I just had to call you to wish you good luck!”

(Told you she would)

“You must be soooo excited! How’s everything going, then? Got an outfit, yet?”

“Erm… Abbie…” I tried to say.

“What I’d do Kate, is like wear something casual, and like, comfortable, but also really cute as well…”

“Abbie!”

“What?” She asked, stopping.

“I’m not going anymore,” I told her. “He phoned this morning to cancel.”

There was a silence on the other end, before she said,

“Oh Kate! Oh Kate- no! What happened?!” She actually sounded really upset.

“He just phoned to say something else had come up and he couldn’t make it. Well- I didn’t actually speak to him; there was a message on my answer phone this morning.”

“Oh Kate! You must be devastated!” She cried in sympathy.

“Yeah, pretty much,” I agreed.

“Oh honey! Oh, I wish I could give you a hug!” She sighed, making me laugh.

“I guess it shouldn’t matter,” I told her. “There are plenty more fish in the sea, and all that.”

“But Kate! This was Christian from a1. Thee Christian. Gorgeous, superstar Christian!”

Did she have to rub it in?!!

“Yeah, yeah. But if he wasn’t interested, then he wasn’t int-“

“Whadda ya mean he “wasn’t interested” ?” Abbie asked, puzzled.

“Oh, come on!” I said. “He cancelled ‘cos he lost interest.”

“No! you said he’d said something had come up and he couldn’t make it,” repeated Abbie.

“Yeah- but that’s just his excuse! He just woke up and realised he didn’t really wanna go out with me anymore,” I said.

“Oh Kate- don’t be so silly!” Scolded Abbie. “I’ll bet you something with a1’s come up.”

“I don’t think so,” I said sullenly.

“Of course that’s what it is! Why would he arrange to go out with you and then suddenly change his mind?” She said.

“Because he’s just suddenly realised how ugly and boring I am,” I sulked.

“Oh Kate, no! Don’t be so silly! That’s not it at all,” Abbie argued. “Something with a1 came up and he had to go and do it, that’s all. He’ll call again.”

“No he won’t,” I said.

“Yes, he will!” Abbie laughed.

“But it was his free weekend this weekend with a1! He was supposed to be having it off,” I sighed.

“Well Kate, they can’t decide when they’re needed. The management do that. And when the magazines or whatever want them in, then there’s not a lot they can do about it,” Abbie explained.

“But, I just think there’s something else to it, that’s all,” I said.

“Look Kate- what are you doing this afternoon now?” Asked Abbie, suddenly.

“Nothing,” I said glumly.

“Well- why don’t we go and see Bridget Jones’s Diary? I want to see it too, y’know. Come on! It’ll cheer you up!” She said.

“I dunno…” I said. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t feel like going out after what had happened.

“Pleeeeassse Kate! It’ll be good, I promise. Come on. I’ll pick you up in an hour and we’ll go and see the movie,” she said.

“Well…”

“Come on!”

“Ok! Ok!” I laughed, giving up. “Let’s go.”

“Cool! It’ll cheer you up, Kate. And we can talk about things more,” she said.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore,” I said, miserable again.

“You might be feeling better by then,” Abbie suggested.

“Doubt it,” I said.

“Oh c’mon Kate! We’ll see how it goes. I’ll see you in about 45 minutes, ok?” Abbie said.

“Alright then. See you,” I said.

“Bye,” Abbie said.

I put the phone down and sighed. I wasn’t really that into going to the cinema now, especially without Christian, but I guess Abbie was right. I had to cheer myself up. And soon. I didn’t want to get depressed about this!

I had a bite to eat, and then got changed- again- into jeans and a top.

I tried to cheer myself up a bit before Abbie came, but it was hard. There just wasn’t any drive anymore. I bet I was going to be great company for Abbie- really miserable and sulky!

Abbie came round at about 1.15pm and she gave me a big hug as soon as she saw me! I was really grateful to her for trying to cheer me up like this. She was a good mate!

We’d been mates for quite a long time, actually. Since the early days of secondary school. It was weird- what had got us talking had been our braces! We’d both had fixed braces at the time and both agreed they were pretty annoying! And we’d been best friends ever since then. Gosh, that was nearly 10 years!!

Abbie was about three inches taller than me (I think everyone’s taller than me!) and had blue eyes, and mid-length dark blonde hair that was really really curly, but naturally so. It was really a great feature of her, her hair! She went to East London Uni like me and she was training to be a dentist. She’s always been there for me through everything, and she wanted to be there for me now, for this “major” disappointment.

“Come on- let’s go cheer you up,” she said and we went off to the cinema in her dark green Ford Focus.

The film was really good, actually. Really funny, and girls like us can really relate to Bridget Jones!

But I do admit, I kept thinking about Christian all the way through it. Thinking it should be him sat next to me, and not Abbie.

I wonder what he’s doing, then…

After the cinema, Abbie took me to the best café in town and got us a coffee so we could sit down and have the ‘talk’.

“So- c’mon, I want to know what he said,” she started.

“What who said?” I said, knowing perfectly well who she meant.

“Christian!” She laughed. “What exactly did his message say?”

“It said he doesn’t like me anymore,” I said.

“Kate!”

“Ok! Ok! It said he was sorry he couldn’t make it, but something had come up and he couldn’t get out of it,” I recalled.

“There you go,” said Abbie triumphantly. “That’s a classic ‘a1 needs you!’ situation. I bet they had to go and do an interview, or something.”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “On a Sunday?”

“It must have been urgent,” shrugged Abbie. “Or maybe it wasn’t an interview- I don’t know. Maybe it was something else the band had to do- had to be there for,” she said.

“But he’d already arranged to see me,” I moaned.

“Kate, it was obviously a last minute thing. If he’d known about it before, why would he have asked you out?” Abbie said.

“Who said he’s even gone to do anything with a1!” I said. “I bet he was free after all, he just got out of going on the date with me, so he didn’t have to get into any boring, dead-end relationship.”

“Kate! Will you shut up with all this rubbish about him lying!” Abbie sighed. “He is not making an excuse not to go out with you! He couldn’t come ‘cos of a1- ok? It must happen a lot.”

“I was just upset, that’s all. I was really looking forward to it,” I said sadly.

“Oh, I know you were!” She sympathised. “But if you’re gonna go out with a mega huge pop star like Christian, you’re gonna have to get used to him being really busy all the time with a1.”

“I am NOT gonna go out with him,” I said firmly. “I bet he never calls again.”

“Course he will!” Abbie said, trying to be encouraging. “He’s really interested, right?”

I shrugged. I’d thought he was. He’d been really nice on the phone yesterday.

But how can he just raise my hopes like that and then send them toppling down again?

“Of course he’s interested! He snogged you, for Gods sake! God, I still can’t believe that happened!” Abbie gushed. “You are soooo lucky! What I’d give to snog Ben!”

Oh no. She was gonna go off on one of those “mmmm… Ben” moments again. She had them quite often. I didn’t think it was really healthy to fantasise about a pop star so much when you had a boyfriend.

“You know- what does Danny reckon to your Ben daydreaming?” I asked her.

She left her fantasy and shrugged at me. “He doesn’t know I fancy him. Anyway, he fancies loads of famous girls! So I get to fancy Ben. Oh my God! I can’t believe you’ll get to meet him!” Her voice became all excited.

I sighed. “I’m not gonna meet him, Abbie.”

“Yeah- whatever! Oh, you’ll have to tell me if he’s as gorgeous and as nice as he appears to be!”

“Abbie- if I meet Ben, then you’ll meet him, too,” I told her.

She suddenly looked really worried.

“Oh no! Oh no! I couldn’t. I’d go all shy and faint, or something.”

“No, you wouldn’t!” I laughed. “I was fine when I met Christian.”

“Weren’t you like, shy though?” She asked me.

“Yeah!” I laughed. “But after a while, it’s hard to be, ‘cos he’s soooo friendly! And down-to-earth. You just totally forget he’s a pop star.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have a huge crush on Christian! And ‘cos I’ve got a huge crush on Ben, it would be worse for me,” Abbie concluded.

“You’d be fine!” I assured her. “And you never know, Danny might have a cause to be jealous!”

“Oh- whatever!” Abbie laughed sarcastically. “Like anything’ll ever happen between me and Ben!”

“Why are we talking about this anyway?” I laughed, suddenly wondering where this conversation had gone.

“I dunno!” Abbie laughed.

“I haven’t even met Ben!” I laughed. “I haven’t even been out with Christian yet!”

“So- anything else in the message?” Abbie asked. “Like- when he’d call again or something?”

“He said he’d phone me later…” I said, but I didn’t believe it, so I don’t see why I was telling Abbie.

“See! I knew he’d not lost interest! Just because something came up this time doesn’t mean you can’t go out again sometime,” she said.

“He won’t call,” I said moodily.

“Oh Kate, stop saying that to yourself!” Abbie cried. “He has not lost interest! You really think he has, don’t you?”

I nodded slowly, lazily stirring the spoon in my coffee as I did so. I hadn’t touched it yet. Abbie was drinking hers, so it was obviously warm enough, but I just wasn’t thirsty.

I hated talking about this whole Christian thing. I was disappointed when he’d cancelled and now I kept thinking about what I did wrong. I just don’t buy this “something’s come up” excuse. It’s too plastic. It’s not good enough. The more I talked about it, the more upset I got. I knew I’d blown a big chance to date a pop star, and I really didn’t want to be constantly reminded of it.

“Why would he suddenly go off you?” Abbie argued. “Tell me why he would.”

“I don’t know Abbie,” I sighed. “I just don’t seem to ever hang onto a guy anymore.”

“That’s not true,” Abbie said.

“Yeah, it is. I haven’t had a date for 4 months,” I sighed.

“That doesn’t mean you’ll never have a boyfriend!” Abbie said. “You’ve been really busy lately anyway, with Uni, and family and stuff. You haven’t had time for a boyfriend!”

“But I miss having one,” I complained. “Sometimes it really hurts hanging around with you guys, ‘cos you’re all couples, and I’m always on my own. I’m always at home on a Friday night when everyone’s dating.”

“Kate- you’ll find someone!” Abbie insisted. “Forget that! You’ve already found someone!”

I smiled. She was determined that me and Christian would get together. I wished I shared her enthusiasm, but I didn’t.

“Listen, Kate. We all know why you haven’t been dating lately. It’s not ‘cos you’re doing anything wrong, it’s ‘cos you won’t let yourself go out with anyone. And we all know why that is,” Abbie said.

I sighed.

Tim.

That was why. I wouldn’t even look at someone else when I fancied him. I’d thought he was the cutest guy on earth, and that maybe, perhaps if I stayed single, he might ask me out!

If he liked me, too.

But then of course, he found out that I fancied him and things started to go horribly, horribly wrong.

And even though for the past 18 months it’s been like this, I’ve still remained single.

I should have moved on, but I can’t.

And I would love to move on with Christian, but if he’s gonna keep cancelling dates…

“Christian’ll call, Kate. I promise,” Abbie assured me. “Look, we’d better go. It’s nearly 5 o’clock.”

I couldn’t believe how fast the day was going. I was really grateful to Abbie. I just knew that if I’d stayed at home moping and crying my eyes out over a nothing date all day, the day would have dragged really slowly, like nothing on earth.

We left the café, me without drinking my coffee, and got back in the car, so Abbie could take me home.

She promised that she would pick me up for Uni tomorrow morning though, at 8.15am, because I wouldn’t get my car back until the afternoon.

Arragghhh. More things to be worried about: the bill for the car and seeing Tim at Uni tomorrow. Ughhh- and essays to hand in! And revising to do!! God- could life get any worse?!!

Abbie dropped me off, and I said thank you for cheering me up. She didn’t seem convinced that she had though, and gave me another hug and told me that if Christian didn’t call, it’d be his loss.

Whatever.

As soon as I got in, I did a really pathetic thing.

I checked my answer phone to see if Christian had called.

He hadn’t.

No one had.

Boy, wasn’t I Miss Popular?!

I was hungry now though, so I set about making one of my favourite meals to cheer myself up- Spaghetti Bolognese!! Well, Spaghetti Bolognese à la Kate! I do my own sauce- wahoo!

I set about doing that, wishing hopelessly inside that the phone would ring and it’d be Christian.

But I knew it wouldn’t and it didn’t.

Sometimes I hate eating on my own. It really gets me down. Other times, I don’t really care, but there are times when I totally feel alone and alienated. And this was one of those times.

Why does no one like me?

Guys, I mean.

Tim doesn’t, and now Christian doesn’t.

There really must be something about me, which puts them off- what is it? Why don’t I know what it is?

I finished my dinner, and then settled down for the evening with the book I’d meant to read that afternoon.

It was called “Broken Hearted”, which I thought was a pretty apt title giving the way things had gone that day. But the book would hopefully take my mind off things, and a certain guy in particular, and perhaps clear my head. And then I’d go to bed early and have good nights sleep. Things probably wouldn’t look so bad in the morning.

I hoped.

The book was actually really good- and I was right; it made me forget everything, I got so into it.

In fact, I got so engrossed in the love triangle plot, that I didn’t hear the phone ring.

Once I had realized, I think my heart stopped beating.

Christian.

Was it him? Could it be him?

Was he really phoning back?

Unable to think it to be true, I reached over and picked up the receiver.

“Hello?” I asked hesitantly.