Chapter Thirteen

Ben was in Piccadilly, trying to find something to buy Chloe as a present. He could tell she was the kind of person who loved presents. Not because she was materialistic, but because she really appreciated the fact that someone cared enough to buy her something. So that was what Ben was going to do. Buy her something to show her he cared. Or at least, try to buy her something. It was proving more difficult that he’d thought. He’d been wandering around the shops for at least half an hour, ever since the rehearsal had finished, and so far, he’d bought nothing. He hadn’t even seen anything! He’d thought about buying her clothes, but then decided against it, as he didn’t know what size she was and didn’t want to get it wrong. Plus, he could have really bad taste in girls’ clothes. He could get her a book, she liked books, he knew that, but he didn’t know exactly what kind of books she liked. He didn’t want to get her something she wasn’t going to like. At the moment, jewellery seemed like the best option. But that was so boring! Ben wanted to get her something cool.

As he walked past Virgin Records, something made him slow down. He’d been trying to think of anything that Chloe might have mentioned that she wanted and all of a sudden, it came to him. Ben thought back to when they’d been in her room and they’d been talking about favourite songs. Chloe had said that ‘Angels’ by Robbie Williams was one of her favourite songs but she didn’t have a copy of it so the only time she could hear it was on the rare occasion it was played on the radio. Ben knew Chloe loved CDs and suddenly one of her favourite songs in the world seemed like the most perfect present he could get her. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before; it was something she wanted, something she’d love, the obvious choice! After all, everybody needs a copy of their favourite song, don’t they?

Excited by his idea, Ben hurried inside the store, remembering to keep his head down so he wasn’t recognised. He went up to the sales desk and said to the assistant,

“Hi. I want to buy a single from a couple of years ago.”

“What were you looking for?”

“Angels by Robbie Williams.”

“I don’t think we’d have it in stock but it’s probably possible to order it. I’ll just go and check for you.” The sales assistant said politely.

“Okay, thanks.”

Ben watched her disappear down some stairs and started to browse through the CDs on a shelf next to the desk. A few minutes later, she reappeared.

“No, I’m afraid we don’t have it in stock but you can order it if you want to.” she offered.

“How long will it take to order?” Ben asked, thinking that he really needed it for when Chloe came to stay at the weekend.

“No more than ten days. Usually about a week.”

A week? That was no good!

“Would it be possible to get it any sooner? I really need it by Friday afternoon. I don’t mind how much it costs.” Ben added.

He found that money often played a large part in the quality of customer service you got. He didn’t like exploiting the amount of money he had, but it was a useful bargaining tool when he really needed something done well and quickly.

The assistant flicked through a leaflet she had in front of her and then pressed a buzzer under the desk.

“I’ll just get someone who knows a bit more about it.” She told Ben.

A man appeared and she explained the situation to him.

“Right, we can order it for you on express delivery and it will get here by Friday morning.” He told Ben. “I think that’s the earliest we can do it I’m afraid. Is that any good?”

“Yeah, that’ll be great. Thank you.” Ben said, relieved.

“Okay, now if I can just take your details? The store opens at 8 on Friday so you can come in and collect it any time after that.”

“Great.” Ben nodded.

“Right, can I take your name?”

“Ben Adams.”

“And what was the title that you wanted?”

“Angels by Robbie Williams.”

“And in what format?”

“CD.”

“And do you want to pay for it now or when you come in the pick it up?” the man asked Ben.

“I’ll pay for it now.”

“Okay, that’ll be, £7.99 then please.”

Ben handed over his credit card and signed the slip.

“Thank you very much.”

Ben smiled. “Thanks.”

Taking the receipt and putting it in his pocket, Ben left the shop feeling very pleased with himself. Mission accomplished, he headed for the tube station to go home.

Mark drove his car into the drive and turned the engine off. He was in a good mood; everything seemed to be going really well today. The rehearsal had been great and he was confident they were going to be the best act at the charity concert. Not that it was a competition, it was just nice to be the best! Obviously they hadn’t been able to practise ‘Same Old Brand New You’, but they’d arranged to go over to Christian’s the next day so that was all sorted. Mark was also relieved that Chris and Paul had been so supportive of his relationship with Rose. When he’d told them, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his mind. He was still worried about Ben, but it wasn’t directly his problem, so all things considered, everything was great!

Mark slammed the car door and let himself into the house. He went through into the living room and was surprised to find a pretty girl with long blond hair sitting in one of the armchairs. She stood up as he entered the room.

“Sam! What are you doing here?” he asked, not entirely displeased to see her.

Samantha was Mark’s ex-girlfriend. They had split up two months ago after being together for three and a half months. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant break up. Sam had left Mark because she said she was sick of his apparent lack of emotion towards her. She felt she shouldn’t have to work for his love. Mark had tried to explain to her that she didn’t have to, but it was no good. After they split, Mark spent weeks wanting her back, but then he found Rose and everything changed. He’d forgotten all about her.

Until now.

“Your parents let me in. They were on their way out, they said I could wait for you inside. I hope you don’t mind?” Sam said.

“Oh no, it’s fine. Um, do you want a drink or something?” Mark offered, not really knowing what to say.

“No, thanks, look Mark, there’s something I need to talk to you about…”

“Sure, what’s up?” Mark asked, noticing her serious tone and wondering what it could be about.

However, no amount of wondering could have prepared him for what she was going to say next.

Sam took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

Mark looked slightly taken aback.

“Oh. Well, congrat…”

“It’s yours.”

There was a shocked silence. Mark couldn’t take in what she’d just said. Suddenly his whole life flashed before him. It didn’t seem real. He sat down, as if that was going to make things make any more sense.

“Mark…”

“What did you say?” Mark asked slowly, praying that it somehow wasn’t how it sounded.

“The baby’s yours.” Sam said.

This isn’t happening. Mark thought.

Except it was.

“But, I mean… how?”

“I hardly think I need to tell you how these things work, Mark.” Sam smiled ruefully.

“But, I don’t understand…” Mark said.

“We’ve had tests done. Jack, the guy I’m with now, it’s not his.”

“How do you know it’s mine?”

“Because it is Mark. I’m nine weeks gone. Nine weeks ago we were together. It’s not rocket science.”

There was a silence as Mark desperately tried to find a loop hole in the rule that says if you get someone pregnant, it’s your baby.

“Mark, I came here because I want you back. I know I made a mistake and I’m sorry but I still love you. I want us to be a family.”

“What?”

Mark couldn’t believe this was happening to him. For almost a whole month after they broke up, Mark had wanted more than anything for her to come back to him. He’d wished that something would happen that would mean she had to.

Well his wish had been granted. Only too late. He didn’t want that anymore, he had Rose. Or at least, he didn’t think he wanted that anymore. But a baby? Mark had always dreamed of having children of his own, but with someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, not someone he had to. But did he? So many questions…

“Things could go back to how they were before. We could get our own place, be happy.” Sam was saying.

“Sam…”

“Please Mark. I can’t do this without you. Jack knows it’s not his and he doesn’t want anything to do with it. He says he won’t stick around once it’s born. I don’t know what to do, I can’t cope on my own.” She started to cry.

Mark didn’t feel mentally able to cope with this now. He needed to think.

“Sam, I can’t do this right now…” he started.

Suddenly Samantha looked up, eyes flashing angrily.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’ll come back and tell you that I’m carrying your child another time when it’s a bit more convenient for you shall I? You know, this is exactly the reason I left you in the first place. The second a problem comes along, all you want to do is run away! You’re a coward Mark.”

Mark stood up.

“Do you think this is easy for me to hear? What did you think I was going to do? Say, oh good, shall we have a nice cup of tea to celebrate?! You know your problem, Sam? You never think of anyone but yourself. I can see that now. You think that you can have whatever you want, whenever you want. Well you can’t. You can’t just come into my house after two months, drop a bombshell like that and then say you want to get back together. It doesn’t work like that.”

“But Mark, I love you!” Sam cried.

“And you think that matters? I don’t love you Sam! I never did.”

Mark hadn’t meant to say that. It was true, he had never loved her, but that wasn’t the point. He didn’t want to hurt her, he was just confused.

“I didn’t come here to argue with you. I just need some help. Please? I thought that you’d understand. I’ve known about this for weeks, have you any idea how long it’s taken me to decide to tell you? I don’t want to ruin things for you Mark. That’s the last thing I want to do. I just don’t know what else to do. It is your baby, like it or not, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I just… I need you.” Sam said, tears streaming down her face.

She got up and walked over to the window, unable to look at Mark.

Mark felt a pang of sympathy. Impulsively, he got up and walked over to where she was standing, staring straight ahead.

“Sam…” he said quietly, putting his hands on her shoulders to comfort her.

She span round to look at him, a glint of hope in her eyes. Suddenly, she moved towards him and hugged him tightly.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Mark said, with absolutely no idea how it would be. “Don’t worry.” He said, putting his arms around her as well.

Sam pulled back to look at him and Mark couldn’t help noticing how beautiful she was. He still felt something for her, he realised, deep down. Caught in the moment, their faces started to move closer to each other until Mark came back down to earth.

“No, Sam, I can’t do this.” He said, pulling away and letting go of her. “I’ve found someone else.”

Sam’s face dropped. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s… it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have come.” She went back over to the chair and picked up her bag.

“No, Sam, wait.”

She stopped and looked hopefully at Mark.

“I… I don’t know what to say. I just need some time. Okay?”

Sam nodded. “Congratulations.” She murmured as she passed him and left the room.

Mark waited until he heard the front door slam and collapsed on the sofa. This was not exactly the best way the day could have ended. In fact, it was probably the worst. Ever.

“Oh god…” Mark muttered to himself, rubbing his face.

He was still having a hard time taking it all in. In the space of a few words, his whole life had changed. Forever. He was going to be a dad, which under any normal circumstances would have made him ecstatically happy. But he wasn’t happy. He felt like he’d just been told he had a brain tumour. Everything was over: Rose, the band, everything! Much as he didn’t want to, he had to get back with Sam and help her bring up the baby… didn’t he? Mark knew that was the honourable thing to do, what he should do.

But something told him it wasn’t what he really wanted to do. He didn’t want to lose Rose, he didn’t want to give up the band. He couldn’t give up the band, it was his whole life and Rose, well, he had the feeling that it could be the real thing with her. That she was ‘The One’. And it was all going so well.

So what if he didn’t get back with Sam? What then? She’d have the baby and he’d be the dad.

Simple.

He could provide her with money and anything she needed to look after it so there’d be no problems there. No, it was the emotional side of things Mark was having a problem with. He couldn’t ignore his own child, he knew he wouldn’t want to once it was born, but he didn’t want it. That was the simple and harsh reality of the situation. Mark didn’t want Sam to have the baby. Which shocked him. He wasn’t used to thinking like that. But there wasn’t much he could do about it. He could hardly go up to Sam and say, ‘Sorry, you’ve mucked up my future plans somewhat, get rid of it’ could he? Mark knew the answer to that was no.

It was all such a mess. But Sam was right, it was his mess. It was his fault, his baby. He had no-one to blame but himself. She didn’t get pregnant on her own, did she? But what Mark didn’t understand was how she could be pregnant. They were always so careful, to prevent from happening exactly what had happened. There must be a chance that it wasn’t his. But then again, from what she’d said, the timing was all right. It had to be his. Unless she’d been cheating on him, which was a horrible thought in itself. Mark really didn’t think he could confront her about it right now. Not exactly what you’d call ideal circumstances.

Thinking about what had happened, or nearly happened with Sam a few minutes earlier, only served to confuse Mark even further. What was he thinking? He had almost kissed her! Was he crazy?! He was with Rose; he couldn’t just go around kissing whoever he wanted.

“I’m a liability…” he said out loud.

But why had he almost kissed her? Why had he felt like that when he was holding her? Was it sympathy, or something else?

All of a sudden, Mark felt totally overwhelmed. This was too much to try and figure out on his own. He needed to talk to someone about it. This was unusual for Mark because usually he liked to keep things to himself, sort them out on his own, but this was different. This was important. The most important thing he’d ever had to deal with in his life.

But who to talk to? His first instinct was to talk to Ben but he knew that wasn’t an option as it could so easily get back to Rose.

Rose.

Mark knew he should talk to her. He even knew that there was a good chance she’d understand and be really great about it, but he couldn’t bring himself to. She was so young, she didn’t need to handle that right now. Mark thought it was probably best to keep it from her until things were a bit clearer.

If they ever got clearer.

He hated lying to her, but as long as he told himself that it was for the best, it didn’t hurt him quite as much.

So who was left? Really only five people; Paul, Chris, Lee and his mum and dad.

Well he could cross his mum and dad off straight away. Whereas usually he went to them with all his problems, he couldn’t face telling them about this. He could just see the looks of disappointment on their faces. He didn’t want to let them down. Mark realised he was almost ashamed of what had happened, for no real reason. Everyone makes mistakes don’t they? This wasn’t an ordinary minor mistake though; this was a catastrophe.

Mark sighed. Suddenly even the simplest thing seemed like a huge task.

After much deliberation, he decided the best person to talk to would be Paul. He was older, maybe not much wiser, but he’d made a fair few mistakes in his time and he was still standing. Ideally, Mark would quite like to be still standing when this was over. As he thought that, Mark got a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realised that it wouldn’t ever be over. A baby didn’t just go away. It was there for life.

He got out his phone and chose Paul’s number from the menu.

“Hello?”

“Paul, it’s Mark. Are you busy?”

“No, why?”

“I really need to talk to you, can I come over?” Mark asked weakly, feeling that any minute he was going to pass out.

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?” Paul sounded concerned.

“Um, I’ll tell you when I get there.” Mark said, deciding he couldn’t get into it on the phone.

“Okay, I’ll see you in about 15 minutes then.”

Mark hung up, barely able to talk. He felt exhausted, like all the strength had been sucked out of him. Finding a piece of paper and a pen he hastily scribbled a note to his parents and left the house.