Chapter Fourteen

After what seemed like hours, Mark finally arrived at Paul’s house. Paul lived in one of the complexes in Maida Vale and, as it was surrounded by security gates, Mark had to buzz Paul’s apartment to be let in. Mark pressed the button labelled ‘Number 4’ and waited until Paul answered.

“Yep?”

“Paul, it’s me.”

“Okay.”

The gates opened on Paul’s say so and Mark drove through, parking his car outside Paul’s apartment. He turned the engine off, got out and was immediately greeted at the door by Paul’s worried face.

“Are you alright, man? You look really pale.” He noticed.

“Not exactly the best I’ve ever been.” Mark said, following Paul through to his front room.

“Do you want a coffee or something?” Paul asked him, going into the kitchen.

“Um, yeah, thanks Paul.” Mark said gratefully, sinking into Paul’s black leather sofa.

“So what’s up?” Paul asked, reappearing with two mugs and handing one to Mark before sitting in the armchair to the left of the sofa.

“God, I don’t know where to start.” Mark said, head in hands.

“Is it really bad?”

Mark nodded. “Worse.”

Paul started to look really worried and got up and sat down next to Mark.

“Whatever it is, we’ll get it sorted alright? Just tell me what the problem is.”

Mark looked up, knowing that he had been right to choose Paul. He knew he could always rely on him.

He took a deep breath. “I had a visit from Sam.” He started. “And she… she told me that she’s… she’s pregnant. With my baby.”

Paul’s worried expression turned to one of complete shock.

“Oh man…”

“And I don’t know what to do Paul.” Mark looked at him. “What the hell am I gonna do?”

“Shit. That’s… Mark, I dunno what to say.”

“Nor do I. I don’t know anything.” Mark shook his head. “I’m stuck. Pass. Miss a go.”

“Look, don’t worry. We’ll work something out together okay?”

Paul looked at Mark but he was silent.

“Mark?”

“How can we? There’s nothing we can do.”

“Yes there is. There’s always something. Come on Mark, this isn’t like you, you don’t just give up.”

Mark wasn’t listening. “I don’t want this to have happened.” He said, hands over his face. “I just want it all to go away.” He mumbled.

Paul looked at him helplessly. He didn’t know what he could say to make things better.

“Mark, it’s not just going to go away, but you have to face up to it, okay? Start sorting things out. If it takes all night, we will make this better.” Paul promised. “But you have to help yourself, yeah? Or at least help me to help you. Work with me here!”

Mark looked up and Paul nodded encouragingly.

“Okay.” Mark said finally.

“Good. First of all, tell me everything that happened when she came round, everything that she said.”

“I don’t think I can remember it all.” Mark said.

“It doesn’t matter, just whatever you can.”

Paul hoped Mark couldn’t tell he was making this up on the spot. Whether what he said was right or wrong, Paul was determined to help his friend.

“Well she was there when I got home, and she said she had something she needed to tell me. And then she said she was pregnant and it was mine. And I asked her how it could be mine and she said it just was. She said that she’d had tests done and it wasn’t her boyfriend’s. So it had to be mine because she’s nine weeks pregnant and we were still together nine weeks ago. But I still don’t understand how it is mine.” Mark rambled.

It was as if words were just falling out of his mouth without passing through any thought process first, or being subject to any effort to sort them into a proper structured sentence at all.

“Well that’s the first thing we have to do then. Before we do anything else. Check that it’s definitely yours.” Paul said.

“But she said…”

“But she doesn’t know, she can’t possibly know for sure if you haven’t done the tests as well.” Paul told Mark.

“So what do we do?” Mark asked, seeing a faint ray of hope and clinging onto it as if his life depended on it.

“We make her have the tests again with you there as well.” Paul said determinedly.

“But we can’t just demand that she have them done.”

“I don’t see why not. You don’t want to have to take responsibility for a kid that’s not yours Mark.” Paul said, as if he didn’t already know that.

Mark sighed. “She was really upset though Paul.”

“Tell me what else she said.”

“Okay, well, um… she said that she wants me back. She wants us to be a family, bring up the baby together…”

“Do you want to do that?” Paul asked.

“I don’t know. Well I mean, no, but…”

“But what?”

“But I should, shouldn’t I?”

“Not if you don’t want to be with her.”

“But the baby…”

“Will suffer if you’re forced to be with someone you don’t love. And you never loved her, did you?” Paul asked gently.

“No.” Mark confessed. “No, I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be with her.”

“I know, but my point is that if you go back to Sam because you feel you have to, you’re gonna end up resenting the baby.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You would. I’ve seen it happen. However much you love the baby, there’ll always be that part of you saying, what if I hadn’t gone back? Where would I be now? Your big problem is that because you’re famous, you can’t just disappear and say you want no more to do with it.”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Mark said, horrified.

“I know, but all I’m saying is that everything is going to be a million times harder and more complicated because you’re famous.” Paul pointed out. “Keep going, what did she say after that?”

“Umm… well then she started getting really angry and shouting at me, saying it was my fault and that I’m a coward for not facing up to it. And I didn’t mean to, but I shouted back at her. I said things I shouldn’t have done, and she got really upset again and started to cry.”

Mark paused and Paul nodded.

“I didn’t like seeing her that upset, so I gave her a hug and told her it would be okay. She’s scared Paul, it’s not her fault, she’s not the enemy. Her boyfriend doesn’t want to know, she’ll be all alone with a baby to bring up. Well when I was holding her, for a moment, I felt like I did want to go back and bring up the baby with her. I still have feelings for her and she says she loves me, but… oh I don’t know. Then…” Mark trailed off.

“What?” Paul prompted.

“We almost kissed. And it was as much me as her. I wanted to. But then I realised what I was doing so I backed off. I didn’t kiss her, but I can’t believe I almost did.” Mark shook his head. “I feel terrible.”

Paul put his hand on Mark’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t. The point is, you didn’t kiss her. And there must have been a reason why you didn’t.”

Mark nodded. “Rose.”

“Oh god, I’d forgotten about her.”

“It makes things so much worse.” Mark said. “Whatever I decide, someone’s gonna get hurt. I don’t want to hurt Rose and I don’t want to lose her either. Things are just starting between us. I want to see what happens, I’m not ready for the end of the book yet.”

“Well there you go. Stay with Rose if she’s who you want to be with. If things don’t work out, then fine, but at least you’ll have tried it. Seen it through to its natural end.”

“But it’s not as simple as that, is it Paul? And it’s not even really totally my choice. If I do stay with Rose, is she going to want to be with someone who has the added baggage of a kid? I can’t ignore it, I don’t want to, it’s not the baby’s fault, it’s not fair to take everything out on it. But Rose is only 16. That’s ever so young to be taking on something like that. If I did finish it with Rose, I’d be doing it for her. I just want to protect her.”

“Are you going to tell her?” Paul asked.

“No. Not straight away anyway. Not until I’ve figured out what I’m going to do, how I’m going to handle this.”

“Oh Mark, you have to tell her! You say you want to protect her but she’s gonna know something’s wrong just by the way you act. She’ll understand. If she’s worth anything, she’ll understand.”

“No. I’m not going to tell her and that’s that.”

“But Mark…”

“No. Paul, I appreciate your help but I’ve made up my mind about this. It’s better for everyone if she doesn’t know. And I don’t want you telling anyone either. Promise me you won’t?”

“Of course, but I still think you should tell Rose. Secrets aren’t a good thing…”

Four hours later, after a complete briefing from Paul, Mark was standing on the doorstep outside Samantha’s house. He didn’t want to be there and he had a feeling she wouldn’t want him to be there either, but Paul had made him go. And he was right anyway, he did need to know for sure if the baby was his. Taking a deep breath, Mark knocked on the door. A light came on inside the house and the door opened.

“Mark! What are you doing here?” Sam asked looking slightly flustered.

“I think we need to talk. Can I come in?” Mark asked seriously.

“Sure! Come through!” she said, a little too brightly. “You’re lucky, Jack’s just gone. We, um, had a bit of an argument.”

“A bit of an argument?” Mark said, raising his eyebrows as he saw the remains of a plate smashed to pieces on the floor of the kitchen.

Sam followed his gaze. “Oh, that. I just… had an accident.”

Mark looked more closely at her. “Are you alright?” he asked.

She didn’t look herself.

“What? Oh yeah, I’m fine! Do you want a drink?” Sam asked, heading towards the kitchen.

“Sam?” Mark said gently, touching her arm.

When she turned back round to face him, Mark saw there were tears in her eyes.

“He’s gone, Mark. Jack’s left me. He said that… well, you don’t need to know what he said.” She said, looking at the ground. A tear fell to the floor.

“Come here.” Mark said kindly, pulling her closer to him.

“He said he’d go, he said he didn’t want to know, but I thought I could change his mind, persuade him to stay.” Samantha mumbled into Mark’s top. “I said that he could pretend the baby was his, no-one would ever know it wasn’t. But he said that it didn’t matter if no-one else knew, he knew and that was enough. He said that he couldn’t ever love someone else’s child.”

Mark remembered guiltily what he’d gone round to ask her. He couldn’t do that now, she was too upset. She needed to be looked after, not accused.

By this time, Sam was inconsolable. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her whole body was shaking.

“I told him that it would seem like it was his child. I said I wouldn’t ever tell the baby about you and then it would think that he was its dad, but he wouldn’t listen.” She continued.

That comment hurt Mark, the thought that his own child would never know him, but he let Sam continue.

“I asked him to at least stick around until nearer the birth, but he said he didn’t want anything to do with it. He didn’t want to be around me because he said he could tell that I didn’t want to be with him anyway. He thought I’d planned the whole thing so I could go back to you. And then he said… he said that I might as well get rid of it because nobody wanted to know. But I said I would, if he’d stay, but he just left. He didn’t even say goodbye.”

Mark couldn’t bear her being so upset over someone who clearly wasn’t worth it. Someone who he wanted to punch, in fact.

“Shhhh, don’t cry.” He soothed, stroking her hair. “It’s alright, don’t listen to him. What does he know? Of course people care, I’m here aren’t I?”

Samantha looked up at him and Mark could see the fear in her eyes.

“Do you care?” she asked quietly.

“Sam, you know I do. I wouldn’t be standing here in your house if I didn’t.”

Mark felt her hug him tighter and he felt that same emotion that he’d felt before in his front room. He still didn’t know exactly what it was, but he did know that Sam needed him right now and he was going to be there for her. After all, they shouldn’t be divided on this, they should work it out together.

“Why did you come?” Sam asked him

“It’s not important. Come on, sit down, I’ll make you a cup of tea.” Mark said, subtly avoiding the question and leading Sam over to the sofa.

“Mark?” Sam said as he went to leave the room.

He turned round to look at her.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

He smiled and went to make the tea.

When he came back in, Sam was still exactly where he’d left her. She looked tired, as if she hadn’t slept in days. Mark could hardly blame her. He didn’t think he’d be getting much sleep tonight.

“Are you alright?” he asked, handing her a mug.

She nodded. “As I can be. Mark, about this morning, I’m sorry for saying all that…”

“It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t exactly nice to you, was I?”

“But I don’t know what I expected you to do really. I just convinced myself in the end that if I told you, somehow you’d make it all right again. Just like you used to.”

Mark flinched at the reminiscery comment. He wished he could make it all right again, but he felt way out of his depth this time.

“Do you think there’s any chance we could…” Sam trailed off.

“I don’t know Sam. Things are complicated. I’ve got someone else now and I don’t want to hurt her. We’ve only just started going out.”

“My timing really sucks, huh?” Sam said with a slight smile.

“It’s not your fault.” Mark paused. He knew this was an ideal opportunity to do what he came to. “Sam, I have ask and I’m not saying I don’t believe you it’s just… are you one hundred percent sure that the baby’s mine?”

Sam looked down at her hands. “To be honest, no. But I know that it is. I mean, it has to be. There hasn’t been anyone else. I never cheated on you Mark.”

Mark nodded. “I know you didn’t. But I thought we were always careful.”

“We were.” Sam shrugged. “But I guess sometimes things go wrong.”

You can say that again. Thought Mark.

“I don’t really want to ask you to do this but… would you have the tests done again? To make sure. Just so we know.”

“With you instead of Jack you mean?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.”

She thought for a minute. “Will you come with me?” she asked in a small voice.

Mark nodded. “Of course I will.”

Sam smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you. I know I keep saying that, but this can’t be easy for you.”

“It’s hardly easy for you, is it?” Mark pointed out. “Sam, whatever happens, however things work out, lets do this together, as friends, not enemies.”

“Deal.” Sam agreed.

Sam and Mark stayed in Sam’s living room talking for hours. They talked about everything; Mark told her about Rose, about the band, about his brother, and in return, Sam talked about her recent promotion at work and her family. They didn’t stop talking in fact; they had a lot to catch up on after not speaking for so long.

“Do you want me to stay?” Mark asked as they neared the front door. “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine, honestly. I expect you’ve got things to do anyway.” She replied, opening the door.

“I had a good time tonight.” Mark told her.

“Yeah, it was nice.”

“Sam, you can call me whenever you want to okay? If it’s to do with the baby, or if you just need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.”

Sam smiled. “I’d like to think I could return the favour.”

Mark nodded.

“Goodnight then.” Sam said.

They hugged and Mark kissed her on the cheek. “Everything’s gonna be alright now.” He said.

“I know.”

Mark walked down the steps and unlocked his car. He turned round and saw that Sam was still standing at her door, watching him.

“Go inside, you’ll get cold!” he shouted.

“I’m making sure you don’t get mugged!” Sam shouted back.

Mark laughed and got into the car. As he started the engine, he realised that the whole time they’d been going out they’d never talked like they had that night. Suddenly he felt a lot closer to her, like the two months apart had never even happened.

It had been a long day, possibly the longest of Mark’s life, and by the time he pulled into the driveway of his house he was very relieved to be home. All he wanted to do now was go to bed and sleep.

If he could.

“I’m back!” he called as he entered the house.

“We’re in here love!” he heard his mum shout from the sitting room.

“Hiya!” he said brightly as he went through to where his mum and dad were sitting watching TV.

“If you’re hungry there’s some lasagne saved for you in the microwave.” his mum said, looking up and smiling at him.

“Okay, thanks.” Mark said, going through to the kitchen.

He realised that he had hardly eaten all day.

“Oh and someone rang for you.” His mum said.

“Oh, who?” Mark asked, setting the microwave to reheat the lasagne and going back into the sitting room.

“It was a girl… called Rose.”

NO. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

“She said it wasn’t important.”

“Oh, okay, thanks mum.” Mark said hurriedly, desperate to avoid the question of…

“Who’s Rose?”

Damn.

“Is she your new girlfriend?”

WHAT?!

“What? How do you know I’ve got a new girlfriend?”

“Your dad told me.” Pam said casually, gesturing to Keith who was sat in the armchair.

“Dad? How did you know?” Mark asked, very confused.

Keith just shrugged.

Mark was speechless.

“So is she? She sounded very nice. Quite young though, but then, your brother sounds younger than you on the phone and he’s a year older, so I guess you can’t really tell. She was very polite.” Pamela said approvingly.

“Um, yeah, she is.” Mark said hesitantly.

How could they possibly have known? Mark was completely thrown by this. He’d planned to tell them tonight anyway because after today’s events, telling them about Rose didn’t seem half so scary as telling them about Sam, but it turned out he needn’t have bothered. They knew anyway. But how?!

“Ah, that’s nice. You’ll have to invite her round sometime.”

“Um, well, she’s coming to stay this weekend.” Mark said, making the most of the current topic of conversation.

The microwave pinged before Pam had a chance to comment, and Mark walked through to the kitchen and organised the lasagne into an edible form on a plate. He got a drink and went back through into the sitting room to join his parents.

“It’s a nice name, Rose.” His mum commented as he sat down in the armchair opposite his dad. “How long have you been going out with her for?”

“Um, not very long, only a few days.” Mark said through a mouthful of lasagne.

“Oh. I wondered why you hadn’t told us about her.”

“Yeah, about that. Dad, how exactly did you know that I had a girlfriend? I didn’t mention anything about her.”

Keith turned to look at him. “It’s how you act when you’ve met someone new. It’s just different. I can spot it a mile off. I’ve lived with you for 22 years, I should know you pretty well by now!” he said.

Mark grinned at his dad. “Do I really act differently?”

“Of course you do. Everyone does.”

Mark considered this thought. “When’s Colin coming home?” he asked.

“Tomorrow afternoon I think.” Pam answered.

Colin, Mark’s oldest brother had been away in Manchester for a week on a training course organised by the general management of HMV stores all over the country. Colin worked in HMV in Kingston, about ten minutes away from where he lived with Mark and their parents.

“Oh good.”

Mark had so much to tell him about. It was a bad week for him to be away.

“Yes, it’ll be nice to have him back in the house. I like it when both of you are at home.” Pam said.

“Yeah, it’s not often I’m at home so much. It’s a shame that he chose this week to go away.”

“Well he’ll be back soon and you two can catch up. It’ll almost be full house.”

“All we need is Gary.”

“Speaking of Gary, have you heard from him recently Mark?” Keith asked. “I haven’t spoken to him for weeks.”

“Last I heard was about a week ago when he emailed me. Things are going really well apparently. They’ve done loads of tracks and all these top American producers are interested in producing some of their songs.”

“Oh good, I’m glad things are going well for him. He works hard for it. Deserves some luck. Did he say when he’ll be coming back to England?” Pam asked.

“No, they haven’t done that much as far as the album is concerned so it’ll be a while yet. Another couple of months at least.” Mark told her.

“A bit like what you did last year then.” She observed.

“Yeah. But he won’t be gone for as long as I was.” Mark tried to reassure his mum. He knew she missed Gary and didn’t like them being away for so long. She worried about them too much, but he loved her for it. He just hated to disappoint her that Gary wouldn’t be back as soon as she’d like.

“When did you say Rose was coming again love?” Pam asked Mark.

“This weekend.”

“Is she staying the whole weekend?”

“Yeah, she’s coming up on the train on Friday night with Ben’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, are they friends then?”

“Yeah, best friends.”

“Aw, how lovely for you and Ben.”

Mark smiled. “We’re going to meet them at the train station and Chloe will go back to Ben’s and Rose will come back here.”

“Do you know, I’m really looking forward to that. I like having extra bodies in the house. Makes it feel full.” Pam said.

Mark smiled again. “It should be really fun. We’re doing CD:UK Saturday morning and we’ve got a gig at that charity concert I was telling you about on Sunday afternoon so they’re gonna come with us and watch.” He said, discovering that telling his mum about Rose was much more fun than he’d anticipated.

“Where does she live then?”

“Not that far away. In Buckinghamshire. But she’s staying at Chloe’s house at the moment which is in the Forest of Dean, so they’ve got quite a long way to travel to get down here.”

“Why are they coming on the train? Could you not have gone to pick them up?”

“Well I did want to, but they said that it would be easier if they came on the train. Rose didn’t want me to drive all the way there to pick her up and then all the way back to London.”

“Aw, that’s nice of her. Does she not have a car then?”

Okay, now we’re getting into slightly scarier territory. It’s alright, just take a deep breath and don’t say anything too incriminating.

“Um, no. She can’t drive.”

See? Easy.

“Why’s that?”

Ah. Now we have a problem. Oh what the hell, just tell her.

“She’s um, too young.” Mark cringed slightly as he said it, anticipating the reaction.

“Too young? How old is she then? I thought you were allowed to drive at 17 these days.”

“Yeah, uh, she’s 16.”

“16?”

“Mark, do you really think that’s wise?” his dad asked, suddenly involving himself in the conversation.

“It’s ever so young, 16.” His mum backed up his dad.

“I know. But it’s really not a problem.” Mark said.

“Yes but Mark, that’s quite a lot younger than you.”

“I know mum. I have thought about it.”

“I’m not sure I approve of this.” Keith said.

“Oh dad, please don’t jump to conclusions. She’s really lovely.”

“I’m sure she is, but that’s not the point. The point is that I think you should stop and consider whether it’s a good idea dating someone that young.”

“But I have. I honestly have thought about it, a lot.”

“With your head or your heart?” his dad asked.

It was a fair point, Mark considered.

“Both! And I’ve talked about it with Ben and the rest of the guys and they don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Please dad, I want your approval on this.”

“I’m sure she’s a very nice girl, I’m just telling you to be careful. She probably thinks in a very different way to how you do, just remember that.”

Mark nodded. He looked to his mum.

“I agree with your father Mark, but I also think that as long as you’re happy then it’s not our place to tell you who you can and can’t see. Isn’t that right Keith?”

“We’ll see.” Was all Mark’s dad had to offer on the subject.

“Thank you mum. Dad, I promise that when you meet her you’ll see that it doesn’t matter about her age. And I wouldn’t be with her if I wasn’t sure I wanted to be.”

“I know son, I just don’t want you to get hurt. You’re had quite enough of that already.”

Mark smiled gratefully at his parents. He knew that whatever they said, deep down, they did understand and they were happy for him. And he was positive that when they met Rose in person, they’d like her as much as he did.