Chapter Thirty-Eight

Mark stood outside the hospital, looking bored and awkward. He looked at his watch for about the hundredth time. It was still quarter past. He wished he could just go home, he really didn’t want to be here. At all. For one thing, he didn’t think he actually wanted to know for sure whether the baby was his or not, and the process involved in finding out wasn’t exactly pleasant.

“Mark?”

Mark was shaken out of his daze by a quiet voice. He turned and saw Sam standing beside him looking scared and upset and… beautiful.

“Hi.” He said, smiling at her.

“You ready?” she asked.

“Yeah. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s just you look a little…”

“I’m fine.” Sam said again, more forcefully this time.

Mark got the hint.

“Shall we go in?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.”

Sam led the way into the big brick hospital building with Mark following closely behind. He knew Sam wasn’t fine. She looked tired and ill, and the usual sparkle had gone from her eyes. Just before they got to reception, Mark spoke.

“Sam…” he said.

She turned round to look at him. “What?”

Mark moved closer to her and put his hands on her pale arms. Sam pulled away from his grasp.

“Don’t, Mark.”

Mark looked puzzled. “What?”

“Don’t pretend that you care about me.”

“Sam! I do care about you.”

“The only reason you’re here with me is because of the baby. You don’t really care about me, you only think you do.” Sam said.

Mark didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t true, he did care about Sam, more than she knew in fact. More than he knew he should.

“If you don’t want anything to do with me or the baby, regardless of whether it’s yours or not, just say so. If you don’t want any more to do with us, then we’ll be out of your life. But don’t pretend that you care. Because that’s not fair on any of us.”

Sam ran a hand over her stomach.

Mark was momentarily thrown. He didn’t know what to say. Sam was giving him an easy way out, a chance to get on with his life as he’d been doing before, go back to normal with no more hassle or upset. This was what he’d been waiting for, the easy solution he’d wanted right from the start. But he knew he couldn’t take it. For one thing, he knew Sam didn’t really mean it, and Mark wasn’t the sort of person who could just turn his back on someone who needed him.

So he knew what he wanted to do. But still, Mark didn’t know what to say. If he were an unreasonable person, he’d be tempted to get angry at what she’d said. They’d already had this conversation, or one like it, before, and Mark had thought they’d sorted things out. Surely Sam didn’t really think that he didn’t care about her? And if she didn’t really think that, then was she saying those things just to make him feel bad?

“Sam, I thought…” Mark tried again. “Haven’t we already been through this?”

He wasn’t entirely sure that was the right thing to say. Did it sound too harsh?

Sam looked down at the floor. When she looked back up at Mark, he saw there were tears in her eyes.

“I’m scared Mark.” She said. “I’m so scared.”

Mark’s expression softened and he reached out to touch her again. As he made contact, Sam moved closer to him and hugged him tightly.

“You don’t need to be scared.” Mark said hugging her back. “We’re doing this together, remember?”

“Promise?” Sam said, looking at Mark. “Promise that you’re not gonna leave me to do this on my own. Coz I don’t think I can.”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Mark said. “I promise. Whenever you need me, you only need to say.”

Sam managed a weak smile. “We’re gonna be late.” She said, turning away and walking up to the reception desk.

“How about, things are so different now you’re gone, um…” Ben tapped his pen on the pad of paper in front of him. “What rhymes with gone?” he asked Paul.

Paul shrugged. “Con?”

“It’s not about a prisoner Paul!”

“Well I dunno, I’m crap at this!” Paul protested.

“Give me another word.” Ben said, intent on finishing the song they were working on.

Paul sighed. “Wrong, song, along… can’t we do this later? I’m starving.”

“Yeah okay, let’s get a takeaway or something. We can work on this after.” Ben agreed, scribbling down Paul’s suggestions.

“Can’t wait.” Paul mumbled, getting up and leaving the studio with Ben. “So,” he said, going to the fridge, getting out two bottles of beer and handing one to Ben. “tell me all about your weekend of lurve.”

Ben grinned. “It was good.” He said, getting out a bottle opener.

“Is that it? It was good?!”

“It was good.” Ben said.

“And…? What did you do to pass the time?”

“Oh you know, usual stuff. Played Monopoly, things like that.”

“You played Monopoly?”

“Yes.”

“You and Chloe were alone in the house for a whole weekend and you played monopoly?!” Paul asked in disbelief.

Ben shrugged. “Among other things.” He said, going through into the living room and sitting down on the sofa.

“Like…?”

Ben smiled. “Still none of your business.”

“Oh like I even want to know! I wasn’t talking about that.”

Ben stifled a laugh. He found that very hard to believe.

“I meant, how are things going with you two?” Paul continued, ignoring Ben.

“Things are good mate. Fantastic, in fact. Never been so happy.”

“Chloe’s really that great, huh?”

“I thought we weren’t talking about that?” Ben said, grinning at Paul.

"Hey! Who’s talking? But, y’know, if you did want to talk about that, feel free!”

“Yeah, think I’ll pass on that thanks Paul. But you know, kind of you to offer.”

“Well if there’s anything you ever feel the need to discuss, I’m always here to listen!”

Ben smiled. “You’re sick, you know that?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Well just so long as you know. Oh actually, while we’re on that subject…”

“Are we?”

“Well not really, more like avoiding the subject, but still.”

“Yeah, carry on.”

“Well I told Chloe about y’know, our girl escapades.”

Paul’s eyes widened.

“Did you? Woah, how’d she take it?”

“Well this is the unbelievable thing. She basically said, it doesn’t matter, let it go.”

“She what?!”

“I know! I’d finished telling her and I was lying there thinking, ‘Okay, this is it. The next thing she’s gonna say is that it’s over’. But she just said okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay! I told her it wasn’t okay, coz I thought she was just saying that, but she said it really was okay and that everyone makes mistakes.”

“And what, that was it? No screaming or shouting or violence?”

Ben shook his head.

“Nope. She was really calm about it all.”

“Wow, that is amazing. I know I told you to tell her and everything but I still thought she’d freak. Just slightly less than if you told her later on. So how’d you get onto the subject?”

“I can’t really remember. We were just talking about stuff and then she kinda asked me about it.”

“She asked you about it?!”

“Yep. Said she’d heard this rumour and wondered if it was true. Something like that, anyway.”

“See, I told you she knew already! Did you say you mentioned me?”

“Yeah, briefly. I don’t think your name really registered though. I imagine at that point she was rather more thinking, ‘Oh my god, my boyfriend’s a whore’.”

Paul laughed. “Chloe wouldn’t think that. She’s far too innocent and nice.”

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Oh she’s not as innocent as she looks, believe me!” He said.

“Oh really?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Ben said with a grin. “We were talking about that actually. How everyone thinks she’s all sweet and innocent, except she doesn’t think she is and wishes people would stop thinking that. Well I assured her that I didn’t think she was at all innocent after having spent the whole weekend with her. She seemed pretty satisfied with that.”

“I bet she did.”

Ben punched Paul on the arm. “Oh shut up. So what d’you fancy eating tonight?”

“As in takeaway?”

“No, I’m gonna cook.” Ben said sarcastically. “Of course as in takeaway. Although I did cook for Chloe.”

“Did you?”

“Don’t be so surprised! I have hidden talents.”

“I think I’d do better asking Chloe about that.” Paul said cheekily.

“Do you ever think about anything but sex?!” Ben asked.

“Very rarely.”

Ben smiled. “Well at least you’re upfront about it. What kinda takeaway we gonna get then?”

“Indian?”

Ben frowned. “Hmmm, dunno, anything else you fancy?”

“What’s wrong with Indian?” Paul asked.

“Don’t you find you need to be in the right mood for Indian?”

“I’m always in the mood for Indian! Quarter Indian, remember? It’s in the blood.”

“How about Chinese?” Ben suggested.

“Dunno, Italian?”

“Nah. Pizza?”

“That is Italian.”

“Only in technical terms.”

“Whatever. Not pizza.”

“You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you?” Ben asked.

“Would I do that?”

“Er, yes!”

“So, Indian then?” Paul asked.

“No!”

“Why not?”

“I’M NOT IN THE MOOD!!” Ben shouted, laughing.

“Bet you didn’t say that to Chloe.”

“Fine! Indian. Anything to shut you up!”

Paul smiled triumphantly. “Got the number?”

Two weeks.

Two whole weeks.

Mark couldn’t believe it. He thought that at the very least, it’d only take a few days. But no, it’d be two long weeks before he found out the truth about Sam’s baby. Mark didn’t think he could wait that long; it was going to be agonising. A part of him knew that it was his, that there wasn’t even any point having the tests done in the first place and that he should start preparing for fatherhood now, but the tiniest little part, deep down, held out a sliver of hope that it wasn’t his, and in two weeks time everything would go back to normal again.

Normal, yeah, that was a novel concept. Mark was beginning to wonder if there was such a thing.

There was a knock on his bedroom door followed by Colin’s voice.

“Mark? Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Mark said from his slouched position against the wall.

Colin opened the door and came into the room.

“You okay?”

Mark sighed. “Yes, no, I don’t know…” He shrugged.

Colin smiled and sat down on Mark’s bed.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, looking over the where Mark was sat next to a mountain of roughly a million teddies, fiddling with a Mickey Mouse one.

“It’s nothing new.” Mark said.

“I don’t mind. You know what my memory’s like, chances are I’ve forgotten half of it by now.”

Mark smiled at this.

“How’d it go at the hospital?” Colin asked.

“It was horrible.” Mark said. “I had to… well I won’t give you the details but y’know, not exactly the least intrusive process ever.”

Colin nodded. “When will you know?”

“Two weeks.”

“What?! Two weeks for some bloody test result you don’t even want?”

Now it was Mark’s turn to nod.

“That’s just cruel. No wonder you’re feeling down.”

“Sorry for myself more like.”

“It’s not a crime.”

“I know, but I can’t help feeling a bit selfish. I mean, how much does this affect me compared to Sam? She’s the one who’s gotta look after the baby.”

“Is Sam gonna have to deal with the press attention if this gets out?” Colin asked.

“No, but if that’s the worst I’ll have to deal with I’m getting off pretty lightly.”

“Wrong.”

Mark looked at Colin.

“Well sure, she’s gonna have the baby and all that, but you’ll have to deal with an awful lot of media stuff, fan reactions, stuff like that as well as doing your fair share with the baby. In my book that’s a perfectly good reason to feel sorry for yourself without feeling guilty.”

“I know but…”

“Think of yourself for a change Mark. If you don’t, who else is going to?”

Mark smiled. “Rose.” He said. “Do you know what she said to me?”

Colin shook his head.

“She said that she cares more about me than she cares about herself. That’s the most amazing thing anyone’s ever said to me in my whole life. Can you imagine having someone care more about you than anyone else in the world?”

Colin smiled. “I can imagine you care an awful lot about her.”

“I do. I really do.”

“I’m glad you’ve found someone like her. If anyone’s going to help you get through all this, it’ll be her.”

“Do you like her?” Mark asked.

“I think she’s absolutely the loveliest person I’ve ever met. She’s really great Mark.”

Mark smiled, happy at the approval. “I’m glad you like her.”

“We get on great too.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah! We’ve had a couple of good chats. She’s cool to talk to.”

“She listens to every single word you say. And she lets you talk as much as you want without interrupting.”

“That’s what you need right now.”

“Certainly is. She’s like a rock. A beautiful, caring, brilliant rock.”

Colin laughed. “She be happy to be described as a rock?”

“I honestly think she’d be happy just for me to say her name! I kinda get the impression she’s ever so slightly… what’s the word?” Mark paused. “I want to say in awe but that’s not the right word. Do you know what I mean?”

“I know exactly what you mean. It’s not in a bad way though. She just has a lot of respect for you.”

“Which is nice.”

“It is. Not often you get that from anyone, let alone girlfriends.” Colin mused.

“Well no, you don’t coz you never have a girlfriend to get respect from.”

“Want me to focus on the bad points of your life?” Colin asked.

“No need, they might as well be written in the sky. I’m hardly likely to forget about them am I?”

“Well nor am I! But you learn to live with these things.”

“You should get out more Colin. Go and get yourself a real problem to deal with.”

“Great idea! Know a place I can pick one up?”

“I’ll swap you some of mine.”

“What for?”

Mark shrugged. “Playstation game?”

“Deal.”