Chapter 64

“We’re gonna be late.” Ben said, looking at the clock as he pulled his clothes on.

“I know.” Chloe said, doing the same.

“It’s all your fault.”

Chloe grinned. “I know.”

“You know some things are so great that you do them over and over again but then you’ve done it so much that you’re bored of it and never do it again.”

“Yep.”

“Sex with you is not one of them.” Ben said, grinning at Chloe and throwing a big bag onto the bed.

“Well what can I say? I’ve found my talent!” Chloe said.

Ben came up behind her and put his arms around her.

“How are your speed-packing skills?” he asked, kissing her check.

“Top notch.” Chloe said. “Why?”

“Coz the car will be here in about a second, and seeing as we’re staying in Sheffield over night I thought it might be a good idea to pack for that event.” Ben said. “It’s alright, I already know my brain is wasted in a band, you don’t have to say it.”

“Wasn’t gonna say it.” Chloe said with a grin. “I think you know your place in society.”

“Yes, most eligible non-bachelor, that’s definitely me.”

“You wanna watch that ego of yours or there’ll only be room for one in that bed.”

“Which, I’d imagine, would be you.”

“You are clever.” Chloe said, turning round and giving Ben a kiss. “So this packing…”

“Yeah. Do we need a bag each or shall we just bung everything in one?”

“Yeah, do that. I only need a hairbrush.”

“Low maintenance, that’s my girl!” Ben said, chucking various things into the bag.

“I can do high maintenance!” Chloe protested.

“No need,” Ben said, smiling at Chloe. “You’re naturally beautiful.”

Chloe just smiled back and started adding things to the bag.

Just as Ben zipped it up, the beep of an impatient car horn sounded from outside.

“All set?” Ben asked Chloe, slinging the bag over his shoulder.

“Yep! Let’s go to Sheffield!”

Yeah, let’s.” Ben said, without enthusiasm.

“Don’t you wanna go?” Chloe asked as they walked towards the front door.

“Not particularly.” Ben said, opening the door. “Oh God, and I especially don’t wanna see Del.”

Chloe looked at the deep purple people carrier waiting by the side of the road.

“Will there be enough room for me?” she asked worriedly. “They don’t know I’m coming, do they?”

“We could always leave Del behind.” Ben said, walking reluctantly towards the car.

Mark slid back the door and jumped out.

“What are you doing here?” he asked Chloe.

“Erm, coming to Sheffield.” She said.

“Why?” Mark asked. “No, that didn’t sound right. Didn’t mean it in a nasty way.”

“That’s okay.” Chloe said, looking at Ben as he put their bag in the boot.

“So, why are you here?” Mark asked again. “How did you get here? You weren’t here yesterday!”

“No, I wasn’t. Um, maybe you should ask Ben.” Chloe said, not sure whether she could tell people that her and Ben were living together.

It was gonna be fairly obvious soon, but Chloe didn’t know if Ben wanted to tell his friends himself.

“Ooookay. Ben, why is Chloe here?” Mark asked.

“They’re living together.” Paul said, getting out of the car as well.

“What?” Mark asked, but Paul had got to Ben first.

“Don’t try to talk to Del now, okay?” he said. “Not the right time.”

“Is it alright Chloe coming?” Ben asked quietly.

“I told Del she might be and he didn’t seem too pleased, but he’s already well pissed off with you, so I’d just stay out of his way.” Paul advised.

“Did you tell him she’s moved in?”

“No.”

“Right, okay.”

“You know Tim will go mad, don’t you?”

“About this morning?”

“No, about Chloe.”

“Why?” Ben asked.

“Get in the car! We need to leave!” Del shouted from the front seat.

“I need to talk to you later.” Paul said.

Ben nodded and got into the car after Mark and Paul, followed by Chloe. Paul and Chris were sat on the first row of seats, and Mark, Ben and Chloe were on the back row, as far away from Del as possible!

“Has he spoken to you about missing the interviews?” Ben whispered to Mark.

“How did you know that?” Mark whispered back.

“Paul told me.”

“Where were you?”

Ben gestured to Chloe.

“Ohhh.” Mark said. “So you two are living together?”

“Shhh!” Ben said.

“What?” Mark asked.

Ben shook his head and nodded towards Del.

“Oh, okay. Erm, Chloe?”

Chloe looked at Mark. “Yep?”

“Have you, um, spoken to Rose, at all, in the last, um, day, or so?”

Oh, that was a point, actually. Chloe hadn’t spoken to Rose for ages! Rose didn’t even know she’d moved in with Ben! Oops.

“Er, no, I haven’t.”

“Oh.” Mark said.

“Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” Mark said, and everyone fell silent.

Okay, this isn’t how it normally is, Chloe thought.

No-one was talking! What was that about?! Paul wasn’t making lewd comments, he was just sitting there, staring out of the window, Mark wasn’t being his usual happy, bubbly self, he was just sitting there as well, and Chris… well, Chris wasn’t doing anything either, but he never really did, so that would have been relatively normal under different circumstances. And Chloe didn’t know what these circumstances were, but a1 on a bad day was not a good thing. She kinda wanted to start a conversation to lighten the mood a bit, but because she knew most of the people in the car were pissed off with Ben, it felt like they were pissed off with her as well, sort of.

“Can you put the radio on?” Ben said, sliding an arm around Chloe.

Del reached over and pressed a button.

“Ohh, turn it off.” Paul said, as Blue started to play.

“No, I like it!” Mark complained.

“It’s a shite station, put it on Radio 1.” Paul said.

“I like Capital! Radio 1 don’t play our songs.”

“Exactly.” Paul said.

“Capital don’t play our songs either.” Chris muttered, switching his Game Boy on.

“Put it on Radio 1, Del.” Paul said.

“No, don’t!” Mark said.

“Shut up.” Paul said.

“Don’t tell me to shut up.” Mark said.

“Shut up.” Paul said again.

Mark was about to retaliate when Del turned the radio off altogether.

“If you can’t agree, don’t have it at all.” He said.

“You alright, babe?” Ben asked Chloe quietly.

She nodded and smiled at him.

“You can talk, you know.” Ben said with a slight smile.

“I know.” Chloe whispered.

“Do you?” Ben said quietly, moving his head closer to Chloe’s.

“Mm-hm.” Chloe smiled.

“Really.”

“Yup.” Chloe said, her smile getting bigger as Ben kissed her lightly on the lips.

“Do you two have to be like that all the time?” Paul asked, making a face of disgust at the couple.

“Yes.” Ben said, kissing Chloe briefly again.

“You’re such a tease.” Chloe said quietly, smiling as Ben pulled away.

“Oh I’m a tease?” Ben said.

“What do you call the little kisses, then?”

“Romantic!”

“You’re just teasing me.”

“Well how about you?”

“Me what?”

“Well, for a start, you…” Ben faltered. “Sometimes don’t wear very many clothes.”

Chloe smiled, amused. “And that’s teasing you, is it?”

“Yes!”

“I think you’ll find it’s actually called summer wear, Ben. It’s hot!”

“I know that!” Ben said, smiling.

“Well if it’s too hard on you then I’ll have to maybe cover up a bit more…”

“Well I was thinking more of the less clothes option…” Ben said.

“Oh were you?”

“I was.”

Chloe smiled. “How long ‘til Sheffield?”

“3 hours.” Ben said.

“Slight spontaneous passion killer.”

“Just a bit.” Ben agreed.

“Did Ben tell you Rose pushed him in the pool at the party last night?” Paul asked randomly.

“Paul!” Ben said.

“Oh I’m sorry, did that slip out? Oops.” Paul said flatly.

“She what!?” Chloe exclaimed.

“It was funny.” Chloe offered.

“She pushed me in as well.” Paul added. “Doesn’t like you much, does she Ben? Oh, and doesn’t like you much either, Mark. She’s okay with you, man.” He said to Chris.

“Thanks, man.” Chris said without looking up from his Game Boy.

“What!?” Chloe said in confusion.

“Paul!” Mark exclaimed. “Shut up!”

“Did I say too much?” Paul asked “innocently”.

He didn’t actually know why he’d said all that, or why he was continuing to wind everyone up, but once he was in a mood like this, he found it hard to get out of it.

“What happened with you and Rose?” Chloe asked Mark.

“Nothing.” Mark said sullenly, glaring at the back of Paul’s head.

“I’d like to apply for annual leave please, Del.” Paul said.

“You don’t get annual leave.” Del said.

“Well I want some.”

“Well, tough.”

“How about if I threaten to leave the band?”

“Like anyone would give a damn.” Mark muttered.

“What did you just say?” Paul asked, turning round to look at Mark.

“Why did you have to say about Rose?” Mark asked. “Why is it any of your business?”

“It’s my business because I had to take her to the station this morning because she didn’t want to see you!” Paul said.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” Chloe asked.

“It’s nothing to do with you.” Mark said.

“Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that!” Ben exclaimed.

“She’s my best friend!” Chloe said.

“By the way, Del - forgot to mention this earlier – Chloe and Ben have moved in together.” Paul said.

“What!?” Del exclaimed.

“Paul!” Ben shouted.

“Well why don’t you talk to her about it?” Mark said to Chloe.

“I hope that isn’t true.” Del said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ben asked.

“What have you done to her?” Chloe asked.

“Nothing!” Mark exclaimed. “I didn’t do anything!!”

“Maybe you should try, ‘What have you said to her?’.” Paul offered.

“Oh, you’re joking.” Del said.

“No, actually, I’m not.” Ben said.

“What have you said to her?” Chloe asked Mark.

“It’s between me and Rose.” Mark said.

“Just by the way,” Paul said to Ben. “Do you want to know what Rose said about you?”

“No, he doesn’t.” Chloe said.

“What?”

“It’s bad enough already!”

“I want to know what she said!” Ben said.

“I thought we sorted this?” Chloe said.

“Yeah, I remember – you said you’d choose her over me. Sorted.”

“Ben!”

“Well maybe I won’t make up with her, y’know, if she’s gonna go around talking behind my back.”

“Don’t be so childish.” Chloe said crossly.

“Me?!”

“I’m gonna phone her.” Mark said, getting his phone out.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you!” Paul said.

“Yes you.” Chloe said huffily.

“How do you know?” Mark asked.

“Coz I had to pick up the pieces last night!”

“Have you two had an argument?” Chloe asked Mark.

“Did I mention we spent the night together?”

“You what?!” Mark exclaimed, retaliating in exactly the way Paul wanted. “If you laid a finger on her…”

“Then it’d be no more than what you tried to do.”

“What did you do?” Ben asked.

“She was all vulnerable…” Paul said.

“Paul, don’t mess around.” Mark warned.

“Could’a had her if I’d wanted to.” Paul said. “On the rebound…”

“On the rebound?!” Chloe echoed. “Have you split up?!”

“No.” Mark said firmly.

“That’s what you think…” Paul said.

“What did she say to you?” Mark asked him.

“None of your business.”

“You’re so malicious sometimes.” Ben said.

“Of course it’s my business – she’s my girlfriend!” Mark said.

“Ben, I think we need to have a little talk.” Del said.

“Yeah, go on, tell him what you think about Chloe.” Paul said with glee. “Ooh, I do know a lot.”

“What?” Ben said.

“Keep your mouth shut, Paul.” Del said.

“So intimidating.” Paul retaliated.

“Have you got something to say to me, Del?” Ben asked.

“Right, that’s it – I’ve had enough of this.” Del said. “Stop the car.”

The driver looked at him. “What?”

“Stop the car.” Del pointed to the service station looming to their left. “There’ll do.”

“Okay…”

The driver quickly swerved into the exit lane of the motorway and drove up into the service station car park. He found a parking space and stopped the people carrier.

“Everyone get out.” Del said firmly.

“What?” Chris asked, looking up from his Game Boy, which he’d been engrossed in throughout all the squabbling.

“Just get out of the car.” Del said “calmly”.

Reluctantly, everyone undid their seatbelts and filed out of the car, standing in a huddle as Del got out of the passenger door and walked round to join them.

“Right,” he said. “We are not going anywhere until all this is sorted out.”

“Didn’t wanna go anyway.” Ben muttered.

“You don’t get a say in the matter.” Del said.

“Why don’t I get a say in the matter?” Ben asked, mocking Del.

“Because after your recent behaviour, you don’t have a leg to stand on as far as I am concerned.” Del said. “Now, I don’t care what it’s about, and I don’t wanna know, but I will not have this petty squabbling all the way up to Sheffield.” He turned to Chloe. “Why don’t you go and get a drink, or something.”

“What?” Ben asked.

“It’s a1 business.” Del said simply.

“No, but-”

“It’s alright.” Chloe said to Ben. “I need to phone Rose, anyway. Come and get me, yeah?”

Ben nodded and Chloe headed across the car park towards the service station building.

“Right,” Del said when Chloe was out of earshot. “What is going on?”

“Nothing.” Mark said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ben mumbled.

“Oh for God’s sake! I feel like a bloody teacher!” Del said in exasperation. “Do I really have to go round each of you in turn?”

There was a silence and a couple of shrugs.

“Fine, if that’s the way you want to play it.” Del said, taking a calming breath. “Ben: where were you this morning?”

“At Chloe’s.” Ben said.

“And that’s more important than doing your job, is it?”

Ben shrugged.

“Ben!”

“I missed her! I just needed to see her!”

“Oh well that’s alright then! I’m sure Tim will understand that!” Del said sarcastically.

“Del, I love her! I can’t take being away from her!” Ben said.

Del laughed. “Oh please.”

“What?” Ben asked, confused.

“Oh I’m sorry, I just find the idea of you being in love with a 15-year-old girl slightly hard to believe.”

“What?” Ben asked again. “What do you mean, hard to believe?”

“Well, you know.”

“No, Del, I don’t know. What are you trying to say?”

“Oh come on, Ben.”

“What – you think I don’t love her?”

“I don’t think I really need to answer that question, do I?”

“Well yeah, actually, I think you do.” Ben said.

“No, I don’t think you love her.” Del said. “I don’t know if you’ve somehow managed to fool yourself into thinking that you love her, or what, but-”

Del stopped talking as Ben turned his back on him and started walking away from the car in the same direction Chloe had gone before.

He didn’t have to listen to that. And he knew that if he stayed then he’d only end up saying something he’d regret and be in even bigger trouble for. But he didn’t need Del of all people questioning what he felt for Chloe. Things were hard enough as it was without that kind of criticism.

“Ben!” Del shouted after him. “Ben! Don’t you dare walk away!”

“Watch me.” Ben muttered under his breath, not looking back.

He walked through the doors, feeling the air-conditioning gently ruffle his hair, scanning the food and drink area for Chloe. It didn’t take him long to spot her. She was leaning against a wall, phone to her ear, concentration creasing her face. Ben started towards her, and as he got nearer, Chloe took the phone away from her ear and studied the display.

“Clo,” he said.

She looked up and smiled. “Finished being told off already?”

“No, um, I…” he sighed.

“What’s the matter?” Chloe asked, looking concerned.

“I just feel like I am messing everything up at the moment.” Ben said. “I just keep making everything worse, and I can’t do anything!”

“Ben, hey, what’s brought this on?” Chloe asked, putting her arms around Ben and giving him a hug, which he readily complied with.

“It’s all going wrong.” He said hopelessly.

“What’s all going wrong?”

Ben shrugged. “Everything I do at the moment gets me into more and more trouble!”

“a1 stuff?”

“I’m in so much trouble about everything, and I just seem to be making it worse. All I’m trying to do is be happy, and they’re on my case about everything. None of the others get such a hard time – I can’t take it!”

Ben was starting to look seriously upset and Chloe didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen him like this before. Usually it was her getting upset and having issues. They were also getting looks from a couple of teenage girls sitting with their parents at a table across the food court, and so Chloe decided it’d be best to get out of the building and then try and sort Ben out, because he didn’t need hassle from fans to add to his problems.

“Come on, come with me.” Chloe said, putting her hand in his and leading him outside.

They walked round the building until they got to a recreation area with picnic tables and a kids’ play area.

“Did Del really have a go at you?” she asked as they sat down at a vacant picnic table.

“He didn’t have much chance: I walked off.”

“Oh.”

“He said that…” Ben trailed off.

“What?” Chloe asked.

He looked so upset! It would have been really cute if it wasn’t so worrying.

Ben took a deep breath. “He said that I don’t love you.”

Chloe just looked at him; she didn’t know what to say.

“How can he even say something like that?” Ben asked rhetorically. “Of course he brought the age thing into it… He just couldn’t believe that I… What does he know?”

“Nothing.” Chloe said, rubbing Ben’s arm. “He knows nothing.”

“I know I shouldn’t let things like that get to me, but they do! Why do people have such a hard time understanding? What is so hard to believe?!”

“Ben, you know, the only people who are ever going to understand properly are us.”

Ben nodded. “I know.” He looked at her. “You know, don’t you? You know I love you. And I’m sorry for being an idiot in the car – Paul was winding me up, and I just react to him! I’m so stupid.”

Chloe smiled reassuringly. “I do know. No matter what, I will always know. No matter what happens, you’ll never have to tell me, coz I’ll just know. Honestly. And I’ll always love you. Always always. Regardless of what people say, or what happens to us, I promise.”

Ben smiled. “Maybe we should run away.” He said. “Be like, renegades. On the run, from everyone who won’t let us just be happy together.”

“Leave everything behind. Just the two of us, forever.” Chloe continued.

“Yeah.” Ben agreed. “And I would, you know, if it weren’t for the band. I’d do anything to be with you.”

“I know. But luckily you don’t have to do anything. No-one’s stopping us from being together.”

“They’d try if they thought they could get away with it.”

Chloe nodded.

“I don’t see why it’s not the same for Mark and Rose. No-one’s said anything to Mark about it, and it’s more of an age gap, and everything! It just isn’t fair, but then it’s always been me. If anyone’s gonna be had a go at, it’ll be me. Why is everyone out to get me?”

“I don’t know.” Chloe said, feeling so helpless.

Sounded to her like these were feelings related to issues from before she was even around.

“I could be so happy, like with you, and everything, but I’m not allowed to be. Especially with us – people try and make it so difficult.”

“Too difficult?” Chloe asked.

“You know the answer to that.” Ben said.

“I hope so.”

“Just in case you were unsure, the answer’s never.”

Chloe smiled.

“Sometimes I really do wish I could just leave everything behind.” Ben said. “The band, everything. I hate it sometimes.”

“You hate it?” Chloe asked with surprise.

Ben nodded slowly, smiling a wry smile. “Everyone thinks it’s like, the best thing in my entire life, the best thing I’ve ever had, the best thing I could ever hope to have… They think I love it, everything about it, all the time. But no-one realises. It makes me so miserable sometimes.”

Chloe tried to hide her shock as she took the revelation in. And then she had to try even harder to hide her shock as she heard what she was saying in reply to it.

“Maybe… maybe you shouldn’t do it, then. If it’s making you that unhappy.”

“I do think about it.” Ben admitted. “I do.” He paused. “But I don’t know what I’d do if I… wasn’t doing this. What could I do? This is all I’ve ever done! I don’t think I know how to do anything else! Oh God, my whole life, this is all I’ve ever done.”

“Don’t say it like that! It’s not a bad thing.” Chloe said.

“Isn’t it?” Ben asked. “If I’m not a pop star, what am I?”

“Ben, it’s not who you are. If you worked in a chip shop you’d still be Ben! Just with less money and probably worse clothes.” Chloe said, trying to cheer Ben up with a smile. “This is just what you do. Being a pop star is your job; it’s a vocation. And people get different jobs, they move on. If you’re not happy with something at work, you change it; you do something else. And it’s scary at first, but that’s just because it’s different, and everything is different the first time you do it. I mean come on, look at me – all I’ve ever done is go to school! And I’m expected to go out there and find myself a job when I’m done doing that. The world you live in is so different to the world I live in, but whichever world you’re in, you can’t deny that what you do – your job – has been built up to be this huge thing, and it’s so much pressure, for you. But if you think about it, you realise that it isn’t half as big a deal as what it’s been made into. If someone leaves a band, it’s not the end of the world – it’s no different from someone leaving an office job! Things change because of it, but the world doesn’t fall apart. It is scary, but people do the same kind of thing every day. And if this isn’t what you want to do any more, if it’s not making you happy, then… don’t do it.”

Chloe then realised the seriousness of her little speech, and the reality of what could come of it. If Ben did leave a1, it would be because of her. Not because of her, but because of what she’d said. Because of her “encouraging” words. But what she’d was all true, and it all made sense; it wasn’t just opinion, it was fact. But still, oh my God…