Chapter 65

Ben sighed. “I don’t know, I really don’t.” he said, looking at Chloe. “What do you think I should do?”

“Please don’t ask me that.” Chloe said.

“Why not?”

“Because… well, I don’t… this is like, the first time I’ve heard of you feeling like this… I can’t make that decision for you.”

“Oww, can we just run away?” Ben moaned.

Chloe smiled. “I will if you will.”

“Really?”

“Course! What would I have to stay for if you ever went away? You’re my whole life - I’ll go wherever you go.”

Ben smiled and pulled Chloe into his arms.

“What would I do without you?” he said, kissing her forehead. “I wish we could go home and spend some time together.”

“Me too.”

“If I left the band I could spend more time with you; be a proper boyfriend.”

“You are a proper boyfriend!” Chloe said.

“No I’m not, or I haven’t been, but I will now.”

“Well I think you’re fine just the way you are.” Chloe said. “A really good hug wouldn’t go amiss, though.”

“I think I can fix that.” Ben said, holding Chloe tightly against him and kissing her hair as he nuzzled his head into her shoulder.

“Mmm, you know, Rose says Mark gives the best hugs.” Chloe said.

“Oh does she?”

“Yep. Adamantly.”

“Well all I can say is that she obviously hasn’t hugged me, because I am the master of hugs.”

“That’s what I think.”

“Well, good!”

“Although, I have never hugged Mark.”

“Nah, he gives rubbish hugs.” Ben claimed. “Not enough meat on him.”

Chloe was just about to reply when her phone rang. She pulled back from Ben and picked the mobile off the tabletop.

“Hello?”

“Hiya!”

“Rose, hi! I just tried to call you!” Chloe said, standing up.

“I know.”

“Okay, give me a sec,” Chloe said, leaning in to give Ben a quick kiss and holding up her index finger, mouthing, “One minute.”

Ben nodded and Chloe walked away from the picnic table and over to the swings, just out of earshot of Ben.

“Sorry, just getting some privacy.” Chloe said to Rose.

“That’s okay.”

“Oh my God, I haven’t spoken to you for ages – I don’t know where to start! I know there was loads I needed to talk to you about!” Chloe said.

“Me too.”

“Are you okay? You sound a bit subdued.”

“No, I’m okay.”

“Oh! I know what I wanted to talk to you about!” Chloe exclaimed, suddenly remembering the reason she’d been trying to ring Rose. “Rose, what’s happened with you and Mark.”

“Oh.” Rose said quietly. “Erm… well it’s a really long story. Well, the long version is, anyway.”

“I’ve got as long as you need.” Chloe said.

“Um, well, it’s really long…”

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it! I just thought you might need someone to talk to.”

“Um, no, I’m alright. I think I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Oh, okay.” Chloe said disappointedly. “I was just worried, coz Mark sorta implied that-”

“You’ve spoken to Mark?” Rose asked.

“Yeah, we’re- oh, that’s the other thing I needed to talk to you about.” Chloe said.

“When did you talk to Mark?”

“Just now. I-”

“How? Where is he?”

“Erm…” Chloe looked around for a sign. “I think we’re still in London. We’re at a service station.”

“You’re going somewhere with Mark?” Rose asked, sounding confused.

“No, okay, hang on, let me start at the beginning.”

“Okay.”

Chloe paused for effect. “I’ve moved in with Ben.”

There was silence at the end of the line.

“Isn’t that cool?!” Chloe exclaimed, trying to fill the gap.

“You’ve what?” Rose asked quietly.

“Moved in with Ben! Well, just for the summer, but that’s ages anyway, and I’m sorta hoping that-” Chloe paused. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Rose said. “I’ve just um, gotta get off the phone now. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Chloe frowned. “Oh, okay… I’ll ring you later.”

“Bye.” Rose said, and hung up.

Chloe slowly got off the swing and walked back over to Ben.

“Everything okay?” Ben asked, getting up and resting his hands lightly on Chloe’s hips.

“Erm…” Chloe paused, furrowing her brow in thought. “Ohhh!” she exclaimed, realising why Rose had reacted so weirdly to her news.

Rose and Ben had fallen out, hadn’t they? But still… you’d think she’d be a bit happy for Chloe. It was just a silly argument, after all.

“What?” Ben asked.

“Oh, nothing.” Chloe said, forcing a smile at Ben.

She’d ring Rose later and sort it out – she was sure it’d be fine.

Rose put the phone down and sat looking at the wall for a few minutes before hot salty tears started to trickle down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe what Chloe had just told her. She’d moved in with Ben?! With him?! Well that was the end of their friendship, then, wasn’t it? She was surprised that Chloe had even bothered to phone her – Ben had obviously told her all about what had happened at the party from his point of view and was already turning her against Rose. He’d said that Chloe would choose him over Rose if she had to, and that Chloe didn’t need her any more, and Rose had seen how malicious Ben could be when he wanted to be – she knew he’d do everything he could to make Chloe share his point of view.

The volume of tears falling from Rose’s unhappy eyes increased as she realised that she was going to lose her best friend. If Chloe had moved in with Ben, it was obviously more serious between them than Rose had thought, which was a sign in itself that Chloe didn’t need her anymore, coz clearly they weren’t talking to each other enough! But why would Chloe need Rose? She had the wonderful Ben brainwashing her with his evilness, making her think that she meant the world to him, talking her into doing things she didn’t want to do. There was no doubt Chloe was in love with Ben, but Rose wasn’t so sure it worked quite so well vice versa. Love had obviously totally blinded Chloe to what was going on – she couldn’t see what Ben was doing, and that she shouldn’t have anything to do with him. Rose could see this, but what could she do? Chloe wasn’t going to listen to her word against Ben’s, so there was no way Rose could get through to her. And she bet that if she “dared” to say a bad word against Ben, she’d just end up with Chloe hating her. It was too late.

But Rose needed Chloe. Especially now. She had no-one to talk to about what had happened with Mark: no-one at all. She’d been going over and over it in her head and all that happened was she gave herself a headache from all the crying, went to bed to try and sleep it off, and then woke up faced with exactly the same problem as she’d had before. It just wasn’t going away, and Rose didn’t know what to do! Mark hadn’t phoned her, but then, she’d told Paul to tell him not to. But surely if he wanted to phone her he would anyway, regardless of what Paul said? So maybe he didn’t want to talk to her? Or maybe he was just doing what he thought she wanted. It was so confusing! It might be better if he just phoned, then at least Rose would know that he still wanted her. Except she didn’t want to speak to him, not yet – she needed to know what she thought about everything before she complicated it further by knowing what Mark thought. She needed to decide if she still wanted him.

Ohh, who was she trying to kid? Of course she still wanted him! She was in love with him, wasn’t she? Feelings like that didn’t just go away because of a few harsh words said in the heat of the moment under the influence of alcohol. So was she majorly over-reacting? Had she blown this all out of proportion? Okay, so now, the only thing she wanted to do was phone Mark, to sort things out as soon as possible, and then she could just forget all about it and go back to being happy. But she couldn’t phone Mark, because he was probably annoyed with her by over-reacting so much, and she’d probably totally ruined everything by being such an immature idiot!

Buuuut, Mark had said some pretty nasty things to her, and there was still the question nagging in Rose’s mind about whether Mark had let his façade slip that night due to the amount of alcohol he’d had, and she’d seen the real him: the him he’d been keeping from her all the time they’d been together. And she definitely didn’t want to be with someone who thought like that. But then again, her promiscuity – because of the alcohol and the general atmosphere that night – could have had something to do with Mark’s behaviour, and she guessed she had led him on a bit, but even so… Ohhhhh she was going round in huge great big non-problem solving circles. This was ridiculous. All Rose did know was that the real Mark was possibly not the embodiment of perfect man Mark she’d fallen in love with. And when it all came down to it, that was very disappointing. For years she’d had all her future hopes pinned on being with him, and if it turned out that she didn’t want that after all, she wasn’t quite sure where that would leave her.

What she really wanted was a guy who was like how Chloe saw Ben, if that made sense! Ben was picture perfect in Chloe’s eyes, and even though he wasn’t actually like that and would undoubtedly end up hurting Chloe beyond repair, as far as Chloe was concerned, she had the perfect relationship with the perfect guy, and that was what Rose wanted. She wanted it for real, though; she didn’t want to be under any illusions. She could have that with Mark if she was prepared to forget everything that had happened and carry on blindly, but she knew that, even if things were great for a while, it’d all fall apart along the way, and then she’d end up being more hurt than if she was forced to give him up now. So, if that was what it took to save her heart, then that was what she’d have to do. But she wasn’t sure that that was what she was going to do…

Del looked impatiently at his watch. “Where are they? We need to get going if we’re going to get it to Sheffield in time.”

“Del, man, you seriously pissed Ben off – I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come to Sheffield after what you said.” Paul said.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t either, and you know what Ben’s like.” Chris said.

“I think he has every right not to come after that.” Paul said.

“You two aren’t helping.” Del said. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to say all that, but he was getting on my nerves! He thinks he can do what he likes!”

“Yeah, well he can.” Mark muttered.

“What?”

“Just saying, you can’t stop him. He’s not a dog.” Mark said.

“He has to do as he’s told.” Del said.

Mark sighed. “All these years and you still haven’t worked out how to handle Ben.” He paused. “Right, okay, think of it this way – if Ben won’t do something to do with the band, say, a TV appearance, because you’ve pissed him off by being on his case all the time, can we still do it?”

“Yes, because I’d make him.”

“No, Del! You can’t make him – you can’t physically force him to do something if he doesn’t want to do it. Right?” Mark asked, looking for some inkling of understanding in Del’s eyes.

“Okay…”

“Okay. So if Ben refuses to do a TV show and goes home, a1 can’t do the TV show, coz without Ben, we’re just Mark, Paul and Christian, not a1. Understand?”

“Yes, but I don’t see where this-”

Mark held up his hand to silence Del. “okay, and if we did a TV show without Ben, it’d be more trouble than it was worth because of all the splitting up rumours, etc. Still with me?”

“Yes.” Del said, frowning at Mark’s patronising tone.

“Good. Now, Ben has been brought up by a very over-protective mum, in a rich household, right? He’s been spoilt rotten, basically, and therefore he’s not used to not getting his own way.”

Paul nodded to back-up Mark, seeing where he was going with his explanation.

“So, if you tell Ben he can’t do something, or make him do something he doesn’t want to, you’ll make him cross, because he doesn’t understand feeling powerless. It’s okay if you’re telling him to do something he doesn’t mind doing, or wants to do, or whatever - he doesn’t mind being taken charge of – but he doesn’t like it when someone doesn’t listen to when he says no to something; can’t figure it out.”

Paul nodded again. Del just looked confused.

“So, the aim of… the game, is to keep Ben in a good enough mood that he’ll agree to what you tell him to do, and see your point when you tell him he can’t do something, because the more annoyed he gets, the more unreasonable he is. You don’t have to make exceptions for him, or anything like that, but you have to make sure that you’re being totally reasonable as well. If you tell him he can’t do something, don’t give a reason and Ben can’t see the reasons for himself, he’ll either do it anyway, or become that little bit more annoyed, so his reasonability reduces, say, one block.” Mark paused. “Get it so far?”

“Vaguely.” Del said.

“Right, so at the moment, it must seem to Ben like everyone is getting at him. Tim’s on his case about things that Ben don’t see as a big deal – and nor do I, for the record,”

“Me neither.” Paul said.

“Yeah, same.” Chris chipped in.

“And then you’re having a go at him for everything and anything, and even we’re not really helping matters. On top of all that, he’s in a fairly complicated, difficult relationship, and very much in love with it, so those complications are heightened like, ten times over, because of that, and it’s like there’s this big wall been put up by people in front of Ben, when all he wants to do is get on with being in love. So all in all, it probably seems to him like he can’t do anything!”

“I’m only having a go at him because he’s being so unreasonable.” Del said.

“Yeah, okay, he’s being a bit rebellious at the moment, but that’s been brought on by people stopping him doing things; things getting too much for him, and being unreasonable with him is only going to make it worse and worse and worse, until, well…”

“He’ll leave the band.” Paul said.

“Ben wouldn’t leave the band, don’t be so stupid!” Del said.

“He would.” Chris said. “He wouldn’t feel like he had a choice.”

“It’d be too much for him.” Paul said.

“So you see what you’re doing – the harder you are on Ben, the more rebellious he’ll be to get back at you, so the harder you’ll be on him… it’s a vicious circle.” Mark said. “What you have to learn is to see the warning signs, and just lay off him a bit. We’re not talking days off, or holidays, or more money: even doing something relatively small like telling him he’s written a good lyric, or given some kind of positive input – any kind of praise will do it – just to reset him to his normal levels.”

“You kinda have to see it like a computer game.” Paul said.

“Yeah, like The Sims.” Mark said.

“Ohhh.” Del said. “So, what, if I’m just nice to him, he’ll stop being such a pain and will do what he’s supposed to.”

“Erm, yeah, sort of.” Mark said, not entirely sure Del fully understood.

But then, he couldn’t believe he didn’t know all this already! He’d picked up how to play Ben within a week of meeting him – it was hardly rocket science! Even Chris had caught on fairly quickly!

“Will someone go and get him, then?” Del said.

“Are you going to let him off missing the interviews?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, and explain it to Tim, if he doesn’t already know.” Paul said.

“I don’t think he does.” Chris said.

“No, me neither.” Paul agreed.

“I suppose.” Del said.

“Does that mean you’re letting me off, too?” Mark asked.

“What’s your excuse?”

“Personal problems.” Mark said.

“Personal problems?” Del repeated sceptically.

“If I was a girl I could just say PMT and get away with it.” Mark complained. “Did you know they let women off for murdering their husbands if they claim PMT in court?”

“They do not.” Del said.

“They do!”

“Does PMT make you murder people, then?” Chris asked.

“Nahh, I think it’s just an excuse.” Mark said. “Good excuse, though.”

“Oh, don’t underestimate the power of PMT.” Paul said. “One of my ex’s turned into a psycho demon at that time of the month.”

Mark laughed. “Seriously?”

“Yeah! She threatened me with a saucepan once!” Paul said.

“She wouldn’t have gone to prison if she’d murdered you then.” Chris said.

“Comforting.” Paul said. “All men who live with girlfriends or wives are in danger. I hadn’t even done anything to deserve the saucepan!”

“Should we be worried for Ben, then?” Mark asked.

Paul smiled. “Maybe we should be.”

“Is anyone going to get him?” Del reminded them.

“Are you gonna let me off missing the interviews?” Mark asked again.

“Yeah, can’t let Ben off and not Mark.” Paul said.

“Who knows what he’ll do.” Chris said.

“Yeah Del, he hasn’t ever flipped out – think of all that stored up rage and resentment.” Paul said.

“Do you work like Ben?” Del asked.

“Nope – I’m unreasonable all the time.” Paul said with a grin.

“There’s a whole other system for dealing with Paul.” Mark said.

Chris nodded. “Beer.”

“It’s true!” Paul said.

“Oh, good.” Del sighed. “Alright, I will forget about you missing the interviews this time.” He said to Mark. “But if you ever ever do anything like that to me again-”

“You’ll hit him round the head with a saucepan.” Paul finished for him.

“And claim PMT in court.” Chris said.

“Thanks Del, you’re the best slave ever!” Mark said, grinning. “I’ll go and get Ben.” He said quickly, off Del’s displeased look, skipping off towards the service station building.