Chapter Ten

As she came back down to the waking world, Chloe smiled and rolled over in bed. She loved waking up next to Ben in the morning. After all those uncertain weeks where it was looking doubtful she’d ever get to do that again, where she spent all her waking moments trying to make things work with Ben, it was one of the best feelings in the world when she opened her eyes and he was the first thing she saw.

Except this morning, she could just keep rolling and rolling and she’d never get to Ben, she’d most probably end up on the floor. Chloe opened her eyes properly and saw what she’d already gathered; Ben wasn’t in the bed with her. Where was he then? Chloe looked at the clock on the bedside table across from her. It was quite early, why wasn’t he still asleep? Actually, why wasn’t she still asleep? What had woken her up?

Maybe Ben had woken her up when he got out of bed. She was pretty tuned to his movements, even when she was asleep. She felt quite awake considering the time, so decided that she’d get out of bed and see what Ben was up to. He was probably making breakfast or something.

Getting out of bed, Chloe grabbed Ben’s grey hooded top from the chair by the bed and put it on. It was really cold this early in the morning! Chloe knew there was a reason she didn’t get out of bed before 10. She walked across the bedroom and opened the door. Stepping out into the hall, Chloe noticed the flat was unusually quiet. If there was one word to describe Ben’s place it was noisy. There was always a radio blaring from one room, or a TV on in the other. If all else failed, Ben could usually be found singing as he walked to wherever he was going. There was never this kind of serene atmosphere with Ben around!

Maybe he wasn’t here then? Oh well, breakfast beckons.

On the way to the kitchen, Chloe noted that the bathroom door was open, so Ben wasn’t in there. That was one of his regular hangouts.

“I’m not vain!”

No, not at all Ben, of course you’re not vain, that’s why every time you pass a reflective surface you have to look at yourself in it.

Chloe was forever teasing him about that, he just couldn’t help but admire himself! But she didn’t mind, it was nice that he was bothered about his appearance. Not that she was superficial or anything, it was just hard to be attracted to someone who looked like a tramp. So she was glad Ben made an effort.

He wasn’t in the sitting room either; all was still in there in fact. There was no TV spouting out its usual morning rubbish, the stereo was turned off, and the dining room double doors were open and the lights turned off in there so no sign of Ben in that room. And, no Ben in the kitchen.

But oooh, a note!

And aww, breakfast!

Chloe walked over the where Ben had assembled a box of Chloe’s favourite cereal, a bowl, a spoon and a glass on a tray. There was a hand-written note resting on top of the bowl. She picked it up.

“Clo, really really sorry but I forgot to tell you I have interviews this morning. Had to leave early, didn’t want to wake you. Help yourself to whatever you want for breakfast etc, I’ll be back at lunchtime. Make it up to you then. Love you, Ben.” She read aloud. “Aww.”

He really was sweet to her. Always doing little things like that. But he didn’t need to feel bad for going out, Chloe was never adverse to a bit of time on her own. Putting the note on the side, she poured herself to a bowl of cereal and went to get the orange juice out of the massive fridge in the corner of the room. Ben’s fridge was the best; it was always full of food! She’d just grabbed the carton of juice when the phone rang. She put it on the kitchen side and closed the fridge door.

Ring ring.

Chloe looked at her watch. It really was as early as she thought it was, who rings anyone at this time in the morning?!

Ring ring.
She walked out of the kitchen and towards the table in the sitting room where the phone was kept. Ben clearly hadn’t put it back after using it coz the actual receiver bit wasn’t with the rest of the phone. He was so annoying, he always did that! Walked around the house on the phone and then put it down wherever he happened to be when he finished. Rpobably expected it to just find its way back.

Ring ring.

Argh, where was the phone?!

As Chloe searched for it, the ringing seemed to get more urgent. Whoever was the on the other end was really desperate to get hold of Ben! It was probably a fan, a couple of them had somehow managed to get hold of his phone number and Chloe was forever answering calls where there was a gasp or a giggle at the end of the line followed by the phone going dead. Just as Chloe rescued the phone from down the side of the sofa, it stopped ringing.

“Typical.” Chloe said, nosily dialling 1471 to see who it had been.

“You were called today at…”

Chloe hung up. She hated it when people withheld their number. Putting the phone back in its rightful place (just a few feet from where she’d found it. Honestly, Ben was so lazy!), Chloe returned to her breakfast. Deciding to take it back to bed (it was so cold!), she put all the stuff she needed on the tray and carried it to the bedroom. Hands full, she flicked the light on with her elbow and got back under the lovely warm covers with the tray on her lap. Picking up the remote control from the bedside table, Chloe turned the TV on and scanned the on-screen Sky TV guide. Deciding on something she wanted to watch, Chloe switched to that channel. She was about a minute into her breakfast and just getting comfy when the phone rang again.

“Oh for God’s sake.”

Carefully putting the tray to her side, Chloe hauled herself back out of bed and walked through to the sitting room.

“Hello?” she said crossly, picking up the phone, expecting it to be just another prank call.

“Chloe?”

She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard Mark’s voice. What was he doing phoning her here? What if Ben had picked up the phone? Hang on, why wasn’t Mark at the interviews with Ben?

“What do you want?” Chloe asked.

“Well, not to start off the day on a cross note would be nice.” Mark said. “When are you coming over?”

“Coming over?” Chloe asked, pretending not to know what he was talking about.

She’d been hoping to avoid this. It had been another sleepless night last night, which had given Chloe far to much time to think about everything that was happening. She’d found that she couldn’t stop thinking about Mark and how he’d made her feel when he kissed her. Even just being in the same room as him, there was a sort of electricity between them. Every time she thought about his hands on her, her heart skipped a beat, and as she was finally dropping off to sleep in the early hours of the morning, she caught herself thinking what might happen if they were alone together.

But she was so confused as to why she was thinking things like that. She was with Ben, the guy she loved more than anything in the world, and nothing had changed there, she still loved him as much as she’d always done, but she couldn’t deny that she was beginning to develop feelings for Mark.

There, she’d said it. She had feelings for Mark. But strange feelings. They were nothing like the feelings she had for Ben, even at the very start of their relationship, and Chloe wasn’t sure whether they were true feelings, or if it was just a case of wanting what she couldn’t have.

“Oh don’t start this again. Please.” Mark said.

Chloe sighed. He was right, she was being a total bitch to him. She just thought that if she could stay away from him, these feeling she had might disappear somehow.

“Aren’t you meant to be working this morning?” she asked.

“It’s just Ben this morning.” Mark said. “That’s why I phoned you. I thought you might be there on your own.”

“Oh.”

“You are, aren’t you? Ben’s not there?” Mark asked, sounding slightly anxious.

“No, it’s um, just me… here. Ben left before I woke up.”

Chloe stopped herself from saying any more. What was she doing having a civilised conversation with him? She wanted this sorted, not a tea party.

“What time do you want me to come over?” she asked reluctantly.

There was a silence at Mark’s end of the phone.

“Mark?”

“You, you’re really gonna come?” Mark asked incredulously.

“Do you want me to or not?”

Now she’d agreed to this, Chloe didn’t want to be messed around.

“Yes! Yeah, definitely!”

“When then?”

“When’s Ben gonna be back?” Mark asked.

“I dunno, lunchtime he said.”

“Can you come over now?”

“Alright.”

“Do you know where I live?” Mark asked.

“I’ll find it.” Chloe replied, putting the phone down with shaking hands.

What was she doing?! No no, it was okay, she wasn’t going to Mark’s for any other reason than to put a stop to this… oh God, she was having an affair! Oh no, this was not good. Well it was ending today. Her and Mark would sit down and talk about it like the sensible adults they were. They’d discuss everything and agree that, although they both had feelings for each other, they couldn’t do anything about it. And that would be it, over and done with. And hopefully they’d manage to be friends eventually, after the air had cleared. Maybe in the future they’d be able to laugh about it, maybe even tell Ben?

However, despite all that, Chloe couldn’t help thinking that the only way to get this out of her system was to try it with Mark. As long as she resisted his advances she was always left wondering what if? And she probably always would be. Maybe what she really needed to do was see for herself that he wasn’t the one she really wanted and that it was purely a case of the grass being greener on the other side.

But that would mean seriously cheating on Ben. Not accidental cheating, but calculated, intentional cheating, and Chloe wasn’t sure she could cope with the guilt of that, or even be clever enough to stop Ben from finding out what was going on. Especially seeing as Paul and possibly Chris knew all about it. There was a good chance that their loyalty to her and Mark would be hugely overridden by their loyalty to Ben, and they’d tell him.

But then, if she was always left with the possibility that being with Mark could be the most perfect thing ever, would she ever stop wanting him? Getting it out of her system, regardless of the way she did it, could only be beneficial to her and Ben’s relationship. If thoughts of Mark were always at the back of her mind, she could gradually ruin everything with Ben, only to find that being with Mark wasn’t the picnic she imagined it to be. Surely it was better to find out which she preferred before making any hard and fast decisions?

Chloe realised guiltily that if she went out with Mark behind Ben’s back and found that being with him was better than being with Ben, she’d dump Ben to be with Mark officially. It would have to be really really good though for her to do that, coz Ben was everything she’d ever wanted in a boyfriend and more. So maybe it was just that Mark was different and she wasn’t allowed to do the things she wanted to do with him? It was just a bit more exciting than her situation with Ben. Not that there was anything wrong with her and Ben, it was just so familiar, so… safe. Things were always more exciting when there was a chance you’d get caught and into big trouble for it.

Okay, time to make a decision. A sub-decision at least. So here was the plan. She’d go to see Mark with no strategy; she’d just let him talk, see what he said and how she felt at the time. She had two options really; cheat on Ben, and not cheat on Ben. What happened at Mark’s house would determine which of those paths she took.

Her life was pretty much in his hands.

Mark sat down on the sofa. A second later he stood up again. Walking over to the front windows, he took a deep breath and tried to calm down his racing heart. She was coming here, to see him. There was no-one else home so there’d be no interruptions this time, and neither of them had anything they had to get back to. Not for a good few hours anyway. It’d just be him, and her.

Alone.

Together.

What was he going to say to her? He, once again, hadn’t planned this far. He knew they needed to talk, but he didn’t really know what they needed to talk about. He guessed the main aim really was to turn Chloe around to his way of thinking. He knew she had feelings for him, and he knew he was so close to convincing her that being with him was better than being with Ben. Mark had given up on the whole not betraying Ben thing, he’d crossed the line and he knew it. There was no point trying to please everyone any more, it was each for his own now.

There was a quiet knock on the door. If Mark’s senses weren’t so heightened he’d have missed it, but as it was, he found himself almost running to the front door. He flung it open to reveal Chloe standing on his doorstep looking extremely uncomfortable and apprehensive.

“Hi!” he said, smiling warmly at her.

She didn’t return his smile, just looked past him into the house. Not altogether a good sign, but they could work on that.

“Hi.”

“Come in.” Mark said, letting Chloe into the house and closing (and locking) the door after her.

Seeing as he still lived at home, there was always a chance one of his parents could get home early and he didn’t want them walking in on anything that may or may not happen that morning.

Chloe followed Mark through to the living room and stood awkwardly by the sofa. He wished she’d stop looking so nervous coz it just made his urge to hug her even stronger. He didn’t want to scare her off by being too forward, not now she was almost on his side.

“Sit down.” Mark said, gesturing to the sofa. “Do you want a drink or something?” he asked nervously.

He wasn’t really sure how to start this “talk” they were supposed to be having and by Chloe’s non-verbal state so far, he guessed she didn’t really know what she was doing there either.

“No thanks.” Chloe said, sitting down on the sofa.

“Okay.” Mark said.

He should sit down. But where should he sit? Next to Chloe? Maybe she wouldn’t want him sitting next to her. In the chair opposite then? But was that too far away?

“Mark,” Chloe said as he hesitated. “I’m here, I’m not suddenly going to run away, you don’t have to… treat me with caution.”

Then she smiled at him and, in amongst the heart lurching, Mark felt instantly at ease. He decided to do what he really wanted to do, and sat down next to Chloe on the sofa.

“So, um…” Mark started.

Argh, what was he supposed to say now?!

“I need to know what’s happening Mark.” Chloe said, clearly fed up of Mark acting like the total idiot he was.

I wish I could tell you.” Mark said honestly.

He probably had less idea of what was going on than Chloe did. Looking at her, he wished he knew what she was thinking.

“Well then I think we have a bit of a problem coz I’m pretty much in the dark here.”

Problem? No! There’s no problem!

“Okay, well, er, let’s start by you telling me something.” Mark said.

He was really grasping at straws now.

“What?”

It was amazing, but she actually looked like she was going to listen to what he had to say. Considering that, it was a great shame that he didn’t have anything to say.

“Tell me where I stand with you.”

If they didn’t get anything else sorted out today, he needed to at least know that.

But Chloe didn’t say anything, just looked down at her hands and started fiddling with her nails.

Mark didn’t know what to do. He had to get her to talk to him, tell him how she was feeling, but he didn’t know what to say that would get her to open up to him and not have the opposite effect. He could always try the direct approach, he supposed.

“Do you have feeling for me?” he asked.

“It’s not that simple…” Chloe said quietly.

“Why is it not that simple? All it takes is a yes or no.” Mark coaxed.

Chloe looked up. “Okay, yes, I do have feelings for you. I can’t stop thinking about you and what it would be like to be with you. I’m supposed to only have eyes for Ben but recently my eyes seem to be doing an awful lot of looking at you. I just told Ben that I would move in with him and now I’m having an affair with his friend. Does that make things simple?”

Mark couldn’t believe it.

Chloe had just said the words he’d been waiting to hear for what felt like his whole life. He almost had to pinch himself to check if it was real or just a dream. He wanted to jump around with joy, but then he looked at Chloe and, far from looking relieved or whatever, she looked like she was close to tears. And she was right; far from making things simple, what she had said, what Mark now knew, actually made things a million times more complicated.

“I don’t know what to do Mark.” Chloe said. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all these feeling I have.”

“You have to do whatever feels right.” Mark said, putting a hand on Chloe’s arm.

“But what if what feels right is the wrong thing?” Chloe asked.

“Do… whatever makes you happiest.” Mark said.

He really wanted to encourage Chloe to do the wrong thing that felt right, because he knew that that was getting with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to. She was upset, he didn’t want to take advantage of her and manipulate her into being with him. That wasn’t fair.

Chloe just nodded. She looked like she was thinking things through.

Mark decided that it was a very critical time as far as this whole “relationship” went, so it probably would be a good idea to give Chloe the persuasion speech he’d been rehearsing in his head for the last few days.

“Clo, I know this is hard for you, I know I’m putting you in a really difficult position, but you have to understand that I wouldn’t even have considered telling you how I felt unless I thought it would have a positive outcome. I’m not just doing this for my own selfish good, I’m doing it for you as well, because I think that I could treat you so much better than Ben, and you’d be happier with me.”

“Do you?” she asked, looking into his eyes.

“I honestly do. I’m not gonna ask you to choose between Ben and me, but I know you have feelings for me. If you want to ignore that… well, I can’t really do much about it, but those feelings are still going to be there, no matter how hard you try to ignore them. I can’t make you be with me, but as long as I’m in love with you, and as long as I believe that we could be good together, I’ll keep trying.”

Chloe looked away, breaking his gaze. She was silent for a few agonising minutes.

“Are you ever going to stop being in love with me?” she asked finally, looking back to Mark.

“Not until you give me my heart back.” He said.

Chloe smiled. “I should probably go now.” She said.

Go? No! They hadn’t really got anywhere yet! Mark hadn’t said all that for her to just smile and leave! If she left now he’d be even more confused!

“Do you have to?”

Chloe looked at the clock on the mantelpiece. “Ben might get back…”

Ben. It was always Ben, ruining things for Mark.

“Okay.”

Chloe got up and hesitantly started to walk out of the room. Mark got the hint that she wanted to leave that minute and followed her. Much as he didn’t want her to leave, he unlocked the front door and opened it for her. She stepped past him onto the doorstep where it had all began this morning. Mark thought she’d just get in her car and go, but instead she turned round and hugged him. Mark was a bit taken aback, but he returned the hug, enjoying every minute of it. He wasn’t exactly sure whether it was an “it’s over” hug, or an “I want you too” hug, but it was definitely more than a simple “goodbye” hug. It was lasting much longer than your average hug for a start, and Chloe was holding him really tightly… it was heaven for Mark.

When she pulled back out of the embrace, she was smiling.

“Call me.” She said, walking away from Mark.