And now I’m caught, I’m caught in the middle,
and now I’m caught, I’m caught in the middle, and now I’m caught, I’m caught in
the middle, and now I’m caught, I’m caught in th-
“Argh, argh, argh, argh, ARGH!! Shut up!” Paul
shouted at himself, leaping out of bed and jumping up and down on the spot
until the incessant repeat of the song left his head. He’d been lying there
trying to convince himself that he was still asleep for at least the last two
hours, and that single refrain from ‘Caught In The Middle’ (which consequently
he now could not stand) had been running round and round in his head,
driving him crazy, for approximately half the time he’d been awake.
As soon as he’d woken up he’d been greeted by a
barrage of thoughts left over from the previous night, so to start with the
song was a relief, but after the 50th repeat, the thoughts joined in
as well, and after the 300th ‘and now I’m caught, I’m caught in
the middle’ Paul was certain he’d gone mad.
Luckily he hadn’t gone mad, but unluckily for
him, Paul still couldn’t stop thinking about Chloe and Mark’s little
predicament. He’d calmed down a bit now, the rage had left him at about 5 that
morning when he’d finally managed to drop off to sleep, but the only way he was
able to stop it bubbling back with a vengeance was to tell himself that there
was absolutely nothing he could do about it, and like it or not, he was stuck
in the situation he hadn’t ever imagined would happen.
He had, however, managed to come up with a
little plan that might just get them all out of trouble and get things more or
less back to normal without Ben being any the wiser to what was going on. Paul
knew that once again he’d be keeping vital information from Ben, but he’d
thought it over (a hundred million times) and this little plan of his was
better than simply telling Ben what was going on and letting him sort it out
himself. The latter option would be a lot easier for Paul, but Paul
wasn’t the one about to get his heart broken beyond repair, and so easy or hard
didn’t figure in the equation. He regarded Ben as a very close mate, and he
just wanted to protect him from getting hurt, because it wasn’t fair and he
didn’t deserve it. And yes, in light of the circumstances, Ben would probably
be much better off without Chloe, but Paul doubted Ben would see it like
that, and so all in all, his plan was a good one.
It wasn’t Plan A though, oh no. Plan A was the
nice simple approach of begging both Chloe and Mark to end whatever was going
on between them, but in all honesty he couldn’t really see that being awfully
affective. They were both clearly delusional, and in that kind of state Paul
doubted logic or sense in any form would really appeal to either of them. So if
Plan A failed, which it almost certainly would, Plan B would swiftly be brought
into play.
So what was Plan B? Well Plan B was… not really
a very nice thing to do, but with Chloe and Mark losing their minds Paul was
confident that drastic action was well and truly called for. If they wouldn’t
end it, Paul was just going to have to end it for them. And the way he was
going to do that was by use of a little… shall we say, constructive persuasion?
Paul thought that if he could manage to plant the idea that Chloe was leading
him on into Mark’s head, and vice versa, then hopefully they’d do the rest
themselves. Destruction at its most poetic.
Paul was hoping that the inevitable onset of
doubt and paranoia would be enough to tear Mark and Chloe apart. And if that
wasn’t sufficient effort to split them up, if, God forbid, they were as strong
as Mark had made out, then Paul would just have to help things along a little
bit more by throwing a few white lies into the mix. By then the damage should
have been done. It wouldn’t be particularly pleasant for either party, but
all’s fair in love and war.
He did feel a tiny tiny tiny weeny bit bad, but
it was only a very weak emotion, it’d soon pass. Paul felt his debt to Ben was
greater because all this kinda seemed like his fault. He’d known about Mark’s
feelings for Chloe way before anyone else, he’d had his suspicions recently
that they were more than just good friends, and yet he’d refused to trust his
own intuition. He should have done everything in his power to put an end to
things when he first found out how Mark felt; he should never have let it get
this far. If it wasn’t serious before, it definitely was now, and he couldn’t
let things carry on like this. If it was solely down to him, he would end this
affair.
Wow, that was a heavy word.
Affair.
Affair affair affair affair and now, I’m caught
in the middle…
“NOOOO!!” Paul shouted, running over to the
nearest wall and banging his head against it until the singing stopped.
He bet it was Wednesday. It had to be. What
other day would be so hideous? Bloody evil Wednesday.
Paul hated Wednesdays. In fact, he despised
Wednesdays. There was no explanation for why everything bad always happened on
a Wednesday, but it always had done without fail ever since he was about 2 when
he fell down a flight of steps. So it was just typical that all this had come
to light today, a Wednesday. He didn’t know for sure that it was Wednesday, but
he could feel it. He could feel the evil.
Scowling at his now clear but throbbing head,
Paul pulled his bag onto the bed and found some clean clothes. He shook out the
creases in them and went into the bathroom to get washed. He’d heard Mark get
up half an hour ago, and Paul reasoned he was probably having breakfast in the
dining room with Ben, Chloe and Chris. As a band they didn’t have anything in
particular to get back to London for, so it was going to be a bit of a lazy
journey back, which suited Paul just fine. It meant they could have a bit of a
lie-in (something Paul would have delighted in had it not been for that stupid
song), actually have a proper breakfast for a change, and take their time to
get themselves together and into the cars.
Paul left the hotel room and as he walked
towards the lifts at the end of the corridor, he started to mentally prepare
himself for breakfast with Chloe and Mark. He was going to have to act totally
normally with them, much as he wanted to lock them in separate cupboards
and cut off all their arms and legs. Was that a bit violent? It was, wasn’t it?
Bit disturbing actually, why did he think things like that? Oh yeah, because it
was Wednesday. Argh!!
Condemning whoever it was that came up with the
idea of including Wednesday as part of the week, Paul was just passing a door
when it opened and Mark came out.
“Oh, hi! Going to breakfast?” Mark asked,
hurriedly closing the door behind him.
Paul narrowed his eyes at Mark.
“That’s not your room.” He said, looking at the
number on the front of the door.
“No, no it’s, um… Christian’s. Christian’s
room.”
“Christian’s room is number 101.”
“H-how do you know that?” Mark asked.
“Because we were having secret sexcapades in
the middle of the night! That is Chloe’s room!” Paul exclaimed.
Mark sighed. “Well, yeah…”
“What were you doing in Chloe’s room?” Paul
demanded.
“Nothing.” Mark said.
“Oh yeah right, I don’t believe a word of it.
Finishing what you started last night?”
“No! I was just seeing if she was okay after…”
“After I caught you red handed?”
She said she threw up last night, in case you
care.” Mark said.
“I do care, I just dislike you both in
equal amount.”
“For doing what we’re doing to Ben, I know,
I’ve heard it already.”
“I just can’t believe you don’t feel bad,
that’s all.” Paul said.
“Me and Chloe are meant to be together.”
“Oh yeah, made for each other.” Paul
said sarkily, walking away from Mark.
Oh, he was infuriating sometimes. His big
problem, apart from being a Class A idiot, was that he’d never admit when he
was wrong; everything he did was so bloody holier than thou. Half tempted to
just leave him to it and let Ben kick him into touch, Paul got in the lift and
rode it down to the ground floor. He got out and headed towards the dining
room, where he saw Christian and Ben sitting at a table in the corner eating
and talking.
I know nothing, I know nothing, I
know nothing, he
thought as he went over to join them.
“Hey.”
“Morning.” Ben said, looking up from his fried
breakfast. “What you want for breakfast?”
“Same as you looks good.” Paul said, pulling up
a chair and sitting down.
“Eurgh, how can you two eat that first thing in
the morning?” Chris asked with disgust, looking up from his muesli.
“How can you eat that?” Ben asked in
between pieces of bacon and fried bread.
“Yeah, how is that satisfying, man? It looks
like rabbit food.” Paul added.
“It’s called healthy.” Chris said. “Not
sure if either of you have actually heard of that concept, let alone
entertained it, but maybe you should try it some time.”
“But you lived in America, man, you should be
worse than us!”
“Maybe that’s why I’m not. And anyway, what do
you mean it’s not satisfying? It’s not meant to be satisfying; it’s breakfast,
not sex! Who wants sex first thing in the morning?” Chris asked.
His question was met by astounded faces.
“I do!” Paul said.
“You always want sex.” Chris said.
Ben laughed. “That’s true. But no, I agree with
Paul, I’m not opposed to sex in the morning.”
“But first thing?”
“Any time.” Paul said with a grin.
“Yup.” Ben agreed.
“Did you have sex with Chloe this morning?”
Chris asked Ben.
“That is absolutely none of your business, but
no I didn’t.”
“Ah-ha!” Chris said triumphantly.
“I didn’t say I do have sex every
morning, just that I would.” Ben said, grinning at Paul. “Chloe’s not very
well, anyway.”
“Yeah, Mark said.” Paul said without thinking.
Ben looked puzzled. “Mark? How does Mark know?”
Paul looked at Ben. Oh no, how had that slipped
out? He was going to have to be a bit more careful about what he said,
especially today. Damn Wednesdays.
“Oh, er, he probably ran into her this morning.”
“I thought she was in bed.” Ben said.
Yeah, and probably so is Mark, Paul thought, cringing.
“Oh, I dunno, um… maybe she got up.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Chris asked Ben,
shooting Paul a quizzical look.
“I woke up at about 3 this morning and she was
in the bathroom throwing up.” Ben said. “I reckon it’s morning sickness.” He
joked.
“Yeah, you wish.” Paul said, thankful for the
change of subject Chris had provided him with, but knowing that he was going to
have to explain everything to him the second they were left on their own
together.
There wasn’t a lot that passed Chris by.
“Ah shut up.” Ben said, smiling.
“Come on Ben, we all know you want her to be
pregnant.” Chris said.
“I do not!”
“You doooo!” Paul teased. “You want to have babies.”
“Shut up!”
“Are you gonna get married?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know!”
“Have you thought about it?”
“Maybe…”
“Do you get all misty-eyed when you pass bridal
shops?” Paul asked with a grin.
“No, guys!”
“When you gonna ask her?”
“Where’s the wedding gonna be?”
“What you gonna wear?”
“Can I be best man?”
“I want to be best man!”
“Do you mind?!” Ben protested, laughing.
“What’s the matter Benny-boy? Getting too close
to the truth?” Paul jibed with satisfaction.
He’d like to see Mark propose to Chloe.
Well actually he wouldn’t, but he hardly saw Mark being interested in Chloe
long term.
“No! Will you just let me eat my breakfast in
peace?” Ben pleaded. “There is no wedding. And I haven’t thought about it
seriously at all. Me and Chloe are moving in together and that is enough for
now.”
“Leading to marriage…”
“Shut up Paul!” Ben said, punching him.
“What have I told you about beating up little
kids?” Chloe asked, appearing through the dining room doors with Mark.
Paul could hardly believe the audacity of them
turning up together, and he was a bit taken aback by Chloe’s display of jokey
friendly behaviour towards him after what had happened last night. But then he
realised that she’d become an expert at behaving normally in the face of
abnormality, and was just doing what Paul was meant to be doing now – acting
like nothing had happened. Being normal. But thinking about it, him
being normal would probably alert even more suspicion. So he might just carry
on as he was.
“How are you feeling?" Ben asked, putting
an arm around Chloe as she pulled up a chair next to him.
“I’m fine now. I must just have eaten something
dodgy.”
“Are you sure you should be out of bed? You
haven’t seemed very well for a couple of days.” Ben said.
“Haven’t I?” Chloe asked.
“Just been looking a bit pale, that’s all.” Ben
said, running a finger down the side of Chloe’s face.
“Sorry.” She said quietly.
“Sorry? What for?”
“Making you worried.” Chloe said.
Ben smiled at her. “Not worried, concerned.”
“Well sorry for making you concerned, then.”
“Always concerned about you, babe.” Ben said.
“Is that a good thing, or concerned in the
it’s-possible-I’m-dating-an-escaped-mental-patient way?” Chloe asked.
“Actually, don’t answer that.”
“Want some breakfast?”
“Mmm, maybe later. I’m not really hungry.”
“I’ll put some in a bag for you, you can eat it
in the car. Cold sausage, soggy toast and congealed baked beans sound good to
you?” Ben said.
“Ew, don’t be gross.” Chloe said, holding her
stomach.
“You’re not pregnant then?” Ben asked.
Chloe laughed. “No, I am not pregnant!”
“Gutted.” Paul said.
“Shut up Paul.” Ben said. “You sure?” he asked
Chloe.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m definitely
one hundred percent without child.”
“Okay, just checking.” Ben said, pulling Chloe
closer to him and kissing her. “I don’t mind that you’re not.”
“Well, it’s not irreversible, you know.” Chloe
said with a grin.
“Right, I think me and Chloe are gonna skip
breakfast and go and… pack!” Ben said, grinning back at her.
“And we’re back to the sex in the morning
thing.” Chris said.
“What sex in the morning thing?” Chloe asked,
looking worried.
“Don’t get him started on his weird theories on
sex.”
“No, I think I won’t.” Chloe said. “Actually, I
could do with a bit of fresh air. Fancy a walk, Paul?”
Huh? That was out of the blue, although no
prizes for guessing what she wanted to talk about.
‘It’s not how it looked, I can’t help it, I
do love Ben reeeeally, please don’t tell him, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.’
Paul was almost tempted not to play her lying
cheating little game, but he was curious in an amused
I-have-the-power-now-let’s-see-what-I-can-do way to see what she had to say for
herself.
“Yeah, sounds like a good idea.” Paul said,
getting up from his seat and smiling flippantly at Mark for a reason
unbeknownst even to himself.
He left the room with Chloe, meanly hoping that
their absence would leave Mark agitated and anxious, unable to relax on his
rare morning off, until they returned from wherever it was they were “walking”
to, because he bloody well deserved it, the scheming-
“I talked to Mark this morning.” Chloe said,
her voice pushing roughly into Paul’s thoughts.
“Being a bit reckless by coming down to
breakfast together, weren’t you? Might as well have been holding hands.”
“You think people aren’t going to suspect more
if we’re weird with each other?”
That was an interesting point, and God, this
affair was calculated, wasn’t it? The deceit made Paul feel ill, no
wonder Chloe had been sick; she couldn’t possibly not feel guilty about all
this.
“You know, if it’s making you ill maybe you
should try stopping it.” Paul said as they walked towards the foyer.
“What? It’s not making me ill.”
“What was this morning about then?”
“Oh that’s right, everyone’s talking about it,
aren’t they? You’d think you’d have more interesting things to gossip about,
the lives you lead. But oh no, Chloe’s sick and it makes the front page.” Chloe
said bitterly, not even looking at Paul.
“Why’d you drag me out here if you’re just
gonna be a bitch?” Paul asked, losing his temper in a calm way.
Nonetheless, Chloe looked surprised. “Just wish
you wouldn’t automatically condemn me, that’s all.”
“Well you’re hardly in a position to preach,
are you?” Paul pointed out. “If it’s not the guilt making you ill, what is it?”
Chloe shrugged.
“Are you pregnant?” Paul asked.
“Oh you’d love that, wouldn’t you? For
God’s sake, I’m not sleeping with Mark!” Chloe exclaimed, flinging open the
glass double doors of the hotel to be greeted by a small cluster of four or
five “hardcore” a1 fans. “Shit.” She muttered under her breath.
Paul was thinking exactly the same thing – had
the fans heard that little declaration? He hoped against hope that they hadn’t.
He didn’t want this Chloe and Mark business becoming juicy rumour fodder.
Rumours could be very easy to believe, especially when they were true.
The fans started to mill around Paul, desperate
to leap on him, but trying to look nonchalant at the same time. He recognised a
couple of faces; they were the ones who weren’t asking for autographs
and photos, they were apparently too cool to be interested in anything but
talking. Paul hated those kinds of fans. The other guys didn’t seem to
notice so much, but that was probably because they were more concerned with
talking to these “cool” fans than trying to avoid them. Paul just didn’t get
it, though. How could you have cool and uncool fans? They were all just fans –
all different, all the same. It was so stupid, and really highlighted, albeit
on a small scale, what was wrong with the mentality of most people in this
world. Division division division, that was what it was all about, and it was
everywhere!
Paul wasn’t the biggest aficionado of fans
anyway, but he much preferred the ones who’d never seen a celebrity in their
lives and just stared at you in wide-eyed amazement when you said hi. It was
sweet, and also un-annoying. He didn’t mind fans so much when they were where
they were supposed to be – at a signing, in the audience, but the really
annoyed him when they started turning up in places they shouldn’t be – booking
into hotels the band were staying in, standing outside Sony when they had
meetings, turning up at his house. And he especially hated it when they came up
to him and started talking to him like they knew him – how’s Spain, Paul? How’s
your mum, Paul? Have you paid this month’s rent yet, Paul? How’s the balance
looking in your bank account, Paul? How’s you’re fucking brain tumour, Paul?
He didn’t have a brain tumour, but you see the
point he was making. These little girls didn’t know him, didn’t know anything
about his life, had no business knowing anything about his family. They weren’t
like him just because they had the same trainers, they didn’t share a special
bond because they liked the same music, coz let’s face it, most of them only
had those things because he had them. He knew he should be flattered,
but it just really got to him sometimes – how did he have a hope of being
himself when everyone else was him as well?
The fans shouldn’t be here now. He could really
do without meet and greets this morning. It was that Wednesday thing again. If
it wasn’t Wednesday, the fans wouldn’t be here. They’d be bugging someone else
instead. Someone like… Blue or Westlife, because they actually deserved to be
pissed off of a morning. They deserved the wrath of Wednesday, but as per
usual, the Wednesday cloud was just above Paul’s head.
Why did it always rain on him? Was it because
he slept with so many girls when he was 17?
Anyway, fans. Actually, it’d be really useful
to have the power to disperse crowds with one glance, or something. You know
when the crowd parts so the hero can walk though in films and stuff? Like that,
that’d be so handy! He was gonna say that the next time he got asked another
super power question in one of those stupid interviews.
He really did feel that the fans were here in
bad taste today, though. They didn’t know about everything that was going on,
although after Chloe’s outburst maybe they knew a little more than they should,
but it was a highly serious, highly private thing, something that needed
sorting out, and something that Paul needed to talk to Chloe about without the
whole world listening in. Just imagine if there were fans inside the hotel this
morning. They could have seen Chloe and Mark together (eurgh, flashbacks…),
could have heard them talking about all this, and there next thing you know,
the whole world knows about all their discrepancies. They just all needed to go
away, right now. And if they wouldn’t, if he had to be sociable with them, he
was not going to talk to the “cool” fans. He was officially on strike from them
until they learned to treat everyone equally. He did not like self-appointed
“cool” people.
“How’s the new album coming along, Paul?” one
of the fans asked, as he signed the front of a CD without even looking to see
what it was.
“Er, yeah, it’s going well.” Paul said.
Questions about the music were okay. The music
was, after all, what they were meant to be interested in.
“Hi Chloe.” A girl with dark hair tied back in
a ponytail said.
Paul looked over from his fans to Chloe’s fan.
That was odd, they didn’t usually talk to Chloe if one of a1 was around, they
usually only tried to pump her for classified a1/Chloe and Ben information when
there was no-one else around. She didn’t realise they were doing it, but fans
could be very sneaky at times.
Chloe looked as surprised as Paul, and was
quiet momentarily as she tried to work out if she knew this girl who was
professing to know her.
“Oh, hi!” she said, a vague look of recognition
falling over her face. “Er… sorry, I don’t remember your name.”
“That’s okay! It’s Verity.”
“Ohh, yeah! How are you?” Chloe asked.
“I’m good, thanks. Doing the usually follower
lark, as usual, y’know. Don’t know why I bother sometimes when all we get is
Mr. I-get-out-on-the-wrong-side-of-bed-every-morning.” Verity said with a
laugh.
Chloe smiled.
Paul didn’t.
Now that was just taking things too far. These
people he didn’t know and didn’t like were having a joke at his expense! How
rude!
“I saw you in the magazine.” Verity said.
“What magazine?” Chloe asked.
“Smash Hits. That interview you did?”
“Ohhhhh. Is that out, then?”
“Yeah, came out yesterday. I didn’t know you
were going to be doing an interview with the guys. Well, none of us did.”
“Nor did I!” Chloe confessed. “What does it
look like? Did the pictures come out okay?”
“Yeah, it’s cool. I’ve got a copy with me if
you want to see?” Verity offered, undoing her bag and taking out a shiny magazine.
“Oh, okay.” Chloe said, taking the magazine
from her.
“Page 45.” She said, as Chloe flicked through.
“What’s that?” Paul asked, coming over to the
tow girls having got rid of the majority of his fans with an autograph or a
hug.
“Hiya Paul.” Verity said. “Where are the rest
of the guys?”
“Having breakfast.” Paul said.
“We were just going for a walk.” Chloe said.
“Oh, well don’t let me stop you. I’m quite
happy waiting for the others. Del around?”
“Um… haven’t seen him this morning.” Paul said,
looking over Chloe’s shoulder at the magazine.
“Any idea what time you’ll be leaving?” Verity
asked.
Paul was quiet. He knew Del always told the
regular fans the vitals of a1’s whereabouts, but that wasn’t to say he agreed
with it. That was why there were fans hounding him everywhere he went.
“I dunno. Probably midday-ish.” Chloe said,
barely taking her eyes away from the magazine for a second.
“Okay, cool. Well you have a nice walk, erm,
why don’t you keep that?” Verity said.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, no probs. Can always get another one.
I’ve read it, anyway. Been here since 4!”
“Thanks.” Chloe said, distractedly.
“They’re good pictures, huh? You know, when I
saw it first I almost thought you were with Mark and not Ben.” Verity said,
leaving Chloe and Paul, and resuming her position by the front door of the
hotel.
Paul looked at Chloe’s face, into her eyes, and
then down at the page of Smash Hits, and he saw what she could see, and why
she’d suddenly gone so quiet. There on the page, just as Serena had said, was
the headline, It’s The Girlfriend – But Of Which One?, complete with the
four pictures of Chloe with each member of a1. Paul eyes, as he imagined were
Chloe’s, were drawn to the little square picture of her and Mark. He was
standing behind her with his arms around her waist, looking down at her. She
had a hand on his arm, and was sort of leaning to one side so she could look
round into his eyes. And she really was. Put it this way – if you didn’t know
something was going on between them before, you would after seeing that
picture. They might as well have had sparks of electricity and love hearts
drawn between and around them, it was that obvious. Just the look in their
eyes…
Paul was actually quite shocked – he thought
Chloe hadn’t known how Mark felt about her!
“I thought you didn’t know.” Paul said.
“I-I didn’t.” Chloe said, still staring at the
page.
“Don’t tell me any more lies, Chloe. I’m sick
of them!” Paul warned.
“I’m not! I didn’t know!” Chloe said. “I… I
didn’t realise…”
Paul looked round to where Verity was standing
with a couple of other fans, trying not to look like they were watching and
dissecting their every move and straining to catch snippets of their
conversation. If they weren’t careful, the next rumour would be about Chloe and
Paul!
“Come on, let’s get away from that lot.” Paul
said, nodding his head towards the gang of fans.
Him and Chloe started to walk down the street,
away from the hotel.
“I didn’t know, Paul, I swear I didn’t know.”
Chloe said, still clutching the magazine as they walked.
“Doesn’t look like it from that.” Paul said.
“I know, but…. I had no idea, Paul, I didn’t
know it looked like that.”
“You’re already in the hole of all holes, don’t
dig yourself any deeper.”
“I’m telling the truth!”
“Give me that magazine.” Paul said, taking it
off Chloe and finding the offending page. “Look at that picture of you and Ben.
You and Ben, who have been together for nearly a year, you’re meant to be
deeply in love, and look at you! You’re not even in the same bubble!”
“I know…” Chloe mumbled.
“And then look at you and Mark. Anyone could
look at you two in that picture and be forgiven for thinking you’d never been
more in love. No-one looks at anyone like that unless they’re… I dunno,
soulmates!”
Soulmates. Where had he heard that before?
Soulmates, soulmates, soulma-
Mark had said it about him and Chloe. And now
Paul had said it about Mark and Chloe… ah.
“I know.” Chloe said again, looking at the
pavement.
“And you’re telling me that you didn’t have the
slightest inkling that Mark was in love with you?”
“I didn’t! Paul, please, I’m telling the truth!
I swear on everything I have, I didn’t know how Mark felt when that picture was
taken!”
She sounded quite sincere, and Paul was kind of
inclined to believe her. But if she’d had no idea about Mark’s feelings for her
and yet had been caught on camera, as it were, looking at him in what could
only be described as an amorous way, that had to mean that…
“Did you have feelings for Mark?” Paul asked.
“Without knowing how he felt about you, did you have feelings for him?”
“No.” Chloe said.
“Don’t lie to me! Did you have feelings for
Mark when that photo was taken?”
“Yes! Okay? Yes, I did!” Chloe exclaimed. “You
happy now? You got what you wanted?”
“What kind of feelings?” Paul persisted.
“It wasn’t anything serious. Just idle
thoughts. You know how it is.”
“You can’t justify this, don’t try to.”
“I’m not trying to justify it! For God’s sake!
I know – bad Chloe, bad Mark. But I can’t take it back, this is how things are
now.”
“Is this how you want things to be?” Paul
asked.
“What do you mean?” Chloe asked cautiously.
“Exactly what I said. Is this what you want?”
“Mark, you mean?”
“As well as everything else.”
“I don’t understand.” Chloe said quietly,
giving Paul the distinct impression that she understood full well what he was
talking about, and was just trying to avoid the subject.
“Think about it then.” He said simply.
“I don’t like hurting Ben.” Chloe said
eventually. “I do love him, Paul. I know you think I’m a heartless bitch, but I
really care for him.”
“Not enough to stay faithful.”
“I never planned for this to happen. I never
thought it would! I thought me and Ben would be together forever, live happily
ever after.” Chloe smiled fondly.
“You still could.”
“It’s different now.” Chloe said.
“But what’s changed? Mark’s always been around.
Why the sudden change of heart towards him?”
Chloe shrugged, a sure sign as far as this
conversation was concerned that she knew exactly what had prompted the change,
but it wasn’t something she wanted him to know. Something told Paul that it was
a vital piece of information he could really do with knowing, but he let it go.
“Are you in love with him?”
“No.” Chloe said.
“Do you think you might be falling in
love with him?”
“I don’t know!”
“So why are you doing this? If you don’t feel
for Mark as strongly as you keep insisting you feel for Ben, why are you
bothering?” Paul asked, failing to find the logic behind any of this.
“Have you ever… cheated on a girlfriend?” Chloe
asked, suddenly reversing the role between them.
“No.” Paul said honestly.
It surprised a lot of people, but he had never
in his entire life been unfaithful to a girlfriend. That was probably why he
was having such a hard time understanding what was happening at the moment.
“Then how can you possibly have any idea what
I’m going through?” Chloe exclaimed.
“What you’re going through?” Paul
repeated.
“Yes, what I am going through. You
haven’t thought about that, have you? This whole time you’ve been lecturing me
it turns out that not only do you not have a clue what you’re talking
about, but you’re only seeing the situation from one point of view!”
“Why do you deserve a point of view with what
you’re doing to Ben?” Paul asked nastily.
Yes, he was fairly uninformed about this (he
was also pretty sure he didn’t want to know every single sordid detail), but he
meant every word he said, and he didn’t feel Chloe had any right to shout at
him when she was so far in the wrong.
“Just because I’m the bad guy doesn’t make me
immune to human emotion! You think if I could help all this I wouldn’t? Do you
think I want to lie to Ben? I wish it was simple, wish there was an easy path I
could take, but I am in this situation and I can’t get out of it. I don’t know
what to do, Paul. I feel so bad about it, all the time; every time I think
about what I’m doing and how hurt Ben would be if he found out I just feel
disgusting. I hate myself for doing this to him, but you have to understand
that I can’t help what I feel for Mark. I know I should never have got involved
with him in the first place, yes, it was a huge mistake, possibly the biggest
I’ve ever made, and if I could do it all again I swear to God I’d stay so far
away from Mark we wouldn’t even be in the same country at the same time. But
now I’m here… I have these feelings I can’t turn off, and they keep getting
stronger, and so I do want to be with Mark, but I want to be with Ben as
well. I can’t choose, part of me doesn’t want to have to, and… I’m so confused
about everything. These days sometimes I even doubt the sky is blue.” Chloe
blurted, looking at Paul with big honest eyes.
She meant it, she meant every word, Paul knew
she’d said all that from the heart without a hint of dramatisation, and he had
to try really hard not to feel sorry for her. She was caught up in a big
complicated mess just like he was, but in the end it was her mess, and
she did have no-one to blame but herself. As much as he felt like giving her a
big hug, something told him that with all these doubts Chloe had just expressed
to him, consciously or not, now would be the perfect time to put Plan B into
action. But first, Plan A.
“I can make things easier for you.” Paul said.
“How?”
“I’ll tell Ben about what’s been going on. Then
you won’t have to chose between him and Mark.”
Chloe gasped. “No! No, Paul, please don’t tell
Ben!”
“Maybe I will.”
“No, don’t! Please!” Chloe begged, looking
desperate.
“Okay, so end it with Mark, then.”
“You know it’s not that simple!”
“As Ben’s friend I feel I owe it to him to tell
him what’s going on. I won’t lie to him.” Paul said, half as a warning, half to
lead him nicely into his plan and disguise the abruptness of what he was about
to say. “Anyway, it’d be a lot simpler if you knew how much Mark’s using you.”
He shook his head dramatically as a final
touch. Yes, that would do nicely.
“What?” Chloe asked. “Mark’s not using me.”
“Well of course that’s what you’d think.
Mark’s very clever. I just think it’s a shame, that’s all.”
“What? What are you talking about? I don’t
understand; has Mark said something to you?”
“He doesn’t need to, Clo. Anyone can see what
he’s doing. It’s not your fault you don’t realise, and much as I’m not feeling
particularly inclined to do you any favours at the moment, we were good
friends before all this, and I don’t want to see you hurt. I can’t make
you do anything, but for your happiness as well as Ben’s I’m just advising you
that it’s in your best interest to disassociate yourself from Mark as soon as
possible. You’ve got a good thing going with Ben. Don’t let Mark con you into
throwing that away.”
Chloe looked incredibly confused, but Paul knew
that she had the type of mind prone to mulling things over and within no time
she’d be sorting everything he’d said out to make sense to her, making
associations with things that happened, linking to things other people had
said. Once you put an idea in her head it would gnaw away at her until she’d
killed it by over analysing. Paul was confident it wouldn’t be long before Plan
B was working like a dream.
The two of them entered a grassy recreational
area, and Paul led them to a bench to sit down. Things would get to Chloe more
if she had nothing to distract her.
“But… I’m probably being dumb, but I don’t
understand. What are you trying to say?” Chloe asked, beginning to look
worried.
Paul sighed. “I don’t really know how to say
this… I’m not sure I should say anything, really.”
Great acting Paul, she’s falling for it hook, line
and sinker. You keep this up and you’ll be up there with the rest of Hollywood
accepting your Oscar within no time. Oh yeah, and Chloe and Mark will have
split up, too.
“But… is it something I need to know? Is it
something Mark’s said about me?”
Tantalising, huh?
“It’s just that Mark hasn’t had a girlfriend
for a long time. Aaand, he hasn’t had sex for a good few months, either.” Paul
looked at Chloe.
To start with it was clear she didn’t get what
he was saying, but he could see it slowly begin to dawn on her.
“You mean…?”
“Let me ask you something.” Paul said, helping
the thought process along a bit. “When you two are together, is Mark very… passionate,
with you?”
Chloe looked at the grass while she thought
about her answer.
“He’s… well, yeah, I guess. But - ”
“And you haven’t slept together?”
“No, I - ”
“And how many times have you had to tell him
no?” Paul asked, pretty sure that Chloe’s common sense was the reason for the
lack of sex, and not for want of Mark trying.
Chloe started to look a bit defensive. “Well…”
“Has Mark ever indicated he wants to sleep with
you?”
“Yeah, but he’s not… pushy about it.”
“Have you ever had to tell him no?” Paul asked,
going in as many circles with his questioning as he possibly could just to
confuse Chloe even more.
It was working really well; Paul could see that
Chloe was only just managing to keep up. She’d go quiet soon as she started to
dwell on his words a bit more, before lapsing into silence. She’d probably ask
him to leave shortly after that, and Paul already had the perfect parting shot
prepared for delivering with impeccable timing just before he left her to be
devoured by her own thoughts.
“Um… I don’t… maybe a couple of times…” Chloe
said hesitantly.
“Whose idea was it last night?”
“It was my fault.” Chloe said quickly.
She’d said it automatically, Paul thought, it
had obviously been playing on her mind long enough for her to come to
conclusions on who was to blame. He knew he was taking a lot on perception here
and he couldn’t really know what Chloe was thinking or why she was
saying what she was, but he also thought that he knew Chloe fairly well, and
for every one thing he took the wrong way he was getting four things spot on.
“Why?”
“I… I provoked him.” Chloe said, looking
ashamed.
“But it was Mark’s idea?”
Chloe nodded.
“So…” Paul prompted. “I don’t need to spell it
out to you, do I?”
Chloe was quiet.
Thought process activated. Bingo, Paul thought.
“No, but, he loves me!” Chloe exclaimed. “He,
he wouldn’t… no, you’ve got it wrong!”
“It’s probably not a very nice thing to hear, I
don’t blame you for being a bit defensive. I’m sorry I’m the one who has to
tell you, but it’s for your own good.” Paul said.
“But… everything he said…” Chloe faltered.
“He sees you as an easy target, that’s all
there is to it. It could have been anyone, but as it is you’re especially
convenient; you’re around a lot, close at hand…”
Chloe frowned. “What? So you’re saying that
he’s not even attracted to me? I’m just, like…”
“A random fling. Yeah.”
Chloe looked visibly shocked.
“He’s not interested in long term, Chloe. Once
you’ve slept together all the passion will be gone.”
“But it’s not like I’m easy!” Chloe
protested. “It’s not like I’d just let him sleep with me!”
“So he sees it as a challenge. It’ll feel even
better when he finally does shag you if he’s had to work for it.” Paul
shrugged. “I’m sorry.”
“Paul, can you just leave me on my own?” Chloe
asked, her voice wavering slightly.
There was the isolation request, and here came
Paul’s cherry on top of the cake.
“No-one can have the best of both worlds.
Things are never quite as good as they seem.” He said, getting up and leaving
Chloe with such an expression on her face that if this was a cartoon, her head
would have exploded a second later, sending Paul diving for cover.