Chapter Two

About an hour later, the interview was almost over and Chloe was beginning to think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. Not because of the public exposure but because it had made her think about, and in some cases, analyse her relationship with Ben. She had gone into the interview thinking everything was perfect and now here she was, only 60 minutes later, thinking that maybe everything wasn’t quite as good as she had thought. Damn the journalist’s probing questions! It wasn’t like she was on the verge of dumping Ben, she was just doubting a few things now that she hadn’t thought about before. She’d never looked into it in great detail and studied the logistics before, and it was probably just as well if this was what happened when she did! In fact, it was probably a good idea if she stopped thinking right now before she turned into a character from ‘Dawson’s Creek’ and started saying really “profound” things that nobody ever says in real life.

Chloe’s thoughts came back down to earth as Serena asked the last question.

“Okay and finally, have you got a message for the fans?”

Chloe had quite a few messages for the fans including “Back off my man!!!” and “Haha! I’m going out with Ben from a1! He loves me not you!” but she didn’t think they were really very suitable for use in a “sensitive” interview.

“Um… well just that I can’t help who I fall in love with so don’t hate me.”

There, that was quite… pathetic actually but it would do.

“That’s great.” Serena checked her watch. “Right, let’s head down to the studio and get some photos done.”

It’s so obvious. Thought Chris as he followed the others down to the studio. So unbelievably obvious. How can they not have noticed?

He was talking about Mark of course. Chris knew all about how he felt about Chloe but if he hadn’t heard it from Paul, he was pretty sure he would have guessed anyway. You only had to look at the way Mark noticeably withdrew from the conversation when Chloe was around, and the way his body language changed the moment she walked into a room to see that he was in love with her. And also to see that he knew he shouldn’t be.

Chris prided himself on being able to read people. It came in handy when chatting up girls to be able to tell whether they were vaguely interested or whether he was just wasting his time. So he could tell that Chloe had no idea how Mark felt about her and he was almost certain that Ben didn’t either. Plus, if Ben did suspect something he would have come to Chris about it, so chances are he was just as oblivious to the situation as Chloe. Which was a good thing… probably.

Chris was kinda divided on the whole Mark-Chloe-Ben thing. Not that he actually thought about it much, which could be the reason he was divided, which could be the reason he didn’t think about it much. Hmmm, interesting… Anyway, where was he? Oh yes, division and lack of thought. He knew that what he was meant to think was ‘poor Ben, bad Mark’, but he actually felt more sorry for Mark than he did for Ben. After all, Ben had the girl. He knew exactly how Mark felt. It had happened to him before, not exactly the same circumstances, the girl in question hadn’t been involved, she just wasn’t interested, which, come to think about it, was worse because that meant that the only reason that she wasn’t with him was because she didn’t like him, whereas Mark could convince himself that the reason he wasn’t with Chloe was because she was with Ben. That was actually really depressing and definitely the reason why he didn’t think about it much. So in actual fact, he shouldn’t be feeling sorry for any of them. Just lonely, bitter, twisted and burning up with resentful hate. Glad we’ve got that one sorted out then.

They were down in the so-called “studio” now. It wasn’t really a studio, just a glorified basement, and the five of them were being herded into various shapes and positions by an irate photographer in desperate need of a very strong coffee. Preferably with some kind of very strong sedative in it. Photographers amused Christian. Lots of things amused him actually, but that wasn’t the point. At this very moment in time, photographers amused him. This one in particular. Chris had no idea what his name was so, for no particular reason, decided to call him David. “David” was wearing what could only be described as a terrible mistake. There literally was no other way of describing it. It was, as a whole, the embodiment of terrible mistakes the world over. And he had an attitude to match.

“Right guys”, he’d said as they’d reached the bottom of the stairs. “let’s do this as quickly as possible with minimum fuss.” Like they were some kind of slow troublesome things.

He’d then proceed to tell them exactly what they were going to do in the photos and Chris got the distinct impression that the general rule was ‘object and die’. Needless to say, photo shoots were not Chris’s favourite thing in the whole world.

So apparently, what was going to happen was, “we’re going to do one of each of you with the girl,”

“Chloe.” Ben interjected helpfully, if not slightly indignantly.

“Yeah, Chloe. So we’re gonna do one of each of you with her, then one of Chloe,” he’d said pointedly, looking at Ben. “on her own, and then one of you and her together. Then we’ll lose the girl and do a poster shot and some insets. Everyone happy? Good.” “David” had said quickly without giving any of them the slightest chance to question his “authority”. Probably just as well though, coz Chris could see that Ben was less then thrilled at having his girlfriend refereed to as “the girl” and “her”.

So that’s what they were doing now. Chris had just finished doing his picture with Chloe, incredibly imaginative and artistic, if you were a rock. “David’s” amazingly brilliant idea, that Serena had already had upstairs, was that they would each be photographed in a different kind of romantic embrace with Chloe, which actually sounded quite innovative until you realised that “David” had about as much creativity and talent as DJ Otzi on a bad day. Therefore, Chris’s romantic embrace with Chloe consisted of putting his arms around her waist while she put hers around his neck and they both looked at the camera. Which Christian was sure would look a lot better in a magazine than it did in his head. Yeah right. However, remembering the ‘object and die’ policy, he decided not to say anything, which he felt was a very sensible choice. Things would obviously have been different had he have had a gun in his pocket, but as that wasn’t the case, there wasn’t really much he could do except sit back and watch his “pin-up” reputation being totally ruined by one corny photo and a nameless photographer with slightly less charisma than a piece of glass and absolutely no dress sense whatsoever.

Paul had done his photo first and so when Chris had finished, or rather “David” had finished with Chris, he went over to talk to him. It was Mark’s turn next and Ben was still in make-up so there was no-one else to talk to, not that Chris in any way disliked Paul’s company, he was just noting a fact.

As Chris walked over to where Paul was standing at the bottom of the stairs leading, well, up, he noticed that he was intently watching what was going on behind him. Chris looked over his shoulder to where Chloe and Mark were positioned. Mark was standing behind Chloe looking uncomfortable yet lustful at the same time, if that was even possible!

“Great,” “David” was saying. “now put your arms around her waist as if you were giving her a hug.”

Mark obliged but Chris could see he was having mixed feelings about the whole situation.

“And now you,” “David” said, gesturing to Chloe. “put your hands on his arm.”

Chris could see the pain in Mark’s eyes as Chloe gave his arm a friendly squeeze.

“It must be killing him.” Paul commented as Chris neared him.

“You think about it a lot don’t you?” Chris replied.

Chris actually thought that Paul thought about it too much. Too much for someone who wasn’t directly involved anyway.

“I’m just looking out for them, that’s all. It’s good to have someone who knows both sides of the story. Means I’m in a better position to try to sort things out. I’m worried about them, all of them, it’s all gonna end in tears… unless someone does something.”

“What do you mean?” Chris asked.

He really had absolutely no idea what Paul meant by that, but he often came out with some pretty weird things so he didn’t read too much into it.

“Oh nothing.” Paul paused, but Chris got the impression he hadn’t finished and was contemplating whether or not to say what he thought about the whole thing.

“Do you think… well, it’s gotta be difficult for him like that… what… if you…”

“Just spit it out Paul!” Chris exclaimed impatiently.

He really didn’t want to have an in-depth conversation about this now. It wasn’t any of his business and it made him feel a bit depressed to tell the truth, but there was no point in falling out with Paul over it. He was probably as confused as Chris was.

“Being that close to Chloe, do you think he’ll be able to stop himself?”

“From what?”

Now he’d resigned himself to talking about it, Chris wished Paul would stop being so vague.

“From doing something stupid.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, like kissing her or something!”

“Oh! I don’t think so. Look in his eyes.”

Now it was Paul’s turn to be confused.

“What?”

“Look in his eyes. You can tell what he’s thinking.”

They both stared attentively at Mark. It was true, you could tell. He was totally torn. Chris could see that he wanted so badly to let Chloe know how he felt but at the same time, he knew he couldn’t.

“Hmm…”

Chris was glad that Paul had chosen that moment to lapse back into thought, as Mark finished his shots with Chloe and made his way towards the two of them.

“What are you two talking about?” Mark asked.

Although he was trying to appear jovial, it was obvious to Chris that he was unhappy. He thought it was probably best not to rub it in.

“Oh, we were just saying how…”

“You.” Paul blurted out.

Or alternatively you could make him feel even worse, Chris thought.

“Oh.”

“And Chloe.” Paul added “helpfully”.

“Oh.”

Mark looked over to where Chloe and Ben were messing around in front of the camera, giggling and generally being all lovey-dovey.

“They’re really in love aren’t they?” he asked sadly, in a way that showed he already knew the answer.

“Are you alright?” Chris asked sympathetically.

Mark sat down on the steps with a sigh.

“I’m trying to be.” He replied truthfully. “It’s just so unfair. What has he done to deserve her? Why isn’t that me?”

“You’ve got to remember that initially, Ben didn’t choose Chloe, she chose him. Whatever you do, don’t blame Ben for this, it isn’t his fault.” Chris warned him tactfully. He knew that deep down, Mark already knew that, but love did funny things to people.

“But why didn’t she choose me? What’s so wrong with me? And what makes him so much better than me? I keep trying to find a way to explain how I’m feeling but I just keep finding more questions that I can’t answer.”

“You go looking for answers to things like this, you will find more questions. That’s just the way it is.”

Chris looked over to Paul.

A little support here wouldn’t go amiss, he thought.

Paul didn’t even notice. He wasn’t so good when it came to the philosophical stuff, confronting emotions etc. He was better at handling the more physical side of emotion. Crying he could cope with, laughing, even better, but invisible, or not so invisible in Mark’s case, pain was just a bit too much for Paul.

Just as well I’m so good at it then, Chris thought.

“But I get so jealous of Ben sometimes. I hate him even. I hate him for being so happy and for having what I want to badly. And then I feel terrible, we’re meant to be friend, best friends, it’s me who has the problem, not him. As far as he’s concerned, everything’s fine.”

“Mark, I don’t mean to sound harsh here, I do understand what you’re going through, but don’t you think…” Chris started.

“No, you say you understand but you don’t. How could you? Nothing like this has ever happened to you before.”

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Chris said dangerously.

He knew Mark wasn’t doing it on purpose but lately he could be so unthoughtful.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… well she’s amazing. She’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my whole life and…” Mark let out and exasperated sigh. “I’m going crazy here! I don’t know what to do. Should I be selfish and double-cross Ben to get what I want, or do I just do nothing and watch them fall even more in love, even though I know we’d be so much better together? And what’s to say that she feels the same way as me? Is it worth risking everything when I don’t even know how she’d react if I did tell her how I feel? But then again, what’s to say she doesn’t feel the same way? Oh god, I’m so confused.”

Christian thought it was time for some constructive lying.

“Just try to keep things in perspective. Chloe chose Ben because he’s close to her age. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Okay, so that wasn’t completely true; it was fairly obvious that Chloe chose Ben over Mark because she liked him better, and that she didn’t actually choose Ben over Mark because she didn’t see Mark like that and so it wasn’t a choice, just Ben or nothing. But Mark didn’t need to be told that. And there was nothing wrong with him.

“But it’s only four years between us, that’s nothing! Age shouldn’t matter anyway! And if that is the case and Chloe actually likes me better but chose Ben because of the age gap, do I really want to go out with someone who’s that shallow?”

Oh dear. That was definitely not the right lie to tell.

“So should I actually be warning Ben off Chloe?” Mark continued.

No, no no! This was not how it was meant to go! The lie was meant to help, not make things worse! Great time for poetic justice to step in, thanks a lot. Chris was going to have to do something about this. In fact, now would be a great time for Paul to contribute.

“Mark, all I meant was that Chloe initially noticed Ben because he was closer to her age, but she actually liked him more than you anyway…”

Okay, that was not the right thing to say.

“No, what I mean is that she probably didn’t fancy you anyway…”

This was going unbelievably badly.

“Maybe it’s best you don’t listen to me.” Chris said, in a last desperate attempt to sort things out.

“It’s okay, I do see your point, it’s just… to see them together, so much in love, so… together… it breaks my heart. And you know, I’ve tried so hard to ignore these feelings, to convince myself that I only want her coz I can’t have her, but I love her, I can’t help it.” Mark trailed off.

Chris sensed the air of desperation in Mark’s voice but he couldn’t think of anything to say that could possibly make him feel any better. He didn’t think there was anything anyone could say. Things weren’t going to get any better because unless Mark did something really drastic, he really couldn’t see Ben and Chloe splitting up. Ever.

“I need some air.” Chris heard Mark mumble as he walked up the stairs and out of the room.

Almost as soon as he’d left, “David” announced that he was “ready to do the a1 group photos now.”

“So nice of you to ask us if we’re ready.” Chris muttered sarcastically.

He did not like being told what to do. Nevertheless, he started over to the main screen where “David” was waiting impatiently.

Ben looked up from talking to Chloe as Chris and Paul sauntered casually towards him.

“Where’s Mark?” he asked.

Oh no, thought Chris. Quick, make something up. Something feasible.

“He’s… um, he’s…”

“He didn’t feel too well, he went up to get some fresh air.” Paul jumped in.

“Well can someone go and get him?” “David” ordered briskly.

Who included you? Chris thought crossly. He was getting increasingly annoyed with “David.”

“I’ll go, I’m done here.” Chloe offered. “Do you know where he went?”

Paul and Chris both exchanged mutual ‘oh no’ glances. The way Mark was feeling right now, being alone with Chloe was probably not the best thing that could happen. In fact, it was probably one of the worst, but before they could deter her, Ben said,

“He’ll probably be on the balcony.”

“Which is where exactly?”

“Up both flights of stairs and along the corridor. Turn right and it’s the fire exit door at the end.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a minute.” Chloe said, and gave Ben a quick kiss before disappearing out of the “studio” to find Mark.

Mark stood on the balcony trying to figure out what to do. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Mark was telling himself that he was trying to figure things out, but what he was really doing was imagining what he’d say to Chloe if he was alone with her right now. That photo shoot was just too much for him to handle. Even though he knew she just thought of it… well, how it was, a photo shoot, nothing more, Mark couldn’t help imagining how good his life would be if it had meant as much to her as every touch did to him and he could hold her whenever he wanted to. After months of secrets and lies, it was getting too much. He was going to have to do something about this soon. Ignoring and pretending didn’t seem to work where emotions were concerned and so it looked like the only option was to tell her. In fact, if she walked in right now, he’d tell her everything. Of course, there was no way she’d actually…

“Mark?”

If he’d have spun round any quicker, he’d have spun right over the railings.

“Chloe.” He said, trying to regain his composure.

‘Go on then, do what you said you were going to do. Tell her.’

The voices in his head were mocking him again.

‘No! You can’t tell her now! You haven’t planned it properly. You need more time. It’ll all go horribly wrong…’

That was his conscience talking. It did that quite a lot lately. The fact that he hadn’t done anything about his feelings for Chloe showed that he tended to ignore the mocking voices, but the fact that sometimes he didn’t care how much he hurt Ben as long as he could be with Chloe, showed that his conscience wasn’t doing a very good job either.

Mark realised that he must look like he was about to say something as Chloe was looking at him as if she was waiting for him to speak. He better say something then.

“Um… did you want something?”

Oh well done Mark, really friendly.

“Oh, yeah, they need you for the a1 shoot now.” Chloe said.

“Oh, alright.”

“Is it just me or is that photographer really…”

Even though Chloe was talking to him the whole way back to the studio, all Mark could think of was how beautiful she was. And how much he wanted to hold her hand. But he couldn’t, he knew that. The little voices didn’t seem to be all that clear however.

As Mark walked back into the studio, he noticed the wary glances passing between Chris and Paul. He knew exactly what they thought might have happened in the few minutes he was alone with Chloe. Well they were wrong coz nothing happened, Mark was too much of a coward. They should know that. He certainly did.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her anything.” He said casually as he walked towards the photo area, passing Chris and Paul on the way.

They really don’t know me at all, Mark thought sadly. They think they do, think they’ve got me all figured out, think they can predict my every move. They have no idea.

The shoot passed without much excitement. Mark managed to always keep someone between him and Chloe, thinking all the time how he wished he didn’t have to. He was looking forward to going home so he could be alone with his thoughts when Ben shattered that illusion by saying,

“D’you lot wanna come back to mine? We’ve got a late start tomorrow.”

What could Mark do? Say, “no actually, I really fancy your girlfriend so I think I’ll pass on that one just in case I try to seduce her?” I don’t think so. Well he could but he was a coward remember? And oh-so sensible. Definitely not capable of something like that. Oh really? We’ll see…