“Clo?” Ben called, closing the door of the flat behind him as he walked up the corridor.
“Single for the next train to Wolverhampton.” Chloe said through the
intercom.
“Clo, are you here?” Ben said, walking across the sitting room. “You’ll never guess what!”
“You
can buy an open return if you’re not sure when you’re coming back.” the man
behind the glass said helpfully.
Ben poked his head round the bathroom door, before going into the bedroom to see if Chloe was in there.
Chloe shook her head. “I’m not
coming back.”
Ben frowned as he was greeted by another empty room: where was she?
She was at Paddington train
station with just enough money to buy her escape.
A partly open clothes chest drawer caught Ben’s eye, and as he got closer, his heart lurched as he saw that it was completely empty.
She’d been back to Ben’s house
earlier and got all of her things.
That was Chloe’s drawer.
Ben flung open the wardrobe and, finding it empty of Chloe’s things too, frantically ran to the bedroom, trying to find something of Chloe’s.
She’d taken everything she could find in the short amount of time she’d had before Ben returned.
But there was nothing there.
She didn’t have time to check whether she’d left anything.
All Chloe's stuff was gone.
She’d just thrown everything into a bag and slammed the door behind her.
Chloe was gone.
Got out as soon as possible.
Trying to convince himself there was a reasonable explanation, Ben made his way over to the phone and dialled Chloe’s mobile number.
Chloe jumped as her mobile rang,
and tears came to her eyes as she saw the name that was flashing at her on the
tiny blue screen.
Ben took a deep breath to try to calm the Venus Flytraps snapping at his heart, and the swirling motion in this stomach.
With shaking hands, Chloe turned her phone off and roughly pushed it as far to the bottom of her bag as she could.
Ben cursed and dropped the phone back into the base as the recorded voice told him to try again later.
She was alone now.
Picking the phone up again, Ben thought for a minute and then dialled Chloe’s home number.
No-one could get to her.
Ben clung onto the phone like a last lifeline, hearing its relentless purr in his ear over and over, praying for Chloe’s voice to replace the monotony and save him from despair.
That was how it should be.
The phone rang and rang and rang and rang, and with every ring, Ben’s heart sank lower and lower.
That was what was deserved.
Panicked and confused, hot tears came to Ben’s eyes as he let the phone fall from his hands and his legs take him to the floor.
She’d left him.
It was for Ben’s own good that she got out of his life: he shouldn’t have to be around someone so disgusting.
The thing that Ben had been having secret nightmares about while Chloe had been sleeping safely by his side had finally happened.
Dirty.
He’d known it was coming, ever since he’d confronted her about the subject when they were staying in Manchester.
Deceitful.
Those two days of darkness.
Didn’t deserve him.
She’d tried to tell him he was wrong, that she didn’t even know what he was talking about.
Didn’t deserve anyone.
But you can’t hide your feelings from someone whose world revolves around you.
Especially not someone who cared about her.
Someone who knows you inside out will always know when you’re lying.
Ben.
However hard you try, you’re wide open.
He knew her so well.
Ben had known.
But he had no idea.
He’d known he was right.
And he never would.
He’d known he was losing her.
He’d never see her again.
Even though the last two days they’d had together had been two of the best.
And soon he’d forget.
Pride always comes before a fall.
Soon everyone would forget.
Ben had been so proud: proud that Chloe was his girlfriend and not anyone else’s.
And while everyone moved on, Chloe would be stuck in the same place.
And this was a fall: a fall of magnificent proportions.
Secretly falling apart: unseen, unheard.
Ben had fallen so far he’d not only lost himself, but everything he lived for as well.
She’d lose everything and everyone.
The thing he’d based his entire future around, the thing he’d thought he’d have forever, had vanished, almost as if it was never there in the first place.
And then she’d cease to exist.
Had all the happiness Ben had felt over the last year been an illusion?
No feelings, no emotions.
It might as well have been, because all he had now was nothing.
Nothing.
The essence of his life had gone, and in its place, a thousand questions.
Chloe could feel it already.
He felt empty.
She could feel the emptiness moving slowly through her body: starting in her toes, creeping up her legs, crawling around the pit of her stomach, leaping into her heart.
Like there was no way forward.
She couldn’t stop it.
Well, there was no way forward.
Mark had taken everything.
Not without Chloe.
She wasn’t Chloe any more.
How could he live without her when she was everything he was living for?
How could he live with himself for driving her away?
How could she live with herself, knowing every detail of what she’d done, but not being able to feel anything?
She was everything to him.
She’d done everything wrong.
He was nothing without her.
And now she had nothing.
He had no mind, no body, no soul.
She was a hollow shell of a being.
He was a non-person, wallowing forever in the depths of loneliness.
And always would be.
He didn’t want anyone else.
The only person who could change that was Ben.
He wanted her.
But Ben wouldn’t want her.
He didn’t know himself without her.
He couldn’t love her now.