Paul was walking around Chloe’s kitchen trying to think. He’d put Chloe to bed a few hours ago after she’d thrown up the one noodle she’d eaten, and he’d been debating what to do about all this since. He hadn’t told Ben he’d found Chloe, but he had phoned Christian and told him to tell Ben that he was still out looking for her. He didn’t want Ben to know where Chloe was until he knew why she was in such a state. As he paced around, the black bin bag he’d found at the back of a cupboard earlier caught his eye. There was something weird about the collection of stuff in it that Paul couldn’t quite put his finger on. He went over to it, tipped everything out onto the side and started to have a good look. He was riffling through the items when there was a voice from behind him.
“What are you doing?” Chloe asked as Paul turned round.
“Clo, you look better!” Paul said, trying to hide the ransacked bag behind him. “Did you sleep okay?”
“What’s that?” Chloe asked, marching over to Paul, ripping the empty bag from his hands and looking with horror at the things spread out on the side. “What are you doing?!” she asked again, raising her voice.
“I-I was just… looking.” Paul said, taken-aback at Chloe’s sudden energy.
“This isn’t yours!” she exclaimed, trying to shove everything back into the bag. “You shouldn’t touch things that aren’t yours!”
“I’m sorry.” Paul said. “Here, let me help.” He said, trying to take the bag off Chloe.
“No!” she shouted, snatching it back off him. “I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to see it.” She muttered to herself as she hurriedly threw various items into the flimsy bin bag.
One forceful shove too many and the bag split along the side, causing half the contents to fall onto the floor.
“No!” Chloe screeched, trying to pick it all up and put the things back in. “Why is it always there?! Why won’t it go?!” she continued to screech, still frantically packing the bag.
More stuff fell out and with a shriek Chloe threw the bag and all its remaining contents against the balcony door.
“Leave me alone!” she shouted at it. “Go away!”
Paul didn’t want to say anything, let alone ask the question he was about to, but he knew it was significant and something he needed to know.
“What’s in the bag?”
“Everything he touched?” Chloe screeched. “It’s disgusting! I don’t want it near me! It’s dirty!”
Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her hands were shaking.
“I hate him!” she shouted. “I hate him.” She repeated quietly, sliding down the front of the worktop onto the lino floor. “Look what he’s done to me.” She said, closing her eyes and resting her head on her knees. “Look what he’s done…”
“Ben?” Paul asked, trying to keep his voice as calm and expressionless as possible.
“Don’t say that name!” Chloe exclaimed, suddenly looking up at Paul. “I don’t want to hear that name!”
“What did he do, Chloe?” Paul asked, getting more and more worried.
“Nothing! He didn’t do anything! He cared about me; I did the rest. And I’m sorry this is my fault, I’m sorry he’s worried, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.” Chloe sobbed.
“Clo, it’s okay, Ben’s fine.” Paul reassured her.
“I couldn’t be near him.” She continued. “Couldn’t let him… seeeee me. I’m contaminated now.”
Paul frowned. What?
“Tell me what Ben did.” He said.
“It wasn’t Ben!” Chloe exclaimed. “It wasn’t Ben.”
“Chloe,” Paul said, crouching down to her level. “Who did this to you?”
“No no no no no no no no no no no no no.” Chloe said, putting her hands over her ears and shaking her head. “Can’t tell can’t tell can’t tell can’t tell.”
“You can tell me.” Paul said, taking her hands away and holding them.
Chloe’s eyes widened. “Get away from me!” she screamed, pulling her hands out of Paul’s grasp as he stepped back from her in shock. “It won’t happen again, I won’t let it happen again.” She chanted to herself over and over while Paul just watched feeling utterly helpless.
He wasn’t finding anything out, he wasn’t getting though to her – if anything, he was making her more psychotic - and he didn’t know what to say. He knew that he was so close, though. So close to finding out the truth about everything, and he knew it was only literally one question away. Just one question that would either open the floodgates and make Chloe tell him everything, or push her right over the edge and down the other side. Paul had absolutely no idea what that all-important question was, though. At the moment he felt rather like he was digging in a minefield in the dark.
“Chloe, I’m not going to hurt you.” Paul said.
And that was it. That was all he needed to say. Chloe’s eyes glazed over, staring straight ahead as she proceeded to tell Paul her story.
“Want to see how much I can hurt you? That’s what he said to me. Said I was hurting him.” She chuckled. “I was hurting everybody. And they alllll loved me. Said he loved me. Said I was driving him crazy. I shouldn’t have gone. Should not have gone. It was stupid - stupid stupid stupid. I am stupid. Got taken in. Trust. It’s not like that.” She said, looking at Paul. “Don’t assume you’ll be alright. Oh they said it was wrong. Yes. And all these wonderful things he said. Unbelievable sights, indescribable feelings,” she sang softly. “But then he took me somewhere else. It’s dark there. I went to see him. To make him go away. I had to, because he was always there. Leave me alone, I said. One hundred times. One hundred times. And I don’t love him. I don’t! You believe me, don’t you?” she asked Paul urgently.
He nodded, not wanting to break the flow of consciousness streaming from Chloe’s mouth. Despite all the sentences that didn’t make sense, Paul could pick out the ones that did, the important ones, the ones that were slowly telling him the reason why.
“I didn’t think there would be any trouble. I didn’t want any trouble. And it was fine. Alllll all fine. But if one thing falls… We all fall down. I shouted at him. About the phoning all the time. He didn’t know. Anything! But saying all the right things, we go on. Oh yes. Then I was against the wall. It was bluuuue. Cold. Hands on my shoulders. Breathing in my face. I wanted to go, but I wasn’t allowed. No, he said. No, you can’t go. I still tried. Sometimes you win, sometimes…. nothing.” Chloe’s eyes got wider and the pace at which she was speaking quickened. “Struggle. Back, forth, back… forth. I fell. I was… on the bed, but I didn’t know why. And then I knew and I wanted to go again. But he was there. I was paper, he was stone. All over me, crushing me, hurting me. And the music was too loud. I was so frightened; so afraid. Because I didn’t want that, I did not want that!” Chloe shouted, before calming down again. “Going places he shouldn’t go, going places he shouldn’t go, going places he shouldn’t go…” she murmured. “Scream, it won’t help. Just pushing, pushing, pushing. I told him to get off me. But he didn’t’. He stayed there until he’d finished. Stayed there until he’d got what he wanted. He was happy. Wouldn’t stop. I forgot my shoes,” She said sadly, like it was the most upsetting thing. “Well I won’t get them back now. And now I just feel dirty. Because he’s still all over me. Washing – it doesn’t work, you know. Not hot, not cold, not bleach! He’s still there. I’ve got you, under my skin.” Chloe started to sing again, tears falling freely and silently from her eyes and dripping onto the floor. “Everywhere I look. I can’t get rid of the feeling.” She looked up at Paul. “Help me.” She sobbed. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Paul stood looking open-mouthed at the desolate girl curled up on the floor in front of him. He knew exactly what Chloe had just told him, and he was fairly sure he knew exactly who “he” was, but he didn’t want to believe it. Of course, it all made sense now… Bloody hell, this was worse than he could have ever imagined. Poor poor Chloe.
“I will.” Paul said gently, kneeling down next to Chloe. “I will help you, and you’ve been so brave telling me all this, and I promise things will get better from now on, but I need you to tell me one more thing: who did this to you?”
Paul could hardly hear the words Chloe was mumbling through the sobs, but all he needed was four letters to confirm what he already knew.
“Mark.”