“Alright?” Paul asked Chloe as they stood side by side outside the Sexual Health Clinic.
Chloe nodded.
“It’ll be okay.” Paul said reassuringly as they stepped inside.
Chloe sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs in the waiting area and Paul went up to the reception desk.
“Can I help you?” the middle-aged woman behind the desk asked.
“Um, yeah, I’ve brought my friend in to have like, a check-up and everything.”
“Can I take the name?”
“Yeah, it’s Chloe – Chloe Homer.” Paul said, looking over to Chloe to make sure she was okay.
After realising there was a chance she might be pregnant, Chloe had got so upset that Paul suggested they go down to the nearest clinic to put her mind at rest one way or the other. And it’d put his mind at rest about everything else, too. Plus, he wanted to get Chloe out of the house for a bit, just in case Ben did decide to pay them a visit. He was sure Christian would be able to stop him, being the expert diplomat that he was, but he wanted to make sure that Chloe didn’t get any unexpected visitors. He was so annoyed – mainly with himself – that Ben had overhead his conversation with Christian. He felt like he’d failed Chloe. If Ben suddenly turned up then she’d think Paul had lied to her about not telling Ben and then she’d never trust him again. Thank God he hadn’t said what had happened to her: that would have been disastrous. Mind you, Paul still thought that Ben was what Chloe needed most at the moment, regardless of her reservations about telling him.
“If you go and take a seat we’ll give you a call.” The receptionist said.
Paul nodded and went over to Chloe, sitting down next to her.
“What did you say to her?” Chloe asked nervously.
Poor girl.
“Just that you’d come for a check-up.”
“Did you tell her anything else?”
“No.”
“I don’t want anyone to know what happened.”
“They wouldn’t judge you; they might be able to help.” Paul said.
“No, I don’t want anyone to know.”
“Okay, okay, I won’t tell anyone.”
They sat there in silence until the receptionist called Chloe’s name.
“If you’d like to go through, Chloe. Your friend can wait here for you.”
Chloe grabbed Paul’s arm. “I don’t want to go on my own.”
Paul made a face. He knew what happened at these places – he’d seen it on telly – and he really didn’t want to watch.
“Come with me.” Chloe said.
“Chloe, I dunno if-”
“Please.”
“I don’t know if I’m allowed.” Paul said.
“Chloe?” the receptionist called again.
Paul sighed. “Come on.” He said, leading the way, ignoring the receptionist’s protests.
As they walked, Chloe slipped her hand gently into Paul’s and he smiled – she was going to get through this. They turned a corner and stopped in front of a wall of doors.
“Do you know where we go now?” Paul asked.
Chloe shook her head,
Right on cue a door opened and a woman in casual clothes stepped out.
“Chloe?” she asked with a friendly smile.
Chloe nodded.
“Come in. You can wait in the reception area for her.” She said to Paul.
Chloe looked at Paul anxiously.
“Um, she wants me to come in.” Paul said.
“Are you sure?” the woman asked Chloe.
Chloe nodded.
“Alright, come in then, both of you.”
Chloe and Paul followed the woman into the room, closing the door behind them and hovering until invited to sit down.
“Right, what can I do for you?” the woman asked.
Chloe looked at Paul.
“Er, we, um, Chloe, wants to be tested for, er, pregnancy and STDs.” Paul said, deliberately not looking at Chloe’s face at the mention of STDs.
He hadn’t quite got round to talking to her about that yet.
“Okay, I’ll need to ask you a few questions first: is that okay, Chloe?”
Chloe nodded.
“When did you last have sex?”
Knowing a question like that would bring back painful memories to Chloe, Paul took her hand again and squeezed it reassuringly.
“Um… what day is it?” Chloe asked Paul quietly.
“Thursday.” He said.
“Saturday.” Chloe said to the woman. “It was Saturday.”
“And why do you think you might be pregnant?”
Chloe didn’t answer, but she looked like she was about to cry again.
“Look, she doesn’t need a lecture on safe sex.” Paul said.
“Well maybe you do.” The woman said.
“What? No! I didn’t- We’re not sleeping together. I’m just a friend.”
“I see.” The woman said. “How old are you, Chloe?”
“19.” Chloe said.
“When did you become sexually active?”
“Um, when I was 16.”
“And how many sexual partners have you had?”
“Is this really necessary?” Paul asked. “All she wants is a check-up.”
“Maybe you should wait outside.” The woman warned.
“Five.” Chloe said quietly.
“And are you currently having a sexual relationship with anyone?”
Chloe opened her mouth to answer but then stopped, a contemplatory look on her face.
Paul knew she was trying to decide whether Ben was current or past.
“No.” Chloe said.
“So Saturday was, shall we say, casual sex?”
Chloe’s forehead creased but she nodded before Paul had a chance to leap to her defence.
“And you didn’t use contraception?”
Chloe shook her head.
“Was there a reason why, or was it a spur of the moment decision?”
Paul was about to have a go at the woman for being so damn unsympathetic when Chloe spoke.
“Spur of the moment.” She whispered, looking pained.
“Do you usually use contraception when undertaking sexual activities?”
Chloe nodded.
“Good, good. What do you use?”
Oh God, this got worse, Paul thought.
He wished Chloe had let him explain what had happened to her because all these personal questions couldn’t be helping her recover. And Paul didn’t feel exactly comfortable knowing the ins and outs of Chloe sex life, if you excuse the pun.
“Condoms.” Chloe said.
“I take it you’re not on the Pill?”
Chloe shook her head.
“Have you considered it?”
I tried it, but I didn’t get on with it.”
“Why not?”
“It gave me really bad stomach pains. I tried more than one sort, but they all had the same effect.” Chloe said.
It was funny, Paul thought, but she seemed to be gaining strength as she talked. There certainly weren’t any tears in her eyes any more, and she looked a lot less fragile. How had that happened? When had that happened?! A couple of sentences ago she was about ready to break down.
“I wasn’t seeing my boyfriend much at the time so it wasn’t really worth it.” Chloe continued.
“How long ago was that?”
“Um… About six months ago.”
“Have you thought about trying it again?”
Chloe shook her head. “I, um, I won’t need it.”
The woman frowned. “Okay, well if you’d like to come with me I’ll do a couple of tests on you to check you haven’t got anything nasty.”
She stood up and Chloe did the same.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Paul asked,
Chloe smiled at him. “No, it’s okay.”
“Oh, okay.” Paul said, watching Chloe and the woman leave the room.
Chloe was gone for quite a while, and as he waited Paul was glad Chloe hadn’t wanted him to go with her. Stuff like that made him cringe. He hoped she was alright, though. He was still quite surprised, and a little worried about her sudden change in mood, but maybe – as improbable as it seemed - all the probing questions had helped. Or maybe she was just having another psychotic turn and she’d come back all scary again. Paul wasn’t trying to make light of the circumstances, but he still felt that life hadn’t entirely prepared him for a situation such as this.
Just then the door of the room Paul was waiting in opened and Chloe and the woman - was she like some kind of health worker, or something? - came back through.
“So if you can come back tomorrow someone will talk you through the results.” The woman said to Chloe.
Chloe nodded. “Can we go?” she said to Paul.
“Yeah, sure!” he said, getting up.
“See you tomorrow, Chloe.” The woman said.
“Thanks.” Chloe said, leaving the room with Paul.
“Okay?” Paul asked.
Chloe nodded.
“So you have to go back tomorrow?” Paul asked as they crossed the reception area and exited the building.
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Are you gonna stay again?” Chloe asked, looking at him.
Paul had slept on Chloe’s sofa last night. He’d wanted to stay but had been dubious about bringing up the subject, but when Chloe had said that she didn’t want to be on her own, Paul had readily agreed. It had been a horrible night, with Chloe waking up every couple of hours and Paul waking up minutes later to find her in tears on the floor next to where he was sleeping, but they’d both coped with it and got through the night, and Chloe really seemed to be making progress. The times they’d both been awake in the night, they’d sat and talked until Chloe dropped off the sleep again, and Paul felt that the talking was helping Chloe as much as anything. Some of the time they’d talked about what had happened, but most of the time they’d talked about anything but. Similarly, some of the times they’d just sat in silence. Paul felt a lot closer to Chloe than he had done before, and hopefully Chloe felt a lot safer and happier with him around. He thought he was vaguely on the right track with her, and he was doing everything he could to help her recover from her ordeal. He hoped he was doing okay.
“Only if you want me to.” Paul said.
He knew he still had to tread carefully.
“Unless you’ve got something else to do…”
“No, I haven’t.” Paul reassured her.
“Will you stay?”
“Course I will.”
“Thank you.”
“Was it horrible in there?” Paul asked as they got in his car.
Chloe hadn’t really felt up to walking that morning, so Paul had driven them the relatively short distance to the clinic.
Chloe shrugged. “It was a bit unpleasant. But that woman was really nice, when you weren’t there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I don’t think she believed that you weren’t the reason I was there.”
Paul smiled. “I always have looked dodgy. But it was okay?”
“It was okay. She asked me where I got these.” Chloe pointed to one of the blotches on her arm that still hadn’t gone down.
“Do you think you should go to the doctors about them?”
Chloe shook her head. “Just flesh wounds. They don’t hurt.”
Whereas the emotional wounds do, Paul thought sadly.
She did look brighter though; it was encouraging.
“Did you ring Ben?” Chloe asked suddenly.
“Er, yeah, I did.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Well I didn’t actually speak to him,” Paul lied. “I told Christian to pass on a message.”
“Oh.”
“That okay?”
Chloe nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“Are you hungry?” Paul asked, changing the subject.
“Little bit.”
“Shall I make us some lunch when we get back?”
“If you want to.”
“What do you fancy?”
“I don’t think there’s much in my cupboards.”
“It doesn’t matter; I can always pop down the shop and get something. Processed sandwiches, mmm.”
“I don’t want you to leave me on my own.” Chloe said quietly.
“Okay.” Paul said.
They sat the rest of the way in silence, Paul occasionally glancing at Chloe to check she was looking okay still.
“Right,” Paul said, pulling into a space on the side of the road outside Chloe’s block of flats. “Let’s get you inside and fed.”
“Okay.” Chloe said, undoing her seatbelt and getting out of the car. “Thanks, Paul.”
“S’alright. Keep telling you, I’m a great cook!”
He had to read her mood and keep her spirits high by taking her mind off things if that was what she needed at that particular moment in time.
“No, I mean, for everything. For being here for me. For not judging me.” Chloe said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.” Paul said regretfully.
“It only matters that you came.”
Chloe smiled, but Paul could see there were tears in her eyes.
“You’re my angel.” She said quietly, looking at the ground.
“And you’re the bravest person I know.” Paul said, walking round the car and placing a hand on Chloe’s arm.
She looked up at him and then flung her arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly as Paul pulled his arms around her waist.
“You’re gonna be fine, Clo.” He said confidently. “You’re gonna be…”
Paul froze as he saw the absolute last thing he wanted to see for at least a week walking away from the block of flats.
Ben
“Shit, Chloe, um… Get in the car!” he said in panic.
“What?” she asked in confusion.
“Just- No, don’t-” Paul stopped talking as Chloe’s eyes rested on Ben walking towards his car, which was parked just two down from Paul’s.
“Oh my God…” Chloe murmured with a sharp intake of breath.
“Chloe, I-”
Paul looked on helplessly as Ben looked over just at the wrong moment, his eyes immediately connecting with Chloe’s.
“Chloe?” Ben shouted over as Chloe went very white.
“You said you didn’t tell him!” Chloe said anxiously.
“I didn’t! Chloe, I swear!”
“You promised!”
“Chloe- he overheard my conversation with Christian, but he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what happened, honestly.” Paul said desperately.
Chloe looked at him, conflict coating her features.
“I don’t want to see him, Paul.” She said, her voice cracking. “Not yet.”
Paul nodded, a plan swiftly forming in his mind.
“Stay behind me and get into the flats as quickly as you can. I won’t let him get to you.”
“Chloe!” Ben shouted again, advancing towards them.
“What are you doing here, Ben?” Paul shouted back, trying his best to provide cover for Chloe to “escape”.
“Chloe, babe, please talk to me!” Ben called, ignoring Paul and watching Chloe hover behind him. “Clo, I’ve missed you!”
“Paul…” Chloe murmured anxiously.
“Alright,” Paul reassured her, walking round Ben in a semi-circle, getting Chloe closer and closer to the doors. “Go now.” He said to her.
Chloe watched Paul advance towards Ben, and did as he’d told her, moving quickly towards the entrance doors, unlocking them and rushing through them, trying to block out Ben’s shouts. She couldn’t believe he was here. And just when she was starting to feel like the hope from her previous life hadn’t been totally wiped out. But she didn’t want to think about it; she didn’t want to think about how she felt. If she kept not thinking about the past and thought only of the future then she could carry on going. But this… no, she didn’t want to think at all. She was just going to go upstairs and wait for Paul.
She walked quickly up the grubby steps and let herself into her flat. However, her attempts to ignore what was happening between Paul and Ben outside were dashed as their voices floated freely through an open window.
“She doesn’t want to see you, Ben!” Paul was shouting.
“But why?!” Ben shouted back, his voice drawing Chloe towards the window despite her best efforts.
Just seeing his face was enough to restart the tears that had been absent the entire day so far.
“Chloe!” Ben shouted, walking closer to the building. “I know you can hear me! I don’t want to upset you! I just want to know why! What have I done to you? Whatever it is, I’m sorry, but I miss you so much! I can’t do anything without you – I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe! I love you so much, but I don’t know what I’ve done! I’ve been so worried – I didn’t know where you were! Please, Chloe! I just want to talk to you! Please don’t do this to me – I’m nothing without you!”
Chloe couldn’t bear it any longer. She forced herself to shut the window, went into her dark bedroom and shut the door, turning the stereo on to drown out Ben’s proclamation. Contrary to making her feel better, Ben’s words had just pushed the pain deeper into her crumpled heart. Radiohead’s ‘The Bends’ bounced off the close walls of the room as Chloe closed her eyes and absorbed the music.
“Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird,
Where are you now when I need you?”
She didn’t want to be apart from Ben any longer, but she couldn’t go back to him. Too much had happened, the way she thought about everything had changed; she couldn’t go back now, only forward. She had to leave behind everything she’d known before – through his own endeavours Paul was the only person she was taking into her future with her. Well, at least she wouldn’t be totally alone…