Chapter Seven

There was a knock on the door.

“Shit.” Chloe said under her breath.

She was hoping that Mark wouldn’t arrive until Ben got back, she didn’t want to be alone with him. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust herself, more like she didn’t trust him! Not as far as she could throw him, which wouldn’t actually be very far, he was quite big. She didn’t want to see him anyway, not ever again, not after what he’d done.

Chloe had done a lot of thinking last night while she was lying awake feeling sick with guilt, and she’d come to the conclusion that it bloody well wasn’t her fault at all. How dare Mark make her feel that bad when none of what had happened was her idea?! And what was all that crap about her being able to stop the kiss if she’d wanted to? She did stop it, straight away! She didn’t know how things looked through Mark’s eyes, but from her point of view, he had made a pass at her, something he definitely shouldn’t have done, and she said no. He hadn’t exactly given her a chance, to be fair, he’d just kissed her! And all the things she thought she’d felt afterwards, like how she’d enjoyed the kiss, were just the shock talking. She hadn’t enjoyed it, it was horrible. It was Mark for god’s sake! Mark! Ben’s best friend! Ew, made Chloe feel ill. But she shouldn’t feel bad, it was Mark’s problem, not hers. He was the one who should feel bad. Chloe hoped he felt terrible.

And what the hell gave him the right to tell her he was in love with her? To load all that shit onto her. What was she supposed to do now? What she didn’t understand was why he’d bothered to do it in the first place! Or why he even started thinking about her like that! The whole time he’d known her she’d been “off the market”. Did he think he might have a chance with her while she was with Ben? He didn’t think he actually compared to Ben did he? Well if he did, he couldn’t be more wrong. He was nothing compared to Ben.

He’d looked shocked when she told him to leave; surely he hadn’t thought she’d be pleased that he kissed her? That she was dying for him to do it all along, that she was desperate for him but was too shy to do anything about it?

Please.

If Chloe wanted Mark, she could have had him by now. But honestly, what did he expect her to say? I’m so happy we’ve kissed in my boyfriend’s flat, shall we go and shag in his bed?! Well if he thought that, there was something seriously wrong with his head. There must be anyway, for him to do something like that. Bastard.

Mark knocked on the door again.

Chloe wondered if he’d go away if she ignored him for long enough. Then when Ben got back she could tell him that Mark hadn’t turned up. But that would mean lying to Ben, something Chloe had never ever done. She’d come close to lying to him by not telling him about the kiss, but seeing as he hadn’t asked her and she hadn’t said anything, it wasn’t exactly lying, just not telling him. Chloe still wasn’t happy about it though. Lies or not, it was still a secret and not something two people in love should have between them.

Mark knocked again, louder this time.

Why does he not just go away?!

Chloe sighed. She was going to have to let him in.

She got up and walked down the corridor to the front door of Ben’s apartment. She undid the catch on the door so it opened slightly and then turned on her heel and walked back off into the sitting room. She’d let him in but she wasn’t going to talk to him. She had nothing to say. Well, nothing that wasn’t a sentence made up entirely of expletives anyway. She heard the door close and footsteps behind her. She quickened her pace, planning to take refuge in the bedroom until Ben came home.

“Chloe.”

She stopped in her tracks.

“I think we need to talk.” Mark said.

“I don’t think we do.” Chloe said without turning around.

She started to walk again.

“Chloe!”

Mark grabbed her arm, shocking Chloe. She hadn’t realised he was that close.

She span round and shrugged her arm out of Mark’s grasp.

“What.”

It wasn’t a question; she wasn’t looking for a conversation.

“I want to talk to you.” Mark said.

“Well I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Please Chloe.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Chloe said frostily.

Mark sighed. “Chloe…”

“Look, I don’t know what the hell happened yesterday but I think it’d be better for both of us if we just forget about it.”

“What? No! I don’t want to forget about it! I love you.”

Chloe ran a hand through her hair in exasperation. “No, Mark, why do you keep saying things like that?!”

Mark looked at her in a really weird way, a really unnerving way.

“Because it’s true.”

Chloe didn’t understand, she just didn’t understand. She walked over to the sofa and sat down. Mark followed.

“But… I don’t… why?” she said.

“This is why I need to talk to you. I need to explain things.”

Chloe looked at her watch. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what went on in Mark’s head.

“Ben will be back soon.”

“So I’ll talk fast.”

“I don’t think…” Chloe started to protest.

“I need to tell you how I feel!”

That was it. She was getting out of this right now. She was not going to be shouted at by him.

“I don’t want to know Mark!” Chloe said, standing up again in a bid to get away from him. “There’s no point you pouring your heart out to me because it’s not going to change anything. Nothing is ever going to happen between me and you, I can’t believe you even think it might! I am with Ben, your friend in case you hadn’t noticed, and we are happy together. No-one is going to ruin that, not you with your stupid fantasies, not anyone!” Chloe shouted and, feeling tears come to her eyes, she ran out of the sitting room towards the bedroom.

Slamming the door behind her, she sat on the bed, hugging her knees to her chest. Tears started to fall and Chloe put her head on her knees.

This was horrible. Mark wasn’t supposed to be in love with her, Ben was meant to be the only person who felt that way. And why did Mark have to go and tell her like that? Why couldn’t he have kept it to himself? Everything was wrong now. It was all awkward and weird, and Chloe thought she’d actually prefer it if Mark was still avoiding her. Like he was before she interfered.

So in actual fact, this was all her fault again. Her fault for trying to make things better. She had just made things worse. Worse than she’d ever imagined they could be. And lies! It was all lies, everything! Mark had been lying to Ben, and to her, Paul had been lying to both of them as well to cover up Mark’s lies to everyone else, and now because of him, she was keeping secrets from Ben. Chris probably knew as well, everyone seemed to be in on this apart from her and Ben. Oh, what a mess!

Suddenly Chloe got angry with herself. Why was she crying? She’d done nothing wrong, this wasn’t anything to do with her. She couldn’t help it if Mark was in love with her, she shouldn’t have to suffer for it. Nor should Ben. He shouldn’t have to put up with three of his best friends deceiving him and going behind his back. That wasn’t what friendship was about. It looked like Chloe was the only one on his side. Well that’s how it was going to stay. If he couldn’t rely on Mark, Paul or Chris to tell him the truth, he could rely on her. She was going to tell Ben about Mark. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to say, but she was going to tell him. It was the only way to get rid of all this guilt she was feeling. Guilt she was feeling for absolutely no reason. This was not her fault.

But she couldn’t tell Ben. What if he didn’t see it as honesty being the best policy? What if he dumped her? Chloe knew all about what had happened between Ben and Sophie, his ex. Was what had happened with Mark yesterday too similar to that for Ben to take rationally? Chloe couldn’t lose him, she just couldn’t, not after everything they’d been through. So maybe it was best to keep this to herself. After all, secrets can be good if they’re protecting someone from something they don’t need to know, right? And nothing else was ever ever ever going to happen between her and Mark, Chloe was adamant about that, so maybe this was something that would work out better for everyone if Ben didn’t know. They say what you don’t know can’t hurt you, and Chloe suspected that this might hurt Ben more than she could handle being responsible for. Just the thought of ever making Ben unhappy brought fresh tears to Chloe’s eyes. Oh this wasn’t fair…

Chloe jumped as the bedroom door opened. Mark just couldn’t leave her alone could he?

“Go aw…” Chloe looked up to see that it wasn’t Mark standing there. “Ben!” she cried happily, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes.

When had he got back? She hadn’t heard the front door go. Whatever, she didn’t think she’d ever been so pleased to see him.

Ben smiled at her. “What you doing in here? You alright?”

Chloe got up off the bed. “I’m fine.” She said, going over to Ben and throwing her arms around him.

As Ben hugged her back, all she wanted to do was tell him everything and hear him say that it didn’t matter and that it was all okay again. Except he wouldn’t say that…

Chloe suddenly felt completely alone. Ever since she’d been going out with Ben, she’d always had someone to tell her problems to. If there was something on her mind, all she had to do was tell Ben about it and somehow he’d manage to make it better. But this time she couldn’t tell him what was on her mind and so he couldn’t make it better. No-one could make it better for her, the only person who could do anything about this situation was Chloe. But she didn’t know what to do! What could she do?

“You sure you’re alright babe?” Ben asked Chloe, pulling back slightly to look at her.

“Yeah! Um, Ben, you know what we were talking about yesterday?”

“We talked about lots of things yesterday.” Ben said, smiling.

“I meant about me moving in with you.” Chloe said.

“Yeah…”

“Well I’ve made my decision.”

“Have you?” Ben asked.

Yes, just this second. Chloe thought.

She tried to convince herself that it wasn’t the guilt talking.

“Yes. And… I will move in with you.”

The look on Ben’s face made Chloe’s day. He looked so happy, like he couldn’t believe it.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“I… really really?”

Chloe laughed. “Yes!! I really really really really really will move in with you.”

Ben didn’t say anything, just grinned and hugged Chloe, picking her up and spinning her round.

“Ben! Don’t drop me!” Chloe giggled.

Ben put her feet back on the ground and looked at her.

“I love you.” he said.

Chloe nodded. “I love you too.”

Mark looked up as Ben and Chloe came into the room, arms around each other, all smiles. He couldn’t bear it, it made him feel ill. That shouldn’t be Ben, it should be him. Except everything he tried to do to achieve that seemed to drive Chloe further away from him into Ben’s arms. Mark felt like smashing something. It wasn’t fair! She wouldn’t even let him talk to her, explain how he felt. Mark had thought they were getting somewhere when Chloe sat down earlier. He thought she was going to hear him out, but no, he said something she didn’t like and she was gone. Mark hadn’t thought it was going to be like this. He thought that once Chloe knew how he felt she might… to be honest Mark didn’t actually know what he’d been expecting her to do. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Which was stupid of him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Guess what?” Ben said happily, as him and Chloe sat down on the sofa opposite Mark.

She can’t even look at me. Mark thought as he watched Chloe.

“What?” Mark asked, trying to sound a little more enthusiastic than he felt. There was no point Ben thinking something was wrong with him.

Ben looked at Chloe and smiled. She smiled back.

It was one of those horrible coupley romantic moments you see in films that make you want to be sick. Especially when the girl you’re in love with is looking like that at someone who’s not you. Except Mark could see something in Chloe’s eyes that maybe Ben couldn’t see, or at least wasn’t looking for. Ben’s smile was genuine, Chloe’s was for show. Was she putting it on for Mark’s benefit, or was it for Ben’s?

“Chloe’s going to move in with me.” Ben said finally.

WHAT?!

Mark tried not to look as horrified as he felt. She was moving in with him? Well that was it then wasn’t it? He was never going to get her now. The next step up from that was marriage… oh god, that was the day Mark killed himself.

Realising he better say something, Mark forced a smile to match Chloe’s and said,

“That’s uh, great! I’m really happy for you… both.”

He caught Chloe’s eye on “both” and the look she gave him told Mark everything he needed to know. She might well be moving in with Ben because she loved him and wanted to be with him, but the reason she was doing it now was to warn Mark off. It was an example to show Mark how “happy” she was with Ben. Except all it showed Mark was that Chloe felt threatened for some reason. She was scared of something, scared enough to need to attach Ben more securely to her, but Mark wasn’t entirely sure what had caused it. Was it because she was worried he was going to tell Ben about their kiss just out of spite because she’d turned him down, or was it because Mark was making her realise feelings she’d been trying to ignore? No doubt he’d find out soon enough.

Mark didn’t feel quite so bad now. As long as Chloe was moving in with Ben for all the wrong reasons, there was still some hope for her and Mark. And that was all he needed to get him through another day.