Chapter Eight

There was a weird atmosphere in the studios today, Christian noticed. Well, more between the people who were in the studios. They had an hour to get ready before they had to go out there and do their stuff (live of course) and at the moment, they were all sitting around in the canteen. Except usually when they did that there was a great atmosphere with everyone chatting and joking around, whereas today, it was all… subdued. It was Chloe mostly who was being weird. For one thing, she’d hardly said a word to Paul the whole time they’d been there, Chris wasn’t even sure she’d said hello which was strange in itself coz usually it was hugs all round, and there was definitely something going on between her and Mark. She kept looking at him when he wasn’t looking at her and every time their eyes met, in the brief moments before one of them looked away, something passed between them, a kind of… not understanding, oh what was the word? Chris couldn’t remember, it was a secret kind of look though which intrigued him. What had happened between those two?! He’d have to try and talk to Mark later, he had to know! He didn’t get why Chloe was being weird towards Paul though. And also why Chloe had attached herself so firmly to Ben. She hadn’t left his side all morning; Chris was half expecting her to go on stage with him! What was up with her? The only person she’d been relatively normal to was him. Maybe he should ask her what was wrong. If he could drag her away from Ben!

“Right, I’m gonna go and warm up I think, seeing as we’re singing live.” Mark said, getting up. Chris noticed that he rarely took his eyes off Chloe. Sometimes Chris was glad he wasn’t psychic coz he wasn’t altogether sure he’d want to know what Mark was thinking about her half the time.

“Anyone coming with me?”

Now was his chance to find out what had gone on between those two.

“Yeah I will.” Chris said, getting up too.

“I’ll do it later.” Paul muttered.

He didn’t look like he was in the best of moods this morning and Chris suspected that had something to do with Chloe as well. She certainly affected a lot of people, he’d give her that.

“Yeah, we’re okay here for a bit aren’t we babe?” Ben asked, smiling at Chloe.

It looked like he was thoroughly enjoying all the attention she was paying him today.

Chris waited until him and Mark were in the dressing room and safely out of hearing distance of anyone who shouldn’t be listening to the conversation they were about to have, before he spoke.

“What’s going on between you and Chloe?” Chris asked as Mark got a bottle of water from the fridge in the corner of the room.

“Nothing.” Mark said, smiling.

That was not the smile of a guilty man, Chris thought. Nothing can have happened then because Mark wasn’t so heartless that he wouldn’t feel bad about going behind Ben’s back and cheating with his girlfriend. Was he?

“Nothing?” Chris asked suspiciously.

“Well, y’know, nothing in the sense of something.” Mark said vaguely, sitting down on a couch.

“Stop talking in riddles Mark. Has something happened or not?”

“Sort of.” Mark said.

“What “sort of” happened then?” Chris asked, starting to get a very bad feeling.

“It’s a long story.”

Chris looked at his watch. “And we have a long time. Tell me what happened.”

“We kissed.” Mark said.

“That was your long story?” Chris asked. “No, that doesn’t matter, you kissed?!

Mark smiled. “Yeah.”

“Why are you smiling about it? This isn’t good!” Chris said, horrified.

“But it is! It’s great! Or at least, the kiss was…”

“Mark, are you out of your mind?!”

“Do you want to know the rest or are you just going to carry on over-reacting?” Mark asked calmly.

“There’s more?! Oh god, you didn’t…”

“No! No, we didn’t do anything else.” Mark assured Chris.

“What’s the rest then?”

“Well I went round to Ben’s house this morning before we came here, and Ben was out so I tried to talk to Chloe about what happened yesterday. She got all angry with me, said she didn’t want to know…”

“That’s what you’re happy about?” Chris asked, puzzled.

“No! Will you listen? So we kinda had a bit of an argument and Chloe stormed off into the bedroom so I just left her to cool down. Ben got home about 5 minutes later and went in to see her and then when they come out, they announce that Chloe’s moving in with Ben.”

“Yeah…” Chris said, still not sure what Mark was getting at, or what he was so happy about.

“So why do you think they suddenly decided to move in together?” Mark asked.

“Because Ben asked Chloe to.” Chris said.

“Yes, but he asked her yesterday and she said she’d think about it. Then we have an argument and she suddenly decides, completely coincidentally, the answer’s yes? I don’t think so.”

Chris didn’t say anything. He was so not following Mark’s reasoning.

Mark looked at Chris before continuing.

“You know what this means, don’t you?”

Chris really didn’t.

“Er…”

“It means,” Mark said, pausing for effect. “Chloe’s trying to find reasons why she has to stay with Ben. She thinks that if she’s tied to him by living with him, she’ll be less tempted to cheat on him.”

“Oh.” Chris said. He literally couldn’t say anything else.

Was Mark completely insane? That wasn’t what that meant! It meant that Chloe loves Ben and wants to live with him. Not Chloe wants Mark and so because of that is moving in with Ben. What planet was Mark living on?!

Paul was contemplating what to say. Ben had gone to the loo and it was just him and Chloe in the canteen. Paul was confused. Chloe had been so unresponsive to him all morning but he didn’t know why. He must have done something wrong for her to act that way towards him, but the problem was that he didn’t know what he’d done. The last time he’d spoken to her was at Ben’s house yesterday and, where she’d seemed a little distant, Paul had put it down to her being worried about the fight he’d had with Mark. Everyone had been a bit on edge that day. It was a weird day. But today it seemed like Chloe was almost avoiding him. She hadn’t said hello when he saw her this morning, she’d just walked straight past him, and the only time she’d spoken to him was when she’d had to. Paul didn’t like this atmosphere between them; it was creeping him out. He had to know what he’d done wrong, so he could apologise and they could be friends again. But to find that out, he had to talk to Chloe, and get her to talk to him. Which could be easier said than done, and Paul didn’t want to make things worse by saying the wrong thing. He decided that the only way to do this was to ask her straight out. If she bit his head off then so be it, but at least he’d have tried.

“Have I done something wrong?” he asked.

Chloe looked up. “What?” she said, like she didn’t even have the time of day for him.

“You haven’t said a word to me all morning, is something wrong?”

“Why would anything be wrong?” Chloe asked in a tone that Paul couldn’t quite place.

“I dunno, you don’t seem yourself today, that’s all.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t matter.” Chloe said, looking away from Paul.

“Clo, if I’ve done something wrong…”

“I don’t want to talk about this now.”

“I don’t even know what we’re talking about!” Paul protested. “I just want to know what I’ve done to piss you off.”

Chloe fixed Paul with a steely gaze.

“I know about Mark.” She said, her voice dangerously calm.

She knew about Mark? Oh god, she knew about Mark?! Okay, so that explained the weirdness between her and him this morning, but that didn’t explain why she was annoyed with Paul. Paul wasn’t anything to do with this Mark thing.

“And so it seems, do you.” Chloe finished.

Ohhhhh. Oh no…

“Clo I…”

“I told you, I’m not talking about this here.” Chloe said in the same composed tone. “What’s the point if you’ll only lie to me?”

Paul opened his mouth to retaliate but Chloe didn’t stick around to hear what he had to say.

“I’m going to find Ben.” She announced, getting up and walking out of the canteen.

When she’d gone, the door banging behind her, Paul leant forwards onto the table and put his head in his hands.

So she knew. She knew all about how Mark felt, and all about how Paul had been lying to her to cover him. Paul felt horrible. She wasn’t meant to know, things were meant to get better and go away without anyone ever finding out about all this! He’d always known it’d end in tears hadn’t he? He hadn’t reckoned on them being his tears though. Paul regretted getting involved in this in the first place. He remembered the first time Mark told him about what he felt for Chloe. It had been backstage at one of the magazine roadshows a1 had been doing last year. The venue was quite near Chloe’s house so she’d been in the audience that night, as well as hanging around backstage with Ben, and Paul had noticed Mark was spending a lot of time on his own, detached from the group. He’d broken up with his girlfriend Joanne a couple of months before and had been finding it hard to get over her, so Paul thought he might still be feeling a bit down about that and had gone to have a chat with him, see if he could find out what was wrong and hopefully cheer him up.

He couldn’t find him to start with, but then he saw him talking to some of the fans that had been waiting outside the arena all day in the hope of catching a glimpse of their favourite celeb. That kind of thing usually cheered Mark up, but when he decided to go back inside again, Paul saw that he looked even more miserable than he had done before. He caught up with him in one of the dressing rooms backstage (Chloe, Ben and Chris didn’t seem to be around) and made the fatal mistake of asking what was wrong. Mark had looked at him like he was debating to himself whether he should tell Paul, maybe if he could trust him to keep it himself, before telling him everything. Paul was shocked to start with, he hadn’t even suspected anything like that, but he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone. However, he’d accidentally let it slip to Chris when they were out on the town one night, something else he regretted doing. For one thing, it was a secret, not even his secret to tell, and he’d sworn to Mark he wouldn’t tell anyone, and for another, by telling Chris, he’d dragged him into this mess as well.

Chloe hadn’t been acting any different towards Chris today, so Paul guessed that maybe she didn’t think he was involved or knew anything about it. Considering that, hopefully she wouldn’t mention anything to him about it and so she’d never find out that he was implicated too. It’d be no good if they all fell out with her! But what was he going to do about this? He didn’t want to fall out with Chloe, they’d been friends for ages and were just starting to get really close (not like that of course, he wasn’t Mark!), and if that all got ruined now… Argh this was all Mark’s fault! Far from feeling remorseful for giving Mark a black eye, Paul almost wished he’d finished the job. Anyway, less violent thoughts about Mark, he needed to apologise to Chloe. Not right now though, he’d leave it for a while coz he could imagine how betrayed and confused she must be feeling. She’d trusted him, and he’d let her down. She needed to stay away from him for a while, Paul understood that. He just hoped that eventually she’d forgive him for lying to her.

Chloe was walking down the corridors backstage at Top Of The Pops trying to remember where a1’s dressing room was, and hoping to run into Ben on the way. This was no good, she shouldn’t wander off on her own. With her sense of direction she’d never find what she was looking for! She couldn’t stay there with Paul though. She felt really bad for blanking him like that but he’d done her wrong, and however much she wanted to forgive him straight away so they could carry on as before, she knew she forgave people far too easily for her own good. She’d been lied to in the past and forgiven people too quickly only to see them do exactly the same again her again, and she wasn’t about to make the same mistake with Paul. Maybe it was mean, but she had to protect herself from getting hurt. She could do without lies in her life.

After seeing how happy Ben was when she told him she’d move in with him this morning, Chloe had decided right there and then to put all this Mark stuff behind her. She wouldn’t tell Ben, but she wouldn’t let herself be alone with Mark until it had all had blown over. She’d try to avoid him as much as she could, be horrible to him if she had to, anything to put him off her. It may be cruel but it was for his own benefit in the long run. Chloe was sure Mark didn’t like going behind Ben’s back any more than she did, and…

“Chloe.”

Lost in thought, Chloe almost jumped out of her skin as she heard a voice behind her. A hand on her arm, and she turned round to face Mark. Much to Chloe’s horror, her heart started to beat faster at the sight of him, identical to how it had done every time she saw Ben at the start of their relationship. Chloe tried to convince herself that it was the shock. Yeah, that’s what was doing it, and the fact that she knew she shouldn’t be talking to Mark. Except it wasn’t exactly a forbidden meeting, it was only her and Mark that knew she shouldn’t be talking to him. But no! It was, it was a forbidden meeting. That was why her heart was beating like that. And she didn’t feel excited, it was… the adrenalin! Yes, that’s definitely what it was. She didn’t want to see Mark, after all. Why would she be excited?

“Leave me alone Mark.” She hissed, looking round for a Ben-shaped person.

“He’s in the canteen with Paul.” Mark said.

“What?”

He could read her mind now as well?!

“Ben.”

“Oh good, I was looking for him.” Chloe said, turning to go.

She realised that Mark was still holding onto her arm. Why hadn’t she noticed that? Well anyway, it was his hand that was preventing her from leaving now. So she should pull away and just go, back to Ben. Coz that’s what she wanted to do, she did want to leave.

Except she didn’t do that. She let Mark pull her back, closer to him. When he didn’t say anything, she looked up at his face, into his eyes. No, that was a bad thing to do, she knew what happened last time she looked into Mark’s eyes. God, what was he doing to her?! Why didn’t she just walk away? Why couldn’t she?

“What do you want Mark?” Chloe asked, trying her hardest to be angry and hate him.

So far though, she wasn’t doing too well.

“I want you.” Mark said, letting go of Chloe’s arm.

“Well you can’t have me.” Chloe said.

No, that was right, he couldn’t. And she couldn’t have him either, even if she did want him. Which she didn’t. She wanted Ben. BEN. She could go now anyway, he wasn’t stopping her from leaving any more. Not that he was exactly holding her hostage before. But if she left now, it’d be fine, everything would be okay.

“Oh yeah?” Mark asked.

Chloe nodded.

Yes, that was right, he couldn’t have her. Not even if he did what he was doing right now and put his hands on her waist.

“So, if I gave you a choice, you’d say no?” Mark asked, drawing Chloe closer to him.

Chloe nodded again.

Where had her voice gone? Why couldn’t she speak? She didn’t want this! She didn’t, did she?

“Just as well I’m not giving you a choice then isn’t it?”

And then he kissed her.

Kiss number two.

Betrayal number two.

Mark didn’t kiss her like he had done the first time. It was shorter, more fleeting. But of course, that was all part of the plan wasn’t it? Do just enough to make her want more, just enough to gage exactly how she felt about him. He wanted to see if, when he pulled back slightly, she’d go back for more. Because then he’d know that she wanted him. So having worked that out, what she should do, what she had to do now, was nothing. By walking away from this, Mark would see that it was totally one-sided and all in his mind…

But Chloe didn’t do that. Instead, she did what she knew she shouldn’t, and leant towards Mark. Their lips met again and she slid her arms up his chest and around his neck.

This was bad. God, this was so bad. What was she doing?! This had to stop, she was kissing Mark!

Yeah, she was kissing Mark and she was enjoying it. But she shouldn’t be enjoying it…

Chloe pulled away from Mark and they both stood there for a second, breathlessly looking at each other.

Chloe put a hand to her mouth.

“Oh god…” she said, taking a step back.

“Chloe don’t. Don’t run away again.” Mark said gently.

It was weird, but in the space of one kiss Mark seemed to have undergone a drastic change. He was speaking less forcefully, his actions were kinder.

“Please?”

Chloe was about to speak when she heard a voice that made her feel sick with the thought of what had just happened.

“There you are! I wondered where you’d got to.” Ben said, walking up the corridor towards Chloe and Mark.

It was like two opposite poles of a magnetic. Chloe and Mark almost literally jumped away from each other and stood a good foot apart, faces ridden with guilt. Ben hadn’t seen anything had he? Oh god, imagine if he’d got there a second earlier…

Ben reached them and smiled, putting his arm around Chloe.

“You coming back?” he asked her.

Chloe nodded meekly. She still couldn’t find her voice.

As Ben led her back towards the canteen, Chloe stole a look at Mark over her shoulder. She felt like her insides had been extracted from her, put in a blender and poured back in again. Chloe was still in a bit stunned, but she was pretty sure that hadn’t been the plan. She thought she’d worked it all out, had what she did and didn’t want, and what she was going to do sorted in her mind. Turns out that maybe Mark knew how she felt better than she did herself. She knew one thing though. What she’d just done had been very very wrong.