“Come ON Ri. You can’t sit and mope forever and a day about some disgusting freak like that damn Paul! Especially not when I have to go to Sapphire’s shop again! I’m not going on my own, you’re not staying here!” Hazel continued to yell at me as I hid under me duvet.
“Go away Haz, I don’t wanna go there!”
“No way Ri, it’s not even likely that he’ll be there!”
“Fine then, I can’t face Sapp, not today, not any day.”
“We all know she’s a wench but . . . I’m sure she’s okay. She was okay with your precious Paul.”
“He’s a guy . . . you know what Sapp’s like!”
“CARINA MORRIS!” Hazel yelled, and threw me out of bed, before prodding me along to the bathroom.
“Okay, okay, okay, I give in . . . it’s not like he’ll be there anyway.”
“But it’s all about facing Sapphire. Get!”
Hazel shoved me into the bathroom and walked off, leaving me to get ready. Ah, but how could I possibly cope with this? What . . . what if he is there? I mean, I really liked the guy, and he . . . he used me. He . . . he wasn’t even a good kisser! Well, I only had one proper kiss from him . . . I scrubbed my face and got ready, reciting a mantra I made up on the spot. ‘Paul is nothing, Paul is nothing, Paul, is nothing’.
“Ri? What are you doing in there? Come ON!”
“Pa-yeah, almost done!” Whoops, I almost said my mantra out loud. Not a smart move. She pounced on me outside the bathroom, and dragged me to the train station.
“Come on Ri, one little shop . . . and I’m buying the train tickets and your lunch.”
“Oh, well, when you put it like that . . .” I said sardonically. Hazel failed to notice. So we spent two hours on the stuffy train, trying to resist a drink we sorely needed-spending over a quid on a poxy can that you can get in tescos for 40p isn’t exactly good promotion . . . for the company or for rip-off Britain. Luckily there wasn’t a delay (the train drivers must finally be getting enough pay if there was no strike), and we got into Camden by about half one. Immediately, Hazel dragged me off to find some food.
“Pizza!” I whispered. She rolled her eyes.
“Lunch is on me, but I’m not made of money . . . can you see a chippie anywhere?”
“HAZ!” I complained, then giggled. I don’t mind the chippie. We found one and bought a bag each, covering them in tomato ketchup. Chip shop chips just don’t taste right without it. We found a wall to sit on and sat quietly, eating away.
“Ri?”
“Mmm?”
“What were the other girls like?”
“What happened to never mentioning that night again?”
“Well, was just curious. Naomi called yesterday.”
“Did she?”
“Aren’t you going to speak to them then?”
“I’d be too weird, and it’d remind me too much . . . it’d remind me of, well, you know”
Hazel nodded, and stopped talking, kicking her feet against the wall. I looked at my bag of chips and suddenly didn’t feel hungry any more. How could I be? She brought up the worst subject in the world. She only lasted two weeks before she mentioned it. I still feel so bad about it, even though I frequently take that dress out and look at it and remember. I’ve never worn it again though, it’d be too . . . well, painful, but only because it would be a reminder of how much I believed him, not that I miss him or he hurt me or . . . great, now I’ve thought of him, and it’s brought me down again. Stupid Carina! Oh, wait, Hazel’s ready to go. I binned my chips and followed her into Sapphire’s shop, slowing down as I went. Hazel noticed and dragged me in, and almost intentionally called out “Hi, Sapphire! How are you?”
Sapphire looked up from her magazine and saw me hiding behind a boisterous Hazel. She blinked with recognition.
“Hi . . . is one of you called Carina?”
Hazel nodded, and pushed me forward. Sapphire choked down a bout of laughter, and reached into a desk drawer.
“This was left for you. How you won him over, I have no idea. I’ve been trying to get him to introduce me to his friend for ages. He’s left a few things inside. Enjoy.”
I gaped at her, and accepted the package wrapped in brown paper that she was now presenting me with. Was Sapphire being . . . nice? She was looking at me pointedly.
“Unwrap it then! I want to see if he’s right, he said you’d love this!” She seemed excited actually. I opened the parcel hesitantly, and out fell this gorgeous outfit. Hazel squealed.
“Ri, that’ll be perfect for the party thing!”
She was right. It was perfect for this party Hazel had to go to. I wasn’t going.
“Have it then. How much do we owe you Sapphire?”
“You don’t. He’s given me a generous amount to make sure you got the complete package. He sounds pretty smitten. Was in here the day after you met pleading with me to do this. I don’t usually, but he talked me around.”
Hazel and I nodded, pretending that Sapphire was referring to him mentioning clairvoyant spectres or whatever, when the three of us knew she was purely a sell-out. A fancy talking sell-out, excuse me. She keeps saying he. Does she mean Paul or not?
“Sapphire? Who gave this to you?”
She cackled.
“He’s left a note in there somewhere! Now, buy something or get out.”
We exchanged a look, and left, Hazel pawing over the outfit Paul had provided.
“Oh, he’s left a note! Let’s read!” Hazel laughed, as though Paul was so pathetic. She smoothed the paper out as I took hold of the package.
“Carina-he says your full name, god, he’s annoying!-I’m so sorry about yesterday. I didn’t even get drunk last night, at the party, I was too busy kicking myself for not taking you up on that number offer. Christian said usually when I’m that bummed, I’m drinking more, but I got the idea in my head that if I didn’t have a hangover then I could come to Sapp’s shop and if you weren’t there then . . . well, I wasn’t sure. Hope this makes up for it though. Oh, and by the way, can you keep this to yourself? Tim’ll go nuts, and Ben’s already in the doghouse with his girlfriend for not taking her and showing up with a complete stranger. It’s alright for Chris and me, well, it SHOULD be. Listen, here’s my number, please call me; I’ll be available until the end of this week. After that . . . I’m not sure. Take care, hope you’re okay with this, I know it’s a little confusing. Paul xxx (07785 443827)-wow, his number, aren’t you lucky.” Hazel oozed sarcasm as she spoke. I didn’t know how to react. My first thought was that Ben already has a girlfriend, he wasn’t even going to let her come out with him-what’s going on there? Then I started thinking about his drinking and hangover comments. Had I been out with an alcoholic? Occasional drinking’s fine, but he makes it sound like he’s rarely sober. Is that why he asked me out? Oh, self-esteem crash! Oh, but I do miss him . . . and didn’t Sapphire say it was two weeks ago? I’ve already missed his time limit. What now? I can’t phone him at all hours! Hazel’s looking at me oddly. I’ve spaced. And stood in the middle of the pavement. In Oxford street. How did we get HERE? Hazel’s saying something. I’m still zoned on Paul. Concentrate Ri, concentrate REAL hard on your best friend.
“So, why ARE we here, Ri? You’ve gone nuts since that note . . . let’s just go home, yeah?”
I nodded unsurely, and let her lead me off to our station through the tube. I sat in silence the entire journey, dwelling on his note. Hazel handed it over so I could re-read it, and spent the three hours checking her make up (why is it, wherever you go, coming back always takes longer than getting there?), and going over the outfit again. Paul had slipped in a few CD’s too, of his band. Hazel gave a snort and almost threw them away, but I stopped her. He obviously had a motive for doing it, and I was curious. But how would I find out? He left nothing in the CD’s. Maybe that’s what he wanted to say on the phone. It wasn’t self-promotion like Hazel keeps saying every time she checks out her eye make up. It wasn’t. I was tired after all the travelling, but Hazel made us walk back to the flat . . . where Paul was hanging around outside. I pinched myself just as Hazel did the same.
“Ow, Hazel!”
“Has my loathing caused a visual hallucination or is that jerk actually here?”
“He’s here, he’s actually bloody here. What do I do?”
“Ask him how he knows where we live!”
I thought back. I’d given him my address when I agreed to the date with ‘the nobody’ to save his job, hadn’t I? He saw us and approached slowly, holding a huge bouquet of flowers, the saddest look on his face.
“Be strong, Ri. For the girls!” Hazel whispered, before stalking into the flat, clutching the outfit. Paul recognised it, and gave me a curious look. He came up even closer and handed me the bouquet. I didn’t take them. He stood there, holding the flowers out to me for a few minutes, then realised I wasn’t going to accept them and him that easily. He moved his arm down and cleared his throat. I took the opportunity to jump in.
“What are you doing here Paul?” I snapped. He looked even more uncomfortable and shifted between his feet.
“I . . . I-I-I-”
“Spit it out. I’m cold, I wanna go in.”
“Yeah, um, how about we talk inside?”
“I’m surprised you asked that. Wouldn’t you rather have witnesses?” I carried on snapping. I don’t want to be having a go at him like this, he’s lovely . . . but he made a fool of me, he made a fool of me, he ISN’T going to win me over again this easily. Stay strong Ri, strong. Don’t fall into those gorgeous eyes of his. Just, just-just DON’T anything, okay? He’s raised his eyebrow . . . is that good?
“I’m . . . I . . . Carina, I just want to talk! I want to grovel! Pleeeeeeeeeeease?”
“In that case . . . I’d rather have the witnesses.”
A smile flashed across his face, but all too soon he returned to his serious expression.
“Carina, let me straighten things out, and if it’s not good enough, then . . . then you’ll never have to see me again.”
“So what, you’ll take away the CD’s? Well, that could stop Hazel’s theory of self-promotion.”
He looked a bit confused. I looked into his eyes, trying to work out why.
“She doesn’t like me very much, does she? Come on, give me . . . give me half an hour to explain everything. And maybe then you could possibly give me another chance. Please? I told Tim how I felt, he said he knew there was no stopping me, he-let me explain this inside, please?”
Wow, those eyes, they . . . what’s he saying? He’s pleading? Why again? Was I mad at him? I can’t remember, all I can remember are those hazel swirls flecked with green, surrounding those dark pools that I wanted to stay and swim in forever. Something’s flickering in them . . . does he know how wonderful his eyes are?
“Carina?”
“Come on in then!” I smile and accept his arm, and the flowers too. And away from his eyes I remember everything . . . SHIT!!! What am I going to do now? He’s coming into our pokey little flat!