‘I’m sorry.’ Paul said, while hugging me
tightly.
‘I’m sorry too.’ I replied.
Paul and me had fought.
Again. The second time this week. We fight about anything and everything, yet
we love each other so much. Though sometimes I don’t feel like we do. Don’t get
me wrong, we get on so well, and he’s a good boyfriend. Not perfect—but good.
No one is perfect, especially in relationships. Especially living in such close
quarters. I knew it was a bad idea for me to come on tour with Paul, but he fed
me the line, ‘I’d miss you so much if you weren’t there.’ Which made me want to
go even more. I didn’t want to leave him with the rest of A1 by himself; who
knows whom he’d come home with!
We
were sitting on the sofa together, just after we made up. Everyone was out, so
we had the whole bus to our selves.
Paul kissed me on the cheek, so I took his
hand and rubbed it softly while still focusing on the telly.
‘We rarely get the bus to ourselves you know,’
he said, while kissing me again. ‘We should take advantage of the situation.’
He slid a sneaky hand up my leg, and I
quickly pushed it back down again.
‘I’m not in the mood babe.’
‘Are you ever?’ He backed away from me and
slumped on the other side of the chair.
‘Don’t start that again sweetie, we just
made up. Let’s not fall out again.’
‘Well then tell me why you don’t like me
touching you anymore!’
‘I do! But, after we just argued, for the
second time this week, you can’t exactly expect me to be randy when you call
can you?’
‘Suppose not,’ He stared blankly at the TV
screen.
‘Plus it isn’t everything.’
‘What isn’t?’
‘You know, intimacy.’
‘Yeah it is! If I don’t feel like you even
want me to touch you anymore, how can I love you?’
‘Through memories, through our all night
conversations, through our different opinions on everything.’
‘Hm,’ he mumbled.
‘God, sometimes I just feel like a bloody
sex machine to you, you know that?’
I got up and went to our bed. Bastard, I
thought. Sex isn’t everything! I wish he would turn the dirty mind of his head
off, just for one night. He isn’t always after it, but every so often it just
gets on my nerves.
Well, I think I should tell you about the other characters in this
story. There is Paul, and I of course. I’m just turning 23 and Paul is just
turning 28. I don’t care about age, by the way. Then there’s Rhia—she is my
bestest mate in the whole world! And her boyfriend, Mark. Mark is in A1 with
Paul, and Ben and Christian. Christian is going out with my other mate Lauren.
All of us are on this bus together for the next two weeks. It isn’t that bad,
but with such small living space between 7 people, it gets a bit mad sometimes.
I always run to Mark if I have a problem, usually with Paul. He has heard it all
now, and yet he still listens to me. Mark is one of the only people in my life
who keep me up right and on the ground. He tells me straight if I’ve done
something wrong, and he helps me sort whatever I’ve done out. He is a great
friend. I also talk to Christian, but the only thing is, Christian tells Lauren
everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Mark won’t tell Rhia my problems, but I bet you
Christian would discuss it with Lauren. Not saying that sharing with your
partner is a bad thing but there are some things that shouldn’t be talked
about.
‘Cat,’ Paul sighed as he pulled back the
curtain to our bed. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Again,’ I rolled my eyes. ‘You know, that
word is starting to lose all meaning now.’
‘Well then tell me a better word and I’ll
use it!’
I looked at him, and he looked upset. I felt
so bad about my self for treating him like this.
‘Oh god Paul. What have we come to?’
‘I don’t know babe. I don’t know.’
‘I didn’t mean to snap at you.’
‘I know,’ He sat down next to me. ‘I know.’
I smiled at him and he smiled back.
‘I love you.’ I kissed his cheek.
‘I love you too.’
‘Then we should stop fighting.’
‘You think?’
‘Don’t be sarky with me Paul, you know what
I mean.’
‘Yeah. Yeah I know. I was just trying to
lighten the mood.’
‘Okay.’
‘Well, back to the subject we were fighting
about: I don’t think you’re just some “sex machine”.’
‘Sure feels like it sometimes.’
‘Don’t say that! I never pressure you to do
anything!’
‘But you make it sound like I’m totally
rejecting you out of my life, you make it sound like if I don’t want you to
touch me, it’s the end of the world.’
‘Like I said, it just makes me feel like you
don’t want me anymore.’
‘Of course I want you, fool,’ I joked with
him. ‘If I didn’t want you, I would be out of here wouldn’t I? I wouldn’t have
stuck around for a year and a half. You’re the most sexiest man I know, so lets
leave it at that.’
‘Oh, that sounds all right then. Okay, lets
leave it at that. Truce?’
‘Truce.’ We kissed and made up.
‘So, what shall we do now?’ He asked.
I looked at my watch, ‘Sleep.’
‘If you’re sure.’ He says cheekily.
‘Don’t
go there again.’ I stuck my tongue out at him, then gave him a kiss then got
into bed.