Chapter Eight

I can honestly say that I’ve never felt as nervous in my life as I did the moment I walked into Ben’s flat that night. What the hell was I doing here? This wasn’t my style at all. I was normally a really boring person! The type who spent my nights at home watching trashy romantic movies, and wishing that some day my prince charming would come along and sweep me off my feet. I was the sort of girl who always dreamed of romance, but those dreams never quite seemed to come true.

I certainly wasn’t the kind of girl who accepted an invitation back to her drama teacher’s house at eleven o’clock on a Friday night. What a great bit of gossip this would make if anyone found out at school. My parents would go ballistic! And what would the head say if he knew?

No, this was all wrong, I had get out of here and go home as fast as my feet would carry me, before we both did something we regretted.

"Do want a drink?" Ben asked nervously, as he motioned for me to sit down on the sofa. "I know you don’t like coffee, but I’ve got tea and hot chocolate…"

You’ve got to get out of here, Sophie, I screamed at myself inside my head. You’ve got to go before you get yourself in so deep that you can’t turn back again…

"A tea would be great thanks. Milk, no sugar."

Why wouldn’t my voice listen to what my head was telling it to say?

I glanced around the lounge of his flat as he disappeared into the kitchen. There had been silence between us for the remainder of the taxi journey. I think we were both contemplating exactly what we were getting ourselves into. I was trying to persuade myself to change my mind, to tell him that it was okay, my parents wouldn’t mind me waking them up to let me in, and would the taxi driver mind just dropping me off at my house. But the words never left my mouth.

"Nice CD collection," I shouted through to him, noting the racks overflowing with compact discs.

"They’re not all mine," he called back through. "Some are my flat mate Mark’s."

"You have a flat mate?"

He appeared in the doorway, two mugs in his hand. "Yeah. The CD’s with the blue stickers on are mine, the ones with the green stickers are Mark’s."

"Oh, I see."

"But he’s not here this weekend," he added quickly, as if reading my mind. "He’s gone to visit his parents, won’t be back until Sunday night."

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"So if you wanted to stay the night…I mean, if it would be easier for you than waiting for Lucy to come back from the club…there’s a spare room. If you want to…"

I could see from the look on his face that he wasn’t sure whether that had been the right thing to say…I wasn’t sure whether it had either. But it made sense, didn’t it? I was here now, so it would be easier just to stay, and I’m sure there was no rule against sleeping in a teacher’s flat mate’s room if you had nowhere else to sleep, was there?

He handed me a mug of tea and I smiled at him. "Okay…that sounds like the best solution, thanks."

"Great. It’ll probably be best if I sleep in Mark’s room, I’m not sure he’d appreciate me letting a stranger sleep in there. You can have my bed."

His bed? Oh my God! I suppose there wasn’t a rule against that either…as long as he wasn’t in it at the time…

I nodded, but didn’t say anything. What was there to say? My mind was going into overdrive, swinging from guilt at being in Ben’s flat, to this overwhelming urge to just lay it all on the line and tell him exactly how I felt about him…

And at the back of my mind, I was still worried about the whole Matt thing. I really didn’t want him to think I’d be interested in someone like that.

"Listen Ben, about Matt…"

"You don’t have to explain."

"I want to…" I looked him straight in the eye, desperately looking for some kind of a clue to the way he was feeling. I took a deep breath as the explanation came tumbling out of my mouth, like somehow I had to justify myself. "Lucy has been trying to get a date with Adam for ages, but he’d only go out with her if she persuaded me to double date with them and Matt. I was just doing her a favour…I have no interest in him at all."

"He didn’t seem to see it that way…" He held my gaze as I tried to work out whether that flicker in his eyes was hurt, or anger.

"Yeah, well, he’s an egotistical bastard who thinks that no woman can resist him."

"It’s lucky I came along when I did."

"Yeah, it is…" I smiled to myself for a moment as I thought about how Ben had happened to turn up at the right time, and how it must be some sort of sign from above that we were meant to be together… "Hang on a minute, what were you doing there anyway? And who was the blonde bim…I mean, that girl you were with?"

He blushed. "She’s just some girl Mark set me up with. He thought I needed to get out and meet some new people...but to tell you the truth, she was the most boring person I’ve ever met. All she talked about was her dog!"

I giggled. "Sounds like we both had lousy dates then."

"Yeah…" He paused, and I could see he was desperately looking for something to say to avoid facing what was really going on between us. "You wanna put some music on?"

"Good idea!" I said, maybe a little too over enthusiastically, as I jumped up and made a beeline for the CD rack. I skimmed quickly along the discs, looking for something suitable to put on.

Giggling, I pulled out a case and held it up to Ben. "The Backstreet Boys?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "And don’t say it’s Mark’s because it has a blue sticker on!"

"It’s a good album!" he said, defensively. "Put it on if you don’t believe me."

I eyed him suspiciously. "You don’t strike me as the boy band type."

"They’re not a boy band, they’re a vocal harmony group!"

He made a lunge towards the CD, but I was far too quick for him and pulled it out of the way before he had the chance to grab it.

"Uh-uh, you’re not getting this back mister!" I laughed, giving him my best stern stare. "Just imagine the fun I could have telling year 8 about your Nick Carter obsession!"

"And how are you going to explain the fact that you’ve got my Backstreet Boys CD? They’ll just think it’s yours."

I frowned. "Hmm, hadn’t thought about that." I pondered it for a minute. "You’re still not getting it back, I think I might keep it."

"But it’s one of my favourite albums!" he protested, making another lunge for the CD.

This time I jumped out of his way, desperate to escape before he could wrestle the CD from my clutches. I dived over the top of the sofa, but as I tried to stabilise myself he grabbed my foot, falling over in the process. We both ended up in a heap with me lying on the floor, and Ben hanging off the edge of the sofa with his legs waving in the air. By this time I was laughing so hard at the sight of him that I had forgotten everything else, so I gave his arm a quick tug and he rolled off the sofa, taking me with him, until I was eventually pinned on the floor beneath him.

Suddenly my whole world came to a standstill as our bodies made contact, and I looked straight up into those hypnotic blue eyes. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath on the side of my neck.

He hovered there for a moment, and I could see from the look on his face that he wanted the same thing as I did.

"This is where I’m supposed to kiss you, isn’t it?" he whispered, his lips so close to mine that they were almost touching.

I was trembling now, and wanted more than anything to feel his lips on mine, to see what he tasted like…

"Ben…you know we can’t."

We held each other’s gaze, and for a split second I really thought he was going to kiss me anyway, and I knew if he did I would be powerless to resist.

But he didn’t. Instead he flopped down onto the floor beside me, bringing his hands up to cover his face in shame.

"I’m so sorry Sophie," he whispered, and I wondered what he was sorry for. For nearly kissing me? Or for not kissing me?

As we both lay there on the floor in silence, my head was swimming with a million and one thoughts. The devil inside me was cursing me for not giving into my feelings; but the angel was screaming at me for even being here, yelling that sacrificing mine and Ben’s whole future for one night of passion would be terrible mistake.

Through all that guilt though, one overpowering thought kept racing around in my brain, and I just couldn’t make it go away.

I was in love.

Quickly leaping to my feet, I held my hand out to Ben. He gazed up at me, a puzzled look on his face, and I couldn’t help but smile at how vulnerable he looked lying there on the floor.

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then thought better of it and grabbed my hand as I hoisted him up to his feet, my eyes locked on his.

I took a deep breath, not really knowing whether what I was going to say next was a good idea, but realising that we were both about to cross a point after which there was no going back.

"So," I said, trying to stop the cheeky smile that was playing on my lips from spreading across my entire face. "Which door leads to your bedroom?"