That night, after going
back to the bus, we went out clubbing. Everyone was pretty drunk. I was kind
of, but not half as bad as everyone around me. Paul kept disappearing into the
dance floor, leaving me sitting at the bar. I could see him dancing, and on
occasion he would wave to me. Ah, what a drunken prat, I thought, as I saw him
trying to limbo and failing horribly.
I sipped on my vodka and
coke; I didn’t really want it. After a while, I was so bored I just wanted to
peel Paul off that dance floor and take him home. I didn’t know where the rest
of the ‘gang’ was. Until, a drunk Mark came and sat next to me.
‘Alright, Cat?’ He asked.
He did sound pretty okay, but I knew he wasn’t.
‘Just dandy.’
‘Oh good,’ then he just
sat there for a minute, looking contently at the dance floor, and then back at
me. ‘You look really nice this evening.’
I had jeans and a top on.
Big whoop, I thought. Drunken slur, that’s all it is.
‘Urr…Thanks. You look
nice too.’
‘Cheers, babe,’
Babe?
‘I need to tell you
something.’ He shouted over the music.
‘Okay then,’ I lent
closer to him, and he whispered to me.
‘I…I really…really fancy
you.’
I looked at him, and as I
looked into his drunken face, I realised he wasn’t lying.
‘Oh well, erm,’ I was so
embarrassed, I must have been red. ‘Thank you.’
Is all I could pitifully
manage.
‘I have to go.’ I stood
up and started to walk pretty sharpish out of there.
‘Oh okay. See you
around.’ He shouted as I walked off.
Not to soon I hope. What
do I do? Mark just admitted he fancied me. Oh. My. God. No, no, I thought. Snap
out of it! He is drunk, very drunk, and he was just talking a load of drunken
pants. I think. He doesn’t fancy me! Why would he? He’s mega fit, and he has my
best friend, what does he need me for? What a twonk, I thought. Then I entered
the bus, and fell asleep on my bed, with no more thought of Mark, until the
next morning.
The next morning I woke up, and totally had forgotten last night. Well I tried to forget. As I walked past the kitchen someone grabbed me and spun me around behind the kitchen wall; It frightened me to death.
‘Oh god Mark!’ I breathed
heavily. ‘You scared the crap out of me!’
‘I meant what I said last
night,’ he said, gripping my arms.
‘What?’ then I
remembered. ‘What did you say? Oh, what? No I don’t remember anything. I was a
bit drunk, you know, ha ha…’
I was trying to cover it
up; I know perfectly well what he said.
‘You know what I said
Cat. I meant it.’
‘Ah shit. That’s what I
was afraid of.’
‘Why?’
‘Cause Im with Paul!
Hello!! And you’re with Rhia, remember?’
‘But Cat…’
‘I didn’t think you were
serious,’ I pondered. ‘I fell asleep last night, not even thinking about it. I
thought you was just drunk!’ I slapped my forehead.
‘I was! But now I’m not,
and the fact still remains; I fancy you.’
‘Argh, fuck me!’ I said
out of frustration, then realised the opportunity I just gave him.
‘Metaphorically speaking.’
‘Thought you might say
that.’
‘I do hope you realise
that this doesn’t go beyond us.’
‘No it doesn’t.’
‘Why did you have to say
that?’ I said, folding in. I just couldn’t be bothered to act like I’m all hard
and tough. Cause I’m not.
‘Say what?’
‘Don’t play stupid with
me. Why did you tell me you fancy me?’
‘Cause I do!’
‘Well, no duh. But…why
now?’
‘Cause I’ve felt like it
for—‘
‘If you say a long time,
I will cry.’
‘All right…I wont say it
then.’
‘You’ve felt like it for
a long time?’
‘To be honest, yeah I
have. Ever since the first time you came crying to me. I remember that day.’
‘I don’t.’
‘Well, what happened
was…Paul and you had an argument.’
‘Oh wow, that doesn’t
happen often!’ I said sarcastically, and then he carried on.
‘It was a major one; in
fact, you were so close to breaking up. I was surprised you came to me, but
then again, I was happy. You just came up to me and hugged me and cried.’
I was embarrassed at
that. I still don’t remember this.
‘I listened to you, and
you just told me everything. Absolutely everything. Crying and crying all over
me.’ He laughed slightly.
‘Whoa I was pathetic.’
‘You was cute,’ He
smiled. ‘Then I just told you what I thought, but you were still upset…so…you
went. Then…I…I…’ He laughed nervously.
‘You…?’
‘Wrote you a song.’
‘Did you?’ I asked, with
a still red face. ‘What one?’
‘”I still believe”.’
‘Really?’
I remember the lyrics…
It’s not the end,
let’s start again, I still believe
Then it made sense.
‘You did, didn’t you?’
He nodded coyly.
‘Well…That was nice of
you. Really it was. But it doesn’t change my mind; You know I love Paul, and
you fancying me isn’t changing anything from now on, you hear me?’
‘Loud and clear.’
‘Good,’ I looked at him,
and he looked down. ‘I don’t mean to be harsh mate, but this is a big deal. I
can’t believe you fancy me.’
‘I know…I know. There’s
something I really need to do…’
‘Er…okay…what is it?’
Then he reached over and
kissed me on the cheek. His lips were so soft…and it made all the hairs on my
arms stand on end…but before I could enjoy it fully, I pushed him away.
‘You hear me?’ I said
again.
‘Yep,’
‘Good, mate,’ I had to
emphasise mate. ‘Good.’
Then I walked out of the
kitchen. Absolutely astounded. What do you do when your best friends boyfriend
fancies you…what do you do when your boyfriend’s best mate kisses you? What can
you do? I can’t possibly avoid him; I live with him. It is just going to be
so awkward between us now. I don’t know what to do: That kiss made me feel
tingly. A different sort of tingly to what I get from Paul. No, not nessacerily
nicer but…different. I loved it. That’s not right, I thought. Not right at
all. I’m not supposed to feel anything for someone other than Paul. But I
do, and I can’t help it.