Chapter Thirteen
Going back to school after a two-week break was most kids’ idea of torture, and judging by the looks on the faces surrounding me, today was no different. The first two periods had passed and the excitement of catching up on everyone’s Christmas and New Year gossip had already worn off, leaving that first-day-back-boredom to set in. The prison they called school had once again resumed normal service.
I, on the other hand, was loving being back. And there were no prizes for guessing why. Everyone always said that being in a relationship gave you a new kind of confidence that you didn’t have when you were single, but forever the cynic, I never believed it was true. The word they were looking for wasn’t confidence, it was smugness. People in relationships looked down their noses at those who weren’t, pitying the poor souls who weren’t fortunate enough to be "in lurve."
Now that it was happening to me though, I realised that everything I’d been told was right. As I made my way across the playground to the sixth form block I had to admit I felt a certain confidence that had never been there before. For the first time in my life I felt wanted, and I wasn’t going to let anyone else spoil it. Sure, there was an amount of smugness involved too. But I think that after being single for a whole 17 years I deserved to be just a tiny bit smug!
As I strode through the doors of the common room I was greeted by a long, low wolf-whistle – not something that normally happened to me, although to be fair, it had only come from Chris.
"Wow, look at you!" he commented, eyeing me up and down, from head to toe, and then back up again.
"What?" I asked, shrugging my shoulders, confused. Surely my "being in a couple" confidence wasn’t that obvious, was it?
"It’s just, you’re wearing a skirt!" He sounded truly shocked.
"And it’s the middle of winter!" Ali chipped in.
I looked down at my outfit, still confused. "So? Lucy’s wearing a skirt too."
"Lucy always wears a skirt," Chris laughed, rolling his eyes. "But you…we didn’t even realise you had legs!"
"I’ve got tights on, and high boots, you can’t even see my legs!" I protested, mortified that my skirt wearing had caused so much outrage.
"Would you, er, be dressing to impress anyone in particular?" Lucy enquired.
I struggled to suppress the smile that was fighting to break out and spread all the way across my face. "I don’t know what you’re talking about," I said innocently, flopping down on the sofa next to Ali.
"Has anyone seen Mr Adams today?" Chris asked casually.
"Shut up!" I laughed, grabbing a cushion from behind me and whacking him playfully over the head. "It’s got nothing to do with him. I just thought, you know, New Year and all, I should make an effort to look my best. It’s my New Year’s resolution."
"Yeah, whatever you say!"
"I bet he’ll be wishing he wasn’t a teacher when he sees you in that outfit," Chris laughed. "Even I’m finding myself strangely attracted to you today."
"Er…I’ll take that as a compliment, shall I?" I wasn’t quite sure I liked the direction in which this conversation was heading.
"I wouldn’t be surprised if Ben offered you a bit of one on one tutoring…"
"Eugh, Chris!" Ali squealed. "That’s gross."
"Why? He’s a very attractive young man…so I’ve been told…"
"But he’s still a teacher, you just wouldn’t, would you?" Ali commented. "It’s all wrong!"
"What would you do Sophie?" Lucy suddenly asked. "I mean, if Mr Adams made a pass at you?"
My heart started beating double time, pounding loudly in my ears. Oh my God, they knew didn’t they? I should have realised that they’d be able to see right through me, I was giving myself away by dressing differently. What if they told the headmaster? I’d be expelled, Ben would be sacked and we’d become the town outcasts. My parents would send me away to a nunnery by the sea…
"Don’t be stupid, he wouldn’t do that," Ali said. "I mean…not that he wouldn’t want to…no offence to you Sophie, you’re gorgeous, of course you are. Why wouldn’t he want to…"
"It’s okay," I laughed, trying to make light of the situation. "I know what you mean."
"I was just trying to say that he’s a professional, he wouldn’t risk his career to make a pass at a student, that’s all."
"No, of course he wouldn’t," I said, maybe a little too quickly. "Anyway, it’s just a silly crush. I’m not deluding myself that that we’ll get married and live happily ever after." Did I sound convincing? All this talk of Ben was really starting to unnerve me…and it was only the first day back!
"You missed a great party at New Year," Ali said, changing the subject completely. I think she sensed my discomfort at the line of questioning. "Where were you anyway?"
"Oh, I had some stupid family thing," I lied.
"Couldn’t you have got out of it? Surely you would’ve rather seen in the New Year with your mates than the ‘rellies."
"Believe me, I tried," I said, rolling my eyes for effect. I was getting quite good at this acting malarky. "You wouldn’t believe how boring it was."
Of course, I hadn’t spent New Year with my relatives at all. I was with Ben. We’d both wanted to start this year how we hoped it would go on – together. His flatmate Mark had gone away to the coast for some big party, and Ben was supposed to go too. But the morning of New Year’s Eve he’d faked illness, insisting that he couldn’t possibly go as he didn’t want to give his terrible germs to anyone else at the party. He said it had taken a lot of effort to convince Mark that he really was so ill that he didn’t want to party, but eventually he bought it, and we had the house to ourselves.
Not that anything happened between us. I mean, sure stuff happened, but not what you’re thinking. I definitely wasn’t ready for that yet, even if I did believe that Ben was "the one". This whole situation was difficult enough to get my head round as it was, without that added complication right now. So we just snuggled up, watching DVDs, chatting, kissing…and getting unbelievably drunk. I wasn’t terribly good with the whole alcohol thing, and sure enough after several glasses of wine and a couple of Ben’s killer cocktails, I had my head down the toilet, barfing like my life depended on it. I expected Ben to throw me out there and then, insisting that I was obviously way too immature for him and that he’d made a huge mistake. But he didn’t. Instead he was right by my side holding my hair back out of my face, passing me a glass of water and putting me to bed to sleep it off. When I awoke the next morning to find myself in his bed, fully clothed, he was lying there next to me, just watching.
"You’re so beautiful when you’re sleeping," he’d whispered.
"Head…hurts…" was all I’d managed to reply though.
I still cringed now just thinking about it. How could I have got drunk in front of him? The thing was that he’d drunk way more than me, so I thought I’d be fine – I guess he had a few years practice behind him though! And he did see the funny side of it. I suppose he must be serious about us if he still wanted to be with me even after witnessing my puking marathon!
Back in the present, it seemed like my friends had believed my excuse. I felt terrible about lying to them, but it couldn’t be any other way. It’s not that I didn’t trust them, I wanted more than anything to tell them about Ben and me. But I guess I was scared. Scared that they would try to persuade me I was making a terrible mistake, and that it wasn’t worth the risk. I was already having a tough time wrestling with my conscience, and I didn’t need anyone else telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing.
"So what’d I miss at the party then?" I asked, hoping they’d forget that I wasn’t there and just tell me all the goss.
"Well," Lucy said, pulling us all in closer and checking that there was nobody listening. "We were all hanging out in the scary biker pub down by the river. I know it’s a bit dodgy, but it’s cheap, and most of the kids from sixth form were there. Anyway, me and Ali went to the toilet, and when we came back, guess who was talking to Adam, tossing her hair at him and flirting like mad?"
"Who?" I asked, eyes wide with excitement.
"Vicki Pye!"
"No way!"
"Yes way. There she was, in front of everyone, outrageously flirting with my boyfriend. I mean, what is her problem? Can’t she get a man of her own?"
"And what was Adam doing?" I asked, curious.
"Well, he was oblivious to it all of course," Lucy sighed. "I mean, you know what men are like. A girl has to practically stick her tongue down his throat before he’ll realise she’s flirting with him."
Ali nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, guys aren’t clever enough to pick up on things like that."
"Er, hello!" Chris chipped in. "I am still here you know!"
"We didn’t mean you!" Ali laughed. "I mean, you’re not like, a guy guy, are you?"
"What am I then?" Chris asked, sounding a little hurt.
"I think what she’s trying to say is that you’re our friend, so we don’t see you in that way," I replied tactfully.
"That’s exactly what I meant," Ali said, flashing me a "thank-you-for-getting-me-out-of-this-potential-argument-situation" look.
"So what did you do about Vicki?" I asked, keen to hear the end of the story.
"Well, she saw me coming back and ran off like a frightened rabbit," Lucy announced, proudly. "I mean, she knew she couldn’t compete with me. As if Adam would even look twice at someone like her!"
We all made noises of agreement, but a voice from behind almost made each of us jump right out of our skins.
"Get over yourself, won’t you!"
Our heads whipped round in unison, to be greeted by the sight of Vicki Pye towering over us. I gulped back the guilt at being caught talking about her, but Lucy leapt right up off the sofa, squaring up to her enemy.
"If you’ve got something to say to me, why don’t you say it to my face," Vicki snarled at her.
"Oh, I’ve got something to say to you alright," Lucy hissed. "Keep your filthy mitts off my man!"
"What’s wrong, are you scared he’ll dump you for me?"
"As if!"
"Then how come the moment your back was turned, he was talking to me?"
"You were coming onto him more like."
"Well, I didn’t see him complaining, did you?"
"That’s probably because he couldn’t get a word in edgeways, what with you having such a big mouth and all." Lucy was really on a roll now.
"Lucy, why don’t you just leave it?" Ali whispered. "She’s not worth it."
"Oh, that’s right, isn’t it." Vicki’s voice was getting louder now, and everyone else in the common room had gradually crept closer, all eager to see a bit of action. "You all think you’re so much better than everyone else."
"We do not!" Lucy snapped back.
"Yes you do, look at you all." She started waving her finger angrily at Lucy. "You think you can get any guy in school. And you," she turned on Ali. "Just because you’re always top of the class you think you’re above everybody else. And as for your stupid gay brother, and best friend who’s so pathetic she’s dressing in short skirts to impress a teacher…" Her face had turned tomato red, and she was practically spitting her words. "As if Ben would touch you with a barge pole!"
What happened next was a complete blur. I’m not sure who threw the first punch, Lucy or Ali, but I suddenly found myself trying to drag them away from Vicki, while all around me boys were cheering at the girl-on-girl action, and chanting "fight" in the way that school kids always do.
"Help me!" I pleaded at Chris, as he stood back with his arms folded.
"No way!" he grinned, "this is way too entertaining to break up!"
"Lucy, please stop!" I begged. "You’ll get hurt."
I grabbed Lucy’s waist, desperately trying to pull her off Vicki, but as I hauled her backwards she flung her arm up and caught me square in the eye. I immediately let go of her, clasping my hand over my face and reeling in pain as I fell to the floor.
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, suddenly realising what had happened. "Sophie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…oh God! What have I done?" Her face was full of worry.
"Okay, okay, break it up!" boomed a voice from behind.
Great, that’s all we needed, a teacher coming to expel us all for fighting.
A silence fell, and as I slowly opened one eye, my hand still clasped firmly over the other, I found myself looking up at Ben. Just when I thought my morning couldn’t get any worse.
"Oh my God, are you okay Sophie?" There was concern in his voice.
"I’m fine," I groaned, filled with embarrassment. Why did he have to be the teacher who walked in right at that moment? If the getting drunk and throwing up at New Year didn’t kill off our romance, then this certainly would.
"Okay, can you sit up?" he asked, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me to an upright position.
"Really, I’m fine Ben."
He turned to the crowd. "What happened here?"
He was greeted by silence, nobody wanting to tell tales about a fellow pupil.
"It was an accident," Lucy said, quietly. "We were just…messing around."
"Messing around?" There was a hint of anger in his voice now.
Lucy nodded. "Like I said, it was an accident."
Gently Ben reached out, prizing my fingers away from my face.
"Oooh," he said, as I flinched with pain at his touch, "someone’s going to have a shiner tomorrow. We’d better get some ice on that."
He grabbed my hand, and I pulled myself to my feet.
"Do you feel dizzy?"
I shook my head. "I’ve had hangovers worse than this."
He gave a little laugh, before turning to face the others with a stern look. "Right, you three, office. Now!" Lucy, Ali and Vicki marched along the corridor towards the Head of Sixth Form’s office, their heads hung in shame. As they all piled in Ben turned to me. "You’d better come too Sophie."
I was stunned. Surely he didn’t think I was involved in the fight? I thought he knew me better than that.
As I shut the office door behind us all, Ben rummaged through a mini-fridge tucked away in the corner, and handed me a bottle of vodka. I looked at it, puzzled.
"For your eye," he said, pressing the cold, glass bottle against my face to demonstrate. "It’s the coldest thing I can find in this office. Only, don’t tell anyone else we keep booze in here."
I held it against my face in silence, as Ben pulled the blinds in the office, shutting us all off from the prying eyes of our fellow six formers. The four of us stood in a line, looking down at the floor like a bunch of naughty school girls.
"Does anybody want to tell me what was going on?" Ben asked. He was being very strict and scary, I’d never seen him like this before.
We all stood in silence. My head was throbbing from the pain in my eye, and as much as I really thought I’d never say this, the last place I wanted to be was in this room with Ben right now.
"Who started it?"
More silence.
"What was it about?"
Still silence.
"Okay, I can see you’re not going to tell me. I’m disappointed in you all though. This is the kind of behaviour I expect from year 8, not from year 12. And especially not from you lot."
He shot me a look, and I rolled the bottle of vodka further over my face, hiding from him in shame.
"Fighting is a serious offence, I should report you all to the headmaster."
I snuck a glance at Ali next to me, and saw a look a panic cross her face at the thought of being sent to the Head.
"But," Ben continued, "Given that it’s out of character for all of you, I’m not going to report it. I want to see you l here after school for detention though, and we can think up a suitable punishment for you then."
All four of us nodded our heads in unison, just relieved that it wasn’t going to be taken to anyone higher up.
"Right, you can go," he said sternly. But just as I’d turned on my heel, keen to escape quickly, he added, "Hang on Sophie, let me see to your eye."
I watched the other three file out in silence, and once they’d gone Ben closed the door on the world once again.
"You okay?" he asked, reaching out towards my face.
"Fine," I snapped, recoiling from his hand, and taking a step backwards to sit down in the chair.
"Okay, don’t bite my head off." He forced a little laugh. "I’m just trying to help."
"Yeah, well you could help by not treating me like a kid."
"I’m not treating you like a kid Sophie."
"Yes you are! It’s humiliating enough to be punched in the face by one of my best friends – even if it was only an accident. But then to be marched in here in front of everyone, and given a detention by my own boyfriend…"
He stood staring at me, clearly shocked by my outburst. "Look, I know this is hard, but when I’m at school I’m your teacher, not your boyfriend. That’s just the way it has to be."
"Yeah, well it sucks."
There was silence between us as Ben walked around to the other side of the desk, and sat himself down in the chair opposite mine. I could see him looking at me, watching, as if trying to read what I was going to do or say next.
This really wasn’t how I expected it to be. One day back at school and it was already unbearable – how were we going to make it through another year and a half of this? Maybe we wouldn’t. Maybe our relationship would be all over by the end of today.
"Don’t you think it would look suspicious if I hadn’t punished you along with the others?" he finally asked.
I shrugged. "I wasn’t actually fighting."
"But you’re the one sitting here with the black eye!" He was starting to sound exasperated now. "This is hard for me as well – do you know how sick I felt when I discovered you in the middle of that fight? Why did you get yourself into that situation?"
"It wasn’t my fault!" I protested.
"But I don’t know that, do I? I only know what I saw, and if you won’t tell me who started it or what it was about, I have no choice but to put you all on detention."
"You know I can’t tell you that."
"Not even as your boyfriend?"
"We’re at school, you’re not my boyfriend now, remember?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm.
"I don’t know what you expect me to do Sophie. If any other teacher had seen the fight, you’d be marched in here and given detention just the same. I can’t treat you any differently."
There was silence between us again, until eventually I sighed, conceding defeat. "Yeah, I know," I said quietly. "It’s just really hard. This doesn’t usually happen to me."
"What, getting told off by a teacher, or having a relationship with one?"
I laughed. "Both."
Ben got up from his chair and walked around the desk, perching himself on the edge of it, close to me. Our legs were touching, and I felt a shiver of electricity run right through my entire body. I had to summon up all the self-control I could find to stop myself pouncing on him right there and then – I had to admit this whole strict teacher thing was actually a bit of a turn on!
"Believe it or not, this is all new to me too," he said. "I’ve been teaching less than six months, remember? And funnily enough, they don’t teach you about this sort of thing at college."
"I don’t imagine they do." I was finding it so hard to stay angry at him when he was looking at me like that. Damn him for having this effect on me!
"Look, we both knew this was never going to be easy," he said, reaching out and taking the vodka bottle from my hand, placing it on the table. He took both of my hands in his, and looking me in the eye, continued. "I really want this to work out though. And I’m sure it will…as long as you don’t go getting any more black eyes."
"You don’t find it attractive?" I teased.
"If I liked girls with black eyes I’d be dating a boxer!" he laughed.
"Maybe I could set you up with Lucy then…"
"So it was Lucy who punched you?"
I rolled my eyes. I’d walked right into that one, hadn’t I? "It was an accident, I was trying to break it up."
Ben held up his hands. "It’s okay, I don’t want to know. Let’s not let school come between us, shall we?"
"Deal!" I said, holding out my hand for him to shake.
He grabbed it and pulled me up out of the chair, and before I knew it his lips were pressed against mine, moving to the rhythm of my pounding heart. This really was living dangerously, we were at school now, and anyone could walk in.
I pulled away. "I thought we were strictly teacher and pupil at school, and the thought of getting off with my teacher is kind of weirding me out."
"I’m sure we can make exceptions to that rule," he smiled, moving in for another kiss.
I dodged his lips, instead pressing my finger firmly against them. "I’ll only kiss you again if you let me off detention."
He raised one eyebrow at me, and opened his mouth to speak, but the shrill sound of the bell ringing outside the office door cut him short.
"Ah, saved by the bell!" he said, jumping up and heading towards the door.
"You’ll keep Adams!" I laughed, as I watched him disappear along the corridor.
Smiling to myself, I made my way to class.