COPYRIGHT KAYODE (K.C.) ABDULHAKEEM ONADIRAN AND ISMAILA IKANI SULE '20/'99
K.C.: (deep voice) Yeah, living on the East Side and rapping down the West
side for the fun of it ain’t that easy.
Little boy: My brother says you live next to cows in Zango, Zaria and that
there is no East or West side anything here in Nigeria.
K.C.: My friend, ya mama’s calling you to go and have your breakfast.
Boy’s mama: Gagah, leave that guy alone and come and have your fried
plantain and eggs. Can’t you see K.C. is busy?
K.C.: Thank you, ma!
Boy’s mama: No problem, just stay where you are and do what you wish to
do, okay? Don’t give my children any traumatic experiences.
K.C.: Excuse me?
Boy’s mama: You guitar playing’s awful and a cow just dropped something
behind you.
K.C.: Hiyya! Oh no, my favourite jeans – Danladi’s cow is history! History,
you hear?!
Danladi: Who’s that commending my animal’s academic excellence?
Thank you, baby.
K.C.: Insult upon injury. Danladi, me ko (right)? I’ll…
K.C.’s producer: Sit down, you monkey. You’re costing me money here!
K.C.: What do you want me to do?
K.C.’s producer: Look at me. No, no, seriously, look at me. What do I look
like to you, hm? Am I looking for jeans soiled with cow’s
puhpuh for a radical arts exhibition? WHERE ARE THE
DAMNED RAPS?
K.C.: Chill, you knew you were onto something when you discovered my
talents…
K.C.: Dye, Nigerian, dye, dye, dye! Unh! Unh! Unh! Dye!
Danladi: Relax, K.C., I’ll soon have your jeans looking as good as new.
However, it’s not my cow’s fault you had to go and sit on her
morning meal.
Old man eating mango: K.C. why didn’t you tell me you’re making a compilation of
some of your songs?
K.C.: Raps, sir, raps.
Old man eating mango: It’s all the same thing. You children today – think you know
everything. I had to learn about your exploits from your
mother. Anyway, I believe I can help you.
K.C.: Really? You rap as well?
Old man eating mango: Hm, rap he says. The Westerners merely stole our tradition, our
inventions. Infact, you copycat youngsters today aren’t even
doing things properly. Hm, rap! Let me show you rap:
Mango, mangoro
Mango, mangoro
Ya rinyo
It is sweet, baby!
Ya rinyo…
K.C.: Okay, I get the point! Please!
Old man eating mango: Heh-heh, too hot for you, ba (isn’t it)?
K.C.: Baba (old man), sit down and rest a while. I doubt even you could take it much
longer, at your age.
Old man eating mango: K.C., K.C., you’re such a sweet talker. Heh-heh!
Ikani: I for one would like to say I appreciate all positive influence gotten over the years
from all the obvious people and sources including the likes of Muhammad Ali,
Bill Cosby, Aisha Lemu and Enid Blyton. K.C. this ya work is very tiring.
K.C.: I know, but I love my jeans.