COPYRIGHT ISMAILA IKANI SULE ‘21/2K
ISMAILA IKANI SULE
Another day.
Life could be funny.
He’d forgotten to wash his underwear again. Martin Opapa sighed and shook his head dismally. While the Bank of Banquet’s thirty-year old security guard stood at his post by the gates thinking about what lay ahead for him that day (his wife laughing at the way his underwear got rid of mosquitoes in the house), across the busy street, down a winding road, under a mango tree, six-year old Kayode Akintola was upside down. He had been tied by the legs to a branch. He was pushed and gently began to swing to and fro.
"Man, ’ow many times do I ’ave to tell you tha...gbehu! gbehu!… Sorry, man – this mango’s so sweet-ee that it’s taking away my H’s and making me choke. Right, how many times do I have to tell you that all mangos from the trees along this road belong to the Big G Boys?"
"Sorry, Bally. I forgot, please, I forgot. Sorry. Sorry." Kayode’s heart was pounding and his glasses were slipping off his face. The big boy known as Bally, leader of the Big G Boys gang, was stuffing mango fruits into his mouth and leering at him mockingly. Here was one serious bully (he was always early to work – pushing other smaller boys and girls around the school playground and after school, confiscating mangos picked from trees the Big G Boys claimed to belong to them alone). The twelve-year old always had a blue baseball cap on his head and today, he wore his old tie-dye patterned shirt and yellow, oversized boxer shorts. His toes stuck out like ugly twigs reaching out from his sandals for some cockroaches to scratch. The rest of the Big G Boys stood obediently behind their feared leader. There were two lanky brothers in their smelly clothes and one girl everyone called Miss Umu because she looked like Miss Umu the Class Three arithmetic teacher.
"Miss Umu, Coolzio, Soffa – let’s go. The football match at Bollu Square began a long time ago and I want to be there to make sure I get my change from Mama Tolu for the roast maize I bought yesterday," Bally climbed onto his bicycle and hurled away the fibrous remains of the fruit he’d seized from his hapless captive. The other members of the Big G Boys got onto their own bicycles and revved their powerful engines telling all to "make way, make way Big G Boys, too big to delay". The revving stopped when their throats began to feel sore. Away they screeched!
"I want to eat my lu-u-u-u-unch! Ah, the mangoes are not even sweet!" the boy dangling from the branch bega-a-an to wa-a-ail. Yes, wa-a-ail like th-i-is, one can’t help it, a cold lunch’s ho-o-orrible. The poor boy, the torture! The pain! The sour mangoes! The cold lu-u-u-u-unch!
Kayode told Abdul Raheem, Aish and Rose all about his ordeal.
"Cold lu-u-u-u-unch, poor guy!" they chorused in sympathy.
Abdul Raheem and Aish Oke were brother and sister, you see. He was nine and she was seven, you see. Rose Sa’a Sparklebrown was their neighbour. She was British, you see, and also seven years old like Aish. In fact, not only were they neighbours, but Aish and Rose were sort of related, you see. Their mothers had both been suckled at very tender ages in such a manner that made them both foster sisters in this part of the world, you see. So, you could say Rose was Aish’s foster-cousin – yes, Abdul Raheem’s too. The fact that the Akintolas, the Okes, the Sparklebrowns and theWiwiwagawagas were all neighbours on the same side of the street is just the coincidental part of this story…., you see.
"Bullies," Mrs. Sparklebrown approached the children who were seated around the mahogany table in her kitchen. She had a plastic bowl tucked under her arm and she seemed to be darting from the fridge to the shelves and cupboards in search of ingridents for the pie she wanted to make. "They never stop harassing you," she continued, "Not until someone teaches them a good lesson they never forget."
"Yayh, mum!" Rose yelled in delight.
"Teach them a lesson Mrs. Sparklebrown," Kayode now felt sure he could start taking fried plantain to school for lunch without having to hide his Pokemon lunch box in the school gardener’s zinc tool shed. The Big G Boys were that mean, baby.
"What are you going to do?" Abdul Raheem asked.
"Well, I’m making mango pie and I seem to have run out of mangos."
"Yes," Rose felt she understood, "You’re going to pick mangos from those trees and when the Big G Boys come they’ll be scared out of their skins of your famous growl and every boy and girl will rush and join in the struggle for mango freedom!" she and Aish yelled together.
"No," came Mrs. Sparklebrown’s reply, "I’m going to let you teach them a lesson yourselves by going and getting my a basket of mangos I need for my pie."
"No-o!"
"Ye-es, because you guys always eat up my pies in a tiny fraction of the time I spend making them often forgetting to leave some for me…"
"Off to the office, dear!"
"Mm-hm, see what I was saying? I was about to suggest your dad accompany you, Rose. Now, he’s nicked off again. He eats the stuff like a rabbit along with you people," Rose’s mother remarked. Abdul Raheem tried hard not to laugh out loud.
"Mum, the Big G Boys will murder us."
"Not if you’re smart enough to get the fruits without them catching you. Show everyone you can get them without being intimidated by these bullies."
"We will be when they grab us tomorrow at school," said Kayode. He didn’t want to be a part of whatever daring scheme Rose’s mother seemed to have in mind. Cold lu-u-u-… Bah, enough of that!… Cold lunch was bad enough, man.
"I’ll make you guys two pies and take you all out shopping if you do. What do you say?"
"We’ll do it for you, madam." Rose smiled throwing a salute. Her mother smiled back. They’re smart children- they’ll do it, but I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve to make sure Biggie D’s…no, no… the Big G Boys, that’s right – to make sure they don’t bug anyone else ever again.
"Do you…er… mind telling us just how you expect us to get the mangos for your mother?" Abdul Raheem was really concerned about his health and what Betebete was going to do to Amechi in the next episode of Village Deodorant, on TV, when he found out that he had actually been the person who’d taken the stock fish and not Peter.
"We’ve got four bicycles and Kayode has two pairs of walkie-talkies…"
"A pair belong to big brother and sister – I told you that three times!"
"Yes, yes, Kayode, still, you can get them for this mission," said Rose full of confidence.
"’Ello, Rose, ’ello o! What mission are you talking about?" Abdul Raheem still demanded to know how she expected them to get mangos for her mother. The four children were sitting on the veranda in front of the Okes’ residence watching the builders at work on the house on the other side of the street. A smirk crept up her face making her eyes glitter with the message: hyeh, hyeh have I got a plan!
"Remember Smokey and the Bandit?"
She could watch that film all day and all night given the chance – thought Kayode.
They all nodded and Rose yelled, "Hit it!"
An hour later. The mango trees stood in all their splendor, neatly lining the road to Kayode’s school and noisily throwing mangos and leaves unto the grass beneath them.
"Who, I say, who dat?!" came a deep bellow.
Up in the tree, Kayode began to shake. "Rose, what-are-you-waiting-for?"
"There is somebody up that tree," Miss Umu (not the teacher) got off her bicycle and began to edge towards the tree the way movie heroes did when they suspected an armed villain was in the bathroom setting bombs underneath their bathtubs. The rest of the Big G Boys remained on their pedal-powered machines. The next thing they knew a girl came flying past them out of the nearby bushes. Her bicycle screeched to a halt before them so they could see the mangos in the basket attached in front.
"Hello," she said and took off.
The chase was on. Rose sped down Amala Road followed by Bally and the Big G Boys. As she zipped round a bend, Abdul Raheem and Aish went into action. It was their task to distract the pursuers enabling Rose to get away with the mangos. Kayode – he was to get down the mango tree and run for it. Abdul Raheem and his sister did their job beautifully. He led the lanky brothers Coolzio and Soffa down past the hospital, through the mountain of rubbish near Partial fuel station and then he went flying off onto the dusty road leading back to the hospital. His SuperOcycle came to a halt in a cloud of dust, he just had to see the less-skilled boys behind him come tumbling down onto the dirt before him. He took out the walkie-talkie in his pocket and brought it to his lips.
"Y’ello, y’ello, it’s me Abdul. Have gotten rid of my guys, you ’ear me?"
"Got you, I’m taking care of Miss Umu right now," came the acknowledgement to his message. His sister was some 55.4378 metres (yes, that sounds about right) away from where he now casually pedaled his bicycle to the pre-arranged rendezvous site. All she had to do was gracefully but skillfully ride her KoolOcycle through some mushy gutters and into the bush where she lost the furious Miss Umu and headed her way.
"It’s me, it’s me – Aish and I’m done already," she announced into her walkie-talkie.
"Go to our street now! Bally’s hot on my tail!" came her foster-cousin’s voice.
True enough, Rose was pedaling as hard as she could – she was just six houses away from her home. She had to make it! Her heart was beating fast – Bally the Big G Boys bully refused to give up the chase, he was rapidly closing in on her. As if to some well-planned rehearsal, Aish and Abdul Raheem suddenly appeared on both sides of the big boy swerving their bicycles towards his in an intimidating manner. That didn’t work, he merely kicked out at them simultaneously with his legs pushing them away like some stunts man.
"Hahahyenhhyenhha!" he began to laugh. Rose could she why – one of the neighbours was backing out his car onto the street right across her path. She wouldn’t get through!
She clutched her brakes so hard that her knuckles became white. She desperately pulled back at the bicycles handles lifting the front wheel up.
"No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!" her shout echoed down her neighbourhood street. Yes, she took off! Bally gasped as he watched his prey glide through the air, fly right over the car and tilt her bicycle sideways in mid air. She landed with a bump, bounced twice and spun the bicycle to a sharp halt right in front of her mother standing at the front door. "Ah, Rose," said she, "The mangos, just in time. Ah, lovely, lovely, lovely."
"Nnyaaaaah!" screamed Bally. His bicycle slammed right into the side of the car and he shot through the open window on the driver’s side. For some reason or the other, the first thing he shouted as he landed on the driver’s lap was: "Nyeah, mehn (man)!" The driver, an elderly businessman, could only yell, "This isn’t public transport!"
"Mum, we did it! We did it!"
"Mama Rose!"
"Mrs. Sparklebrown!"
The children were very excited. At last, the Big G Boys had been beaten. They’d been humiliated. Rose’s mother was very pleased.
"You see, you taught the bullies a good lesson. Now we can all have some delicious mango pie."
"But," Kayode began, "They’ll be out for revenge now."
"I don’t think so," Mrs. Sparklebrown told him, "I spoke to his parents a few minutes ago and is he going to be in hot water when he gets home. His bullying days are over!"
"Yayh!" they all screamed in delight.
"Now it’s pie time."
…Er…THE END.