SUMMARY:
REVIEW:
Three years later, Cat is working as a secretary for a software firm called Mega Soft. Octopus calls Cat up and invites her out for a birthday celebration. Cat is disconcerted to see Octopus smoking the same brand of cigarettes as Chi-Yang. Both women reminisce over their times growing up in the orphanage ("It was different then; we were virgins"). Octopus is concerned over Cat's hang-up with Chi-Yang and encourages her to forget him. Hmmm. Just as they're settling in, two members of the Russian Mafia jump them. Cat and Octopus kick ass until the leader shows them videotape. It turns out Paracov has kidnapped Chi-Yang, for reasons yet unknown. Cat stops her rampage and sinks to the sofa. Paracov leaves, with no real word as to his visit. Strange guy. Time to call in the rest of the gorgeous girl gang: Spider, Peacock, Goldfish and the unfortunately named Pigeon. Back at work, Cat is taking notes for a meeting about KTV - a software program capable of detecting 10,000 preexisting viruses. "It can even detect new and invisible viruses!" raves Fred, the nerdy owner. Paracov digitally interrupts and asks Cat for the KTV notes. While Cat's gang is tracing Paracov, Thomas (Cat's boss) opens the heavily secured Mega Soft safe. This involves rotating a glass tube to the right, then the left. Cat wisely notes that she'll be able to open it herself later. Inside the safe, Fred mentions that the alarm will go off if the sound level is over 30 decibels. In other words, no kinky sex in the vault. This might become important later on. The women realize that they'll need Fred's fingerprints to open the safe. Peacock attempts to seduce Fred, but he's still in love with his ex-wife. Fred drops a picture of Maggie, who looks an awful lot like Monkey. Spider mentions that they might not need Fred's fingerprints: she's heard of an explosives expert, Bone, who might be able to help. Two problems though: 1) he's in jail, and 2) he's a pervert. Monkey sends Spider and Goldfish to the prison to talk with Bone. At the prison, Bone refuses to talk to Goldfish. Spider picks up the phone and Bone pretends that he can't hear her ("Can you stand closer to the glass?") She leans in seriously and asks advice about picking locks, only to find Bone staring at her breasts, masturbating furiously. At Cat's place, the women console Spider ("That bastard tried to lick her breasts behind glass!") Meanwhile, DHL has dropped off a grisly package: a piece of skin with Chi-Yang's tattoo on it. Octopus is placed in charge of contacting Paracov for the transfer: Chi-Yang for the KTV disk. Inside the Chungking Mansion, our crack team tracks down Paracov and frees Chi-Yang. Cat zooms off with her ex-lover on the back of a motorcycle, leaving her teammates behind in the dust. Cat takes Chi-Yang to the abandoned orphanage of her childhood for a little quiet time. In the abandoned building, Cat manages to find candles and matches and draws a hot bath for Chi-Yang. She washes the wound where his tattoo used to be, and I can't help but notice it's a tiny little red scar instead of a huge chunk of raw flesh as the DHL package implied. The rest of the gang finally arrives at the house, rather annoyed at Cat. They reluctantly forgive her, but Octopus remains aloof. Later that night, Paracov uses a helicopter and re-kidnaps Chi-Yang. Realizing their options are limited, the women spring Bone from prison. When he recovers, tied to a chair, he taunts them: "Are you into sex games? Come on - hit me - I love it!" They do, and he does. Afterwards, Cat offer him $200,000 for his help in stealing KTV, but Bone only wants to bone Spider. Says he'll do it for free if Spider does anything he asks. Spider refuses and the women are back to square one. Meanwhile, Monkey's ready for her big date with Fred. Fred needs to touch her in three different places to get a good reading of his fingerprints: ear, bra and underwear. Only problem is that Fred doesn't actually want to have sex with Monkey. Exasperated, Monkey forces Fred to grope her, and then leaves the date, disgusted. Back at Mega Soft, Octopus, Peacock and Goldfish have managed to distract the guards, while Cat, Pigeon, Spider and Bone head off for the vault. Bone's agreed to help them for a cool sum of US$2,000,000. At the safe, Cat rotates the pillar left & right, but no go. Bone notices her agitation and whispers in her ear that the pillar only reacts to the correct body temperature. He then nuzzled against Spider ("I will let you be hero this time") and offers her gloves that will match to the temperature. Spider reluctantly takes the gloves. Sure enough, the gloves work like a charm, and Cat and Pigeon enter the vault. In a moment of exceedingly bad planning, they leave Bone and Spider alone together outside. Bit of a problem, as Spider is effectively immobilized: if she releases the pillar, it'll trap Cat and Pigeon inside the vault. Bone sidles up from behind and starts fondling her. He breathes heavily into Spider's ear, unbuttons her pants, and begins having noisy unsolicited sex with her. Once Bone finishes, he whispers to Spider what has to be the creepiest line in the history of cinema: "Do you love me?" Spider coldly responds: "Finished? Fix my clothes." Apparently, these are the words to woo Bone, as he starts waxing poetic about the strength of women. He offers Spider his eternal friendship and protection. Oddly enough, Spider offers Bone a ride out of town anyway. Just as Bone's settling in for some serious snuggling, she starts laughing hysterically ("Any man who sleeps with me must die!") and tries to kill him. Must be a Black Widow Spider. Unfortunately, Spider's plan for killing Bone involves wildly swerving the car back and forth. Use your gun, Spider! Meanwhile, Octopus has come for Cat and the KTV. Monkey whispers that Octopus has been acting strangely lately, but Cat ignores her. I think Spider's been acting strange, but everyone ignores me too. Everyone arrives at a deserted factory for the final showdown. Paracov exchanges Chi-Lang for the KTV disk. Kind of sweet to think the Russian Mafia is going to such lengths to distribute an antiviral program. Paracov then threatens to kill Octopus, while Chi-Lang drags the protesting Cat out of the room. Paracov and Octopus fight between themselves and reveal that they're reluctantly working together for the disk. Meanwhile, Russian Mafia is pursuing Pigeon and Spider. Just as things are looking their worst, Bone returns and takes out four guards, kung-fu style. Goldfish does a back flip down a flight of stairs and takes out a guard, while Peacock is busily snapping men's necks with her long, lean legs. Spider is losing her fight, but just before she's run through with a nasty length of pipe, Bone throws himself in its path, blocking the deadly blow. He dies as the words "I'll do anything for you; even if it means my death" echoes through the air. Enraged, Spider picks up the pipe and kills her attacker for accidentally killing Bone instead of her. Sweet. Octopus confronts Chi-Yang, telling Cat that he was just setting her up the whole time. Chi-Yang denies this: "The thing I wanted most to steal was your heart; I can't believe you stole my heart instead." Octopus pumps two bullets through him, effectively ending such romantic dribble. Paracov tries to kill Octopus one final time, before dying in a fiery inferno as the abandoned gas factory finally explodes. Chi-Yang has a couple bullets through him, but manages to escape. I wasn't paying enough attention at this point to see if Octopus survived or not. Cat disappears afterwards, and isn't heard of again for a year. One year later, Monkey is getting ready to marry Fred - purely for his money. Fred seems fine with this arrangement, and, since it's Jing Wong, he's probably loaded. Cat shows up at the wedding, offering the chance for them to team up together again to steal a $20,000,000 painting. The rest of the girls agree. Monkey tosses aside her veil ("I can get married anytime"), and heads off with her pals, stranding Fred at the altar.
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