These are super special girl lessons for girls like me... who are anti-girls. Courtesy of JAMES the bestest guy in the world! (He seems to understand and get along with the female half a LOT better than I do.)

1. Check your makeup/hair at least 20 times in a day.
2. Think about hair/makeup when not checking it.
3. Complain about your boyfriend never being spontaneous (never help plan dates yourself)
4. Dress in a way that emphasizes your breasts.
5. Get mad if any male looks at them.
6. Understand things that men don’t (cat's facial expressions, the difference between off-white eggshell and beige, cutting your bangs to make them grow etc.)
7. Make it your personal goal to own every style of shoe ever made.
8. When you come across a shoe style you like, buy multiple pairs in different colours.
9. When in doubt use your most deadly weapons. Cosmetics, or tears.
10. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
11. Make sure to be paranoid if ever complimented.
12. Never take anything at face value.
13. Remember that YOU are allowed to be late for everything.
14. Yell at your boyfriend if he is late for anything.
15. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom.
16. Plan little relationship anniversaries ( i.e the first time you ever saw each other in the library), then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
17. Constantly claim you are fat. Ask your boyfriend, and then cry no matter what their answer is.
18. Give people the silent treatment. Refuse to tell them why if they don’t know.
19. Gossip. A lot. About everything.
20. Take the most ridiculous and ludicrously wrong stand on every issue. Insist that you are right.
21. Wish that you could find a guy who can dance, do laundry, cook, dress himself, takes a lot of care grooming himself, shares his feelings and cries in movies. Ridicule any man who fits this description as being flamingly homosexual.
22. Blame everything on men or PMS.
23. Refuse to try and understand anything mechanical. Act helpless and confused even if you do understand it.
24. Get mad at this list, and call the author a sexist pig.

1. You see a pair of shoes you like. They are your size. You see that they cost $5000.00 and were made out of endangered cute baby seals. You have $20.00 in the bank. You
a) Realize they are too expensive for you and are not environmentally friendly, so you walk away.
b) You convince yourself that you don’t really want them anyway, and move on.
c) You use your dads credit card to buy them.You imagine you don’t notice that they are made out of baby seals.
d) You decide that you own enough shoes already.

2. You have been stranded in the middle of a desert wasteland for 3 days, and have not eaten for that amount of time. When about to pass out and die from starvation, you are rescued. When rescued, you are offered a range of different foods to eat. An attractive male is present. You:
a) Choose beer and pizza, your personal favorite.You choose the obviously logical choice, and don’t care that it is both greasy and cant be eaten gracefully.
b) Sloppy Joes all the way!
c) You eat a small salad. You don’t finish it.

3. You have just killed 30 innocent elderly civilians. 17 witnesses saw you do it, you are covered in their blood, and you are holding a machine gun. When police arrive, you:
a) Deny everything.
b) Admit it.
c) Blame it on PMS. Then cry.
d) Run.

As with the male quiz, all the correct answers are c.