RAFTING THE ZAMBEZI

By Ilona Biro

Victoria Falls, ZIMBABWE -- Under a blazing sun, we sat sipping our morning tea and listening to a young fellow named Hamish describe the joys of rafting the Zambezi River. The night before, a group of us decided we couldn't leave Africa without rafting the mighty river. But that was before we heard Hamish reading aloud from the indemnity form we were about to sign: "The Zambezi River, in the gorges below Victoria Falls, is classified as a Grade 5 river and is as follows: Extremely difficult, with long and violent rapids, steep gradients, big drops, and pressure areas."

As the words "long and violent" sunk in, an old Woody Allen line came to mind: It's not that I mind dying - I just don't want to be there when it happens. But, we reasoned, there were an awful lot of less fit folk here who were prepared to go. And besides, we needed tales of adventure for our ritual cocktail hour. So, on the condition that our guide did the paddling, we signed up, prepared to hold on for dear life.

Before descending into the gorge, Hamish ran through some essential details. "Plan A is to hold on like hell, using the classic white knuckle death grip. Plan B kicks in when you've let go, or your raft's flipped over. If you find yourself in the drink, don't panic, and don't try to swim. Just float on your back and wait for us to come to you. All right, ladies and gentlemen, start your rafts!"

While Hamish's light-hearted approach did nothing to calm our nerves, our guide Tara instantly inspired confidence. Not only was she strong and fit, but she seemed to us to be the most sensible of all the guides. It was only later that we noticed her nickname, "The Terror," scrawled in scary letters on the back of her helmet. By then it was too late.

Having strapped on lifejackets and helmets, and rehearsed our forwards, backwards and sideways commands, we were off. Drifting lazily down the river, between towering vine-covered rock faces, the only hint of what lay ahead were the hoots and hollers from rafters further downriver. As we passed a giant mural of the river god, Nyami Nyami, a few heartfelt prayers were said. And then it was our turn. The sheer terror of anticipation had set hearts racing, but the fear soon gave way to pure, adrenalin-fired pleasure as we survived the first rapid and prepared for the next. Whooping like cowboys on a bucking bronco, we snapped away photos of eachother with a disposable Kodak, water-proofed with yards of our hotel's scotch-tape.

By the end of the morning, only one of our group had fallen in, and we'd somehow succeeded in staying afloat. We had taken nine rapids in all, from "Stairway to Heaven," to "Midnight Diner" and into the spiralling flush of "Devil's Toilet."

By lunchtime we were safely back on shore enjoying a riverside picnic while being entertained with stories of rafting prowess and various bits of rafter lore. Tara explained that "down time," is time spent under water - usually no more than 5 or 6 seconds. "Recirculating" is like being trapped inside of a washing machine during a spin cycle - another nasty possibility.

Just two weeks prior to our trip, a South African racer went into permanent down time and still hadn't surfaced by the time we went down the river. Since everyone we had asked about it had feigned ignorance, we decided to find out from Hamish, at the source.

"Oh yeah," said the eternally cheerful Hamish. "The poor bloke's still doing down time. But he took the racing line - you surely didn't. The Terror would never take you that way," he said, exchanging winks with our Tara.

After thanking the guides for preserving our lives and limbs, we bought a video of our exploits from the rafting company, and a few "I Survived the Zambezi" T-shirts. And then it was back to the hotel, to take in another African sunset and regale our friends over a few late-afternoon shandies.\ IF YOU GO: Be sure to raft with a reputable company - our experience with Shearwater was excellent. We got a thirty minute safety lesson, and were reassured by all the safety precautions, including kayakers, who are on hand to pick up anyone who's gone overboard. There are other ways to "do" the Zambezi, including canoe trips and boat cruises.

Victoria Falls has loads of hotels, from the imposing Elephant Hills, (built for a recent Commonwealth Conference), to small inns catering to backpackers. Take some time to visit the Victoria Falls Hotel, one of the grandest in Africa. Built to accomodate the well-heeled railway tourists of the turn of the century, it has an excellent folklore show, outdoor dining, and first class service. Rooms can be booked by calling 1-800-521-7242 or (213) 258-1991, or by fax: (213) 256-0647.